Unplugged (27 page)

“
I worry that I’m not enough,” I say quietly.

“
Why? Because you’re not Honey?”

Her
straight talking is a surprise, but also a relief. “Partly, but I’m a single mum and very ordinary.”

“
Not to Liam, and that’s what matters.”

“
I suppose.”

Sky stands.
“When I first met the Blue Phoenix guys, I liked Liam the most. Partly because I was pissed off with Dylan at the time, but mostly because Liam’s a genuine guy. I’m glad he didn’t marry Honey. You hungry?”

I shake my head as Sky walks over to the guys. Liam told me Sky tells it like it is and her honesty and openness is refreshing, if not a little off-putting. As soon as she reaches Dylan, he encloses her in his arms and kisses her head, conversation with Liam over.

As the evening progresses, the more I see how Sky and Dylan exist in their own world. They speak and are polite; but it’s as if we’re on the edge of something that they keep hidden. Maybe it’s because they are used to protecting themselves from scrutiny; perhaps they don’t realise they’re doing it, but Sky and Dylan are intense.

A few wines later and Sky relaxes around me.
We sit on cushioned benches beneath the paved patio near the pool, a long glass table covered in empty bottles and half-finished meals. I whisper secrets I know about the teen Blue Phoenix, telling her about their disastrous first gigs and how painful it was living above their favourite rehearsal place. At first, Dylan appears put out by my revealing his embarrassing past, but Liam teases him over caring about his image too much and Sky agrees. Another dent to his ego happens when Ella appears in the glass doorway.

The sleepy girl wanders over and sits on my knee as I recline on the
bench next to Liam. She barely registers Sky and Dylan, who watch curiously, as Liam switches his attention to Ella.

“
Are you okay?” he asks her.

“
I woke up.” Ella says.

“
I can see that,” I say. “Were you dreaming about Magic Mountain?”

Ella smiles sleepily.
“Liam was scared.”

“
I was not!”

“
You held my hand and squeezed really tight!” she says.

Liam puts his finger to his lips.
“Shush! Don’t tell Dylan and Sky.”

Ella turns to them as if only realising they
’re there. “Hello.”

“
Hi, Ella,” smiles Sky and nudges Dylan.

“
Yeah, hello.” Dylan turns back to Liam. “You were going to tell me about Jem and this band he’s discovered. You reckon they’re good enough to join the tour next year?”

“
I was talking to Liam,” says Ella to Dylan. “Don’t be rude.”

Dylan flips a stunned look between Liam and me.
“Um. Okay.”

Sky sniggers into her wine.
“Yeah,
Dylan
, not everybody is impressed by your rock god status.”

Dylan scowls at Sky
, but he clearly has no idea what to say to Ella. I’m embarrassed she spoke to him like that, but I always tell her off when she interrupts my conversations.

“
Come on, Ella. Let’s find Emily. Maybe she can fix you a snack before you go back to bed.” I lift her onto the floor.

“
Night, Liam.” Ella leans down and kisses his cheek. His discomfort with her affection lessens as the days pass, but this time his hug is awkward, and I know why as a shocked Dylan looks on. As far as Ella’s concerned, anybody I show affection to should get hers too.

“
I’ll be back soon,” I say to Liam and kiss him gently on the mouth.

Luckily, he
’s not as reticent about showing affection to me and gives me a slow, lingering kiss.

****

LIAM

I brace myself for Dylan’s reaction as Sky unfolds herself from the sofa and heads toward the kitchen with her empty bottle of wine, still snickering.

“
Dude...” Dylan says and shakes his head.

“
What?”

“
The kid! You’re real daddy material!” He snorts and drinks.

“
She’s part of Cerys’s life, man, so she’s part of mine.”

“
Mmhmm.” A bowl of corn chips rest on the table in front and Dylan grabs a handful. “I never thought I’d see you with Cerys Edwards.”

“
Yeah, I never thought I’d see you stick with one girl. I guess we’re all full of surprises.”

“
Touché. So you’re serious then?”

“
I think so.”

“
Is she the reason for the wedding disaster?” continues Dylan, shovelling more chips into his mouth.

“
Not beating around the bush, are you?”

Sky reappears with a bottle of red wine, face flushed. I know enough about Sky to spot when she
’s had too much to drink. “What’re you talking about?” she asks.

“
Liam’s wedding.”

Sky
’s eyes widen. “Are you getting married again?” I open my mouth to retort and she puts a hand over hers. “I mean a proper one.” She shakes her head. “Crap, I mean one you’ll turn up for...”

“
Sky, you’re drunk and digging a hole,” says Dylan and laughs. “I asked if Cerys was the reason for the last disaster.”

“
Can we not discuss my personal life?” I snap. “What about you guys? Set a date yet?” I’m secretly pleased by the shifting looks and lack of response. Ha.

“
No,” says Dylan eventually.

Sky pours a glass and takes a long drink without replying.

Silence. Great, my attempt at a comeback is a conversation killer.

“
I like Cerys,” says Sky. “Hang onto her.”

“
I intend to.”

“
But don’t scare her; your life is a world away from hers, especially with Ella.”

“
I know.” I’m irritated by their continued intrusion into my personal life.

“
Just talking from experience, Liam.”

Dylan rubs Sky
’s shoulders and hugs her close; she snuggles into him and kisses his arm. Their love is obvious to everyone around. Could I ever have that with Cerys?

