The Essential Guide to Gay and Lesbian Weddings (96 page)

Bachelor/ette parties are probably more popular on old television shows than they are in real life. Maybe because many gays and lesbians had years and years of “boys' & girls' nights out,” they just didn't feel the need to kick out the jams at this point. But just FYI, here's the scoop on the conventional bachelor party.

Historically, the straight bachelor party was a men-only affair to mourn the groom's disappearing freedom and to tempt him with a last chance at forbidden delights (that is, nekked girls jumping out of a cake)—an entirely odious tradition no matter how you slice it. And then the women got into the action by having their own hot time to mourn the passing of
their
singlehood. They accomplished this by stuffing dollar bills into the G-strings of the Chippendale's dancers, telling raunchy honeymoon stories, and other assorted racy merrymaking.

Just so you know this for your marriage education (and not, repeat
not,
because we're recommending it), some of the popular hen/stag party activities are rumored to be:

renting “blue” movies

reading aloud love letters from old paramours

making phony phone calls

looking at pictures or videos of old boyfriends/girlfriends

hiring a stripper

having the stripper jump out of a cake

having cake

going to singles bars and announcing, “This is Frank's last night as a free man”

playing a rude practical joke on the groom or bride. (Have someone pretend to be an old lover who has returned to reclaim forgotten love. If you really want to do the whole joke, have the lover be of the opposite sex and carrying a baby.)

Caution

If you have your heart set on going out on the town for a night of burlesque or “wanton merrymaking,” remember this: If you do something stupid, the person you are about to wed will find out. They always, always do. It's in the rule book.

In addition to honoring the people closest to you by asking them to be a part of your wedding party, it's customary to show your gratitude in the form of a little gift. The attendants' gifts are traditionally keepsakes, something sentimental in nature: a locket with a thoughtful inscription, cuff links, or an accessory that can be worn or used the day of the wedding. More important than the gift itself is the card that goes along with it. The card can hold the sentiments that will be remembered long after any gift.

Your gifts to your best people and/or “good people” needn't be expensive and can even be silly. If a bridesmaid complains about the high heels that go with her outfit for the wedding, wrap up a pair of Dr. Scholl's insoles and present them the morning of the ceremony. Find a picture of you and your attendant from another era in your lives and put it in an inexpensive frame.

There are actual prefab attendants' gifts that are available through wedding catalogs and online. Examples? Cute little key chains that say
B
EST
M
AN
. Champagne glasses with the word
B
RIDESMAID
and beer steins with
G
ROOMSMAN
. Pink coffee mugs with the titles
M
ATRON OF
H
ONOR
, and
B
RIDESMAID
silk-screened across the front. (Just think how many times a young bridesmaid gazes at the mug of the older and wiser matron of honor and dreams about the day in her life when she too will receive a mug!)

If any of these sound amusing or campy or just plain fun, they could be the perfect keepsakes. Don't forget the ring bearer, the flower child, and anyone else who helps make the wedding happen, as well as people who address envelopes, sing at the wedding, or prepare food. Remember that giving a gift is not a requirement, but acknowledging kindness with a thank-you note is.

And while you're out shopping, don't forget the guy or gal that this is all about—you know, your future spouse. It's a romantic touch to bestow a little trinket on your beloved that she or he will always identify with the wedding day. The gift could be a new piece of jewelry that is worn during the ceremony, or a surprise back at the house like a piece of furniture or artwork. Whatever you choose to give on this day will have special memories, even a goofy stuffed animal or a distinctive bottle of cologne to wear for the wedding. And if you really want to be a hero(ine), write a love letter and have it delivered by a friend to your beloved on the morning of the wedding.