Thoughtless (29 page)

after my relaxing shower and looking my best, which was probably just slightly past passable really, I felt okay again.

And I was rewarded with a dazzling smile from Kellan as I made my way downstairs. That made my day a little. He seemed to be fine from our earlier conversation as well. He grabbed my hand and my bag as he led me to his car. He begged me to let him walk me to class, so I con-ceded. Really, it wasn’t necessary, but who was I to deny a gorgeous begging boy? I suppose it was worth another potential quiz session to walk with him through the halls.

He lightly held my fingers as he walked me to Econ and we talked about my parents and the last reluctant phone call I had placed with them. They weren’t too happy that Denny was so busy and I was alone so much. I made the mistake of telling them that Kellan was home a lot, which had started the ‘doesn’t he have a job’ conversation, which led to the ‘he’s in a band’ conversation, which turned into the ‘I’m really not comfortable with you living with a rock star’ conversation. Kellan was laughing pretty hard by the time he opened the door to my classroom.

The sound of his laugh stayed with me all throughout that class.

Afterwards, Kellan met me in the hall with an extra large espresso in his hand for me. I immediately threw my arms around his neck, careful to not spill my precious drink. “Ahhh…coffee! I love you!” I froze after I realized what I’d just said, but he started laughing, and was smiling warmly at me when I pulled away. “What is it about me and coffee that drives you over the edge?” he asked playfully, biting his lip and raising his eyebrows suggestively.

I blushed and smacked his shoulder, knowing exactly what incident in a certain coffee stand that he was referring to. I grabbed my cup from his hand and stormed off down the hall. He easily caught up to me, still chuckling.

I glared over at him and he laughed even harder. “Oh, come on…that was kind of funny?”

I rolled my eyes. “You’re a little twisted.”
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He smirked. “You have no idea…”

I raised my eyebrow at that and he laughed again until I finally joined in with him. He grabbed my hand and interlaced our fingers as we left the building and walked casually to his car. I tried to ignore the stares he drew around us; none of these people knew Denny…right?

Denny did work late that night and Kellan had a show at a small bar I’d never heard of, so I was alone for the evening and took advantage of the fact that I had the night off from Pete’s by doing something I very rarely got to do - I went to bed early.

The next morning I woke up early, feeling rather refreshed. I was surprisingly alone in the kitchen, filling my coffee cup with creamer, and idly wondering when Kellan was going to saunter into the kitchen and slip his arms around me. It was so unusual for me to beat him downstairs and in my anticipation I could practically already smell him. Lost in warm thoughts, suddenly arms did slip around me, and I snuggled back into his embrace while stirring my coffee.

“There you are Ke-”

I immediately froze my words when lips started trailing up my neck -

warm, soft lips, followed by a flick of a warm, soft tongue, and occasionally brushing against my sensitive skin, the light hair of his jaw line. My heart raced. I had been about to say Kellan’s name and it wasn’t Kellan embracing me.

My heart leapt into my throat, effectively cutting off all speech. Denny murmured good morning into my neck, apparently not catching my nearly disastrous mistake. My breath sped in a nervous panic as his lips trailed up my jaw. I couldn’t calm down…that had been so close.

His lips ran up to my ear and sucked on an earlobe. “I missed you,” he said huskily, as he pulled me tight to him. “Our bed was cold without you.” His accent curled delightfully around the words.

My breath started to speed for another reason and I turned around in his arms to kiss him. His mouth eagerly met mine and I forced myself to
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push all thoughts of Kellan to the very back of my mind; it was surprisingly hard to do.

Abruptly Denny’s lips stopped moving and sighing, he pulled away from me. Guilt flashed through me and again panic clenched my throat. I tried to keep my face from betraying any of my inner turmoil as he ran a few fingers down my cheek. “I wish I could stay.” He sighed heavily.

“Max needs me to come in early today. I have to go get ready.” Suddenly he gave me my favorite goofy grin and I instantly started relaxing. He playfully grabbed my hand and led me from the kitchen, back up the stairs. Laughing softly as he held both of my hands and pulled me into the bathroom, I asked, “I thought you had to get ready. What exactly are we doing?”

