Vengeful Shadows (16 page)

She sighed. But what about Zander? She’d thought she’d been in love once before. With
him
. But even before he’d hurt her, she’d never experienced the kind of soul-deep connection she felt with Zander.

She wasn’t stupid. She knew she was alone in her emotions. She also knew the heat between them was genuine. Well, genuine enough. She wanted Zander more than she’d ever wanted any other man, and apparently he wasn’t all that picky. Would it be so bad to give in to their desire? By the time he moved on to the next woman, their friendship would be over anyway.

She’d have to find a new place to live. As soon as he no longer needed her help, she’d leave. She couldn’t possibly stay in the same house, hearing the passionate cries of the next woman he brought home. She couldn’t bear the thought of eventually having to watch him fall in love with someone else. At least, she’d have the memories of him to take with her.

She tried to think rationally. Maybe, this wasn’t love at all. Maybe, this was just her psyche’s misguided bid for dominion over the uncertainty in her life. Maybe convincing herself she was falling in love with him was just another way of sorting out her control issues. Or maybe, she was just plain crazy. Besides, she didn’t believe in love. Not anymore.

A stick snapped beyond the protective glow of the lights. She straightened, alert. Had the stalker tracked her here? She supposed it was possible. He knew where she worked and could have easily followed them to the university. Or it could simply be a raccoon looking for dinner.

Looking into the darkness, she strained her ears, listening for any sign of movement. The door opened behind her and she whirled around.

“Are you hiding?” Zander asked.

“I needed a break from the crowd,” she said, still on high alert.

Another twig snapped on the grounds behind the garden. Tessa startled and backed into him, trying to stare beyond the trees.

“We need to talk,” he murmured in her ear.

“Okay,” she agreed, wanting to leave the deserted garden.

“Okay?” he asked. “I say we need to talk, and you say okay?”

“Um, yeah,” she answered, still scanning the bushes, not exactly sure what she’d agreed to. The sound of stone scraping stone stopped her from asking. Was her stalker watching, waiting in the darkness?

“I bet they’re just about ready to serve dinner,” she said brightly. Too brightly, she decided when she saw the confused expression on Zander’s face. Pretending she didn’t notice, she pushed him toward the door, unable to resist a last look behind her.

* * * *

Tessa glanced at Zander in the dim interior of his jeep. Streetlights flashed in rapid succession, strobing across his features as the vehicle picked up speed. He loosened his tie. It was too dark to see the scratches well but they’d been burned into her memory. Even now, she thought she caught a glimpse of the marks at the open neck of his shirt. Glancing up, she met his shadowed eyes.

He divided his attention between her and the roads. The concern she found in his gaze tugged at her heart. “What’s going on?” he asked. “You’ve been preoccupied all night.”

It’s like this, Zander. I’m being stalked by some psycho, and the police have no idea who the guy is. I’m getting far too comfortable pretending to be your lover. And, oh yeah, just to make my life extra-fun, I think I may have fallen in love with you.

She was so tired of telling edited versions of the truth. Tired of second-guessing everyone and watching every shadow. Just for a minute, she wished she could be honest and give Zander the answers to his questions. She wanted to forget about everything. She wanted to lose herself in his arms. Just for a little while.

The air between them was thick with expectation, as he waited for her response.

“I guess I’m just stressed out.” No lie there.

“About what?”

Now came the tricky part.

“Mostly about work.” That’s where the majority of her fan mail showed up, so it wasn’t a complete lie. “I’m sorry if I’m adding to it.”

She shrugged. “You’re not.”

He made a disbelieving sound.

“Much,” she added. Given her choice between the two stressors, she’d take Zander any day.

She glanced out the window. He’d parked in front of their house, and she hadn’t even noticed.

He cut the engine. “Okay.”

He didn’t sound as if he believed her at all. What a surprise.

“Then what the hell happened Sunday night? By the way, I’m not going to buy the work excuse, so don’t bother.”

Without a word, she stepped out of the vehicle and walked to the door that led to the upper floor, needing some space between them. He followed and stood at her elbow as she slid her key in the lock.

