The Child Whisperer (27 page)

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SHIREE’S STORY

In Trouble, But Not With Mom

Shiree’s son got in trouble at school for being overly physical and not respecting boundaries set by the teacher. On the way home, Shiree could tell that her son felt pretty badly about getting in trouble. Instead of scolding him for what happened and telling him he needed to change the way he was, she talked together with him about how he could get the movement that he needed while still following the rules.

Validating him empowered him to manage his own behavior so much more than chastising him would have. Shiree is one more beautiful example of the kind of relationships we can experience when we become our own family’s Child Whisperers.

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Because Type 3 children are so results oriented, they may choose to earn high grades and honors. If this is the case, they will be persistent and self-motivated. They juggle several tasks and topics easily on their way to a straight-A report card. This decision is something they must decide for themselves, otherwise they will not have the dedication and interest necessary to make it happen.

A Type 3 child may also approach school as a system they can use in order to get a certain result. This thought process sounds like, “I’m going to do less than I’m being asked and get more from it.” These children will be okay with “good enough” grades, rather than straight-A’s if it gets them the result they want. If you ever feel like you have to push your Type 3 to get motivated about school, that’s a sign that you need to talk with them about the results they aim to achieve and how school fits into that bigger plan for them. Let go of the straight-A ideal and consider other ideas they have in mind.

Study Habits:
Finish what they start

These children are persistent in trying new things and love to finish what they start. If they are engaged by the subject matter and the work they need to do, they will dive in and concentrate.

Type 3 kids can become fidgety and impatient while they are working. First of all, sitting still for a long time to work on something can be difficult for them. They may need to work on a few things at a time, not finishing assignments in their entirety before moving on to the next. Quick, abrupt breaks are a good way to break up the monotony for a Type 3.

Secondly, impatience with homework can also be a sign that the work they are doing is pointless busy work, or that your child doesn’t see the purpose behind the assignment. If you can see a higher purpose in the work they are doing, share it with them. Whatever you can do to help homework to be a challenge that makes sense and is completed swiftly, the easier your child will feel motivated to do it.

Physical Development

Learning to Walk:
On the move in the fastest way

Type 3 children tend to walk a little later—not because they don’t like to move, but because they can’t be bothered to stop crawling when they’re already cruising around! They like to move quickly, so most Type 3s won’t start walking until it becomes a faster mode of transportation for them than crawling is. If they walk early, there’s a good chance they’ll be running soon after that.

Learning to Talk:
Speaking when it serves

Type 3 children use speech as soon as they see it as a quick means to get what they want. Until then, they have a loud shout that usually gets the job done. I know of one two-year-old Type 3 who had shown her mother on many occasions that she was capable of speech—and had a lot of words under her belt! Because screaming was easiest and got her the fastest result, she opted for screaming over talking for quite some time. Respond quickly when your Type 3 child attempts to talk so they can see this as an equally speedy alternative to shouting at you. My Type 3 grandson used grunting as a way to communicate to get what he wanted. His mom, my Type 1 daughter Jenny, would politely say to him, “Tell me what you want and I will help you with that,” to encourage him to develop his vocabulary and speech abilities.

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ABRAM’S STORY

So Frustrated!

Around 13 months, Abram developed a habit that left bruises all over his forehead. Whenever he got frustrated at being unable to communicate, he banged his head against something. It didn’t matter what was close by: walls, floors, the person holding him. He did it with a lot of force and without warning.

Abram expressed his forceful, determined energy, even if he couldn’t put it into words. Such a classic Type 3—when he was frustrated, he just had to do something!

To resolve this, his parents needed to work with him to make sure that he got enough activity and felt like he was allowed to move forward in the ways that mattered to him so he did not take out his frustration on himself. Their support, plus his speech development, helped Abram to grow out of this behavior so that he could communicate what he wanted in a way that felt swift enough for him.

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Potty Training:
Erratic success

These children might get a lot going on and not make it to the potty in time. As you train and help them, remember that they are all about results. Emphasize that aspect of their potty-training experience.

These children may be successful for a short period in their potty-training results, lose interest for a short period, and get back to it again. They always achieve a successful outcome, just not always on the timeline mom or dad might like. I have never met a Type 3 adult who is still wearing diapers, so you can rest assured they will get it soon enough. Just be patient as they move through this stage erratically.

Child Whisperer Tip:
Because Type 3 children are naturally so confident, some parents assume that they should let their child take charge of potty training, but this actually backfires with these children. You need to explain the result you want and then be direct about what you expect. Instead of asking if they need to use the potty, just say, “It’s time to use the potty now. Let’s go.” Type 3 children communicate in this direct, to-the-point manner, and so they will respond when you do, too. They put off using the potty because they don’t want to break away from the activity or project they are engaged in, and are telling themselves, “I will get to that later.” I know Type 3 adults who put off using the bathroom for this same reason. They want to get their project done in spite of the discomfort!

