Trust Me (15 page)

Charming Noah.

Not trying to be charming just saying where I am at

And…

And…
I’m going crazy wondering when I’m gonna see you again

The messages were all like this and they went on for the last few weeks. I scrolled through until I found messages from earlier today.

Promise me Candy

I said I would Noah. Its Carries first show I wouldn’t miss it.

So what
ur only going cuz of my sis?

Yes…and no

Why no

No because I want to see you 2

Me too.
Cant explain it and don’t want to. I just know I cant wait to see u

I hand the phone back to her and she starts sobbing again. Now more than before I can justify these tears, he had absolutely made her think and hope for more.

You know it kills me to see you crying
To think of all your love she's been denying
And I can't blame you for feeling cheated
Being so in love and so unneeded
But the reason you keep trying is a feeling that I know

Deborah Allen

Chapter Nine

I sat with Candy for nearly an hour trying to calm her down. I wasn’t sure what to say to her, because honestly, I’m every bit as confused as she is. She sat outside waiting for her cab. I had offered her a ride repeatedly, refusing to call her a cab, but she just got mad and called one herself saying that she wasn’t going to ruin my night because she was being a whiny little bitch. So here I sat, waiting for her cab with her, not wanting her to be alone.

“Carrie?” Chad asked from the door. I felt like hell for leaving him inside, but I couldn’t leave her.

“Cab should be here soon then I’ll be in.” I said softly as if my voice would startle Candy into another ugly cry.

Oh, yes, my bestie had had a full on ugly cry over my smelly brother!

Chad stepped outside and took a seat on the other side of Candy and pulled her in for a hug. My heart stuttered a bit. He was seriously making it hard to not fall assholes over elbows for him. He was hugging my bestie because she was hurting, and because she was hurting I was hurting. In turn because it was boyfriend law, he was hurting.

“I swear to hell and heaven high Chad Blake…” Candy said, her voice like gravel, “If you cause one tear for Carrie, because we all know your ego is a bigger bastard than you are, I will hunt you down and nut you.” She smiled insincerely, but he nodded making it clear the point got across. I laughed uncomfortably.

“Whatever Noah did Candy, it is all ego darlin’. It always is after a show.” Chad said and dropped a kiss on the crown of her head.

“I don’t see you in there chasing down an orgasm.” She said snidely. I looked away and Chad stared at the ground trying not to smile. We had been there and done that already tonight.

“You’re right, but Noah’s ego is different from my ego. I’m not innocent though, Candy.”

“Well, his ego is all he has left, because I can’t do it anymore.” She rubbed beneath her eyes and stood and stretched. “Be careful your ego doesn’t get in the way of you and Carrie. A good woman is a gift you can’t replace, Chad.”

He nodded in understanding, but like a smart man who loves his nuts, he said nothing.

I could hear the tremble in her voice, the uncertainty and desperation. She didn’t know if she could stay away from Noah, but was desperate to break free from the thing that was causing her pain. I wish I had the words to ease her pain, but if Noah loved any girl, Candy came closest. He never slept with the same woman twice, other than her, and the only person he’d ever divulged secrets to, besides me, was Candy. If Noah could love, she would be the one. But he was too defensive to let someone in.

Noah was not good with vulnerability. He proved it time and time again with me. He was up and down because I was dating Chad. If Noah ever found himself that vulnerable to a girl, he would destroy whatever she loved in him just to protect himself. It was exactly why he was face deep between some fangirl’s legs right now. Candy was his weakness and Noah destroyed her because he felt vulnerable to her. This was not the first time he had done something like this, but it was the first time she was insulted and hurt by it.

The cab arrived and Chad walked with us and made sure Candy was safely inside before opening the passenger door and handing the cab driver a fifty and his number. “Keep the change my man, but call me so I know she got in safe. Do not leave until you see her shut the door behind her.”

The guy gave an enthusiastic thank you and he glanced in the rearview mirror at Candy seeing her tears. He looked back to Chad, “I’ll call ya soon, man.” It was like sweet guy central outside of the house. Inside the house was about to be Hurricane Carrie and I wanted Noah’s blood.