“I got carried away,” she finally said over her shoulder, refusing to meet his gaze. “It’s been a really long time for me, and when I realized what I was doing with my friend, I freaked out a little.”

There. That wasn’t a lie at all.

He followed her into the house and up the narrow stairs, a comforting warmth behind her. With shaking fingers, she unlatched the deadbolt. She wanted to drag him inside. Inside her apartment. Inside her body. Inside her heart.

“So you’re holding yourself entirely responsible for what happened?”

She didn’t like where this was headed. He was using his I’m-going-trap-you-with-your-own-words tone.

“I don’t want to play games with you, Zander.”

“Good. Games aren’t what I had in mind.”

Tessa’s stomach curled in anticipation, and she turned to look at him. The heated intent in his eyes told her this was the moment of truth. One way or the other, their relationship was about to change.

“I’m not sure what you remember about the other night,” he murmured, “but you weren’t the only one getting carried away.”

He took the keys from her nerveless fingers and clicked open the next lock. Her stomach dropped to the floor at the sound.

“I wanted to touch you more than I wanted my next breath. I still want you that much.” The dark promise in his voice caressed her skin. He touched her cheek. The brush of his fingers sent an electric jolt along her nerve endings. “I think you want me, too.”

He cupped her face with both hands and stroked his thumbs across her cheekbones. His skin was so warm against hers. Unable to stop herself, she turned her head and grazed the palm of his hand with her lips and teeth.

His breath hissed out at the contact.

Holding his gaze, she raised her face. She wanted his mouth on her so badly she was ready to beg.

What was she doing? The memory of his kisses heated her from the inside out, and she was willingly walking into the fire.

He lowered his head. “Tell me you don’t want this, and I’ll go.”

Chapter Ten

Tessa was tired of fighting this attraction, and she was tired of being scared and lonely. She had no gossamer illusions that there would be anything more than sex and friendship between them. She wasn’t the same person she was ten years ago. The girl who believed in love had vanished one sunny, October morning and hadn’t been seen since.

Zander’s lips hovered above hers. “Tell me,” he urged.

Admit that she wanted him too and have what would probably be the best sex of her life, or walk away? It was her choice. No matter what she decided, their friendship wouldn’t survive. Either way, this was the beginning of the end.

He stared at her as if she was all he could see. All he wanted to see. His words echoed in her head, sliding like warm velvet along her skin, and his gaze burned her. It made her want things she could never have. Like love. The closest she’d get was his body.

An overwhelming sadness stole her ability to speak, and she wished this could be real. She shook off the pain. She didn’t believe in love, and she sure as hell didn’t believe in happy endings. This was the best she and Zander would get. She’d be an idiot not to take it.

“Don’t go,” she whispered.

The warmth of his hand left her face, and he turned the key. The last locking mechanism tumbled over with a metallic thunk that shuddered along her limbs. Their breathing sounded abnormally loud in the quiet hallway. Each inhalation drew them closer together.

She drove her fingers through his hair and tugged him forward. He locked his arms around her and dragged her against the hard planes of his body. The sensation should have frightened her. It would have frightened her if he’d been anyone else. Instead, it heightened her need, fanning the flames higher. Restraint was no longer an option.

Pushing against him, she held his head motionless for her kiss. She traced the seam of his mouth before gently sinking her teeth into his lower lip. Though he didn’t frighten her, she still needed to be in charge of this encounter. She couldn’t help but glance at his chest. Look what had happened the last time she’d lost it. She wasn’t ready—didn’t know if she’d ever be ready to succumb to helplessness again.

She unfastened a couple more buttons on his shirt. The scratches mocked her in the dim light of the hallway. If it were possible for them to have a voice, she knew they’d sound like him. It was time to lay those ghosts to rest.

She placed soft kisses over the injured area before moving up the firm column of Zander’s neck to his jaw. She dragged her hands down his sides, enjoying the muscles shifting under her touch.

The heated appreciation in his eyes made her stomach clench in anticipation. There would be no stopping this time. They’d simply get their fill of one another and move on. Her hand tightened on his flank as a panicked thought surfaced. What if she never got her fill?

