The One Year Love Language Minute Devotional (22 page)

This is my commandment: Love each other in the same way I have loved you. There is no greater love than to lay down one's life for one's friends.

JOHN 15:12-13

I'M OFTEN ASKED, "What if your spouse's love language is something that doesn't come naturally for you?" Maybe his love language is physical touch, and you're just not a toucher. Or gifts, but gifts are not important to you. Perhaps her language is quality time, but sitting on the couch and talking for twenty minutes is your worst nightmare. He wants words of affirmation, but words don't come easily for you. Or she prefers acts of service, but you don't find satisfaction in keeping the house organized. So what are you to do?

You learn to speak your partner's language. If it doesn't come naturally for you, learning to speak it is an even greater expression of love because it shows effort and a willingness to learn. This speaks volumes to your spouse. Also, keep in mind that your love language may not come naturally for your loved one. Your spouse has to work just as hard to speak your language as you do to speak his or her language. That's what love is all about.

Jesus made it clear that we are to love each other as he loved us-and that is with the highest degree of sacrifice. Few of us are called to literally lay down our lives for others, but we are called to lay down our lives in small ways every day. Love is giving. Choosing to speak love in a language that is meaningful to your spouse is a great investment of your time and energy.

Lord Jesus, thank you for demonstrating for us the greatest kind of love. I'm in awe of your willingness to lay down your life for me. Thank you. Please help me to respond with a humble willingness to lay down my life for my spouse, even in smaller ways such as communicating in his or her love language.

`A man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one."Since they are no longer two but one, let no one split apart what God has joined together. MATTHEW 19:5-6

NO COUPLE WILL REACH their full potential in marriage without "leaving parents." This has practical implications in the area of decision making because your parents may have suggestions about many aspects of your life. Each suggestion should be taken seriously, but in the final analysis, you and your spouse must decide for yourselves.

Once you are married, you should no longer make decisions on the basis of what will make your parents happy, but on the basis of what is best for your spouse. This means that the time may come when a husband must say to his mother, "Mom, you know that I love you very much, but you also know that I am now married. I cannot always do what you want me to do. I want to continue the warm relationship that we have had through the years, but my first commitment must be to my wife. I hope you understand."

A husband must not allow his mother to control his life after he is married. This is not the biblical pattern. Instead, Jesus taught that a husband and wife become one when they marry-and no one should come between them to split them apart. The marriage relationship becomes your first priority. You must treat your parents respectfully while first and foremost remaining committed to your spouse.

Heavenly Father, Ilove my parents and want to please them, butt know that sometimes this can cause me to put their opinion above my spouse's. Please help me to remember that my decisions must be primarily about what is best for my spouse, not what is best for my parents.

Get rid of all bitterness, rage, anger, harsh words, and slander, as well as all types of evil behavior. Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you. EPHESIANS 4:31-3a

HONORING PARENTS after we are married implies that we will speak kindly to them. When the apostle Paul was writing to Timothy, who was a very young pastor at the time, he admonished, "Never speak harshly to an older man, but appeal to him respectfully as you would to your own father" (1 Timothy 5:1). We are to be understanding and sympathetic. Certainly we are to speak the truth, but it must always be in love (see Ephesians 4:15). Often, the way we say something is just as important as what we say.

The command of Ephesians 4:31-32, as shown above, must be taken seriously in our relationships with parents and in-laws. We are to avoid harsh words and out-of-control anger but instead treat each other kindly, with forgiveness.

There is no place for yelling and screaming at our parents or in-laws. The law of kindness must prevail, even if they are not following it themselves. If they are out of control, that is the time for us to keep our cool and listen. We don't have to be doormats, but the Bible makes it clear that we must be responsible for the way we speak to others. That includes our spouse-and also our parents.

Father, you have called us to honor our parents no matter what the circumstances. Please give me the self-control and grace to speak respectfully to my parents and in-laws at all times.

Don't be concerned for your own good but for the good of others.

1 CORINTHIANS 10:24

MOST COUNSELORS AGREE that one of the greatest problems in marriage is decision making. Visions of democracy dance in the minds of many newly married couples, but when there are only two voting members, democracy often results in deadlock. How does a couple move beyond deadlock? The answer is found in one word: love.

Love always asks the question, What is best for you? As Paul wrote in 1 Corinthians, believers need to be primarily concerned about what is beneficial for others rather than just what will help or please themselves. Love does not demand its own way. Love seeks to bring pleasure to the one loved. That is why Christians should have less trouble making decisions than nonChristians. We are called to be lovers. When I love my wife, I will not seek to force my will upon her for selfish purposes. Rather, I will consider what is in her best interests.

Putting my spouse, the one I love, above myself is such a simple concept, Lord, yet it's so difficult. I need your help. As we make decisions as a couple, help us not to demand but to offer. Help me to be loving in the wayI make choices.

The LORD God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper who is just right for him." GENESIS 2:18

THE SCRIPTURAL IDEA of the husband being the head of the wife has been one of the most exploited concepts of the Bible. Christian husbands, full of self-will, have made all kinds of foolish demands of their wives under the authority of "the Bible says." Headship does not mean that the husband has the right to make all the decisions and inform the wife of what is going to be done.