Trust Me (19 page)

“So close baby, let me have it.” My body is shaking and I am rocking against his face like a damn maniac and I can’t find it in me to care. I am close and I want this feeling to last forever. I feel that familiar tremble inside and I cry out his name. “That’s my girl.” He slips in two fingers and I shatter around him unable to control myself. “It’s mine, it’s mine.” He chants and finishes me off. Slowly and with enough effort to make me shiver he pulls his fingers back and stands between my legs. His eyes are dark and full of needs and desires that I am welcoming gladly. He watches me, maybe looking for signs of duress or fear but he smiles when all he see’s is a satisfied girl desperate for more. I bring my shaking hands up and run them through his hair before kissing him and tasting myself on his lips.

He pulls back and stares me down, like I am prey. “I want you upstairs in my bed and laid out for me Carrie.” He slips his fingers in his mouth and groans closing his eyes for just a second. They had been inside me just moments before and the sight of him doing that had me gasping. He watches me watch him and I feel feral. “Tell me to stop now Carrie or give me it all. There’s no more options baby that’s it.”

There isn’t even a hesitation in me. For the last three weeks, all of the looks in the beginning, the harmless flirting; all the texts and serenades and kisses and fantastic memories in my Honda lead me to this very instant. “I want it all Chad.” And I mean it so literally that I fear he can see through me to my soul.

*

I don’t take in the sight of Chad’s room. I see his bed and the black and grey pillow cases and matching bedspread and I’m happy. He carried me up the stairs and now he leans over the bed and drops me down beneath him. “Kiss me…” I whisper on a plea and he gives in without thought. He lifts me as if I weigh nothing and slides my back up the bed before pulling back.

“You on the pill baby?” And I hate that I’m about to lie to him but the truth of why I am on the pill is not something I want to get into… that and in the end this is Chad Blake ‘Sex God’ and I don’t know if I’m ready for that level of trust just yet. I shake my head no and swear to the Sex God’s I will tell him another time and hope they don’t smite me and forbid me my orgasm for my little white lie. Chad drops his jeans having already discarded his shirt. I see him lean down for his wallet and remove a condom and if I ever wondered if guys really did that then I knew for sure they did. He wastes no time in dropping his boxers and crawling on the bed.

I see him naked for the first time and I want to cry. His body is a mastery of ink and perfection. I can see the Oz tattoo continuing over his chest in the great Emerald City, though his is designed like Seattle. I see script on his ribs and a very sexy pin up over his hip and reaching to his ribs. There is a snake that is coiled down his leg. I always wondered where the snake ended and I know once and for all that it ends at his groin.

His black acoustic guitar is tatted on his other thigh and the art goes on and on. I want to touch every piece and follow the yellow brick road along his body using my mouth. He is a gift to the eyes and mine are watering knowing he is mine and only mine. I hate that the thought brings more unwanted thoughts, ones where I am reminded that many have seen him just like this, have looked at his ink and stared at the perfection of Chad Blake. I banished the thought as quick as it came because I refused to let anything spoil this moment.

“Like what you see baby?” Chad asks and crawls between my legs. I can only nod because he has already started his way up my body. He lifts my foot from the mattress and kisses my instep making me shiver. He smiles and lays my foot down and takes me by the hands sitting me up. “I want to see you too Carrie.” He lists my shirt and my belly flutters as his fingers skim across my waist. Free now of my tank top he quickly discards my bra. Chad gasps when I lay back in nothing but my own skin. It’s then I realize why he is watching me mouth open and eyes glassy.

Now my ink is on display.

His eyes go to my breasts immediately and he cups first the left then the right as his thumbs strum over my nipples. “Who did this ink?” He asks completely entranced by the sight of both my nipples, areola and all tatted in bright red cherries.

“A guy named Fever who we met just after we moved out here. Noah did all the rest but I needed an outside source for my cherries.” I started to feel self conscious. The only other person who had seen them was Candy and I worried now if they weren’t as good as I thought they were. “Why? Are they bad?”

He shakes his head no and pulls one into his mouth and then releasing it with an audible pop! “No it’s the sexiest fucking thing I have ever seen in my life and I do it for a living.”