That would be too much like falling in love. She refused to let that happen. She pushed away the worry and met his gaze. He stared at her as if she were a piece of priceless art on a pedestal. That wasn’t what she wanted from him. The person he saw wasn’t real. She wanted him to see her as a flesh and blood woman. His friend. His lover. If only for a short while.

Lifting her hand, Tessa laid it along the side of his face. He averted his head, grazing her sensitive wrist with his lips. Her body ached with wanting. Years of longing and denial welled up and rushed over her in a torrent. She grasped his shoulders and tugged him closer.

“Kiss me,” she whispered. For the first time in so long, desire eclipsed the inevitable anxiety of intimacy.

Zander groaned, powerless to the arousal that slammed through him whenever Tessa was in his arms. Demanding his response, she lifted her face and offered her mouth. Her lips, sweet and full, beckoned to him like forbidden fruit, and damn him if he could withstand the temptation. She tilted back her head and held his gaze. Tightening her hands in his hair, she urged him to meet her kiss. With infinite care, he caressed her mouth, tasting, worshiping until her breath was a soft sigh.

Raising his head, he stared into her eyes. Resolve mixed with heat and longing in her expression as though she’d made some monumental choice. He wanted to ask her about it, but frustration gnawed at him. She still hadn’t adequately answered his questions about the other night. So many secrets hid behind her passion. He wanted to puzzle out each of her mysteries, but now wasn’t the time. For Tessa, whatever the reason, sharing her body was easier than sharing her soul. Right now, he’d take what he could get.

Anticipation grew, pulling their awareness of one another taut. She bit her lower lip. Indecision? Would she push him away again? He was dying for her touch, to feel her wrapped around him but he’d wait as long as she needed. He just hoped it wouldn’t be much longer.

Eyes alight with want, she sighed and shifted against him, as if responding to his unspoken longing. Every sound that strained from her throat intensified his desire. He lowered his face to hers and surrendered to the need he couldn’t suppress, tasting her lips, her neck, the hollow of her throat. Her skin was silk under his touch. Drawn closer by her spicy-sweet scent, he ran his fingers over her back and devoured her mouth. He wanted to go slowly, be gentle with her, take his time, but he couldn’t slow the frantic pace.

Her complicated shirt loosened as he caressed her. Zander slipped his hand under the slack fabric and circled her navel with the pad of his thumb. She trembled, and her eyes snapped open, pinning him with her heat. Her warm, smooth skin teased his fingertips, and her appreciative sigh feathered hot against his neck. Intense need speared him. He’d never wanted anyone the way he wanted Tessa. He didn’t bother to try to analyze the thought before it drifted away with the scent of late, summer blossoms and warm woman.

“Inside,” she gasped.

For a breathless moment, he thought she meant inside her body. She twisted the door handle and led him into her apartment. It was close enough. For now.

Barely aware of her fingers working the rest of his buttons free from their holes, he focused on her ragged breathing. Her flushed cheeks and parted lips revealed her need. God, he wanted her.

Spreading the fabric wide, she skimmed her small hands over his chest and across his stomach. His groin tightened in response to her teasing fingers.

Trailing her lips along his jaw and throat, she returned to the injured area and rested her cheek against it. He felt the perceptible weight of her regret, and his heart constricted. He murmured wordless reassurances into her hair.

Recovering her composure, she straightened in his embrace, all signs of hesitancy gone. She placed warm, open-mouthed kisses over his chest, occasionally flicking his nipples with the tip of her tongue. His breath caught in his throat as she scraped across the sensitive flesh with her teeth. With jerky, rushed movements, she dragged his shirt and jacket from his body and dropped them on the floor.

Reaching behind him, she locked the door. The sound of the bolts sliding home echoed in the pit of his stomach with the finality of a decision made. He gripped her hips and pulled her closer, close enough for her to feel the proof of his desire. She groaned softly and melted against him. He took her mouth, desperate to discover everything about her. Maybe he could learn by touch what he couldn’t with words.