The Essential Guide to Gay and Lesbian Weddings (97 page)

Giving favors to all the guests is a way for brides and grooms to express their thanks for helping them celebrate their union. The favor is sort of the final punctuation mark on the day and can be anything from a little thank-you sweet such as a Godiva chocolate heart to a bottle of champagne with a customized wedding-day label. For many gay couples, having their names out in the world, proud and linked together, is part of becoming a married couple.

One-size-fits-all T-shirts that say,
I went to Jim and Eric's wedding and all I got was this lousy T-shirt.

Buttons or badges—great for those who love their jackets covered with political buttons. They can have pictures of the couple or sayings like,
Ask me—I went to a lesbian wedding.

Pride gifts such as pink triangle pins, a little rainbow flag, multicolored “freedom” rings, or a key chain to which you've added a dog tag with your wedding info.

A good engraver or silk-screener can personalize almost anything. Go to any wedding-planning website, do a search for “Monogramming” or “Party Supplies,” or look for a marketing and promotions supply company. See your names and wedding date emblazoned on coffee mugs, baseball caps, handkerchiefs, playing cards, Post-its, calendars, pens, and candy dishes. The range of these choices extends as far as your vanity will allow.

A less elaborate way to personalize a favor is to have yards of ribbon printed up with your names and wedding date. Anything wrapped with the
little personalized ribbon will do the trick, from individual chocolate bars to bouquets of flowers. If you want something totally amusing, go to a novelty store or look up
orientaltradingcompany.com
to get you going. You'll find stuffed animals, wind-up toys, and all sorts of fun tchotchkes. Wrap your ribbon around the neck of a tiny teddy bear, and your guest has just won a prize!

Customizing isn't always necessary; a couple we know spent several months collecting old cup-and-saucer sets; guests kept the cup and saucer that was next to their place card. A potter made sixty small bowls and set them out on a table for guests to take home.

There is a Native American tradition called a giveaway, which calls for the couple to honor all of their wedding guests with a gift chosen especially for them. The two women we spoke with who followed this tradition made many of the gifts themselves, and presented their friends with baskets and jewelry.

These little parting gifts don't have to be terribly costly, but if you do decide to give them, take care that no one who attends the wedding goes home empty-handed.

YESTERDAY
&
TODAY

YESTERDAY
: Elizabethan brides gave guests knots of lace and ribbon as favors; they were decorative and served as a memento of the couple “tying the knot.” Gloves were also given as wedding favors, with an accompanying verse that read, “Take away the ‘g' and make us a pair of loves.”

TODAY
: The Italian term
confetti
describes the little pastel-colored Jordan almonds tied in tulle that is a standard favor given to guests as they leave the reception. The almonds symbolize the bitter and sweet aspects of life.

HOMAGE TO A BYGONE MEMENTO

We are sorry to report that as of 2008, the Polaroid Corporation has ceased production of the instant camera. This cultural icon, with expensive film that shot out of the camera with a zippy noise and then developed right before your eyes, has gone down the road of the 8-track tape. The Polaroid was a favorite wedding favor, with guests leaving the party with a one-of-a-kind artsy, candid picture. Some would argue that digital cameras and printers have filled this gap; we say nothing will ever replace the Polaroid.

With all this generosity going around, it's easy for a gift here or there to fall through the cracks and not be properly acknowledged. Yes, we're talking about written thank-you notes. Until people are no longer taught to put pen to paper and snail mail disappears, a handwritten thank-you note is the only acceptable way to go. Listen up, Gen-Xers, -Yers, and Millennials: An e-mail doth not replace the written note. And don't even think Tweets.

Ideally the note should be mailed as soon as you receive the gift. A general rule of etiquette says a thank-you note should be sent no later than six weeks after receiving a wedding gift, and within two weeks of receiving shower or engagement gifts.

Send notes to all gift givers, hosts of parties and showers, telegram and mailgram senders, people who send flowers, and anyone who helped out a great deal.

If you talk to recently married couples, they'll tell you they feel like they'll be spending the rest of their days writing thank-you notes. It doesn't really have to be that bad. Rule #1 is that the better records you keep of who sends what and who does what, the easier your life will be as you sit down to write and tell everyone how much you loved the… whatever.

If you have a general wedding notebook, set up a section on gifts and thank-you notes. Or use the index-card method, or, if you're lucky, your computer wedding program has a special file in it for just this very thing. Make note of:

the gift

who sent it

where it was purchased