Uncle John’s Slightly Irregular Bathroom Reader (51 page)

“Smoke the beaver for a day or so. Cut up the meat and boil it with salted water until done.”

FROZEN FISH EGGS

“Take fish eggs out and freeze them. They are good to eat like this.”

BOILED BONE GREASE

“Boil whatever bones are left after all the meat has been cut off. Boil them all in a big pot for two hours. Then let the grease get cold in the pot. It is easy to pick the grease off. Keep the grease to eat with dry meat or add to pounded meat.”

BOILED REINDEER TONGUES

“Boil tongues until thoroughly cooked. Potatoes and vegetables are good with this.”

DRY FISH PUDDING

“Pound up 5 to 6 dry fish. Throw away skin. Add sugar, a little grease, and cranberries.”

JELLIED MOOSE NOSE

“Cut the upper jaw bone of the moose just below the eyes. Boil in a large kettle for 45 minutes. Remove and chill. Pull out all the hairs (like plucking a duck) and wash until none remain. Place nose in a kettle and cover with fresh water. Add onion, garlic, spices, and vinegar. Bring to a boil, then reduce heat and simmer until meat is tender. Let cool overnight. When cool, discard the bones and cartilage. You will have white meat from the bulb of the nose and dark meat from the bones and jowls. Slice thinly and alternate layers of white and dark meat in a loaf pan. Let cool until jelly has set. Slice and serve cold.”

BAKED SKUNK

“Clean, skin, wash. Bake in oven with salt and pepper. Tastes like rabbit (no smell).”

Canadian Hulda Crooks climbed Mt. Fuji...at age 91.

On June 20, 2004, Vice President Dick Cheney made an off-color remark to Senator Patrick Leahy of Vermont and made history. We can’t print exactly what he said, but neither could the news media. Here are a few of the creative ways they reported the story
.

•
Washington Post
:
“Cheney exploded in colorful profanity.”

•
CBS News:
“Cheney Gives Leahy An ‘F’.”

•
Capital Times
:
“Dick Cheney to Pat Leahy: Go f*$@! yourself.”

•
Spokesmanreview.com
:
“Cheney delivered a popular epithet (see
The Sopranos
).”

•
Boston Herald
:
“Bleep the veep: Angry Cheney tells senator to **** OFF!”

•
Christian Science Monitor
:
“The Vice President allegedly used a four-letter word to suggest Leahy engage in a procreative anatomical impossibility.”

•
L.A. Times
:
“Go...yourself.”

•
Charleston Post Courier
:
“Go [expletive deleted] yourself.”

•
The Calgary Sun
:
“Go (bleep) yourself.”

•
Weekly World News
:
“Cheney On F-Word Rampage!”

•
Herald Sun
:
“Cheney swears an oath.”

•
Springfield News Leader
:
“Cheney dismissed Leahy with the offensive language.”

•
CNN:
“Cheney replied “f—off” or “go f—yourself.”

•
Japan Today:
“Cheney used a naughty word...”

•
USA TODAY
:
“Tells Sen. Leahy to “go f*** yourself.”

•
DNCNews:
“Cheney uses ‘Big-time’ swear word.”

•
Canada Free Press
:
“Oh, fudge!”

•
MSNBC:
“Cheney then used the “f” word.”

•
Houston Chronicle
:
“Cheney...vulgarly proposed that Sen. Leahy do something impossible to himself.”

•
FOXNEWS:
“...one of George Carlin’s seven deadly words.”

•
Vice President Cheney:
“I felt better after I’d done it.”

Mussolini invented the fascist “raised hand” salute because he had a handshaking phobia.

Here are a few more interesting word origins we’ve come across
.

L
OLLAPALOOZA

Meaning:
An extraordinary person or thing

Origin:
“The French expression
allez-fusil
, ‘Forward the musket!’, became common in Ireland after French troops landed there in 1798. County Mayo residents pronounced it ‘ally foozee’ and coined a new word from it, meaning ‘sturdy fellow,’ from which comes
lollapalooza
.” (From
Encyclopedia of Word and Phrase Origins
, by Robert Hendrickson)

BUCKAROO

Meaning:
A working cowboy

Origin:
“The term
buckaroo
is an anglicized pronunciation of the Spanish word
vaquero
, meaning cowboy. It was generalized in the 19th century to refer to ranch hands.” (From
Western Lore and Language
, by Thomas L. Clark)

JUNK

Meaning:
Something having no value or use; trash

Origin:
“Even before the days of Columbus,
junk
was the name given to pieces of old rope found about a ship. Rather than being tossed overboard,
junk
was saved until another use could be found. It could be stuffed between leaky planks to seal the seams; long pieces were used to snug things down; and short chunks were used as wadding in guns during battle. Eventually the word made its way ashore and was used to refer to any discarded object for which another use might be found.” (From
Scuttlebutt
, by Teri Degler)

DUD

Meaning:
Anything that fails to live up to our expectations

Origin:
“The original 15th century meaning was ‘an article of clothing.’ It eventually came to mean ‘tattered clothes,’ and by the 17th century, scarecrows attired in cast-off clothing were being called
dudmen
. Sometime in the 19th century we began to use
dud
to mean anything ineffective or fraudulent, a usage that got a big boost during World War I, when unexploded artillery shells were called
duds
.” (From
The Word Detective
, by Evan Morris)

Not so new-age: The term “aromatherapy” was coined in 1928.

