The Child Whisperer (42 page)

• You are allowed to focus on the things that are most important to you.
  
• We respect you for being who you are.
  
• Good for you to move forward after you’ve thought things through.
  
• You can develop your own relationships, interests, and causes.
  
• You can learn about sex and nurturing and be responsible for your needs, feelings, and behaviors.
  

Child Whisperer Tips to support this stage:
Being with their friends takes on a priority in this stage of life. When it comes to making and having friends, your Type 4 child is very capable of creating a social network that honors them. Remember to not push them to have a lot of friends and be more outgoing. Support them by helping them have a friend over and doing things in small groups. They are not comfortable going to birthday parties where they don’t really know anyone, so don’t force them to attend events and parties that will make them uncomfortable. Instead, work with them in developing confident social skills that honor their more reserved nature. When they are familiar with people, and understand the scope of their relationship with them, they have no problem engaging.

It’s Never Too Late!

Please note that even if your Type 4 child has grown past any of these stages, it is never too late to validate them and meet their emotional needs. We are all every age we have ever been and if we have unmet emotional needs, we carry them with us into the next stage of our lives.

No matter if your child is 4, 14, or 44, you can express your respect for them and affirm all the previous stages of their development. If you are a Type 4 adult, use this information to heal your childhood wounds of being misunderstood and start a new chapter of respect and inner balance.

Most of my work in the field of Energy Psychology helps adults heal their inner child’s unmet needs. What a gift it is when a parent shows up and meets their needs once and for all! It’s never too late to become a better parent!

The Child Whisperer’s Top 10

Things a Type 4 Child Needs From You!

To summarize, I’ve put together a brief list of what I feel are some of the most important points to remember when parenting a Type 4, more serious child. This general list will be supportive to all Type 4 children. After reading through this list, please take a moment to add your own inspirations to it.

My goal with this list (and this book) is to bring out your own Child Whisperer gifts. As a Child Whisperer, you will receive your
own
inspirations and aha’s, specific to your child and their Type. Make sure you write down those aha’s!

1.
Support in being their own authority

Recognizing your Type 4 child’s need to learn to be their own authority from the earliest stages of their lives will make all the difference in your parenting experience. Instead of power struggles and frustration, you can experience mutual cooperation that creates a life-long bond.

2.
Respect

Express respect for your child’s sense of authority, their logical nature, and their bold stance in their opinions. These children naturally inspire respect wherever they go and they will respond dramatically to you when they experience respect coming from you. Type 4 children easily respect those that in turn respect them. If you fall out of respect in the world of a Type 4 you can expect it to take a little time to gain that respect back. Believe me, it’s worth it to go through that process when it is your child.

3.
Privacy

Respect their need to have space and time that is solely theirs. Giving them privacy includes reprimanding them privately and teaching them new skills in private, rather than in front of siblings, neighbors, or even another parent at times. Allow them to make the decision about what they will share with the world and what they will not. Never embarrass them in public. They need to feel that their mistakes are safe and not exposed to the world. Respect their nature by treating their belongings as their private possessions, especially those they care the most deeply about and are hesitant to share with others.

4.
Encouragement to live true to who they are

Refer to the phrases in each of the developmental stages in the previous section to continue to validate and encourage your Type 4 child to live true to their nature throughout all the phases of their childhood.

5.
Time for reflection

Don’t demand instant answers to the questions you ask them. Your Type 4 child may need some time to think deeply and thoroughly before sharing their opinions about something new. In new situations, let them observe first without pushing them to engage or move forward. Allow them to take the time they need to size up a situation and decide what they think about it. Encourage them to take time to be alone and reflect on things, even on a daily basis. Type 4s need solitude and quiet to let everything get sorted out that is going on in their minds. Support them by teaching them this at a very young age. Even my grandson at 3 years old had quiet time for 30 minutes a day in his room by himself to quietly play with toys or read or just listen to music. He has been taught from an early age that his quiet time was important time to connect with himself.