*

“Baby, calm down.” Chad begged as I kicked rocks, charging for my brother. “Going in there while he is drunk and clueless as to why you’re mad won’t do either of you any good. Rip him apart tomorrow when he’s sober.” I knew Chad was right, and though it killed me, I agreed. Noah had ruined one night, I wasn’t going to let him kill mine. With the exception of his stupid player ass, my night had been beyond stellar and drifting toward epic.

I walked into the small house with Chad and could barely see through the smoke. I never understood why, if it was a beautiful night outside, why smokers chose to stay inside where the second hand smoke just collected and fermented.

“There he is!” I heard Shame snarl.

“Chad! What the fuck man! Where were you?” Noah asked and kicked back a substance in a red plastic cup.

I could see Chad looking for the strength to not kill Noah. “I was outside loving on my girl while she kicked it with Candy.” He shrugged and took a swig from his bottle of beer. I watch in amazement as he baited Noah.

“Dude, c’mon.” Noah said as if Chad’s words hadn’t registered with him at all. He motioned for Chad to follow him and the rest of the band. “We need a quick second of your time if you can separate yourself from my kid sister.”

I growled but knew he couldn’t hear me. Smartest move Noah could make right now would be to avoid pissing me off. I might nut him and send them to Candy bronzed.

“I have been waiting on your ass all night, I need a minute with you guys.” Noah sounded determined and I realized he was going to tell them about our dad. Noah turned to me, “Sit there and don’t fuck around, ‘kay Sissy.” Normally I would flip out for him talking to me like, that but I knew why he was concerned and let it go. I nodded and they all disappeared down the hall, thick as thieves.

*

I didn’t do as Noah said. I wasn’t a child for goodness sake. I walked around the party and found Celeste doing shots at the kitchen counter.

“There she is ladies and gentleman, the one girl who broke a million hearts today.” Celeste slurred loudly pointing me out in the crowd.

“What are you talking about?” I asked, as glares from numerous women found me.

She sniggered and leaned in whispering loudly, if it was whispering at all. “You are the talk of this town right now, Carrie, you’re the girl that took Chad off the market.”

I groaned and grasped her elbow. “So you decide announcing my presence is a good idea?” I was serious, but she only giggled more before doing another shot of tequila.

I decided that venturing out through the party wasn’t the best idea, and so I stayed by Celeste, silently cursing Noah and his knowing ways. If half the woman in this party knew what I had been doing with Chad before the party, there was a good chance of an old fashioned lynching coming my way. Luckily for me, the fangirls all appeared to be clueless about how deep I was in with Chad, and for that I was grateful.

Looking around now, I wondered, against my better judgment, how many of the women here he had been with. I felt my blood rushing as I eyed each one individually. There was, as Noah so eloquently put it, ‘an array of pussy’ at this party. My heartbeat was speeding with each passing second as I wondered how many of the ‘array’ had seen my boyfriend’s dick. With these thoughts rushing in by the mass, I started wondering why I even entertained the idea that I could make this thing with Chad work. He had said earlier that he was scared I was getting physical with him because I thought I had to in order to keep him. I knew it was I had done it because I simply wanted to feel Chad physically, but worried a little bit that there might be a bit of truth to his concerns. In the car I was open to going further. I hadn’t felt cheap or used. I was turned on and comfortable letting Chad touch me, comfortable wanting even more. I knew this wasn’t easy for him, to put himself all in with me and leave his playboy life behind. I didn’t know if he would always want me and only me, but I was taking whatever scraps he would give me right now. I was now sitting here surrounded by women who could give Chad every fantasy he dreamed of. I felt like a child in women’s clothing.

“Whatever you’re thinking, stop it right fucking now, Sissy.” Noah said from behind me and grabbed my wrist hauling me out the back sliding door away from the crowd. I lost my footing and hit the railing of the patio stairs because he was pulling me like a rag doll.

“What the hell Noah, damn!” I stopped and yanked my hand free of his grip. “What the hell is wrong with you?” I asked now that we were free of the crowd. Was he really that pissed that I didn’t stay on the couch? Oh god…oh no no no no. He did not know about me and Chad. He couldn’t.

