The One Year Love Language Minute Devotional (19 page)

IS YOUR FAMILY one of your top priorities? When we recognize that God established marriage and family as the most basic unit of society, family becomes extremely important. In fact, Psalm 68:6 tells us that in his compassion, "God places the lonely in families."

Within family relationships, we recognize that the marriage relationship is more fundamental than the parent-child relationship. The above verses from Genesis 2 show just how unique the husband-wife relationship is. Not only was the first woman created from the man's rib, but no other human relationship is described with such terms as "cleaving" or "becoming one." Marriage is a lifelong, intimate relationship. By contrast, most children will eventually leave their parents and establish their own families.

If family is one of my top priorities, how will that affect the way I spend my time, money, and energy? When I serve my wife, I am also doing something for my children. I'm setting an example that I hope they will remember when they get married. One of the most important things you can do for your children is to love and serve your spouse. Nothing creates a more secure environment for children than seeing Mom and Dad loving each other. And nothing else cements your marriage relationship quite so well.

Father, thank you for putting such a high priority on families. Help me to keep that priority in my own life and to realize how my actions toward my spouse will affect my children for years to come.

Don't you know that you yourselves are God's temple and that God's Spirit lives in you?... God's temple is sacred, and you are that temple.

1 CORINTHIANS 3:16-17 (NIV)

A WIFE SAID TO ME RECENTLY, "I'm so busy with my family, my job, and my church that I feel like I don't have any time for me." Is this wife being selfcentered? Not at all. She is trying to balance her priorities. Believing that we are made in God's image and that our bodies are the temple of the Holy Spirit, most Christians would agree that among their list of priorities should be caring for their own physical, emotional, and spiritual well-being. Paul writes in 1 Corinthians 3 that as believers, we are God's sacred temple because the Holy Spirit lives in us. The desire to be a fitting temple should provide motivation to take care of ourselves. Quoting Old Testament law, Jesus told his hearers that we are to love our neighbor as we love ourselves (see Matthew 22:39). The Christian who does not give adequate attention to his own needs will not long love and serve his neighbor.

In marriage, we must help each other find time for personal development. The husband who takes responsibility for the children while his wife takes a walk or reads a book is being a spiritual leader. He is looking out for his wife's well-being. When the wife returns the favor, she is serving God by serving her husband. Helping each other find time for self-renewal physically, emotionally, and spiritually is an important element of a growing marriage.

Lord God, lam in awe that the Holy Spirit resides in me. I know that 1 can never be a worthy temple without your help, so 1 pray that you will cleanse me. Help me to take the necessary time for myself so that 1 maybe rejuvenated physically, emotionally, and spiritually. Show me how to provide that for my spouse as well.

The body is a unit, though it is made up of many parts; and though all its parts are many, they form one body. So it is with Christ.

1 CORINTHIANS 12:12 (NIV)

MOST OF US WOULD rank marriage, family, and vocation at the top of our priorities. But how to balance them in terms of time and energy is sometimes elusive. Let me share an idea. Call a family meeting, and with a calendar on the table, list the important events in the life of each family member this month. This may include doctor appointments, church activities, job responsibilities, and if you have children, piano recitals, school events, and sports events. Make copies of the monthly calendar for each member of the family.

With your spouse, decide which events require your attendance, then seek diligently to work out your schedule so that you can attend them. Many employers are willing to allow flexibility when they see your commitment to your family. Also, challenge each person to pray for family members on the day of their special events.

The Bible is clear that although members of the body of Christ have different talents and play different roles, we are bound together as one in Christ. That's true with the church, and it's true with a believing family. As you work on this calendar, remind your children that, even though each person in your family is different, you can and should support each other well. Balance is the key, and you can do it.

Father, thank you for my family. Thank you for the reminder that while we are all individuals, we are one in you. Help us to show that kind of "oneness"support to each other as we seek to balance our activities.

The heart of the discerning acquires knowledge; the ears of the wise seek it out.

PROVERBS 18:15 (NIV)

THE ABILITY TO SPEAK and to listen are two of the more profound gifts of God. Nothing is more fundamental to a relationship than talking and listening. Open communication is the lifeblood that keeps a marriage in the spring and summer seasons-times of optimism and enjoyment. Conversely, failure to communicate is what brings on fall and winter-times of discouragement and negativity.

It sounds so simple. The problem is that many of us tend to be judgmental listeners. We evaluate what we hear based on our own view of the situation, and we respond by pronouncing our judgment. And then we wonder why our spouse doesn't talk more.

For most of us, effective listening requires a significant change of attitude. We must shift from egocentric listening (viewing the conversation through our own eyes) to empathetic listening (viewing the conversation through our partner's eyes). The goal is to discover how our spouse perceives the situation and how he or she feels. Proverbs 18:15 equates wisdom with careful listening and seeking for knowledge. In a relationship, this often means seeking knowledge about our spouse. Words are a key to the other person's heart, and listening with the intention to understand enhances conversation.

Lord Jesus, I want to bean empathetic listener rather than a judgmental one. Please help me to concentrate on my spouse when we're talking rather than on myself. Bless our conversations.

The words of the godly are like sterling silver.... The words of the godly encourage many. PROVERBS 10:20-21