The Guide to Getting It On (60 page)

When it comes to masturbation, girls don’t do “show and tell” nearly as often as boys. They tend to learn about masturbation on their own or by reading about it or seeing a woman do it in porn. Some women learn how to masturbate from the sensation they experience while cleaning their genitals, from climbing trees, poles, or ropes, while on swings or when riding bicycles. Some learn by putting a pillow between their legs or by leaning up against the washing machine when it’s on the spin cycle. It might also happen when they have a sex dream and wake up before it’s over—the sensation is still alive in their genitals and all they need to do is reach down and rub. One woman learned to masturbate by pushing a sanitary napkin against her vulva; another by stroking the shaft of her clitoris with a pencil. The possibilities for discovering how to masturbate are too numerous to name, but here are some of the ways women readers say they do it now:

“Bathtub, vibrator, boyfriend’s fingers (my own don’t work). Electric toothbrush handle, my ex-husband’s hammer (the handle), even celery once.”
female age 26

“I get the most intense orgasm by leaning on a hard surface like a counter and wiggling around till I come. I also use a dildo, and I use my fingers to massage my labia and clit, occasionally fingering my vagina.”
female age 37

“I use a finger, then fingers.”
female age 49

“Occasionally I use my hands, but usually I use a running faucet before I take my bath.”
female age 19

“I rub my clit in a circular motion with my fingers or use a trusty old Prelude 3 [vibrator]. I’ve tried putting things inside my vagina, but so far that’s been a very neutral experience — I need my lover’s hand or torso to be attached to what’s going inside. Sometimes I gently rub my chest as I masturbate, or run a soft piece of cloth over my nipples.”
female age 47

“I do it while reading a book or having a fantasy. Usually I stimulate my clit directly with one or more fingers. Only rarely do I put anything inside my vagina, although I do like the feel of a tampon. I also like anal stimulation. That will make an orgasm more intense and more diffused.”
female age 36

It is impossible to list all of the different ways that women masturbate. A lot of women use their fingers while lying on their backs or sitting in chairs. Some do it on their sides, or while lying face down so nobody can see what they are doing. Some women may even occasionally prefer to squat. See Chapter 15:
“The Zen of Finger Fucking”
for a four-page spread on nine finger techniques women commonly use when they masturbate.

Men sometimes have the fantasy that a woman who is masturbating sticks her fingers inside her vagina. Some women do, but many don’t. Instead, they might squeeze the lips of their vulva together or push against it in ways that create pressure rather than penetration. A woman who has responsive nipples may make nipple stimulation an enjoyable part of her masturbation.

Plenty of women use lubrication when they masturbate, either their own (vaginal or saliva) or store-bought. Lots like to use vibrators for masturbating, and some use dildos. Some like to masturbate by using the faucet in the bathtub. After they get the water temperature just right, they lie down in the tub and push their bum against the wall of the tub where the faucet comes out. It might help to have an inflatable pillow to put under their rear to get the angle just right. Some women say it works better if they spread their labia open with their fingers so the water cascades onto their awaiting clitoris.

Water Safety:
When masturbating with a water jet in a hot tub, sit back at a distance. The current might be stronger than you think, so approach slowly. Some women like to pull their labia apart; others don’t. Do not get extremely close to the jet, and don’t aim it up your vagina or rectum.

Thigh High

The woman writer who contributes to the female part of JackinWorld.com suggests that some women can teach themselves to come by squeezing their thighs together. She suggests that you start by masturbating in the normal way, but press your thighs together when you start to have an orgasm. After a few weeks of doing this, masturbate yourself to the point where you almost have an orgasm, but pull your fingers (or whatever) away at the last minute and try to finesse yourself into orgasm by squeezing your thighs together. Once you are able to do this successfully, start with the thigh-squeezing action a little earlier each time. Some might prefer doing this with tight jeans on so they get an assist from the seam in the crotch.

Additional Ways

One woman says she can have an orgasm by doing stomach crunches (mini sit-ups). What an incentive for keeping your abs in shape! Other women get off by humping pillows or water bottles, swinging on swings, tugging on underwear, rubbing up against things, using peeled cucumbers, and riding a bike down bumpy roads. Some like to stimulate their anus, either by putting pressure on it or by sticking a finger or butt plug inside it. Some like to look in mirrors, some get turned on by wearing their boyfriend’s shirt or underwear. Heck—fill in your own blanks.

Say It Ain’t So!

Tennis elbow is a form of tendonitis. One reader, a female physician, suspects that some of her patients with tennis elbow got their tendonitis from—gulp—the number-one repetitive finger motion that many women do. So if you are having tendonitis or repetitive-stress syndrome on the arm that you masturbate with, try using a vibrator for masturbating and see if the problem doesn’t improve. Ditto for lovers who routinely masturbate their female partners. This physician adds that guys with unexplained tendonitis might try masturbating differently, too. If you do it dry, you might try using lube. The hand motion can be quite different.