Chuckling, he shut the bathroom door. “I am going to get ready.” He moved past me to turn on the water for the shower. “And you’re going to help me.” He winked adorably at me.

“Oh really?” I laughed, as I started to sit on the toilet to watch him.

He grabbed me just as I was sitting down, pulling me back up. “Oh yes,” he said suggestively, with a glint in his eye that I knew very well.

“Oh,” I said, suddenly understanding what he wanted. He made himself even clearer the next instant, by stripping off my tank top. I laughed again as he kissed my neck and started pulling down my pants, underwear and all.

He pulled back and stripped off his clothes and we gazed at each other for a moment. Love for this beautiful, wonderful man filled me, dissolv-ing the enormous guilt built up in my heart. He smiled warmly and tucked a lock of hair behind my ear. I put my arms around his neck and kissed him deeply.

He stuck his hand in the shower to feel the water, then scooped me up, making me laugh again as he stepped us inside. It was heaven - the water was warm, his hands were soft, his lips enticing. The water streamed off his beautiful, tanned body and I relaxed into the rightness of being
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with him. It felt natural and easy and good, and for just a few moments, I let myself enjoy him with no guilt, no feelings of betrayal.

I ran my fingers back through his dark hair, making sure it was completely soaked through. He smiled and closed his equally dark eyes. I grabbed our cheap all-in-one shampoo and massaged it into his hair as he sighed happily. He spun me around and moved out of the way of the warm water, so he could do the same for me. I giggled and relaxed into his amazing fingers. He rinsed out my hair, kissing my forehead in the process, and then rinsed out his own while I kissed his chest and grabbed the bar soap.

While he rinsed, I rubbed every area of his chest and abdomen with the soap, the bubbles trailing down his body suggestively. I bit my lip watching those bubbles slide down his thighs and he smiled, taking the soap from my hand and putting it back on the shelf. Then he pulled me tight to him, the soap on his body transferring to mine. He used his hands to make sure every square inch of my flesh was coated in suds, lingering on my breasts and my rigid nipples before moving around to my backside. I gasped when his hand moved between my thighs.

He smiled at me so seductively, that my breath sped instantly. His lips parted as he watched my reaction to his fingers circling around my most sensitive flesh, before dipping inside me. I groaned and arched my back against him as he inserted first one, then a second finger, moving lan-guidly inside of me for a few heavenly moments before pulling back along my wet skin teasingly. I nearly whimpered and sucked on his bottom lip as he removed his hand and carefully pushed me back against the shower wall. The water surged around us, most deflecting off his broad back, so that only a light mist sprayed on me. His body pressed firmly against mine, the soap still lingering between us making him slip-pery against my skin. He bent to kiss me deeply and I eagerly returned it, moaning into his mouth.

The hard length of him pressed up against my body and I tentatively reached down to curl my fingers around him. He let out a groan in my ear as my hand squeezed around the base of him. I stroked my hand up and down his thickness a few times, while he panted heavily in my ear.

His chest rising and falling against mine, he suddenly lifted me up against the wall slightly and then slid himself perfectly into me. He was
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so strong that the move was effortless for him, and surprising comfortable for me. I groaned loudly with the pleasure of it, as my legs wrapped around him, pulling him even deeper inside me.

My hands moved up to grasp his neck as he used his hands to urge my hips into a euphoric rhythm against his. My head drifted into a pleasant fog as Denny became my entire world - every smell, every touch, every breath, and every movement. It was intoxicating and beautiful and heartwarming…and maybe, if at that moment I allowed myself to feel it, a little sad.

Within moments, his breath increased to a quick pant and he clenched my hips satisfactorily with a deep groan as he came. He never stopped his rhythm though, and moments later I arched against him and cried out as the intenseness ripped through me. We both caught our breaths as the water started to cool along with us, and then he gently lowered me and moved aside so the tepid water could wash away any remaining bubbles between us.

“I love you,” he said, as he shut the water off.

