Wrestling With Love (19 page)

“Hey there. What’re you doing?”

Scott turned with a start, covering his heart with his hand. “Shit. You scared me.”

He walked over to Derek and pulled him into a hug, smelling of freshly cut grass and 90

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sweat. The scent caused Derek’s cock to thicken in his pants. “I’m deciding which bed we should use.”

Derek smiled. “I’ll tell you what. Let’s spend tonight in one and tomorrow night in the other and we can see which one inspires us more.” All I care about is what we’ll be doing in one of those beds.

Scott’s eyes filled with mischief. Placing his hand behind Derek’s neck, he pulled him in, sealing their mouths together, and sliding his tongue between his lips. He tasted of Pepsi and breath mints. As the kiss deepened, Derek reached around Scott’s waist and pulled their hips together, their erections pressing against each other. After another few seconds, Scott pulled out of the kiss. “Shit. I forgot the door was open. Do you think anyone saw us?” He pulled away from Derek and poked his head out, glancing up and down the hallway, then shut the door. “No one’s in the hall.”

Derek slumped his shoulders. “That’s a relief.” The sarcasm in his voice was obvious to him, but Scott didn’t seem to notice. “Orientation was interesting today. I got paired off with Tyrell and he was actually kind of cool instead of a prick.”

Scott’s smile disappeared as the corners of his mouth curved down. “I don’t like that kid. You need to watch out for him.”

A retort bubbled to Derek’s tongue, an argument ready to happen. Why does Scott have to react so negatively? Does he think I’m helpless and can’t look out for myself? Rather than fight, he dropped his bag on the floor. “Have you eaten? I’m starving.”

Scott’s frown lifted and brightness returned to his face as his broad smile and prominent dimples lit up his face once again. “I was waiting for you. C’mon. Let’s eat.”

He allowed Scott to lead him to the cafeteria, listening to him talk about his orientation group meeting and wrestling try-outs. Derek remained quiet, nodding and responding as appropriate, but in the back of his mind, he was replaying his conversation with Tyrell. I know there’s a good guy in there. It would be nice to have a friend I can share things with. Then, when Scott pisses me off like this, I’ll have someone to bitch to about it who really understands. He instinctively reached for Scott’s hand, but stopped himself just in time, the restraint fueling his aggravation. What bothered him most was that this morning he had been so disappointed, filled with doubt and worry that maybe Scott didn’t want to have sex with him. That maybe there was something wrong with him. He had spent all day thinking about their evening, what their first time together would be like. Yet his frustration with Scott, his rising anger that Scott didn’t seem to be on the same page as him, or worse, didn’t trust that he could take care of himself, pushed the desire to have sex out of his mind. Realizing that the two of them didn’t seem to be on the same page drove the wedge that was forming between them a little bit further into place. As they got ready for bed, Derek remained unusually quiet, wanting to see what Scott would say or do to make up for his comments earlier in the day. When he said nothing, Derek’s anger flared, but once again, he kept it in. As they climbed into bed, Scott sliding in behind him and wrapping his arm around Derek’s body, the stark 91

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contrast between the cocoon of warmth surrounding his body and the icicles in his heart was almost painful.

Scott’s breath became slow and even, and before long, a gentle purr of a snoring sound emitted from him. Knowing Scott had been able to fall asleep so easily, clueless to the fact that Derek lay there hurting and upset, was more than he could bear. His mind began reeling, but there was nothing he could do. He couldn’t wake Scott up and start a fight over something he didn’t even recognize as a problem. That would do nothing to make him feel better. He needed Scott to see how important it was to initiate their intimacy, the intimacy they had promised each other, without Derek having to remind him or ask for it. He had done enough to set the stage. At some point, Scott needed to pick up the slack and show him that their relationship, moving to the next stage, mattered as much to him.

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Chapter Eight

On Monday, the rest of the student body showed up. It was like the private campus which had felt so large and spacious suddenly turned into a crowded city. Derek had breakfast with Scott as usual, but there was a residual tension that lingered between them. His exhaustion certainly didn’t help matters much. Scott’s easy slumber had been a stark contrast to his own fitful restlessness. Somehow, having Scott in the bed with him, specifically not doing what Derek had hoped he would have done, made sleeping virtually impossible. The minutes had dragged endlessly, until sometime around four a.m. he had finally fallen asleep.

