The Lonely Girl (6 page)

“Becca, we just want you safe. We don’t want you getting hurt again. If you don’t want to press charges we can’t make you. You have to promise you will tell us if you see him again,” Keegan said. I hear my brother sigh. He’s probably so disappointed in me.

“I won’t see him again. I can promise you that.” I look to both of them. I give Keegan a squeeze and add, “Thank you for taking care of me, Keegan.”

I leave them to go take a shower. When I wash my hair, it stings. I see the water is a rusty colour because of the blood coming out of my hair. I hate him, as I say those words out loud, I begin to sob quietly so the boys can’t hear me. I realize
I always knew it would come to this with Dillon. I can’t even really hate him for this. He was a ticking time bomb and was never going to let me leave without a fight, but all I can think about right now is Michael. I hate Michael too for leaving me, if he hadn’t I wouldn’t be broken and crying right now. I dream every night that he’s saying don’t leave me, but it was him who left me.

When did this become my life? I was supposed to be on a road trip this summer with Alec
and Michael. Now I’m fleeing to get away from a psycho boyfriend, if you can call him boyfriend. I know I made the plans before this happened, but deep down, I knew Dillon would do something, maybe not what he did do but still knew it would be bad.

Once I dry off and get dressed, I look in the mirror.
God, my eye is black. There is no amount of makeup that is going to cover it up. I do the best I can and brush my hair. As the brush goes by my cut, I wince. When I leave the bathroom both boys are watching me. Alec announces that we are moving to another room with two doubles and a cot. I tell them both I’m taking the cot as I’m the little one. They both try to argue, but I win.

We settle into our new room, and they decide to do some sightseeing in Toronto since my brother doesn’t have to go to the hockey conference until Tuesday.
We have some dinner at the Rainforest Café. My brother told Keegan it’s my favourite place since I was a kid. Can he stop embarrassing me now? When we get back, it’s nine, and I’m exhausted. I get dressed in my pj’s and crawl into bed. I must have been tired because as soon as my head hit the pillow, I was out cold.

It’s cold, dark and damp.
I recognize my surroundings right away.  This is where it happened. I turn, and Michael is in front of me. I start to move towards him thinking I’m having a good dream, until I see the blood. I instantly feel sick. “Bec, you left me.” Then he’s gone, and I’m in the backyard of my parent’s house. I stop as soon as I see him. It’s Dillon. “Becky.” I cringe at his voice and start to cry. “Where’s Michael?” I whisper. “He left you, you deserve this.” And with that he’s in front of me. “You won’t get away, bitch.” He slapped me, and I hear screams.

My eyes fly open, and I realize I was
dreaming, but the screaming was coming from me. I have two sets of hands on me. Both my brother and Keegan were trying to wake me and comfort me. I look at both of them, then I fling my arms around Keegan and cry. “He found me.” I just keep repeating that. I’m vaguely aware that I’ve been lifted and am now in Keegan’s bed. I still cling to Keegan. My brother comes beside me and tries to comfort me by rubbing my back. When he’s trying to take me from Keegan, I shake my head and tighten my grip on Keegan. I hear Alec sigh. I’m sure his feelings are hurt, but right now, I just want to stay with Keegan. I hear my brother get up, and the light is turned off. Keegan lifts me, pulls back the blankets and settles in next to me. I fall asleep in his arms with him stroking my hair and shushing me.

*****************************************

I awake the next day before the guys do. I’m overheated. I go to move, but Keegan has me locked in his arms. They tighten slightly as I move. I relax and just lay there until I feel Keegan begin to stir. “Morning, Becca, did you sleep alright?” He looks so sad. God, I made him sleep next to me again. He must think I’m a real nut job.

“Good morning
, Keegan. Yes I did and I’m sorry about last night. I had a bad dream...”

He interrupts me. “Don’t apologize” He wipes away a stray tear. “I won’t let him hurt you
, Becca.” I give him a small smile.

