The Child Whisperer (30 page)

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The Type 3 Determined Son

Type 3 sons are adventurous and confident. They experience a bit more understanding about their natural expression as children. Our cultural sense of Type 3 energy can be summed up in this statement: “Boys will be boys.” As children, Type 3 boys are loud, adventurous, and rambunctious, and it’s expected. While their energy may exhaust their parents, it is not usually seen in a negative light.

However, when school age arrives and these boys are expected to sit for long periods of time behind a desk, they can sometimes get into trouble. Their energy needs somewhere to go, and it can often find a self-destructive route.

Child Whisperer Tip:
Even if your child encounters some stifling experiences out in the world, you can always make home a space where your Type 3 son feels free to play as big and as loud as he wants. Help your Type 3 son direct his energy into creating useful things. Whether it be a skill, a project, a group, a business, anything will work as long as he enjoys it and feels the activity is purposeful. Help your Type 3 son understand that he is a powerhouse of forward momentum and that he can use that to accomplish many great things throughout his life. Empower him with an understanding of his natural gifts.

The Type 3 Child Through the Years

Type 3 children express their true nature from birth to adulthood in a variety of ways. The following will give you some of the most common general tendencies they may express in their first 18 years of life.

At each developmental stage, your child has a specific emotional need. This is true for all Types of children. I offer some specific phrases to share with your Type 3 child to help meet each need. Use these phrases in words, or consider how you could express these phrases in action to help your child feel loved and wanted in each stage of life. When your children are supported in living true to their nature, they can more easily enter their adult experience ready and able to create emotionally healthy relationships. You can meet your child’s developmental emotional needs in many ways—just use my examples as a way to get you thinking.

Baby 0 to 18 months

Primary Emotional Need:
To be validated for their active, reactive nature and to be supported in starting to explore and sense the world around them.

The Type 3 baby is ready to go from the minute they’re born. In fact, some mothers of Type 3 babies report that their delivery was a quick, intense push at the end and then their child suddenly arrived, already moving swiftly in this world. All Type 3s start their life experience with a primary connection to the physical experience of this world. People around these babies can sense their desire to move and explore. Others might observe that a Type 3 infant is a busy-body.

Type 3s are also relatively louder babies than the other Types. They scream loudly when they need something—or they just try to do it themselves! One mother mentioned that her Type 3 baby had barely discovered her fists when she was already grunting away in her bassinet, trying to retrieve her pacifier all by herself. When they are hungry, they can cry angrily. They nurse quickly and then are content quickly afterwards.

My daughter Anne made this observation about her Type 3 newborn: “I was playing some soft tunes on my iPod when an intense classical song, Verdi’s
Trovatore Anvil Chorus
, started to play. It’s louder with faster instruments, totally a Type 3 song—and I was about to change it when I noticed Katie close her eyes and fall right to sleep and get really relaxed, so I am playing the song again.”

Messages your Type 3 child needs to hear in this stage of life:

• Welcome to the world; we’ve been eagerly waiting for your active energy.
  
• We planned and prepared a special place for you.
  
• All your needs are important to us. You can grow at your own pace and we are here for you.
  
• We love your swift, determined energy—you are a gift to our family.
  
• It’s okay to play; we will make it safe and comfortable for you to explore.
  
• You can be you and we will always love you.
  
• It’s okay for you to be different from Mom and Dad. We will work out our differences in a way that supports you in feeling loved.
  

Child Whisperer Tips to support this stage:
Type 3 babies do not have the motor skills necessary to provide all the active movement they want in order to feel comfortable. You can provide this for them, just in the way you rock them. Rather than a slow, soft movement, you need to bounce them a little more or walk around while you’re holding them. They will actually settle better when they experience a higher movement.

Baby blankets are typically plush and soft. Since Type 3 energy is higher, these children actually enjoy a little more texture on their blanket than you might think. As your baby becomes more interactive, choose toys with varied textures for them to explore. Introduce foods that have variety. Be sure to give them plenty of time to look around, facing away from you when you hold them. They already want to take a close look at this big world they long to explore.