RIGMAROLE

Meaning:
Fast talk used to confuse the listener or hide the truth

Origin:
“
Ragman
was a designation applied to certain feudal officials in England. When Edward I invaded Scotland in 1296, he forced all nobles and gentry to sign a ‘ragman’s roll’ as a token of allegiance. He then sent couriers all over the country reading the names to commoners, hoping that announcing the submission of their leaders would bring resistance to an end. Edward’s weary messengers reeled off the names so quickly that they were difficult to understand. Hence
any
jumble of words became a ragman’s rol
l
, and then, streamlined from frequent use, a
rigamarole
.” (From
Why You Say It
, by Webb Garrison)

SLEUTH

Meaning:
A detective or private eye

Origin:
“In the 12th century,
sleuth
meant ‘trail’ or ‘track.’ But in the 15th century,
sleuth
came to be used as a shortening of ‘sleuth-hound’, that is, a species of bloodhound used for tracking game or trailing fugitives, especially in Scotland. The word was adopted in the 19th century for a detective, who carried out the duties of a ‘sleuthhound’ at a more sophisticated level.” (From
Dunces, Gourmands and Petticoats
, by Adrian Room)

GOSSAMER

Meaning:
Something delicate, light, or flimsy

Origin:
“It originally meant ‘fine cobwebs.’ The theory: mid-autumn is a time when geese for the table are plentiful (November was once known as
gänsemonat
, ‘geese-month’ in German), so a warm period around then might have been termed
goose-summer
(we now call it
Indian summer
). Silken filaments of
gossamer
are most commonly observed floating in the air on such warm fall days, and so the spiders’ webs were christened with the name of the season.” (From
Dictionary of Word Origins
, by John Ayto)

Walt Whitman served three years in the Civil War...as a nurse.

Put on your thinking caps—some of these are pretty tough. (Answers are on
page 517
.)

1
.
Start with these letters:

ERGRO

If you place three letters in front of them, and the same three letters after them—in the same order—you’ll form a common word. You may have to dig deep for the answer.

2
.
These names may look unfamiliar, but they’re actually anagrams of the names of famous people. Can you figure out who they are?

a.
Charlie J. Damon

b.
Dave Rio Larger

c.
Ana Mond

d.
Stella Big

e.
Tina Borly

f.
Uveka Serene

g.
Joel Chunn

3
.
What should the 10th number in this series be? (We’d like to give you a hint, but we shouldn’t have to spell it out for you.)

3, 3, 5, 4, 4, 3, 5, 5, 4...

4
.
Divide 30 by 1/2 and add 10. What is the answer?

5
.
John’s number is 47. Thom’s number is 56. Brian’s number is 44. What’s Jay’s number?

6
.
What three letters can be placed in front of each of these words to form a new word?

TIME
SPORT

SAGE
SWORD

SABLE

7
.
The correct mathematical signs have been removed from this equation and replaced with asterisks. Can you figure out the correct signs?

18
*
8
*
2
*
2 = 71

8
.
The top row of a typewriter keyboard has these letters:

QWERTYUIOP

What common 10-letter word can you make using these letters? (You can repeat letters.)

9
.
There are four words in the English language that begin with the letters “dw.” Name them.

There is no constitutional way to remove a Supreme Court Justice for incompetence.

Supremo Uncle John thinks this whizzo page of expressions from the 1940s is unputdownable
.

Beefburger:
Another name for
hamburger
, which was considered misleading.

Steakburger:
A high-class, high-priced beefburger.

Slimline:
Sleek styling of consumer products such as radios and televisions, inspired by streamlined trains and planes.

TTFN:
Good-bye (short for “Ta-ta for now!”).

Mug:
A violent robbery. From the boxing expression, “hit in the mug (face).”

Sweater girl:
A movie starlet who wears tight sweaters to call attention to her bust.

Robomb:
Short for
robot bomb
, the name given to German V-1 rockets before such weapons became known as
guided missiles
.

Toecover:
A cheap, useless item given as a gift.

Oceanarium:
An aquarium big enough to hold dolphins, whales, or other large creatures.

Peek-a-boo:
A woman’s hair-style in which the hair falls over one eye, but not the other.

Unputdownable:
Just what it sounds like: a book or magazine article that’s so good you can’t put it down.

Vacky:
An evacuee. During World War II, British women and children moved from the cities to the safer countryside.

Shortie:
A prefix for extra-short garments—shortie skirts, shortie pajamas, etc. It was eventually replaced by
mini
.

Tail-end Charlie:
The person who mans the gun in the tail end of a World War II bomber.

Step out:
To parachute from an airplane.

Whizzo:
Wonderful.

Delhi belly:
Intestinal disorder experienced by western visitors to India.

Atomize:
Destroy something with a nuclear weapon.

Squillion:
An unspecified, very large number, like zillion.

Supremo:
The highest military officer in the land, kind of like
generalissimo
.

Nurembergs:
Hemorrhoids.

Your capillaries are about 1/3000 of an inch in diameter...thinner than a hair.

Here’s the second installment of our history of the 1953 coup in Iran. (Part I is on
page 155
.)