We start talking about my classes and agree on some great ones for first semester. He was so helpful and again offered to help with studying. My brother woke up an hour later. He didn’t say anything about last night. He just got
up, hugged me and went to shower.

I look to Keegan. “He wants to go after Dillon but he knows he’d hurt you more. He just wants you safe, Becca.”

I sigh and give him a small smile. “I feel safe.”

When Alec comes out from his shower, he asks me what I’d like to do for my last night in Canada for three months. It’s scary to think I will be without Alec. Even worse though is that my chest feels tight when I think about having to be away from Keegan. I know I’m reading too much into it, but I can’t help it. I feel the safest with Keegan.

We decide to go to dinner and see a movie. We went to a little local pub for dinner. When the boys offer to see a romance movie, I practically scream no at them. I know they're shocked at my outburst, but I just can’t deal with my emotions right now. We agree on an action/thriller. To be honest, it wasn’t much, but fighting and car chasing, but the boys enjoyed it.

When we got back to the motel, I said I wanted to go for a walk, but they wouldn’t let me go by myself. What am I five? They both tag along promising no
t to bother me. We come up to a little grassy park and even at night the people are running around like they’re on a mission. This city is never quiet. I can’t even hear my own thoughts. I notice my brother heading up to a vendor for something to drink.

I feel his presence before I feel his touch. He puts his hands on my shoulders, and I instantly relax. “Becca, are you really okay?” Keegan asks.

I shake my head, and his arm’s circle around me. I lean into him and say, “I just feel so lost. When did this become my life, Keegan?” I pull away from him and turn to him. There is so much more I want to say, but no matter what I say it won’t be enough. I don’t know what I would have done if Keegan hadn’t been in Toronto already. Instead, I say, “Let’s head back. I have to be up early to catch my flight.”

We get back to the motel and get ready for bed. My brother is already snoring his head off. I’m on my cot
, and I keep thinking about Michael and Dillon. Keegan is amazing. He’s caring, loyal, and has an amazing heart. He makes me feel things I haven’t felt since before Michael’s death. I kept Dillon around because I knew I didn’t deserve to be happy again. The accident was my fault. My brother doesn’t even know that. Michael was supposed to be at home packing to head to university. I was giving him a hard time about never seeing him once he left so he came and got me to go out for a few hours. If I hadn’t pushed Michael, he’d still be alive. I was just so worried he’d head off and forget me. I wanted to spend as much time with him as I could. I guess to make an imprint on him, so he wouldn’t forget me. Due to my insecurities, my brother lost his best friend. I did deserve Dillon. As much as I’d like to hope I deserve someone like Keegan, I know it’s not true. This is my punishment. I hadn’t noticed I’d started crying until I felt Keegan pick me up and bring me to his bed. He pulled me against him and stroked the skin showing on my shoulder. I just wish I deserved something like this.

******************************************

Alec said nothing when he woke in the morning when he found me in Keegan’s bed. He asked if I had another nightmare. I told him that I hadn’t, but I was upset and crying. He nodded his head and seemed happy at least I didn’t have a nightmare. He told me that I didn’t have to go to visit Charlotte. I could stay with him all summer, then move into the dorms. But I felt like I needed to get away. I already felt too drawn to Keegan. Imagine living with him for three months. Besides, I didn’t want to have to make him feel like he had to sleep with me when I had a bad dream or was upset. I wanted him to want to comfort me and not feel sorry for me. I told him it would be better if I got away. He didn’t like it, but I promised to call him twice a week. He demanded daily.

I called Charlotte and explained what she would see when she saw me as the bruise was still too dark to be covered. She was
upset, but understood I didn’t want to tell anyone about it. She told me we could travel when I got there so her parents wouldn’t see me until the bruise was gone. I didn’t want them calling my parents or making me go home to report him. Her idea was to do some sightseeing in London before starting in Scotland for my art program that was traveling Europe. I couldn’t wait to see all the local galleries and amazing structures Europe had to offer.  God, I love my cousin. She gets me. I tell her my flight to London is on time, and I’d see her soon. She gave me my phone number for while I’d be there. She set up a SIM card for my phone too.

