The One Year Love Language Minute Devotional (18 page)

If another believer sins against you, go privately and point out the offense. If the other person listens and confesses it, you have won that person back.

MATTHEW 18:15

IN THE PAST DAYS, we've looked at two steps to controlling your anger: Admit to yourself that you are angry, and restrain your immediate response. Today we'll look at step three: Locate the focus of your anger. If you are angry with your spouse, step back and ask yourself, Why am I angry? Is it what my spouse has said or done? Is it the way he is talking? Is it the way she is looking at me?

The bottom line in locating the focus of your anger is to pinpoint what your spouse did or failed to do that you consider to be wrong. Has your spouse sinned against you in some way? If no sin was committed, then your anger is distorted. You didn't get your way, so you are angry. That is childish. It's time to grow up and realize that in marriage, you don't always get what you want. However, if your mate has genuinely sinned against you, then it's time for a calm and loving confrontation. Follow the example Jesus set forth in Matthew 18 by making the confrontation private and direct, and be willing to listen as well as talk. Locating the focus of your anger will help you determine whether your anger is distorted or appropriate.

Father, I need wisdom to determine why I'm getting angry. Please don't let my emotion cloud my thinking. Help me to differentiate clearly between anger that has a justifiable cause and anger that does not. I pray for positive communication between myself and my mate.

Understand this, my dear brothers and sisters: You must all be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry. Human anger does not produce the righteousness God desires. JAMES 1:19-20

AS WE'VE BEEN DISCUSSING, the way you handle anger can be detrimental to your marriage. Today we look at step four in controlling your anger: Analyze your options. Now that you know why you are angry, you can decide how you are going to respond.

There are many things that you might do, some of which are extremely harmful. You could give your spouse a tongue-lashing. Some people move into physically abusive territory and shake or even hit the other person. God hates that kind of violence; in fact, Psalm 11:5 says that he hates those who love violence. The apostle James encouraged his readers to be slow to anger because of this very issue-that anger often results in unrighteous actions, which are not what God desires for us. You need to set aside those sinful responses and take a more positive approach.

Whatever you contemplate doing, you must answer two questions. First, is the action I'm considering positive? That is, does it have the potential for dealing with the wrong that was committed and making things better? Second, is the action I'm considering loving? Is it designed to benefit the person at whom I am angry? If the answer to these two questions is yes, then you are ready for the final step.

Father, forgive me for the times when lam quick to get angry and sin in my anger. Please give me strength as 1 try to make better decisions about how 1 will respond.

Get rid of all bitterness, rage, anger, harsh words, and slander, as well as all types of evil behavior. Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you. EPHESIANS 4:31-3a

IN THE PAST DAYS, we've looked at a five-step program for handling anger: Admit to yourself that you are angry; restrain your immediate response; locate the focus of your anger; analyze your options. Today we're ready for step five: Take constructive action.

As I see it, there are two possibilities. The first is to lovingly confront the person with whom you are angry. The second is to consciously decide to overlook the matter. It's what the Bible calls forbearance. The book of Romans talks about God's mercy and forbearance in not counting our sins against us. Forbearance is the best option when you realize that your anger is distorted and has grown out of selfishness. If that's the case, you release your anger to God with a prayer: "Father, forgive me for being so selfish." Then you let it go. You may also choose to let go of offenses that are real but which you have blown out of proportion.

On the other hand, when your spouse has sinned against you, the clear biblical teaching is that you lovingly confront. "I realize I may not have all the facts, but I'm feeling angry and really need to talk with you. Is this a good time to talk?" Then you lay the matter before your spouse and seek reconciliation. In this case, anger has served a good purpose, and the relationship is restored.

Father, thank you that anger can serve a positive purpose. Help us as a couple to move from anger to resolution, so that our relationship may grow stronger.

The one thingl ask of the LORD-the thing I seek most-is to live in the house of the LORD all the days of my life, delighting in the LORD s perfections and meditating in his Temple. PSALM 27:4

A PRIORITY IS SOMETHING we believe to be important. When we list priorities, we are listing those things we believe to be of great value in life.

Most Christians would agree that priority number one is our relationship and fellowship with God. Nothing is more important. In fact, our relationship with God influences the rest of our priorities. If God is the author of life, then nothing is more important than knowing him. If God has spoken, then nothing is more important than hearing his voice. If God loves, nothing can bring greater joy than responding to his love. In Psalm 27:4, the psalmist voiced his highest desire: to seek God's face and be in his presence. Jesus said' "Seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness" (Matthew 6:33, NKJV).

Can you honestly say that seeking the Kingdom of God is your first priority? If so, that will have a profound impact on the way you approach your marriage. To follow God's guidelines for marriage, as in all of life, will be your burning desire.

Father, l know that your Kingdom should be my first priority, but too often that's not reflected in the wayl live. Please forgive me. Help me to seek your Kingdom above all. Mayl have your perspective on every aspect of my life, including the wayl think about marriage.

`At last!" the man exclaimed. "This one is bone from my bone, and flesh from my flesh! She will be called `woman,' because she was taken from 'man."' 7his explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one. GENESIS 2:23-24