Rubbing the Nub? Beating the Bush? Giving Girl-Masturbation a Name

There are numerous slang terms for male masturbation. This is not the case with female masturbation (Diddle? Jill off? She Bop? These are not exactly universal terms). Since women don’t usually masturbate together, they haven’t needed to establish slang to convey what they are doing. In fact, it has only been during the last couple of decades that our society has openly acknowledged the existence of women’s masturbation. Maybe it’s time that women adopted a universal slang term for masturbation. Perhaps one of the women’s magazines could have a contest, or maybe the First Lady could announce what she calls it.

Women, Masturbation & Intercourse

Some women give themselves orgasms during intercourse by pushing against a partner’s pubic bone or by reaching down with their fingers and playing with themselves while the penis is inside of them. Is this masturbation, intercourse, or both? It happens often and is totally normal.

It’s not unusual for a woman to masturbate before intercourse to help her genitals be more into it, or after intercourse because she wants more stimulation or enjoys the feeling. It is unfortunate that women often hide this and think that their partners might not want to know about it. It seems like a sign of a good relationship when a woman feels free to finish what we couldn’t, or when we help her get started and she takes it from there.

It’s also nice when a partner feels free to masturbate on his or her own. Far from being a sign of deficit, this might be an indication there is a great deal of love and understanding in the relationship.

Girls, Their Horses & the Fifty-Minute Hour

“My first orgasm? I was riding my horse and I felt a strange sort of pleasure between my legs. I felt like I wanted it to stop so I could concentrate on my riding, but it felt so good.”
female age 18

“I was standing in the barn with my horse when I had a spontaneous orgasm. I gushed and everyone laughed at me for peeing in my pants. I was fourteen or so. I didn’t discover masturbation until I was twenty, and then I thought orgasm was so incredible, I wanted one every day.”
female age 37

“My first orgasm ever was when I was riding a horse. I thought I was perverted and never told anyone. Then at a slumber party one of my close friends who also horseback rides admitted that she’d had a similar experience.”
female age 18

Having grown up close to livestock, your author knew from a young age that it was unwise for any man to come between a woman and her horse. But can you imagine his amazement years later when an occasional female patient would describe the euphoria she gleaned from the back of her favorite gelding? It’s information that’s usually relayed in hushed tones of revelry and delight—warm, pleasing, primal sensations with one of nature’s most magnificent creatures between her legs. Women rarely speak about their husbands or boyfriends with the kind of knowing sensitivity that is reserved for their favorite horse.

From Trigger to Hitachi

After having an orgasm, women’s genitals often stay primed. Some women experience waves of orgasm that can be finessed for the better part of an hour. Other women find a single orgasm to be very satisfying. Because of the different possibilities, one woman might masturbate on and off for an entire evening, reaching between her legs every page or two while reading a book. Another woman might masturbate with the sole purpose of reaching a single, discrete orgasm, going from beginning to end without pause.

There are plenty of women who don’t like to masturbate. Some never feel the urge. For others, touching themselves implies an uncomfortable investment in their own sexuality. Sex with a man makes it OK to be highly sexual, but masturbation might feel dirty. This might be true even if their body badly needs an orgasm to help it unwind. There are also women who like to masturbate but don’t like to touch their genitals. They might use a vibrator or masturbate with their fingers on the outside of their underwear.

The Limitations of a One-Grip Rhythm (for Both Sexes)

If you always use the exact same touch and rhythm when you masturbate, you might be teaching your body to expect that and only that. Given how it’s difficult for someone else to do you in precisely the same way that you do yourself, you might consider occasionally mixing it up. For instance, if you usually get yourself off dry, you might try it with lotion. If you use your right hand, experiment with your left or try it with a vibrator one time and anothertime in the bathtub. Unfortunately, semen gets clumpy and sticky in water.

On Sucking Air (for Both Sexes)

Learning to breathe right is an essential part of being an athlete, unless your sport is billiards. It’s no different with sex.

When you are having sex, be it solo or with a partner, you might occasionally pay attention to your breathing. Tantric types encourage taking long, slow, deep breaths where you imagine pulling the air all the way into your groin. This may help some people have a more intense experience.

Guy Tricks—“First, Nuke a Jar of Miracle Whip, Then...”

“I made a false pussy out of bicycle tire inner tubes, and it worked quite well. I have also used banana peels, watermelons, and a hole in a piece of wood.”
male age 42

A lot of men use their hands to jerk off with. Some do it dry and some add lubrication which includes saliva, soap, hair conditioner, Vaseline, vegetable oil, coconut oil, baby oil, baby oil gel, and anything else under the sun that can make their pecker slick. Guys do better using an oil-based lubricant, and some even use a special type of facial cleanser called Albolene which is greatly admired for its jerk-off properties. The trouble with standard moisturizers is that they dry up quickly, as do water-based lubes when exposed to air. If you use a water-based lube, try adding a few drops of water or saliva as it dries instead of adding more lube. Otherwise, you might end up with two sticky messes instead of one.

A lot of men masturbate in the shower using soap as a lubricant, but that’s kind of iffy because the soap can get up your peehole and cause burning and irritation. A fine substitute is hair conditioner. If you must use soap, you might start each stroke by grabbing your penis around the base and pulling outward only.