The Ultimate Guide to Cunnilingus (8 page)

Illustration 6. Safer Sex

Are you crafty? Here’s a trick you won’t find in Martha Stewart’s
Living
: Make a dam garter for some hands-free fun. Take a traditional garter belt (used for holding up stockings) and first shorten the straps, then attach the dam by clipping the stocking clips onto the dam in the front and back. This can make for some hot on-the-fly oral adventures, especially when worn in place of panties under a skirt.

The best way to use dental dams and other, smaller barriers is to first mark the ”mouth” side of your barrier with a pen (one side for your mouth, the other for her vulva, in case it slips or slides), then apply a drop or two of water-based lube to the lick-ee’s vulva. Press the barrier in place, and you’re all set. That little dental dam can be slippery when wet, so be sure to hold it in place with your hands. Remember to switch dams when switching activities or partners.

Gloves

Latex and nonlatex gloves are your best friends when you want to incorporate your hands in oral sex. The feel of smooth, lubricated latex fingers caressing a clit or penetrating a vagina or anus is a sensation some women prefer over the texture of fingers—especially if the fingers are rough or have jagged fingernails or hangnails. Using a glove is also safer, as you may have tiny cuts on your fingers you may not be aware of, and some viral STDs, such as herpes, can be transmitted by skin-to skin contact.

Even if you are fluid bonded, you may still want to use gloves to touch her vulva or anus externally or to penetrate her vagina or anus. Gloves provide a great way to protect her from rough fingers or cuticles, and many women enjoy the smooth surface of a lubricated latex glove on their vulva. They also facilitate easy cleanup: you have a messy lube-covered glove and you want to switch activities or cuddle—ta-da! You simply remove the glove. Without the glove, you would be washing up in the bathroom. Gloves are also essential for preventing the spread of germs from your unwashed hands to her vagina or the spread of bacteria from the anus to the vagina. Never allow anything that has touched the anus to touch her vulva. Going from vagina to anus is fine—vaginal bacteria are not harmful to her anus—but not the other way around. The bacteria that live around the anal opening and in the rectum can trigger a vaginal infection, or with vigorous rubbing such as during intercourse, a bladder (urinary tract) infection. Always switch gloves, dams, or condoms when switching activities. 

If you want to finger her anus, and then her vulva, try wearing two gloves on one hand: Put one glove on (while giving her a deliciously wicked smile, of course), then squeeze a water-based lube into a second glove, and put your gloved hand into it. Then, if you know it will make her toes curl, after fingering her anus you can remove the outer glove and return your attention to her vulva, all in one uninterrupted movement. Yum!

Finger Cots

You can find singular little finger condoms called finger cots at your local pharmacy (made to protect fingers with cuts, these are used a lot in restaurants). Finger cots are great for fingers that like to amorously slip into moist crevices on the sly, and they are very discreet. The whole idea is to protect said crevices from bacteria—be it from the steering wheel, the keyboard, or your mouth. They’re inexpensive and indispensable.

Finger cots and condoms are always in my purse.

Plastic Wrap

Latex allergies are no fun, and they can rear their ugly heads as rashes, chronic infections, or severe allergic reactions leading to anaphylactic shock. When in doubt, use plastic wrap (a.k.a. Saran Wrap); it does the trick nicely and has playful advantages. It can be even better than those slippery little dental dam squares, because you can use long sheets of it, see through it, and even make a pair of lickable panties out of it! For a long time, safer-sex literature insisted on nonmicrowaveable plastic wrap, because the microwaveable variety has microscopic holes to keep your soup from exploding in the microwave. But recent research has shown that those holes don’t really open up until the temperature reaches microwave oven levels—that is to say, much hotter than you’re likely to get no matter how cunning a linguist you are! Still, it never hurts to be extra safe, so if you’re shopping for plastic wrap for safer-sex purposes, choose the nonmicrowaveable kind.

Flavored Vulvas

Ever had the idea to slowly pour chocolate sauce, honey, or flavored lubricants over her vulva and make her into a sweet dessert? You’re not alone, but if she’s at all sensitive to yeast infections or is a diabetic, then you’re going to have to rethink your seduction strategy. Sugar (and the glycerin in some water-based lubes) is the sworn enemy of vaginal health. Sugar stimulates the growth of yeast bacteria, and it will certainly make your encounter unforgettable—in the wrong way. Try restricting the tasty treats to breasts, nipples, stomach, or other external erogenous nibble zones.

You will also want to avoid lubes with the ingredient nonoxynol-9, because it is very irritating to most women. It’s a detergent (read: soap) that actually does more harm than good. It causes severe irritation, leaving abrasions on the cervix (you can cross your legs and wail with me if you like). As you can guess, this undermines its main function, which is to prevent the transmission of HIV—in fact, some studies indicate that using nonoxynol-9 may actually increase your chances of contracting HIV, since those abrasions provide an excellent route into your bloodstream. Plus, nonoxynol-9 tastes
nasty
and numbs your tongue. Skip it.

Air Embolism

Some lovers might playfully blow a puff of air into the vaginal canal, not realizing that this is dangerous and can even be deadly. Teasing her with hot breaths on the outside of the vulva can be a sweet seduction, but a burst of air from your mouth or an aerosol can (such as a can of whipped cream) can cause an air embolism, the entrance of small air bubbles into the bloodstream. This can cause death, and is especially dangerous for pregnant and menstruating women.

