The Ultimate Guide to Cunnilingus (17 page)

A Little Pain

When we cycle through sexual arousal, we are awash with wave after wave of sensory information. Actually, like the old commercial said, we’re soaking in it. When seduction begins and our grasp on arousal is a little more tenuous, small sensations speak volumes. But when everything’s swollen and expectantly engorged and wet, caressing gives way to grabbing, nibbling to pinching , and sometimes, pleasure mingles with pain for what some people call bliss.

Intense sensations during sex are to be negotiated beforehand. Consult chapter 6, “Cunning Linguistics,” for suggestions on communication and the book suggestions in chapter 10, “Independent Study,” for guidance.

There are many ways to turn up the pleasure/pain volume during cunnilingus. The outer labia respond most pleasurably to strong sensations, so they are a good place to start. You can break from your licking to administer a series of spanks to her entire vulva; light, then gradually heavier—remember to give her
almost
what she wants, then a little more. Rough sucking and light bites on the outer labia don’t require much of a pause from the activity, and you can apply steady pinching pressure to them with just your fingers.

Little clamps and clips can be employed to intensify pinching sensations. They can be bought practically anywhere, from an S/M boutique to a stationary store. They should always be tested on your sensitive inner arm before your encounter, because looks are deceiving and they can feel way more painful than they look. Also, this will help you to understand the pain cycle of clips and clamps: they hurt going on, and they hurt much more coming off. The beauty of clips is that you can time this intensity with her orgasm. However, what I really like about them is that when you put them in a vertical line up either side of the outer labia, they hold the labia open and give complete access to a wide-open vulva. Make sure that the ends of any metal clamps are padded or encased in rubber, and that any clips you use do not have teeth. Nipple clamps often have a way to adjust the pressure, such as tweezers that have a slide ring, or alligator clamps that have a tightening screw. These are fun because you can vary the pressure on whatever part of her vulva you have clamped—for instance, you can increase pressure by tiny increments as arousal increases. Limit the time you keep the clips on; you should take them off after fifteen to thirty minutes to avoid tissue damage.

Clips and clamps come in a variety of shapes and sizes, and they mostly look like they came from the office supply store—which they can, though to be sure they’re okay to use on someone’s skin, buy them from sex toy shops or S/M boutiques. Small clips are usually plastic with a spring that you pinch open, though you can also find metal versions, and even though they are small they can be pretty mean, because they concentrate the pain on one small area. Medium to larger clips can be plastic or metal, even similar to the clips you’d use to keep a bag of potato chips fresh; wooden, plastic, and specialty metal clothespins also fall into this category. Clothespins are intense—be sure to always test each clothespin before you use it, because they will have different intensities depending on how tight the spring is. You can lessen the pinch by forcing the spring open slightly with a pair of pliers.

A Lot of Pain

It goes without saying that if you and the woman you’re going down on find that playing with pain during cunnilingus increases her arousal, makes her orgasms that much more earth-shaking, or is just a total turn-on for both of you, you might want to turn up the volume on any of the previously mentioned suggestions. A simple pussy-slapping in between licks can turn into an all-out spanking, with stingy slaps landing on her mons, either of her outer labia, or the whole surface of her vulva—with her legs fastened securely apart if you like. Up the ante, and bring in a leather or rubber slapper—again available at S/M boutiques or higher-end sex toy stores. Give her head until she’s relaxed and building arousal, then begin a rapid or slow series of thwacks, then back to pleasure. You can also use a small or medium-sized flogger to the same effect. Be sure to use a smaller toy that keeps you close for more cunnilingus, and keep an eye on where the tips of the whip land; the tips hurt the most, so you’ll want to keep them on padded areas such as the outer lips and mons.

You can do much more with clips than just putting them on and taking them off. When the clips are on and you’re licking her, you can give her intense bursts of pain (and remind her the clips are still there) by merely touching the clips, pulling on the skin surrounding them, or even flicking them with your fingers. Pulling and twisting them hurts a lot, too. You don’t have to confine your application to the outer labia; the inner labia and clitoris are open game if she’s up for it, and licking around and on the clips can elicit a desirable response. Wrap rubber bands around larger clips such as clothespins to make them tighter, or to pull several together. Lay a piece of soft, thin cotton or nylon rope along her outer labia, and put the clips on in a line over it: to remove the clips pull on one end of the rope, like a zipper—ouch! You could also rig the rope and clips to hang a small fishing weight from them; these are available where fishing supplies are sold.

A particularly painful device is the pinwheel, also available at S/M stores. This is the same device that doctors roll over the sole of your foot to determine your nerve response, and it consists of an 8-inch handle, with a small stainless steel rolling wheel at one end that has very sharp pin pricks. When the wheel is rolled lightly over skin, it leaves a trail of sharp pain and a fiery sensation in its wake. This small menace is handy for use during cunnilingus, but be sure to roll the wheel lightly to avoid piercing the skin too deeply—and one to a partner, please, unless you have access to hospital sterilization. This is not recommended for use on the thin skin of the inner labia or clit.

Exercising Restraint

You don’t have to be “into” bondage to appreciate the delicious torment of receiving oral sex while having your hands tied—but if you are, you probably know how hot it is, from both sides of the rope. If your gal asks you to tie her up, and you have talked about what she’d like you to do, going down on her when she’s in such a helpless state may give her the most powerful orgasms she’s ever had. Conversely, for someone receiving cunnilingus, tying up your partner, sitting on their face, and “making” them do it allows the helpless “victim” to give in to their feelings of being used for a woman’s pleasure—which drives some people wild.

