The Surrendered Wife (40 page)
Read The Surrendered Wife Online
Authors: Laura Doyle
II. Gratitude
You have exactly five minutes to write a gratitude list about your man. Think of as many things as you can that you are grateful for about him. When you are through, you can read it to the
group if you choose. (Set a kitchen timer for five minutes.) Ready? Go!
Who would like to read theirs out loud? (Go around the circle and read lists.)
This exercise can be turned into a gift for your husband. Get a small journal or notebook with blank pages and write one thing from the list on each of the pages. Use colored pens or crayons to decorate the pages.
III. Relinquishing Control
The purpose of this exercise is to hone your listening skills and to practice giving up control and taking on the feminine role in the family.
Think of something in your life that's bothering you. It can be anything and need not be limited to a relationship issue. Find a partner in the room (preferably someone you don't already know) and spend five minutes talking about this problem, concern, or worry with your partner while she listens. Be as vulnerable as you can by letting her see your imperfections and shortcomings. When you're through, switch with your partner and listen to her problem.
As the listener your job is to avoid interrupting, offering advice, or sharing a similar experience of your own. This will relieve you of having to formulate a response and let you concentrate on hearing every word. Look the speaker in the eye, to let her know that you take what she's saying seriously and that you respect her.
Bonus: For a feminine approach, practice using the following phrases when you're discussing your problem:
2. I can't
3. I feel
4. I want
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f you are in an isolated area and find it difficult to meet with other women even once a month, then a good alternative for support is an electronic Surrendered Circle: a group that meets regularly on the Internet.
I host a Web site:
http://www.surrenderedwife.com.
You can learn about Surrendered Circles, post messages, questions, and success stories on an electronic bulletin board. If you start your own circle, be sure to post the contact information on the Web site so that other women nearby can find you. If nothing else, you can gather e-mail addresses and ask for advice on the site. This will help sustain you by connecting you to women throughout the world who are on this same path. I welcome your comments, questions, wisdom, and support.
For ongoing encouragement and the latest information about intimate relationship workshops, books, and support groups, subscribe to the Surrendered Success Stories newsletter at:
http://www.egroups.com/subscribe/surrenderedwife.
Remember, however difficult your journey, you are not alone.
Laura Doyle, a feminist and former shrew, leads Surrendered Wife workshops and speaks to women about reclaiming passion and intimacy in their relationships. Once a copywriter for a marketing firm, Doyle earned her journalism degree from San Jose State University. She lives in Costa Mesa, California, with John Doyle, her husband of eleven years.