Episiotomy

Women who have experienced childbirth may have undergone an episiotomy. In this routine procedure performed when a woman is giving birth, the perineum, perineal sponge, clitoral muscle, and vaginal floor are cut to facilitate the passage of the bundle of joy. Some women find episiotomy decreases their sexual sensation. If you are approaching childbirth, talk with your doctor about your concerns, or consider investigating natural childbirth with a midwife. If you have decreased sensation and believe it is related to an episiotomy, don’t fret; with knowledge, practice, and a sense of adventure, you can expand your capacity for orgasm in many ways. Follow the exercises and instructions in chapter 2, “How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love Getting Head,” for deepening and strengthening orgasm, such as Kegels, and try masturbating frequently. See chapter 11, “Sex Resources,” recommendations on books and videos that explore female sexuality and orgasm.

When I had my first, they gave me an episiotomy, and for a long time oral sex was the only thing that felt good enough to make me come.

The Eroticism of Safer Sex

For some of us, the snap of the glove, the unfurling of a dental dam, or the tearing open of the condom package means one delicious thing: we are about to have sex. While others hem and haw about the extra steps that safer-sex gear requires, or the hassle, or the lessening of sensation, we smell the latex and know we are about to “get done”—and get done
right
. It means not only that our partner is considerate and cares about our health enough to take the lead but also that we can relax and anticipate good sex, because we know we are in the hands of someone who knows a thing or two about sex. I don’t know about you, but when the gloves go on I think of a smooth and slippery hand, and I purr. Especially if they’re put on with a devious smile. And when that dam is dangled knowingly before my eyes, my sexy partner is telling me there is no escape from pleasure now—and I melt.

Introducing safer-sex gear into your erotic repertoire may seem awkward or even embarrassing at first, but you’ll quickly overcome these feelings by spending a little time experimenting with the new accessories. Buy some condoms, dental dams, gloves, and finger cots, and examine them when you get home. Open the packages, keeping in mind that they will be used only in this instance (you should throw them out when you’re through). Touch them, feel the surface texture, pull and tug on them. Bring the items to your face and lips: become familiar with them by smelling and tasting them. Try on a glove, a finger cot. Lubricate one side of a dental dam, place the lubed side on the palm of your hand, and give it a few test licks, varying the sensation to get an idea of what’s in store for your lover. Most of all, begin to put your safer-sex gear in the same mental category as your sex toys—because that’s what they are.

Allow latex barriers into your erotic fantasies. Incorporate them into your masturbation sessions. Imagine the naughty, yet sweet, ways you can add them to your encounters, such as having a folded dam tucked in your bra or shirt pocket, or keeping your gloves in the aptly named glove compartment of your car.

CHAPTER 5

Tastes and Textures

Eating pussy is like eating peaches on a really hot day.

In sharing sex and sexuality, we open our senses to one another and
inhale
. We take pictures with our eyes, allowing the images to feed the flames of arousal. Scents emanate from hair and skin, mingling in our mouths and noses to release chemicals that turn us on. Soft moans, a sharp intake of breath, or languid music can sweetly sink us into an erotic mind frame. And touch is king: kisses, nibbles, nuzzling, stroking, pinching, grabbing—all accelerants for the fire.

How our lovers appear to us is the basis for sexual chemistry. How your lover tastes, smells, feels, and looks contribute to your overall sensory experience. When you go down on a woman, your senses are going to be greeted on many levels.

Hair: Velvet or Velcro?

Pubic hair can be a prickly topic for some couples and an issue of concern for an uneasy cunnilingus novice. How women wear their hair down there can vary for a number reasons: genetic, personal, political. A woman who is content with a furry pelt may pose a little forethought for the orally inclined, whereas a clean-shaven vulva can quickly become an angry cactus to a sensitive face.

Some folks love, love, love the hair—the feel, the ambiance—and have no hesitations when shedding occurs. For others, renegade hairs can put a damper on the whole experience. As a giver of cunnilingus, one good tactic for dealing with stray hairs is to gently run your fingers through her pubic hair to dislodge any strays before you get started, something easily incorporated into foreplay. Gently holding her outer lips open with your fingers as you lick can keep the hair mostly out of the way and is a good idea if she has stubble from shaving. Talking to her about your feelings and concerns is always a great idea—you may be surprised to find out how she feels.

Women who are concerned about their partner’s comfort but want to avoid any inconvenience might consider lightly trimming the area where the outer lips turn into the inner lips, and the area above the clitoral hood. This coif shows off the vulva slightly, and some women find that they enjoy it. If a woman is so inclined, she can put her partner in charge of administering an erotic weekly trim—a duty some partners relish and consider part of foreplay.

One of the hottest times ever was when I told my lover I wanted to go down on her but I wanted to trim her pussy hair first. We both got so turned on as I trimmed her, and I went down on her for a long, long time.

For a trim, an electric beard trimmer works quite well—in fact, it’s sort of a turn-on for me to be trimming my beard later, knowing where it’s been.

Adventurous partners can try shaving the hair partly or completely off. Women who shave might want to reshave regularly, so that your stubble doesn’t abrade your partner’s face, lips, and tongue. If you’re caught up in the throes of arousal and don’t want to stop everything to go shave, try covering your pubic bone with your hand, as a shield.