The Essential Guide to Gay and Lesbian Weddings (94 page)

Getting a registry going at a garden center or local antique store is a lot easier than you might think. First, see if they already have a gift registry system set up. If this is new to the store (not the same-sex stuff, the registering stuff), work with them on putting in place a system to keep track of your gifts. (A simple list of selections and prices can be kept behind the counter if the shop is small.) Few stores will pass up the business; more likely they'll stand on their heads to make it happen.

In some cultures money is the appropriate gift, and the presentation of the gift envelope is part of the wedding reception. (You remember the wedding scene in
The Godfather
where Connie Corleone was walking around with a big bag filled with cash.) If this is your background, you'll probably get some checks from relatives who either don't know what to get you or know that money never goes out of style.

We heard of several cases where same-sex couples let it be known to friends that cash would be the most appreciated gift they could get; perhaps this is because lesbian and gay couples are more likely to be paying for the entire wedding themselves. While the etiquette gurus might have a field day with that one, it should be said that none of the guests we spoke with were offended by the request and in fact were thrilled to be able to help their friends out in the way they needed it the most.

WEDDING-GIFT SUPERSTITION

One must never give a sharp or pointed object as a wedding gift, because it will sever the romance.

There are couples who would rather have guests make donations to a charity than spend the money on wedding gifts they don't need. They may have all the worldly possessions they want, or they may just feel that donations are more in keeping with the spirit of their particular union celebration. In this case it is acceptable to include a separate card along with the invitation that informs the guest of the specific charity or foundation. For example:

In lieu of gifts please make contributions in honor of our marriage to: The LA Gay and Lesbian Center 1625 Schrader Blvd Los Angeles, CA 90028

Make arrangements with a representative at the charity to handle the collection of checks; if possible, list the contact person by name on the enclosure card you send and set up a record-keeping procedure by which you are kept up-to-date with who sent donations. This way you can acknowledge the gesture with a personal thank-you note. (Most organizations send out a card to the gift giver, but even if the charity acknowledges the donation, you really should too.)

Ten Great Fantasy Wedding Gifts to Ask for if Anyone Is Stuck on What to Get You

A signed David Hockney (either a print or painting is acceptable)

A personal trainer to come to your house for the rest of your life

A year's worth of fresh flowers, delivered daily

Two seats on the space shuttle

Five years' worth of grocery shopping—shopped for, delivered, and put away

Bette Midler to sing at your next birthday party

Coupons that say things like “Cut Me Some Slack” that you can give to your friends and that actually work (that's the fantasy part)

An industrial ice cream maker, and an organic dairy farm for the source material

Really great personal stationery—and an assistant to answer all of your correspondence

Tickets to the ballet, opera, or theater—in Paris