Toddler 18 months to 3 years

Primary Emotional Need:
Support in sensing, exploring, and doing in the world.

The Type 3 toddler can begin to explore their world as they become more mobile through crawling and eventually walking. They want to get their hands on things, which you can notice in the way they just move into action whenever they see something that interests them. Language skills develop in this stage. You will notice that your Type 3 child’s language has purpose behind it, and they are less likely to express themselves verbally unless it fulfills a purpose directly.

Messages your Type 3 child needs to hear in this stage of life:

• It’s okay to be curious, to move, to touch and explore.
  

• We will make it safe for you to explore.
  
• You can be you and we will always love you.
  
• You can try out new things and find your own way of doing things.
  
• It’s okay for you to want to move forward and trust that your parents will support you in doing what’s best for you.
  
• You are so determined and strong.
  
• You are so good at encouraging others; we are here to take care of you.
  
• You bring hope and encouragement to our family.
  
• I love you just the way you are.
  

Child Whisperer Tips to support this stage:
I am pretty sure that Type 3 children in this stage of life created the phrase “The Terrible Twos”! Once a Type 3 child is mobile, they tend to want to get their hands on and into everything. This is the stage where they want to start exploring their physical world. When they are blocked from that, their tantrums can be terrible.

Type 3 children need to feel like they can move through the world without being contained. Make sure your home environment supports them in moving freely. Consider that your Type 3 child will feel more cooperative at home if they can play without always being told no. Spaces where they can move and jump and just get messy without you worrying about it will be supportive to them.

Pre-school 3 to 6 years

Primary Emotional Need:
Coming into their own identity and power.

At this stage, you may find that your busy Type 3 begins to get a little feisty. They may even be intentionally destructive. You may wonder what you’ll do with this child who seems so out of control! These children actually get out of control when they feel they haven’t been given control over their lives. This is just the time when it shows up big time.

They often come to realize that their parents are worried about their big energy. They realize that not everyone else plays as big as they do, is as loud, or needs as much space. Their blow-ups are just efforts to establish their big personality as okay in their world. This is an important stage to recognize your child’s voice and make sure that your child knows that they can speak as loud as they want. A Type 3 child hears the words “Shush” and “Be quiet” often enough. Responding to
what
they say, rather than to the volume at which they’ve said it, will help your child at this stage.

Messages your Type 3 child needs to hear in this stage of life:

• It’s okay for you to move as fast as you want to.
  
• You are learning what is right for you—trust your instincts.
  
• We are glad you are starting to think for yourself.
  
• We love to spend time doing things together with you.
  
• Your persistent and determined energy is powerful. Trust it!
  
• You do great things; thank you for letting us share them with you.
  
• Thank you for the active energy you so willingly share with our family.
  
• You are an important member of the family. Your natural gifts and talents are a blessing to all of us.
  

Child Whisperer Tip to support this stage:
Type 3s experience the world physically. So make sure you get out and do things with them. Ask what they would like to do, and even if it’s not your favorite activity, spend the time to do it with them. Type 3 children who see their parents invest in their connection in the world know that their parents are connected with them. They will feel more loved and honored than if you just said how much you loved them.

School Age 6 to 12 Years

Primary Emotional Need:
Fitting in, working with structure, knowing and learning

At this stage, Type 3 children encounter limits and structures that put more bounds on their forward-pushing energy. Look out for signs that they feel stifled, stalled, or boxed in. Are they picking fights? Are they taunting their siblings more than usual? Are they blowing up emotionally with you? These are all signs that a Type 3 child is not experiencing enough forward momentum in their life. You can work on this by talking about what they want to do. They usually know right away and the quicker you can move into action to support them in doing it, the sooner these problems will be resolved.

During this stage, a Type 3 child might take on the belief that in order to fit in and have value, they need to do more. Help them clear this lie from their lives so they do not carry it into adulthood. I have met too many Type 3 adults who are trying to accomplish their way to value—but it doesn’t work. Help your child recognize that they don’t have to do a single thing in order to be valuable and lovable. When they truly believe that, their activities become so much more effective and enjoyable.