I smile and laugh relieved that they look good. He scrolls the lyrics on my rib but doesn’t pause because he has seen them before. His touch affects me just as bad if not more as it did the night of our first date when his fingers skimmed me briefly. His eyes though, keep going back to my nipples. Such a guy!

“Any more baby?” He asks and his hands are sliding all over my body. I barely hear him because I am still fixated on his body and how fucking perfect he is.

I say nothing and roll to my side and shift so my lower back is on view. There I have more script and it reads a verse from John Donne.

“I love this poem.”

“You know it?” I ask but he obviously does.

‘License my roving hands, and let them go, before, behind, between, above, below.’

“Why did you choose it Carrie?”

It was such a simple and also sad answer. “I never chose who took my body first.” I can’t look at him as I say this but he has the right to know. “I wanted there to be something new, a secret of sorts that I could offer in place of my virginity. To place those words there, to me it is saying take the control and do with me what you will…”I look at him again and see that he is shaken by my words. “It’s an offering of passion. The poem is about waiting until the right time. It was my first tattoo on virgin skin and has only ever been seen by Noah and now you.” I cup his face in my palm and though I am twisted on my side I look at him and smile. “Now only you and I know the meaning it holds for me.”

“Am I your first?” He asks me softly, rolling me to my stomach and for the first time in my life I am not afraid. I know he isn’t asking about my father but if he is my first choice.

“Yes.” I sigh as he traces the ink.

He sniffs and I wonder again if he is choked up but I don’t try and see because it would ruin the peace.
“How blest am I in this discovering thee! To enter in these bonds is to be free; then where my hand is set, my seal shall be. Full nakedness! All joys are due to thee, as souls unbodied, bodies unclothed must be to taste whole joys.”

I almost cried as he recited another part of Elegy XIX. He understood the gift that the ink was intended to be. He was the absolute best choice.

He lays his body over mine and I feel his breath against my skin and his lips as they trail all the way to my neck and stop just behind my ear. “I’m fucking honored that you are giving me this. Staggered that you trust me to touch you and please you and cherish you. And I will baby. I’ll take this gift and never make you regret giving me it.”

I feel my tears then and there is just no way I can hold back the emotion. He understands my pain even if he doesn’t know the details. He knew what a gift that tattoo was and how deeply I feel about it. He used the word cherished and it meant everything to him. He pulls back just enough to roll me to my back and then kisses me, cupping my face in his hands.

“Don’t cry, not for this baby.” He swipes my tears with his thumbs and then kisses me gently on my lips. “Rejoice that I am yours Carrie. This was meant to happen with me.” I see the strain on his face and the internal fight he has with himself before he tucks my loose hair behind my ear. “I swore I wouldn’t do this but I can’t keep it from you either.”

I stiffen at those words and Chad is immediately shaking his head no. “Not anything bad baby. I just…” He is fighting for words and I want to tell him its fine and to relax. “What I mean when I say that I was meant to be your first is that … you’re kind of my first too. I have fucked a lot of random women but I have never made love before. I never felt for a single girl what I feel for you and I am just as innocent in this moment as you are. I’m terrified that I am gonna ruin this and I promised myself that I wouldn’t touch you until you knew how I felt about you.”

“Chad…” I said but his name died on my lips when he leveled that gaze of his on me.

“You’re giving me a piece of yourself here Carrie. It’s only fare I do the same and all I have that is innocent and untouched is my love and though it’s soon for you it’s not for me. I’ve loved you for so long that I can’t pinpoint a time knowing you that I didn’t love you.”

I am full on crying now and I can’t stop. He just laid himself bare and at my mercy. Offering his heart to me and I feel like maybe it’s always been mine and I didn’t know. I don’t find it weird or scary that he loves me because we have known each other for five years. I feel light years behind him because I am new to this relationship thing but I feel for Chad in a way I never even thought I could.

“Don’t cry baby.” He whispers and I let him kiss me because I need him so much.

“Why am I so lucky lately?” I ask with a gentle smile.

“I’m the lucky one baby. I don’t know what I did to deserve you but I would do it a thousand times over.”

