The Child Whisperer (43 page)

Challenges
:
Type 4 babies will have a more serious expression than what you may expect in a baby. This still, authoritative quality is not a challenge, unless the baby is judged for not wanting to be passed to strangers or the toddler is told they need to smile more. Even at a very young age, these children want to be their own authority. As soon as they start attempting to communicate with you, they will express that they want to do things themselves. You can see this as an opportunity, rather than a challenge.

Child Whisperer Tip:
Offer your Type 4 baby structure with eating and sleeping schedules. Too much noise all the time can be very stressful for them, as their inner stillness requires periods of each day to be in a quiet environment. You may even find these babies enjoy lying in their cribs for a short period of time after they wake up from a nap, just to enjoy some solitude.

Above All, Remember Movement!

• Type 1 energy moves upward and outward.
  
• Type 2 energy moves downward in a steady flow.
  
• Type 3 energy moves forward with a push.
  
• Type 4 energy remains constant, still, and reflective.
  

Knowing your baby or toddler’s true nature even before they can speak is a great gift to you as a parent, and it is a gift that you also give your child. It offers you a huge window of insight into your unique parent-child relationship. Your Child Whisperer skills give you an intuitive advantage to make decisions on behalf of your child in order to support them in feeling safe, loved, and cared for properly in a world that they are just getting to know!

You may have some thoughts or feelings about which Type your child is. What do you notice or remember about your child’s experience as a toddler? Take a moment to jot down your insights, or a few experiences you remember about how they moved, what they did, or what they said that might indicate your child’s Energy Type. In the next section, I’ll share some added tips to help you identify your child’s Type.

Which Type is My Child?

N
ow that you have learned about all 4 Types of children, it’s time to identify which Type matches up with your child’s natural expression. When you know that, you will take another major step toward becoming a Child Whisperer. Like I said before, your child may express all 4 Types, but they will lead with one dominant Energy Type.

If you feel unsure of your child’s Type, I offer you the following supportive questions and tips to help you identify what your child is trying to tell you about their true nature.

How Do They Move Through Life?

You can better understand your children by observing the way they move through everyday activities. The little, unedited moments of daily life will help you see their Type more clearly. How does your child get ready for school? How does he clean his room? How does she play with friends?

• Type 1
  : Unstructured and more carefree, finding delight in simple pleasures. The key words to remember here are
  random
  and
  fun-loving.
  
• Type 2
  :
  Steadily and calmly enjoying whatever creates comfort. The key words to remember here are
  sensitive
  and
  gentle
  .
  
• Type 3
  :
  Focused on the end results with swift determination. The key words to remember here are
  determined
  and
  adventurous
  .
  
• Type 4
  :
  Straightforwardly, concisely and precisely knowing where they stand with themselves and others. The key words to remember here are
  exact
  and
  particular
  .
  

When you clearly see your child’s natural movement, Child Whispering becomes so much easier. Everyday events like bedtime, homework, or chores work out effortlessly because you know how to support your child in moving through the experience in their way.

For example, you will know your Type 4 child will choose to execute their chores in a structured, systematic way. Or you will know your Type 1 child needs to incorporate randomness and fun into studying. No more fights—just an expression of movement that’s supported and honored.

What Are They Telling You About Themselves?

Your children tell you exactly who they are and what they need—even in the language they use. Observe the way your child speaks and the words they choose. Do you observe any of these common phrases and words used by your children?

• Type 1
  :
  They might light-mindedly make fun of someone, then quickly say, “Just kidding!” When they like something, they say, “That is so fun!” They giggle often.
  
• Type 2
  :
  They may apologize more than necessary. Before asking a question, they announce it: “I have a question.” Adults often ask them to speak up.
  
• Type 3
  : They speak directly and abruptly. When they feel someone is taking too long to explain, they lose interest and interrupt. They talk loudly and are told to shush.
  

• Type 4
  :
  Their favorite phrase when agreeing is “Exactly!” To describe something they like, they often say, “Perfect.” Things they dislike are usually “stupid.”
  

An understanding of your child’s natural speech patterns is such a handy Child Whisperer tool! When you know your child’s Type, you won’t waste time trying to change your child’s speech to be louder or quieter or somehow different than it naturally is. Instead, you can see your verbal interaction with your children as an opportunity to understand their expression and the intent behind their words. Your children will feel heard and validated when they talk with you—which leads to greater cooperation, trust, and better relationships.

What Do Other People Tell You About Your Child?

We tell each other every day what we think of others’ natures—both positive and negative. The commands and judgments we give children are often the most telling peek into their true selves. What are your children told at home, at school, or at play that shuts them down or builds them up?

• Type 1
  :
  Stop moving. You’re such a busy little kid. You never sit still. You are too hyper, too bouncy. You live in a dream world. Settle down.
  On the positive side:
  You are so fun to be around! You make friends so easily. You are such a bright light!
  
• Type 2
  :
  You’re shy. You are too sensitive. Hurry up, you take too long. You ask too many questions. Speak up. You’re always awkward around new people.
  On the positive side:
  You are so nice and kind. You are sweet. You are so easy to get along with. You are so sensitive to others.
  

• Type 3
  :
  You are too demanding. You’re too pushy. You are such a tomboy. You need to be more ladylike. You are too rough. Calm down, relax.
  On the positive side:
  You get things done so quickly. You’re a natural leader. What a great athlete! You always know just what you want and go for it!
  
• Type 4
  :
  You need to be more social. You are such a loner. You are such a quiet little kid. You need to make more friends. You are so picky. You are so critical. You’re a know-it-all. You are too serious. You need to smile more.
  On the positive side:
  You act so grown up and mature. Everybody knows where you stand on an issue. You are so independent. You are so responsible. You are so polite. You are very trustworthy.
  