6.
Undivided attention when communicating

When you are communicating with your Type 4 child, look them in the eye, listen to them without distractions or interruptions, and if you ask them a question, listen to their answer and don’t make them repeat themselves. These are great communication skills with anyone, but are especially honoring of a Type 4 child. They will respond with respect for you, listening with the same undivided attention you have given them, truly taking in what you share. You will not be able to give your Type 4 child undivided attention at all times. If you are too distracted at the moment to listen to your child without interruptions, set a time in the near future when you can give them undivided attention. (And keep your appointment!)

7.
Help to see the bigger picture by giving them advance notice

Keep your Type 4 child in the loop when it comes to daily plans, weekly plans, and family vacations. When they are aware of the bigger picture of what’s going on, they are able to mentally organize and move forward with ease. Let them know as soon as you can about expected changes in their lives and their routines. They need time to process and to mentally reorganize. Fifteen-minute warnings are a good rule of thumb to use on a regular basis. Before you call them to dinner or ask them to move on to the next activity, give them a 15-minute warning that they need to wrap up what they are doing.

8.
Social help

Enable them to find one best friend who has similar interests and abilities. Encourage this relationship, even if the friend moves. Do not push them to make lots of friends or be engaged in large social activities with a lot of people.

9.
Don’t sweat the small stuff

You’ll experience plenty of opportunities to feel challenged by your Type 4 child’s perfecting eye and seemingly endless criticisms. Decide today to let go of your frustration and focus on showing respect to your child in order to create mutual respect between you.

10.
Avoid these phrases and judgments:

• You are such a loner.
  
• Stop being so picky.
  
• What a know-it-all.
  

• Smile more!
  
• Lighten up.
  
• You’re uptight.
  
• Quit being so critical.
  

After reading this section, add to this list by writing the inspirations and ideas you received regarding what your Type 4 child needs from you. Make your notes here:

The Type 4 Child Word Portrait

Refer to this word portrait list often as a quick reminder of the nature of your Type 4 child. Compare your child’s mood and disposition to this list. Is your Type 4 child expressing these movements and qualities on a consistent basis? If not, what do you need to change in your parenting approach to support them in living true to their nature?

Type 4 children are often described as:

Articulate

Bold

Clear

Concise

Deeply loyal

Dignified

Efficient

Exact

Focused

Honorable

Literal

Logical

Mature

Negative labels that are not honoring of Type 4 children:

Bossy

Brash

Condescending

Critical

Harsh

Precise

Poised

Polite

Proper

Reflective

Reserved

Responsible

Serious

Still

Structured

Thorough

Well mannered

Well behaved

Judgmental

Know-it-all

Loner

Opinionated

Rebellious

How to Profile Babies and Toddlers

Y
ou may wonder how early in life a parent could assess a child’s Energy Type. I speak from experience when I say that you can identify it as early as the day they are born. Depending on the nature of pregnancy and labor, you may even have a sense of your child’s Type even earlier! Since Energy Profiling offers the unique opportunity to profile your child even at birth, I felt like a full section should be dedicated to giving guidance in that opportunity. I am not aware of any other profiling system that offers you assessment tools to learn your child’s true nature even the day they are born.

While I was writing this book, my daughter Anne gave birth to a little girl. Three weeks later, my oldest daughter Jenny gave birth to a little boy. In both cases, we could recognize each baby’s Energy Type on the day they were born. I am asked frequently how we could possibly tell what their Types were so early in their lives. I think people ask this question because they are thinking of Energy Profiling as a personality typing system. Since babies have not developed personalities yet, it would be impossible to know their Type.

This is the beauty of Energy Profiling: As a profiling system, it looks at human nature as an innate quality of movement that creates our inner nature. Because of the ability to assess movement and physical features, it is possible to successfully Type a baby, even before their personality has developed.

