The Ultimate Guide to Cunnilingus (5 page)

For gals who want to love oral sex, and those who already do, don’t forget to have a healthy sense of fun when it comes to your partner’s adventures below your belt. They’re not only learning what turns you on as they go along but will continue to learn throughout the course of your experiences together. Most lovers find it incredibly arousing when you explicitly whisper erotic instructions, and some become helpless hormone-driven slaves to your every move if you actually show them. It’s also fine to masturbate while they’re licking—as long as you tell them
not
to stop.

The first time I masturbated for him I was so embarrassed I kept my eyes closed the whole time. The second time I put on a show!

The Oral Sex Double Standard

Sometimes when I get really good oral sex from a woman, I feel sort of “obligated” to go down on her. But I think the last thing most women want is a half-hearted partner, just as I wouldn’t want a half-hearted blow job.

What do you do when your partner loves it when you go down on them but won’t return the favor? Sadly, this is all too common, and not just in male-female relationships. The feelings you may be having are confusing, too: you might be intimidated by the situation, angry as hell about the double standard, and worrying that there is some reason for not going down on you that they’re keeping from you—perhaps you’ve done something wrong, or they find your body unattractive. You may even feel ashamed. In reality, their behavior is unfair. You’re getting the fuzzy end of the lollipop.

Sex is all about reciprocation. You make your partner feel good, they make you feel great. Try asking them point blank why they won’t go down on you—it’s important enough to confront them, especially if your self-esteem is on the line. Tell them how important their answer is to you, and that you will hear them out. If they don’t want to talk about it, or are clearly not giving you a straight answer, then you’re going to have to let the subject go—and think seriously about changing the relationship. Cowardly or evasive behavior on the part of a lover is serious stuff, but remember that chances are good you’ll never know the real reason they aren’t coming clean with you on their feelings about cunnilingus. Don’t guess or imagine reasons that make you feel bad—instead, choose an explanation that suits you, such as “They obviously know that with one taste of me, they’d be hooked for life.”

When your partner is reluctant to try cunnilingus but can talk openly about it, listen closely to their concerns and restate back to them what you’re hearing so you can communicate clearly, and with no misunderstanding. Talking openly about difficult intimate issues takes a lot of courage for both of you, but don’t avoid the subject because you’re afraid of what they might say. If the hard fact is that they don’t want to go down on you because they aren’t concerned with pleasing you sexually, then you need to know. If they are queasy about pussy, then you definitely need to know, because you have one, and it’s a very important part of you—a part of you that needs satisfaction as much as your partner’s penis or clitoris does. Should your partner confess to cleanliness worries or a lack of knowledge about pleasing you, then hand over this book right away and point out the sections on anatomy, smell and taste, and techniques. Perhaps they find adding a new sexual technique to their routine daunting; let them know that you won’t be judging them, and that you can both embark on cunnilingus as a playful experiment. There’s no reason your partner shouldn’t at least try to give you oral pleasure.

Working Late

BY ALISON TYLER

“Smooth,” Damon murmured, sliding two fingers under the waistband of my underpants and playing them over my naked pussy. He stroked the bare skin and then sank his fingers deep into my cunt, between my already wet lips. When I sighed, leaning back on my desk and gripping the edge of it with both hands, he got down on his knees on the floor, sliding my panties roughly to one side and dipping his tongue between my nether lips.

His tongue was rough, like an animal’s, and just the feel of it against my pussy brought me close to a climax. If he rubbed his tongue up and down over my clit like that just a few more times, I would collapse, my body shaking with decadent spasm after spasm. I shut my eyes and tried to keep myself still. I didn’t want to give in too soon, but he was making me crazy.

“You’re so fucking smooth—”

His words were muffled against my pussy, but I could hear what he said, and I would have understood the meaning even if I couldn’t. Some languages don’t need translating. This was obviously true for him, too. He understood the unspoken messages of my body. And just as I’d willed him to, he brought his tongue up and down, up and down, lapping over my clit and on either side of it, finding the sensitive areas that crave a gentle touch. I spread my legs as wide as they would go on the desk, my hands moving away from the edge to hold my legs in an open V-shape. I found that I had no shame. I wanted him to continue to work me, and I needed to give him the deepest access possible. It didn’t matter if I looked like a hungry slut, desperate and yearning, did it?

Damon backed up a space and admired me, then moved in close again, open mouth circling my clit, lips pursed around it as if blowing me a kiss. Instinctively, he knew just how to touch me, nipping and biting on that most tender spot, circling it with his pursed lips and suckling like a baby at its mother’s breast. He treated my pulsing jewel as if it were something precious, something breakable, using his tongue to gently uncover my clit from its dainty hood. Then he switched techniques and worked at a faster pace, his lips tightening, his very breath becoming an instrument of pleasure, blowing hot and hard against me. Within seconds, he was making me moan aloud and arch my body, letting go of my legs to grab onto him, murmuring his name, forgetting entirely where we were—at my office. During work hours.

“Shhh,” he admonished me. “You don’t want people to hear us, do you?”

I shook my head, but truly I didn’t care who heard. I wanted to let loose, to scream, to make the types of noises I had read about people making, had heard in dirty movies.