I say the only thing I can and hope I don’t sound lame compared to his confession. “I need you Chad. I don’t know why or how or what I’m supposed to do next but I need you and I hope that it’s okay that I don’t know yet.” I am choking on my words because I can’t say them right. Chad is cupping my face again and kissing me like there is no tomorrow.

“Baby I don’t expect you to feel what I feel. I have wanted you long before you knew I existed outside of Noah. But I couldn’t take a gift like the one you offered me without telling you how deep you’re imbedded inside of me. I needed you to know how much it means to me.”

I nod and pull him against me needing to feel him. “Kiss me then Chad and take my gift.”

His lips are on mine and his body is firm and soft skin over hard ridges. He is between my legs and his hands are everywhere at once. I feel every groove and muscle on his chest as my hands venture south to stroke him. “Tell me you want me please.” I whimper because his fingers are slipping inside of me again and I’m all mushy and goo-goo eyes and girly girl hear me roar. He has the ability to turn me into an annoying fangirl in seconds.

“Holy shit Carrie I fucking want you baby.” He says and I can feel his erection pushing then retreating against my hip. The tip leaves a small streak of wetness and it brings me to the brink lightening fast.

“Take me then!” I say and my words are harsh but driven by the need to have him claim me as his. It’s primal I know but it’s all I want in that moment.

I hear the foil of the condom wrapper and my core weeps in excitement of what’s to come. “Tell me if I’m too rough baby.”

I nod and feel him slip between my feminine lips and slide so deep that he is all I will ever feel.

“Oh…fuck.” I gasp and pinch my eyes closed because I wasn’t expecting the flash of white hot pain to assault me. I tense immediately and try to lock my legs closed.

“Just relax baby and breathe deep.” Chad says but he stays still inside me and I want to push him out but I never want him to leave either. “I won’t move till you tell me.”

He’s kissing me and pinching my nipples light then rough and so on. “Move a little.” I say it like a question because I can figure why I’m in this much pain. He pulls back and slides in again slowly.

“Again?” He asks and his voice is clipped and I can see the sweat lining his forehead. My poor man is so hard and so turned on and he is trying to ease up for me. I nod but I can only watch him as he thrusts into me once again.

I feel the euphoric effects coming back and I say it again and again. “Relax your legs baby let me in.”

I do as he asks and he slips deeper but the pain is gone and only crazy awesome pleasure assails me. “I’m so ok, God you’re so good.” I groan and rock my hips seeking something more.

“Baby you sure?” He asks me but then seals his mouth to mine. I kiss him just as hard because it’s just that good.

“I didn’t realize you were that big so I wasn’t prepared.” I say and arch as he hits a spot inside of me that makes me want to keep him there forever.

He stops moving when I say it and I’m worried immediately. I shift beneath him and he grips my hips hard keeping me still. “Fuck Carrie…” He squeezes his eyes closed for one second then two opening them again they are almost black with desire. “I love that you want me Carrie, but no telling me I’m big or ill be limp in a minute.”

I smile loving instantly the effect I have on him. “Okay Chad.” I say and lay back letting him have me however he wants me. It only takes a few strokes before I’m rocking my hips against him and I’m so close to that brink. “Oh Chad I think I’m gonna come again.” I can barely speak as chills race over my skin and an intense pressure takes hold inside of me. This orgasm is different and I can tell just by the reaction my body is having before I detonate and I know it without understanding that it’s a vaginal orgasm.

I immediately think he will stop but he smiles and winks at me shooting me toward it with a single minded intent. He knows how to please me and for once I am thankful Chad has a sexual past. He grabs my hands and pulls me up and over him, never stopping or pulling out. Now he is upright on his knees and I am spread over him on his lap. We are face to face and he is deeper and harder than before. “Harder?” He asks knowing exactly what I need. I try not to think about how he knows it.

“Yes.” I cry and he grips my hips and pulls me against each thrust. I shatter and lose all control. I arch my back, my head rolling and exposing my neck. Chad is there licking and kissing me groaning as I feel my body shudder and shake with every tremor. I want this all day every day and absolutely nothing else.