In the case of my oldest daughter, Jenny, she knew even before her son was born that he was probably a Type 2. She based this on her intuitive knowledge of Energy Profiling and how her baby moved in her womb. She felt a peace and calming with this baby, even in utero. The day he was born, you could see his Type 2 nature written all over his face! He had a very obvious downward movement to all of his features, with blended cheeks and even a double chin! He made a lot of soft purring sounds and subtle winces. The most common feedback the nurses shared about this little baby boy was that he was so mellow.

My other daughter, Anne, who is also highly skilled at profiling, felt that her little girl was either a Type 1 or a Type 3, due to her baby’s higher movement while in the womb. She noticed swift kicks and jabs as the baby grew. Just like her cousin, this little girl had her Type written all over her face the day she was born—a Type 3! You could easily see the angles in her hairline, and she had exotic eyes, which were also set at an angle. She had a more substantial nose for a baby and she made a lot of grunting and growling sounds. Both moms were able to greet their new little ones with full acceptance and understanding of their true nature from the moment they were born.

The Essential Key to Typing Babies and Toddlers

When assessing your toddler or baby’s Type, remember this one essential key: movement.

Your child’s nature is completely intact as a quality of movement from the first day of their life, but their personality is still forming. Energy Profiling assesses nature, which is first identified as movement (for more information about the movement of all 4 Types as they express in the nature kingdom and in adults, see the appendix in the back of this book).

All babies have the ability to play, learn, and have fun, especially in an environment where they feel comfortable and safe to be themselves. The movement with which they do so is distinct. Let’s look at all four of those movements expressed in toddlers and babies.

Type 1 Babies and Toddlers

Movement
:
The Type 1 child’s movement is upward and light. They enjoy free movement where they can kick their legs. They look outside themselves to see what they can connect with and they enjoy interacting with a variety of locations, sights, and people. Their random, higher movement makes them less likely to adhere to a structured sleep schedule or accept doing the same thing at regular times. They love to be bounced and sung to playfully.

Features
:
Their face has a cherub or pixie look to it, with a round structure and animated shapes in the features—like circles or star points. They make sounds that rise and fall and when they shout, they can easily reach a high-pitched shriek.

What to Notice
:
If your baby or toddler is a Type 1, you will notice their higher movement. While all babies are “cute,” a Type 1 baby or toddler exudes the energy of cuteness with their social, outgoing nature. They seem friendly, more animated, and bright-eyed. If your young child does express a higher movement, but you are not sure if they are a Type 1 or a Type 3, consider the quality of their energy. A Type 1’s high energy feels like a bouncing ball (random and playful), while a Type 3’s higher energy feels more like a push forward momentum. Type 1 babies make cute, gurgling noises to entertain themselves.

Challenges
:
Type 1 children thrive in environments that have a lot going on and a lot to stimulate their love for newness. If your baby is required to sit still for extended periods of time or is in too quiet of a house during the day, they may be bored and get fussy. If your toddler does not have the regular opportunity to interact with a variety of people, they may become grumpy or sad.

Child Whisperer Tip:
Sit your Type 1 child up in a swing or walker so they can engage with their world in an upright way. Mix up the locations where you put them so they always have something new to see. Turn on some upbeat music. Consider lovely scents you can add to their environment. Do they have toys that stimulate their curiosity and excitement for life? Make sure that as they grow into toddlers, they have plenty of opportunities to play and interact with other children.

Type 2 Babies and Toddlers

Movement
:
While all babies offer an energy of love, Type 2s in particular have an energy that expresses a steady, heartfelt connection to those around them. They seem quieter, more tender and more sensitive than other babies from the earliest moments of their life.

Features
:
Like their natural movement, the features in a Type 2 baby’s face will move downward with a blended quality. Cheeks blend into the jawline. The eyebrows, corners of their eyes, lips, everything will have a softened, downward quality to it. They may also have a quieter cry than most babies and will try to get your attention in subtle ways when they are hungry or tired.

What to Notice
:
Other people will give you clues that your baby is a Type 2. The most common perception you’ll encounter (as long as baby’s comfy!) is that your child is so easy or so calm and mellow. These children have a quieter cry and all-around quieter affect to them. Their baby sounds are subtle and soft, which could be compared to a purring.

