Read Texts from Jane Eyre Online

Authors: Mallory Ortberg

Texts from Jane Eyre

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Texts from
Jane Eyre
And Other Conversations with
Your Favorite Literary Characters
Mallory Ortberg
Henry Holt and Company
New York

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Contents
   
Part I   
Medea
Gilgamesh
Achilles
Dido
Plato
Circe
Medea, Part II
King Midas
The Wife of Bath
William Blake
King Lear
John Donne
Hamlet
Don Quixote
Hamlet
, Part II
René Descartes
William Wordsworth
Hamlet
, Part III
Samuel Taylor Coleridge
Hamlet
, Part IV
   
Part II   
Jane Eyre
Sherlock Holmes
Emily Dickinson
Oliver Twist
Lord Byron
John Keats
Emma
Pride and Prejudice
Moby-Dick
Great Expectations
Gone with the Wind
Edgar Allan Poe
Treasure Island
Gone with the Wind
, Part II
   
Part III   
“The Yellow Wallpaper”
Wuthering Heights
Little Women
Hamlet
, Part V
Henry David Thoreau
Daisy Miller
The Island of Dr. Moreau
Daisy Miller
, Part II
Les Misérables
A Tale of Two Cities
Rudyard Kipling
Daisy Miller
, Part III
Daisy Miller
, Part IV
The Sun Also Rises
Agatha Christie
The Great Gatsby
Daisy Miller
, Part V
J. Alfred Prufrock
Virginia Woolf
William Faulkner
Daisy Miller
, Part VI
Peter Pan
The Great Gatsby
, Part II
   
Part IV   
Sweet Valley High
The Outsiders
The American Girl Series
The Baby-Sitters Club
Nancy Drew
Atlas Shrugged
Fight Club
The Lorax
Rebecca
Cormac McCarthy
The Hunger Games
William Carlos Williams
Harry Potter
The Little Prince
Part I

Medea

 hiiiiiiii 

 hi who is this 

 it’s Glauce right??
that is such a pretty name
I am so crazy about how pretty your name is
 “Jason and Glauce” sounds so good together

 thank you
 
who is this?

 when is the WEDDING
I hope you guys have the Argonauts as groomsmen
and they do the sword thing
you know where they make the little roof with their swords
and you run down underneath it
it’s so cute
oh my god what am I saying
you probably already have a million plans, it’s your wedding
it was just my favorite part of my wedding
(except for the part where I married Jason!!!)
(he is so fun to be married to)
 (tell him I say hi!!!)

 sorry
 
who is this

 So I know we got off on the wrong foot
 it’s Medea!! save my number okay

 oh
 
Hello

 but I wanted you to know
I do not have any of even the littlest hard feelings
all of my feelings about you are just
so soft
and so normal
 just normal soft feelings that you’re going to love

 okay 

 anyhow so to SHOW YOU how soft my feelings are
I got you guys a wedding present!!!
I know it’s not really “traditional” for the old wife to buy the new
wife a gift
(especially when she is still technically married to Jason)
(who tell him I say hi!!!)
 buuuut I couldn’t help myself

 oh! you must mean the box that came on Thursday 

 yessss I TOTALLY MEAN THAT 

 it’s a dress 

 it’s a wedding dress 

 thank you
I mean, I already have a wedding dress picked out
 
but this is very sweet

 do you know what you should do though
you should put it on
you should put it on your skin and wear it just for a minute
(be sure to put it on your skin)
 

Gilgamesh

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