Child Whisperer Tip:
Let your Type 3 child experience potty training as a task that gets a result. For example, you could create a chart where they earn a sticker or a checkmark every time they go potty. Continue to remind them that the result they’re aiming for is wearing underwear, not just how many checkmarks they can rack up—otherwise, they may find a way to rig the system. “You did it!” is a good way to phrase your praise for your Type 3 child.

Sleeping:
Play hard, sleep hard

Type 3 children would keep go, go, going all night if they could. They have a hard time letting down in the evening to go to sleep unless they’ve had enough physical activity during the day. Type 3 children who have had enough opportunities for physical outlets will often crash at the end of the day and sleep hard. You might think these children don’t need naps, but up until age two, I recommend regular naps to keep their moods even. From about two and a half to four years, they may do well with a nap two to three days out of the week.

Type 3 adults have a tendency to “burn themselves out” more quickly than any of the other Types, due to their swift, determined approach to everyday tasks, not just special endeavors. Teach your Type 3 children at a young age that they will be able to accomplish even more if they pay attention to their bodies’ need for rest. This habit will help them maintain balance throughout the rest of their life.

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JOSEPH’S STORY

Bedtime Adventure

When my grandson Joseph started climbing out of his crib, his mom knew it was time to graduate him to a toddler bed. Climbing out of his crib was too big of an adventure each night for the little mind of this Type 3 boy to ignore.

The toddler bed was a success, but a few other challenges engaged Joseph and kept him from going to sleep at night. One in particular was unzipping and taking off his footed pajamas and his diaper. My very creative Type 1 daughter solved that problem by putting his jammies on backwards where he could not reach the zipper. Out of sight, out of mind for this Type 3. When the challenges were removed, Joseph easily went to bed at night, as long as they made sure to run out his energy earlier in the day!

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Going to Pre-school and School:
Confident

These children love to play, they love new experiences, and they are confident—a perfect combination for a new school experience! Sometimes, parents of Type 3s are disappointed that their children aren’t a little sadder to see them go.

If your Type 3 child doesn’t feel immediately comfortable going and playing in a new situation like pre-school, they may sense that the environment is more structured than they prefer. Help them see the ways they will experience freedom to be themselves and they will warm up quickly.

Being Left with a Babysitter:
Need a physical goodbye

Type 3 children engage readily with new people, even if they are older. They get excited about playing with someone new. If they have a babysitter who lets them play actively, they probably won’t want to leave when their parents show up to take them home. Before you leave, share some sort of physical expression of your love like a hug, a kiss, or a pat.

Dating:
Active, practical approach

If your Type 3 child is raised true to their nature, they will have a lot of self-confidence by the time they are teens, which can lead them to create healthy and fun dating experiences. Group dating will be more natural for them, as they enjoy the higher, more active energy a group experience would offer. It is also natural for them to lead out with friends to get a group date organized.

In the areas where my children grew up during their teens, it was a popular practice at the high schools to have as many girls’-choice dances as boys’-choice dances. For Type 3 girls, this arrangement is very supportive, as they would not understand or appreciate why the boys would be the only ones who could choose to ask someone out on a date! It is becoming more acceptable for girls to initiate dates in Western culture, which is a positive cultural shift for Type 3 girls in particular.

Type 3s bring their very practical nature in to their dating experience. When my son-in-law, Tanner, decided that he wanted to date with the intent to meet his future wife, he knew by the first date whether a girl was a match for him and someone he wanted to pursue or not. People gave him a hard time, saying that he wasn’t giving the girls a chance. They would ask how he could possibly know in one date what he wanted. He just did, swiftly and confidently. For my daughter Anne’s sake, I am glad he trusted his instincts.

High School Experience:
A lot going on

Your child may sign up for all sorts of teams or clubs or extra activities that keep them going all day long and into the night. Encourage and support them to do the activities that they love most and that honor their determined nature. Do not feel obligated to keep track of it all for them. They will make happen what they feel most determined to do.

Because Type 3 children are so results-oriented, they can become addicted to action. They can burn out by getting too much going, making too many commitments, or taking action too soon. Since this is the time of life when they are becoming more independent, don’t stifle them. Help them make choices about what would best serve their development and their nature without taking on more than is necessary. Also let them learn by experience, by burning the candle on both ends, only to find out they have too much going on and they are stressed out. This is a good time to help them see their tendency for this and support them in making more balanced choices. Learning by doing is a great way to burn the lesson into the memory of a Type 3!

Driving:
Possible over-confidence