Challenges
:
With their sensitive, relaxed nature, these children can experience challenges if things do not feel comfortable for them. You will have a fussy baby or a whiny toddler if clothes or sleeping arrangements are not comfortable, or they do not have a space to feel cozy in. They may also feel stressed if there is too much loud noise, like TV shows that have intense background music, or even quarreling parents or siblings. As they grow, these children do not have a natural tendency to speak up for what they need. So as they develop, they can whine, fuss, and get moody if they feel their needs are not heard.

Child Whisperer Tip:
Lucky for you, most items in the baby world are comfy and soft, which will support your Type 2 baby in feeling safe and cared for in this world. To prevent excessive whining, you need to consciously support them in learning to speak up. Make sure you do this in a way that’s supportive and comfortable to them, and does not communicate that their tendency toward subtlety is a flaw. If you are arguing or talking loudly, do it out of range of your Type 2 baby or toddler.

Type 3 Babies and Toddlers

Movement
:
The Type 3 child’s movement is active, reactive, spirited, and fiery. Their energy has a forward push to it and they are focused on results. As babies, they get really hungry, nurse quickly, and then they’re done. They crash, sleep hard, and then they’re up again. Baby or toddler, Type 3s are always ready to go, go, go.

Features
:
Their faces have more textured, angular features that aren’t necessarily soft and cute. They have more substance in their nose, angular hairlines, texture in their hands, and cat eyes. For Type 3 girls, cute pink bows in contrast with more angular features will look a little silly. The Type 3 baby’s most distinguishing trait is the Type 3 scowl. They furrow their brow intensely, more than any other Type.

What to Notice
:
Type 3 children express a higher movement like Type 1 children do. But Type 3 energy shows up as more pushy and adventurous, rather than bouncy and bright like a Type 1. Your Type 3 child will meet challenges head on. They make more guttural, growling sounds. As they learn to walk, they have a weighty, heavy-footed energy.

Challenges
:
Because we expect babies to be soft and snuggly, parents don’t often expect a Type 3 child’s active movement or know what to do with it. From the beginning of a Type 3 child’s life, their parents may try to get them to stop moving. Because they want to get their hands on everything and they react to being told no, they can be labeled as rebellious, destructive, or pushy. They don’t have trouble, though, when sufficiently engaged.

Child Whisperer Tip:
Keep your Type 3 baby engaged with sounds and move them around to different spots in the house. This sort of variety will match their movement better than staying in the same place or too quiet of a home. To avoid the pushing they may do when they become toddlers, keep your Type 3 child physically engaged and provide safe places for them to roam and explore.

Don’t always tell them no. And when they do something big and unexpected, be impressed by it before anything else (“Wow, you’re so adventurous.” “That’s really cool you did something hard.”). Then you can say something like this: “What would help Mommy is for you to come and tell me so that I can support you in doing what you want.”

Type 4 Babies and Toddlers

Movement
:
The Type 4 child’s energy moves inward, so they are naturally more reserved, particularly in new environments. They are supported by structure and repetition and will often start to create structure for themselves by falling asleep at the same time or wanting to eat on a schedule. Stillness does not mean sitting still (although they are more capable of it than the other three Types). It means an inner stillness, a quality of being grounded and centered, which you may sense from them, even when they are a baby.

Features
:
Their most obvious facial feature is the shape of their face. It has a boxier look, with the sides of the face creating two parallel lines, and the forehead being more rectangular. They typically have eyebrows that go straight across, even if the eyebrows are faint. The sides of their fingers form parallel lines all the way to the ends of the fingers.

What to Notice
:
Even at a very young age, these children focus intently on what holds their interest. Type 3 and Type 4 children tend to be independent, but with a different quality to their movement. Type 3 children will want to do something on their own because it’s a challenge. But Type 4s will want to do something by themselves because they want to figure it out. As they grow from babyhood to becoming a toddler, learn to recognize if your child is engaging with activities on an intellectual level, rather than a physical one.