The Child Whisperer (31 page)

Messages your Type 3 child needs to hear in this stage of life:

• You are smart and brilliant, and you learn so quickly.
  
• You are able to move at whatever pace feels best to you.
  
• You can succeed at anything that feels right and honoring of you.
  
• Trust your intuition.
  
• You deserve to succeed.
  
• Follow what is right for you. You don’t have to do things that do not honor you—and you can change what you’re doing immediately.
  
• It is not your job to take charge of pushing the family to do the best things. We are in charge of our own happiness.
  
• Thanks for being so active and easy to get along with.
  
• You never have to go along with something if it is not right for you.
  
• You have a right to have boundaries and know what is important to you.
  

Child Whisperer Tips to support this stage:
In this phase, Type 3 children enter school. Your Type 3 child may push back against the structures presented to them there. They may be scolded in school for being too loud or for not sitting still. Although Type 3 children are often pegged as rowdy or rambunctious, that doesn’t mean that they won’t do well in school. If they are shown the purpose of those structures, they will often work with them rather than against them.

Their movement is active, not explosive. It is determined, not out of control, provided that they are not reined in too heavily. Any conflict your Type 3 child experiences within the structure of school is an indication that they need more to do—either in the form of physical activity or of academic challenges. Give your Type 3 child free time during the day to explore and do. Consider having items on hand that allow them to experiment and play.

If you have not been parenting your determined child true to their nature by this stage of life, you will likely see signs of stress in their behavior and feelings, including anger and the early stages of rebellion. You can easily heal this pattern together with your child by being honest and accountable as a parent. Here’s an idea of something you might say that would make a big difference for your Type 3 child: “I know that you always have things you want to do. What would be the most important thing I could help you do today?”

High School 12 to 18 Years

Primary Emotional Need:
Separating and creating independence from the family.

When parented true to their nature, Type 3 teenagers are easy to support. It feels like that in this state, they are finally growing into their dynamic energy. They have a lot of confidence in their own life pursuits as they begin to create more independence. Continue to support them and they will experience successful outcomes in all areas of their lives.

Friends become very important in this stage of a Type 3 child’s life. Their peers enjoy their engaging energy and will readily follow them on any teenage adventure they might cook up.

Messages your Type 3 child needs to hear in this stage of life:

• You can engage your friends however feels best for you.
  
• You do not need to please others to be loved.
  
• You can take all the time you need to grow up.
  
• We are happy with your choices.
  
• It is okay to make mistakes.
  
• You can take action and move forward with the things that are important to you; we’re always here to help when you need it.
  
• You can go after all the goals that you feel are important to you.
  
• You don’t have to do anything to be loved but be you.
  
• Good for you to think for a moment before you commit to a project.
  
• You can develop your own relationships, interests, and causes.
  
• You can learn about sex and be responsible for your needs, feelings, and behaviors.
  

Child Whisperer Tip to support this stage:
If your Type 3 teen was not parented true to their nature, this can be a difficult phase. They don’t want you to get in their way and you may find they have a tendency to just do what they want and not include you in their pursuits. This can all be remedied and you can gain the trust of your teen by what you have learned in this book.

It’s Never Too Late!

Even if your Type 3 child has grown past any of these stages, you can still validate and meet their emotional needs.

We are all every age we have ever been and we still carry our earlier unmet emotional needs with us. If your Type 3 daughter is 16 years old, you can still validate and affirm all the previous stages of her development. Even if your son is in his 30s or 40s, he would benefit from the messages in this book that he has not yet received from you as his parent. Your Type 3 child is receptive to your love and support as their parent at any age and will respond to your efforts to honor their determined nature. If you are a Type 3 adult, you can tell yourself the messages you did not receive during your childhood to help heal some of your own inner child’s unmet needs.

Most of my work in the field of Energy Psychology helps adults heal their inner child’s unmet needs. What a gift when a parent shows up and meets their needs at any age. It’s never to late to become a better parent!

The Child Whisperer’s Top 10

Things a Type 3 Child Needs From You!

To summarize, I’ve put together a brief list of what I feel are some of the most important points to remember when parenting a Type 3 determined child. This general list will be supportive to all Type 3 children. After reading through this list, please take a moment to add your own inspirations to it.