“Shhh,” he said again, as if realizing what I was thinking, and I bit my lower lip, trying to control my emotions but unable to. Damon’s clever tongue was driving me mad, and I found myself wanting too many things at once. I wanted his tongue to do just what it was doing: making those lazy circles around my clit, around and around, before his lips clamped around it again and sucked. I also wanted to lie back on the desk, kick all my papers aside, and have him position his body over mine. Shifting our bodies into a sixty-nine would let me give him pleasure while I took my own from his mouth.

After that, I wanted even more. I pictured myself bending over the desk and letting him take me from behind, watching our reflections in the framed print over my desk, the ghostly image of Damon with his dark hair loose to his shoulders, standing behind me, plowing into me. My mouth partly open, my eyes half-shut, consumed by the driving force of his cock inside me. We would look indecent, untamed and untamable. Out of control and into a rhythm. Skin on skin—his hands digging into me, my body sliding with his, meeting his stroke for stroke.

The phone rang then, and the fantasy abruptly ended. What did I think I was doing? My hand was trapped inside my panties, slippery fingers jerking up and down on my swollen clit, fondling it as if it were a talisman, rubbing it as if it might bring me good luck. The phone rang again, and I looked at the clock guiltily before using my free hand to reach for the receiver. It was 5:15. How long had I been playing with myself at my desk?

“It’s Damon,” my handsome boyfriend said. “I’m downstairs in the lobby. Can I come up? Are you ready?”

“Yes,” I murmured, thinking, Ready. So ready. “Come on up,” I told him, sliding my panties off as I spoke. “I’ve got a surprise for you…”

CHAPTER 3

Anatomy for Pleasure

The more you know about women’s pleasure physiology, the better a lover you’ll be—plus, there are a lot of “new” findings about the clitoral system and the arousal cycle that you may not know about. We’ll start with what we can see.

Female Anatomy 101

Because nature delights in deviation, women’s genitals differ greatly in appearance—their size, shape, and color are as unique to each woman as her fingerprint. Each woman’s vulva has the same basic elements, but how they look always differs to varying degrees. The range of differences is so great that there actually is no “normal” when it comes to appearance. And size, shape, and color have little (if anything at all) to do with sensation or response to stimulation—or libido, or “femmeismo,” for that matter. After all, have you ever overheard women in a gym locker room bragging about their big clits?

One woman I was with had these big inner labia. I loved the way they felt on my lips—it was all this extra area to play with!

To see a beautifully presented, wonderfully diverse collection of vulvas, leaf through a copy of the color photography book
Femalia
, by Joani Blank, or seek out nonmainstream erotic photo collections. Erotic videos and “gentlemen’s magazines” can sometimes be vaguely instructional, but viewers should be cautioned that a great deal goes into making the actresses’ and models’ genitals look uniform—including labiaplasty (plastic surgery on the labia), and liposuction of the outer lips. They routinely get a dusting of makeup and occasionally “pussy glue,” a tacky gel that holds the inner labia open to the unflinching eye of the camera. Porn is a lousy place to learn how to perform oral sex on a woman: most onscreen cunnilingus looks like an exaggerated version of Fido with a mouthful of peanut butter. However, adult instructional videos can be very helpful—for recommendations, see chapter 10, “Independent Study.”

If you’re a woman reading this, feel free to invite yourself along as an intrepid tourist: pick up a hand mirror and follow along with the anatomy tour. Looking directly at a standing naked woman, an imaginary artist’s model, we can see the pubic mound (or mons veneris, or mound of Venus). This is the area over the pubic bone, and this aptly named shrine to the love goddess is usually covered with hair. Women wear their pubic hair in a variety of styles: all-natural and furry, trimmed, waxed into bikini-line obedience, or even shaved off completely. The mound of Venus tapers eloquently down and between the thighs, designating the area where the inner thighs meet the torso and splitting like the cleft of a peach around the vaginal opening.

Illustration 3. External Anatomy

Coax your imaginary model into a comfy seated position with her thighs parted, on an imaginary La-Z-Boy, if you will, and you’ll see the outer lips, or labia, of the vagina. Since they reside on the outside of the body, they are generally the same color and texture as the acreage of skin found everywhere else, but they are usually covered with a continuation of the mound’s hair. The outer lips are analogous to the male scrotum, and both are formed from the same tissue in utero. Their appearance ranges from fleshy (puffy, covering the clitoris and vaginal opening) to thin (flat, revealing the clitoral hood).

Part your model’s legs even farther and you’ll see a hairless second set of lips that surround the vaginal opening. The inner labia are certainly more lip-like in color, texture, and shape than the outer set, and like every other body part, they rejoice in variation. The inner labia come in more shades than Clinique’s spring lipstick line; pale peach, mauve, shades of pink, burgundy, or dark chocolate. The color may deepen after childbirth. They can be trim and narrow, curled inward, fluted, or flared, or they may protrude past the pubic hair. Textures range from smooth to glassy, translucent to deeply crinkled. And though they come in pairs, no two are exactly alike; it is quite common for the lips on one woman to look different from each other. The inner lips are richly endowed with nerve endings, and the clitoral hood is analogous to the foreskin of the penis. Some women report enjoying stimulation of the inner lips more than clitoral stimulation.