“It’s not me I’m worried about, it’s you. I walk in the kitchen to get a beer and see you pale as a ghost and gnawing your thumb to the quick.” He took my hand more gently this time and looked closely at my thumb. It was raw and tender, though I hadn’t noticed until that instant how fast I had fallen into my own head. “I see you like that and I react. What’s got you worked up?”

He was concerned, I get that, but how the hell do I get out of this one? “It’s nothing, Noah. It’s between me and Chad and the insecurities I have seeing these fangirls and the way they are glaring at me since his little announcement at the show.”

Noah gave an aggravated sigh and pulled me against his chest. “Baby girl, you need to get used to this, and quick if you plan on staying with Chad.”

I pulled back and then pushed him away from me. “What do you mean by that, Noah? I care for Chad, what did you mean
if
I stay with Chad?”

“Well, you don’t seem so sure. I’m watching you struggle with this new world you’ve thrown yourself in, but you forget that this has been Chad’s world long before you came along. These are pussy parties, they’re all you can eat and anything goes baby girl, I told you.”

I swear to God I gagged. “You’re gross, Noah.”

He laughed. “No Carrie, I’m a guy, and this is heaven to me.” He splayed his arms out in glory. “You begged for this and swore you could take it. But I’m sitting here talking to my normally self assured and confident sister who is letting a bunch of fangirls get into her head. You fought so hard to find your confidence and hold your head up high! It’s disappointing and makes me feel like a complete shit as a brother because I let you into this world.”

“Yeah I know, Candy seems to be struggling a bit too, in case you were wondering.” I slapped a hand over my mouth but I was too late. I hate when he gets me riled up, I never think before I speak, and now I’d brought Candy into it.

I could see that he was bothered by what I’d said, but his impartial mask was in place just as quickly and he shrugged his shoulders in indifference. “So! She knows what I’m down for, and she knows what these parties are about. And she can handle what she sees here.”

“Who are you trying to convince, Noah? I saw Candy tonight after she saw you with your face buried in god only knows whose crotch. Chad and I sent her home an hour ago in a cab after she completely broke down.” I stepped close so only Noah could hear me. “I have stayed out of this thing between you and Candy because you both seemed to want the same things. I don’t know what your game is Noah, but I saw your texts to her and you better have a good fucking reason for leading her on.”

“Carrie, this is none of your business.” He was so calm it was terrifying.

“Just like me and Chad are none of yours? You seem to be full of helpful facts about you and Chad’s lifestyle, so let me help you out as well. Candy will never be ok with you wanting to branch out at pussy parties.”

“You mean ok with it like you’re trying to be?” he asked sarcastically before stepping back and yelling into the night pulling his hair. “You are so fucking aggravating!”

“Me?” I shrieked completely insulted.

He charged me and grabbed my shoulders. “Yes, you! You act like this is about me and Candy when you know it’s not! You think I like you seeing this? That I’m ok with you wanting to jump into a relationship with a guy you are nowhere near ready for? I have fought tooth and fucking nail to keep you clean from how fucked up I am. Jesus Carrie, I swore to protect you and keep you clean because you deserved it.”

“Noah.” I spoke gently because his words were choking me. “I deserve this life because it is an amazing one. We fought for it together, Noah, and you’re right I wouldn’t be the woman I am without you fighting for what was best for me.”

“What’s best for you?” He scoffed. “You think sneaking around with Chad Blake is what’s best for you?”

I felt like he’d slapped me. “I’m not sneaking….”

He cut me off. “You act like I ain’t watching every fucking move you make with him? I know you were here long before you walked in. I know where you were, but I also know you’re an adult and while I may not approve, I let you have your fun. That’s what I fucking know!”

“What is wrong with you?” I whispered through clenched teeth before smacking his arms free from my shoulders.

“What is wrong with me? I’m trying to let you go and do your thing, but it’s pretty fucking hard when your thing involves Chad, because I know very fucking well what his thing is!”