Cerys reappears and
with her, the absolute certainty we can. She only has to enter a room I’m in, and the world retreats to me and her. I love Cerys, and when we’re apart, everything inside aches for her in a frightening way I haven’t experienced before. She crosses over and sits on my lap, resting her head on mine, in a way as natural as I see in the couple with us. I nudge her neck, she smells of roses and chlorine from the pool, of Cerys and home. I hold her tight and bury my face into her warm skin, wishing we could live here forever and never let her go back to Wales.

CHAPTER 26

CERYS

Ella paddles at the edge of the surf, filling her bucket with water. She heads back to where I sit on the rug with Liam and pours the water into the moat by her sandcastle. Ella
’s face is pink so I call her over to touch her cheeks, which are too hot. She’s not used to the strong sun, so I know our last day on the beach will be short.

I sit between Liam
’s legs, resting my head against his warm, naked chest. Encompassed by Liam and this life, reality retreated; but is returning the way the tide edges toward us.

“
Are you sure you won’t stay longer?” he asks.

“
I think the longer we stay, the more Ella will get used to this and the harder it will be to explain this was just a holiday.”

“
You could stay here as long as you wanted though,” he presses.

“
She starts school in a few weeks. In Cardiff.”

Liam
’s hot breath huffs against my neck. “I guess.”

I twist and see the disappointment in his eyes.
“We keep having this conversation.”

“
I don’t like being away from you.”

“
Wherever I am, you’ll be away from me sometimes; it’s your life. So I’d prefer to be somewhere I’m comfortable when you are away.”

“
Like a Malibu mansion?” he asks, poking me.

I pull a
‘stop talking about this’ face and place my lips on his instead. “Like a terraced house in Cardiff.”

“
Ugh. Cerys. I’m going to buy a place there.”

“
No, you’re not.”

“
Yes, I am. Suit yourself if you don’t want to live there.” He rests back on his arms again, the muscles in his biceps flexing as he does.

Wanting to avoid an argument, I go to Ella,
and crouch down to help her with the moat. She’s getting frustrated that the water seeps away however hard she tries to fill the space. The last couple of days, Ella’s been moodier with darkened smudges beneath her eyes. This holiday excitement is having a bad effect on her behaviour; she’s spoilt.

“
Ten more minutes, then we need to finish packing your things,” I tell Ella.

“
I want to stay here,” she says digging furiously with her spade.

“
I know, but we have to go home. Daddy misses you.”

Craig calls every day, demanding answers about why I took Ella to the States without telling him and insisting on talking to her. Strange how his sudden interest in Ella coincided with something happening outside of his control. I don
’t understand his behaviour because he knew we were going away. Craig’s insistent he’s coming over to the house as soon as we get back to Cardiff. We land in the morning and I protest how selfish he is because we’ll be tired.

Craig laughed saying I was the one being selfish. I hung up.

The sunlight bounces off the blue of the Pacific, the horizon meeting the ocean and the sky clear of clouds. I’m in a dream I’ll wake up from. Eager to feel the warm water on my feet one last time, I head to the shoreline and let the waves lap over my toes. Liam joins me and holds my hand.

The simple gesture, the gentleness of his touch and warmth of his presence drags reality back. We
’re leaving all this behind tomorrow and a few days after that, we return to our individual worlds, only seeing each other occasionally. I’m tangled with Liam’s life and the thread pulls me into knots. I fight the coming tears but one escapes.

“
Cerys? What’s wrong?” asks Liam.

“
It hurts,” I say quietly.

“
What hurts? Are you okay?”

The words I
’ve bottled up as they’ve grown in my mind over the last couple of days stumble out. “Loving you hurts because I know one day it will tear me apart. And when you do, it’ll break Ella’s heart too.”

“
I don’t understand. I’m not going to hurt you.”

“
Really? How can you promise that? Nobody can.”

He takes my arm and turns me toward him.
“You don’t understand. I don’t just love you; but I ache for you when I can’t see or touch you. I have done ever since you kissed me in the bedroom at Christmas. Even the slightest touch soothes me because I somehow sense you love me, too.” He rests his fingers beneath my chin and kisses me softly. “I feel connected and complete.”

I sniff back the stupid tears that are so unwarranted around Liam, the man who speaks from his heart to mine. Holding his face with one hand, I return his kiss.

Liam rubs away the tear that touches his cheek. “The idea of anything or anyone hurting you or when I see Craig upsetting you, I get something like anger, but worse –it flashes through me. I want to wrap you both up away from the world and keep you safe.”

Liam, the laid-back guy with a big heart, hides another man beneath. I know this Liam; he
’s the dominant and possessive man who finds his way into our bed. The fact I arouse this uncontrolled side of him concerns me. I’m not afraid Liam will hurt me, but I am worried about his reaction if anybody else does.

“
I love you and I want to take care of you,” he says. “I want to always be there for you and Ella, and whatever happens, I will be.”

“
Thank you.”

Slipping my hands around his neck and digging my fingers into the back of his hair, I look into the eyes of a man struggling with how he feels. The connection we have through a look or a touch is strange, the unspoken communication finally allowing me to understand how two people are meant to be.

“So you’re saying you’re a lion and not a kitten?” I ask.

Liam grabs my backside and pulls me into
his hips. “You don’t need to ask me that.”