My goal with this list (and this book) is to bring out your own Child Whisperer gifts. As a Child Whisperer, you will receive your
own
inspirations and aha’s, specific to your child and their Type. Make sure you write down those aha’s!

1.
Physical activity

Remember the need for physical outlets that Type 3 children are supported by. Are they getting outside enough? Are they engaged in physical activities that match their determined nature and help them express their physical connection to the world? Are you making the physical contact with them that they need from you as their parent?

2.
Challenges

Type 3s like challenges. Telling them no is almost an invitation for them to think to themselves, “Oh yeah? Watch me!” Help them channel their determined energy into healthy, productive challenges that help them feel they can accomplish great things for their age.

3.
Projects

Having something to do will keep your Type 3 child from saying frequently, “I’m bored. There is nothing to do.” Projects without a lot of detail or lengthy learning curve to get them going are best. They can be worked on in short lengths of time. They can be projects that are not finished in one sitting, but can be returned to frequently to keep your Type 3 actively involved with something to do that they find interesting and challenging.

4.
Results

One of the primary reasons a Type 3 child likes projects is to create a result that they can admire and feel satisfied about. Make a big deal of their results and praise them for their hard work and efforts, like “Wow, look what you did. That is awesome!”

5.
Encouragement to live true to who they are

Refer to the phrases in each of the developmental stages in earlier sections to continue to validate and encourage your Type 3 child to live true to their nature throughout all the phases of their childhood.

6.
Time to do things with you

Type 3 children love to spend time with mom and dad in physical activities and challenges. Go to the park. Learn a sport together as they get older. Let them help you make dinner. Take them camping. Let them get the food and gear ready, and show them how to cook on an open fire. Do a craft project together or take them to the hobby store and pick out some new projects to learn together. Ask your Type 3 child what things they would like to do with you and then make sure you follow through with them.

7.
Praise

Praise your Type 3 child’s accomplishments and results. Tell them you are impressed and think they do a great job at their activities. Appreciate their get-it-done nature even if they could have taken more time in planning details or may have missed a few steps. Lead with praise and correct and teach them later.

8.
Attention

Attention is different than praise. You know your Type 3 is not getting enough attention when they start to do aggravating things that cause a negative reaction in others—that’s a red flag that they just want to be noticed and interacted with more. When they behave in this manner, they unfortunately get the opposite response than they are subconsciously looking for, so make sure you remind yourself to give them positive attention rather than the negative reprimands this kind of behavior provokes. The negative attention is still a reaction, which is better than nothing to a Type 3 who needs an active, reactive experience from others. It is your job as the parent to give enough positive attention that supports your Type 3 in acting positively which then creates a positive reaction from others.

9.
Don’t sweat the small stuff

You’ll experience plenty of opportunities to get frustrated over the more intense, determined energy your Type 3 child seems to have plenty of. Decide today to let go of some of that frustration and focus on the dynamic action and confidence that your child expresses along with their passion for life when they are honored and validated for who they are.

10.
Avoid these phrases and judgments:

• Shush, you’re too loud.
  
• You shouldn’t think so big.
  
• Just calm down, you’re too much.
  
• Stop being so pushy.
  
• I don’t think you should try that.
  

• When are you going to relax?
  
• Settle down.
  

After reading this section, add to this list by writing the inspirations and ideas you received about what your own Type 3 child needs from you. Make your notes here:

The Type 3 Child Word Portrait

Refer to this word portrait list often as a quick reminder of the nature of your Type 3 child. Compare your child’s mood and disposition to this list. Is your Type 3 child expressing these movements and qualities on a consistent basis? If not, what do you need to change in your parenting approach to support them in living true to their nature?

Type 3 children are often described as:

Adventurous

Assertive

Busy

Busy body

Competitive

Determined

Down to Earth

Energetic

Enterprising

Entrepreneurial

Feisty

Independent

Industrious

Into everything

Little tiger

Loud

Negative labels that are not honoring of Type 3 children:

Aggressive

Demanding

Hot-tempered

Mind of their own

Mischievous

No nonsense

Outgoing

Passionate

Persistent

Practical

Quick

Rambunctious

Resourceful

Restless

Risk taker

Rowdy

Strong-willed

Swift

Take charge

Over-reactive

Pushy

Wild