To become a true Child Whisperer, you need to give up negative labels. It’s one of the most powerful things you can do to support your child. Every time a child hears one of these judgments, they trust their true nature a little less. You remember the judgments you heard about yourself as a child and the damage they caused. Do not subject any child to that sort of wounding and worry! When you truly stop seeing your children’s tendencies through eyes of judgment, they will feel the change and respond in positive ways you cannot yet anticipate.

. . . .

ELIZABETH’S STORY

Rockclimbing With Two Types

Elizabeth took her two daughters rock climbing at an indoor gym. Neither her Type 1 nor her Type 2 daughter had ever gone rock climbing before. They wanted her to show them first, so she climbed up.

Then it was her Type 1 daughter’s turn. Elizabeth called down that it was fun and exciting and her daughter climbed up immediately.

But her Type 2 10-year-old felt scared and didn’t want to climb. Elizabeth stood there saying, “It’s fun! You’ll love it!” when it suddenly hit her—this wouldn’t work for a Type 2 who felt nervous! She immediately changed her language and told her daughter to take her time, to make sure she was comfortable, and to ask her mom for whatever she needed to support her. She used the word “comfortable” several times. And guess what?Her daughter didn’t need any more convincing. That beautiful Type 2 girl started to climb.

Both daughters felt empowered and confident because they went about the activity in the way they needed to, not in the way that their mother wanted them to. Parents the world over experience small victories like this in their families every day because they use what they know about their children’s Types and act on the inspiration that comes because of it.

. . . .

What Does Your Child Think?

You might have a good idea of your child’s dominant Energy Type. But what does your child think? If your child is old enough to have a conversation with you about the 4 Types, I recommend that you have a conversation with your child to hear what they think about their dominant and secondary Energy Type. Even if you’re still wondering, they may already know for themselves.

Always frame this kind of conversation in terms of wanting to help your child to be happy and understood. Present the information in an age-appropriate way. Tell them you want to understand them better so you can help them be happy. Children respond positively to parents who genuinely want to help them live true to their nature.

How to Identify Your Child’s
Secondary Energy Type

W
hile there are 4 Energy Types, your child is entirely unique. Your child will naturally lead with a dominant Energy Type, but your child’s secondary Type will influence natural movement and behavior. Sometimes, understanding how secondary Types show up can help you identify your child’s dominant Energy Type, which you should do first before spending a lot of time considering a secondary Type.

Here are some pointers to help you recognize your child’s secondary Type, and some phrases you can use to support them in living true to their nature.

Secondary Type 1 Energy

What to look for
:
A child with a secondary Type 1 nature will express a cuteness, a sparkle, or playfulness about them at times. It’s not their primary expression—just an added animation in their dominant Type. In family gatherings, they might try to lighten the mood or make you laugh. Support them in keeping things light.

Phrases to support them
:

• Thank you for wanting to make sure I’m happy; I know how important that is to you.
  
• I appreciate your happy nature. It’s safe to be who you are.
  

Secondary Type 2 Energy

What to look for
:
A child with a secondary Type 2 nature will express a gentle quality to them that softens and adds sensitivity to their dominant Type. Recognize their emotional awareness of others and their desire for others’ feelings to not be hurt.

Phrases to support them
:

• Thank you for your sensitivity, and how you care so much about others.
  
• Thank you for noticing when someone’s feelings are hurt and caring for them.
  

Secondary Type 3 Energy

What to look for
:
A child with a secondary Type 3 nature will express more orientation to wanting results, with a bit of a push that backs up their dominant Type. They like to take on challenges—not in the same, head-on way as a dominant Type 3. You need to help them realize they don’t need to get results in order to have value, especially if this is not their primary Energy Type. Don’t let them depend on their secondary too much to get recognition.

Phrases to support them
:

• I love how you can take action so quickly when you’ve made the right decision.
  
• Results are secondary to your being. You don’t have to do anything to be loved.
  

Secondary Type 4 Energy

What to look for
:
A child with a secondary Type 4 nature will express an ability to step back and look at the big picture with a keen eye. You’ll also notice their ability for perfecting the world around them—but to a lesser degree than a dominant Type 4. Support them in enjoying what is already created and experienced and fulfilled right now.

Phrases to support them
:

• You have such a gift for seeing the bigger picture. Thank you for sharing that.
  
• I love how you want things to become better and more beautiful for people.
  

Which of these explanations speak to your experience with your child? Making a few notes here may help those insights become clear. What have you noticed that may help you identify your child’s secondary Type?

As a parent, you have a responsibility to support your child in understanding and living true to their nature. While Energy Profiling is interesting, support for your child should be your number one priority as you identify your child’s dominant and secondary Energy Type. As a parent, you should always strive to communicate to your child that he or she is perfect just the way they are.

We Need All 4 Types inThis World!

We need the upbeat energy and optimism that come so easily to Type 1 children. We need the sensitivity and calming that Type 2 children share so willingly. We need the determination and adventurous spirit of Type 3 children. And we need the quiet loyalty and strength of purpose that Type 4 children live by. No one Type is better than the other. In fact, if we were missing one, this world would be incomplete.

As you determine your child’s Energy Profile, consider the possibility that any of your child’s perceived flaws or shortcomings that get on your nerves may actually be their greatest gifts! When you identify your child’s natural movement by determining their Type, you will also learn how to encourage those traits in your children. Your change in perception will empower them to develop their natural tendencies into obvious strengths. One day, you’ll notice that your relationship with your child is full of greater peace and mutual respect than you even dreamed it could be. And that’s when you’ll know: You really
are
a Child Whisperer.