While my brother went to get some snacks at the vending machine, I took my chance. “Keegan this is my cell phone while I’m away and my email is on it too.” I hand him the paper. He just stares at it. Great wrong call, I shouldn’t have. I go to turn and grab my case, but Keegan takes that chance to give me a hug and kiss me on the cheek. Ya, I have just been told that the feelings are one-sided by his actions. We load the car and head to the airport.

I told the boys I would message them when I arrive to let them know I was there safe and sound. My brother comes up and hugs me. He looks close to tears. “I’ll see you in September, Alec. I love you.”

He takes a step back. “I love you, Becca. Be safe. If you need
me, you call no matter what time it is. I’m so proud of you. Go show them how talented you are and tell Charlotte I miss her too.”

I give
Alec another hug. I hear them calling the first call for my flight. I then take a step toward Keegan, but he closes the gap first and pulls me into his arms. Automatically, my body relaxes. “Keegan, look after him for me please and have a great summer.”

He pulls
back, still holding my shoulders. “I will, Becca. Take care of yourself. I’ll see you in the fall.”

I reach
back up to hug him. I don’t know what came over me. Maybe it was the fact that I wouldn’t see him for months, or that I was so grateful for everything he’d done. He lowers his head, and I kiss the side of his mouth. I hear him gasp from the shock, I’m sure. I’m also sure my brother is seeing this entire thing. I give him one more squeeze and add, “Thank you, Keegan not just for coming to get me, but for staying with me when I asked.” I just turn and approach my gate. I couldn’t look back for fear of the look on Keegan’s face, and the fact that I had tears coming down my face.

Chapter 6

London, England is
hectic, but the structures bring an untainted beauty to it. I can’t explain how much at home I feel over here that I’ve never really felt back home. I’ve only been here three full days, and I never want to leave again. I’ve spoken to my brother every day and Jake as well. Keegan and I haven’t spoken yet, but he sent me a text telling me to have a wonderful summer. I don’t know what I expected after those nights in the motel, but I expected more than that.

Even though I’ve only been here a few days,
Charlotte has been amazingly kind and hasn’t asked much about what’s going on in my head. She has asked if I’m going to go back. As much as I don’t want to, Alec would only drag me back kicking and screaming. I know a summer away from his watchful eye is exactly what I need though. So distance between us will be a good thing. I swear he’s going to have a stroke worrying about me. I know I’m lucky, but he needs to relax a bit. I know that’s never going to happen, not now, not after what Dillon has done to me. Every day I’ve had multiple hour-long conversations with him. I’ve told him now that he can contact me once a day. I thought that is fair. He, however, thought threatening to fly out and spend the summer with me was equally fair. I just answer his calls because as he has reminded me if I don’t he’s on the first flight out here.

Jake and I actually
have been chatting since I left Lakehead and emailing nonstop. Jake, however, doesn’t seem to know about Dillon. I’m glad my brother hasn’t said anything. I had made both him and Keegan promise me they’d keep my secret. I just never thought they’d keep it from Jake. The only thing is Jake has been trying to get me to web chat with him and when I started refusing with every excuse under the moon but the truth, he began to get suspicious. He knows something is off, and he asks me continuously if he’s done something to make me angry with him, or if I’m okay. It hurts the most that my cowardliness is making Jake believe he’s somehow at fault. The truth is I don’t want anyone to see me with these bruises, especially Jake. I don’t know how to explain it, but for Jake to see me so broken would be heartbreaking in itself. I know I shouldn’t be ashamed of them, and I shouldn’t feel the need to hide them, but somehow I just am.

I hear Charlotte screaming my name telling me to get my ass in the living room of our suite, I follow her instructions. As I turn the corner and see her face, I know I’m not going to like what she’s about to tell me.  “Front desk just called up with the announcement of a guest.”

I panic thinking Dillon has found me and frantically, I start to look around the room as if something could help me. He’s come here and now I’ve put Charlotte at risk. Why was I so stupid to think I could outrun him?