In other parts of this book, I’ve touched briefly on master/slave and dominant/submissive contexts for cunnilingus. Oral sex is uniquely flexible in this context: the recipient may find that forcing or ordering her partner to perform cunnilingus enhances her role as a domme or femme top, or the reverse may be true. This type of role play makes cunnilingus all the sweeter with its mixture of power and devotion. Conversely, as a giver of cunnilingus, going down on her may be a pleasure you dole out as a dominant, only as a reward, or it can be used as exquisite torture, in which you give her only a little and never enough. Her submissiveness may allow her the chance to sink back and let go while you lick her, finally giving up control to have an experience that makes her feel “done.” Or you may find that being her willing oral slave, taking commands on where and when to lick, is a huge turn-on for both of you.

Sometimes when I’m going down on her, I feel incredibly dominant, like I’m forcing her to feel this pleasure, like I’m invading her with my tongue, exploring all the places she wants to keep private. Other times, I feel submissive, like I’m servicing her in the most intimate way possible, giving myself over completely to her demands. Either fantasy can be a huge turn-on!

I go into an altered state of bliss which involves both service and command.

A blindfold on the receiving partner only adds to the erotic intensity of feeling that she’s under your control. With her sense of sight eliminated, she’s forced to rely on her other senses, heightening all incoming stimuli—and she has to rely on you for direction. Plus, she can’t see what you’re up to, which simultaneously makes you more comfortable and her more unsteady. It’s always best to use a store-bought blindfold from a sex toy retailer, rather than improvise with ties, scarves, or silky undergarments. Why? Because blindfolds made specifically for sex fit better, restrict sight reliably, and are either adjustable or have an elastic band for the comfort of the wearer. Things you tie yourself run the risk of being painfully tight, uncomfortable, or too loose, which could make them slip and come off. You don’t want to leave her with a headache and blurry vision; you want her needing more of what you have to offer.

You can blindfold her at any point, though some would argue that the sooner the games begin, the better. Try blindfolding her at the very beginning, and then proceed with your lovemaking as usual, even stripping her clothes off for her and making it all last as long as you can before you go down on her. Or, tell her that at some point, a point that you will determine, you will blindfold her and she will be under your control. If you’ve agreed on it, tie her up blindfolded and go down on her fully bound and blind. It’s a lot of fun to watch her respond to cunnilingus unself-consciously. You can also play around with varying sensations, as described earlier in this chapter and in the blindfold game in chapter 6, “Cunning Linguistics.”

Some need that emotional safety, but others “get off” on the power, so feeling safe isn’t in the equation at all.

Rimming

I love rimming—there’s something so naughty about it, so violently anti-bourgeois. It’s putting your mouth where you’re absolutely not supposed to put it. I think I also enjoy the fact that there’s a risk associated with it—knowing I’m pushing the envelope of what’s safe carries a charge I’m not always proud to say I feel. But I enjoy it nonetheless.

Rimming, or analingus, is kissing, caressing, or penetrating your lover’s anal opening with your tongue. For folks who enjoy it, rimming is a delicious experience, on both the giving and the receiving end. Some say there is nothing as arousing as having their lover’s hot, wet tongue and lips give them pleasure in such an incredibly intimate place, and those who love to give it find the experience equally arousing. Also, the feeling of doing something taboo or “dirty” heightens the experience for some. Because the anus is packed with sensitive nerve endings, rimming can be all it takes to push someone over the orgasmic edge. For them, the charge is an unparalleled erotic spark.

Rimming can add a new spectrum of pleasure to the sexual experience. A cunnilingus session can include delicate licks and flutters of the tongue on and around the anus, and rimming can be a great introduction to the sensation of anal penetration. For women who enjoy anal penetration, this is a delicious tease for the main course to come, and for those who aren’t sure about penetration, rimming allows you to comfortably try out the sensation of anal stimulation to see if she might like it.

The first time I got rimmed I came so hard I almost screamed. That really impressed upon me how incredible a rim job can feel, and I started enjoying doing it almost as much as I love eating pussy!

The easiest position for rimming is doggie-style, with the rim-ee on all fours. This way you can gently spread her cheeks with your hands and see everything clearly as you lick, stroke, and caress her anus. If she has a lot of hair down there, this position is optimal for parting the furry seas—and if this notion makes you uncomfortable, let it be known that
everyone
has hair down there. If you do not naturally have hair around your anus, you are either a) too young to be reading this, b) shaving or waxing it, or c) a genetic anomaly. Doggie-style licking is ideal because it also provides a fantastic rear view of her exposed vulva, which you can squeeze, rub, and massage as you lick.

When rimming, be especially careful to avoid getting bacteria from her anus on her vulva or in her vaginal opening. It’s really tempting to go from the anus to the vagina or to go back and forth from her clit to her butt; however, these activities are absolutely off the menu. Bacteria from the anus—even a clean anus—will give her a very nasty infection. If you want to combine both activities, incorporate the use of barriers such as dams, plastic wrap, or cut-open condoms. If you want to switch from rimming to cunnilingus and you aren’t using a barrier, first get up, wash your face around your lips, and rinse with a mouthwash that kills bacteria.

With the anus in full view, gently kiss and lick her cheeks as they slope inward toward the opening. Work your way closer into the furrow, taking your time to let her get used to the sensation—or to tease her if you know she likes it. You can make first contact in various ways:

• Lick the entire furrow from top to bottom as you would an ice-cream cone, with a big, flat tongue.

• With softened lips, kiss it directly, over and over.

• Press your flattened tongue against the opening and hold it, then slowly start to move it in up and down, or give her an in-and-out massage.

• With the very tip of your tongue, lightly lick in a ring around the rim of the opening—“rimming” her.