He stepped out of the shower and handed me a towel to dry off with. I smiled warmly at him as I stepped out of the shower to stand next to him on the fuzzy bath rug. “I love you too.” He helped dry me off a little with his towel, making me giggle, and then he dried himself off and we left our cozy, steamy little bathroom to finish getting him ready for work. It wasn’t too much later that Denny, dressed in his khaki slacks and blue button-up shirt (he did look amazing in blue) with still slightly damp hair that, of course, he let me style for him, and me, in my basic jeans and blouse, my hair also damp and combed through, which Denny lovingly did for me, made our way back down to the kitchen.

Kellan was finally downstairs, drinking his coffee and looking casually perfect, if a little pale. Denny nodded to him, smiling happily. “G’Day, mate.”

Kellan, although wan, managed an effortlessly casual smile.

“Mornin’…mate.”

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Denny kissed me one last time, cupping my cheek. “Now I am going to be late.” He grinned at me suggestively, making me blush horribly.

“You’re worth it though,” he whispered.

I glanced over at Kellan. He paled a little more, studiously drinking his coffee now, and I knew that he knew what that meant. Maybe he’d even heard us in the shower. I couldn’t remember if I was quiet or not…probably not. Denny gave me a final hug, cheerily said goodbye, and then left for work. I stood, rather stupidly, in the middle of the room, unsure of what to do.

“I put your coffee in the microwave,” Kellan whispered from the table.

I looked over to his pale face, his soft eyes. “It was cold…” he finished.

I swallowed the lump in my throat and went over to the microwave, starting it for one minute. I turned back to Kellan while it reheated.

“Kellan…I’m-”

“Don’t,” he interrupted softly, staring blankly into his cup.

I blinked. “But…”

He stood up and walked over to me. He stopped a ways from me and didn’t touch me. “You don’t owe me an explanation…” he looked at the floor, “and you definitely don’t owe me an apology,” he looked back up at me, “so just….don’t say anything, please.” Guilt and sympathy for him washed through me, and I held my arms open for him. “Come here.” He hesitated a moment, a torn look on his face, then he slipped his arms around my waist and buried his head in my neck. I held him tight and rubbed his back. “I’m sorry,” I whispered in his ear. He may not want to hear it, but I needed to say it.

He exhaled softly and nodded in my shoulder, clutching me a little tighter.

He was still pale and a little quiet when he drove me to school. Guilt surged through me. It had bothered him. I wasn’t sure why, I wasn’t
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sure what I was to him, but he had told me it would bother him, and it did seem to, and I did feel bad about that. But I wasn’t his. We were just friends…and Denny
was
my boyfriend and it was going to happen again.

I watched his silent face as we drove the short distance to school. I hoped he wasn’t hurt too badly.

He walked me to class again and seemed to perk up on the way there.

He wanted to discuss my Lit class, and had some amusing theories on Austen’s view of society…most of them linked with my earlier Psych les-son on sexual repression. This time, I was laughing pretty hard by the time he opened the door to the room, and I’m pretty sure my face was bright red.

I decided to skip out on Psych class. I know, not the best idea, but I was anxious to get home and spend a little free time with Kellan before work, and it was more on Freud, which I just couldn’t take today. When I walked through the door, I saw Kellan playing his guitar on the couch.

The song was beautiful, and I smiled at him warmly as he looked over and gave me a look that quickened my heart. He stopped playing and started to set down his guitar.

“No, don’t stop,” I said as I walked over to sit beside him. “It’s beautiful.”

He looked down, smiling softly, and then shook his head slightly. He put the guitar on my lap instead. “Here…try again.” I grimaced, the last time he had tried to teach me, I had been atrocious.

“It’s beautiful when you play it. Something seems to happen to it when I try.”

He laughed and twisted me on the couch, so that he could put his arms behind me and his hands over mine. “You just need to hold it right,” he whispered in my ear. His breath sent a shiver down my spine and I closed my eyes for a second, inhaling his scent deeply, while he adjusted our fingers on the guitar.

“Okay…hey.” He nudged my shoulder with a short laugh when he noticed that my eyes were closed. Embarrassed, I blushed and opened my eyes and he laughed again. “Here…your fingers are perfect, right
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under mine.” He lightly held my fingers in an awkward position on the neck of the guitar. “Now,” he showed me the pick in his other hand,

“lightly strum it like this…” He did it once, the guitar humming beautifully.