Trudging across campus to his first college course, an experience which should have been exciting and energized, felt like a chore. Worse, yet, he was taking Introduction to Psychology. With his luck, the professor would open with his position on Freud’s theory of Ego and Id, and Derek was pretty sure where his ego would tell his id to go stuff itself if he were forced to confront his inner demons. The thought elicited a short chuckle from him, but it wasn’t enough to lighten his mood. After class, he sat with several of the kids from his first class outside the Psych building. His fellow classmates were chattering excitedly about their dorms, parties that had already been planned, hot chicks the guys had noticed and gorgeous hunks the girls had flirted with. Everyone around him seemed to have exactly the right attitude and spirit of starting college, new adventures, and reveling in new freedom. Their excitement only fueled his own sense of disappointment and exhaustion. Not wanting to seem like a downer, he quietly excused himself and headed outside. The weather was still beautiful and the sun always made him feel better. It wasn’t until he had walked for a few minutes that he decided to call Scott and find out how his first class had gone. When he flipped open his phone, he was surprised to find that he had a missed text message. That’s right, I put my phone on silent during class. Without looking at the number, he opened the message. Hi, it’s me. You said to call if I wanted to get together. What are you doing for lunch today? Derek stared at the message, trying to figure out what Scott could possibly mean by “if I wanted to get together” but then noticed that the number did not have a Massachusetts area code. It’s Tyrell. Derek felt a mixture of relief and dread as the realization hit him. In the end, relief won and he texted back. Heading to lunch now. If you want to meet, I’ll be @ the caf near the Psych bldg. D.

He put his phone from silent to vibrate and replaced it in his pocket, then headed toward the cafeteria. He hadn’t even made it five steps, before his cell buzzed in his pocket, causing a tickling sensation to run along his upper thigh and naval. Taking out his cell and flipping it open, the message was short and to the point. C U There. Five minutes later, he was standing in line with Tyrell babbling about the boys in his English Lit class. Derek nodded and smiled where appropriate, but wasn’t really listening, absorbed in his own thoughts and the questions he wanted to ask Tyrell. He 93

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grabbed a salad and a bottle of water, not terribly hungry and, picked a secluded table in the corner of the room where the two of them could talk without being surrounded by too many people.

Derek knew what he wanted to ask, but wasn’t sure how to bring it up. He still wasn’t sure about Tyrell, but he had things on his mind and Tyrell was the only person he could think of who might be able to help. As he tended to do when he was unsure of how to proceed, Derek decided to use the direct approach. “Can I ask you something?”

Tyrell stopped talking mid-sentence, cutting off his discussion of the size of the package of the guy sitting next to him in lit class. “Sure. What’s up?”

“You’ve had sex, right?”

Tyrell let out a facetious laugh thought his teeth. “Is the Pope Catholic?”

“Yes will do.” Derek was beginning to think this whole idea of inviting Tyrell to lunch was a bad idea, but now that he was here, he figured he didn’t really have anything to lose. “My question is, how was your first time?”

“How was my first time? What do you mean?”

“I mean, was it special? Was it with someone you loved? What was it like?”

“My first time was in the passenger seat of some dude’s pick-up truck on a mud path in the middle of the woods half a mile down the road from a back-ass gay joint in the middle of Red-Neck, Alabama. Love had nothing to do with it. I just wanted to get it over with.”

The image was the complete opposite of what he wanted his first time to be, yet somehow, it didn’t surprise him that Tyrell would paint it in such a nonchalant manner. He suspected the truth was a bit less crass and blunt than what he had just heard. “Let me back up. I’m asking because I’m a virgin and I’m wondering whether first times should be just right or if there’s no such thing as the perfect time.”

Tyrell’s expression softened. “I assume you’re asking for yourself?”

Scott felt heat travel along the back of his neck, causing a slight sheen of sweat to form, making his skin feel sticky. “Can we leave that bit out and just focus on the first time part? I’m not ready to disclose too much yet, but it’s been on my mind.”

“Well, if I could have a do over, I wouldn’t have given it up in a fuckin’ truck. I wouldn’t have given it up at all. Once I started, it kind of spiraled out of control.”

“So, you regret your first time?” Derek speared a fresh piece of lettuce and popped it into his mouth. The cold wetness of the leaf burst in his mouth and soothed him.

“No. I don’t regret it, but I would do things differently if I could.” Tyrell stared at Derek, a curious expression behind his eyes. “Why are you asking me about this? Is there a specific reason you want to know or is this field research on gay sex?”

Derek laughed despite his nervousness. “Maybe something in the middle of those two options.”

Something shifted in Tyrell. “So you’re asking out of curiosity for some reason you won’t disclose.” He reached across the table, taking Derek’s hand in his. Derek glanced 94

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around, looking to see if anyone was watching, but didn’t remove his hand. The warmth from Tyrell’s touch radiated along his skin like a heated blanket slowly covering him and the sensation comforted him. “If it’s your first time, I’d try to make it special. Maybe you should invite this lucky someone to lunch, maybe even text them out of the blue, and take it from there.”

“Huh? Text them to invite them to lunch so I can lure them into sex? Tyrell, when I texted you…look, I’m not talking about you. I hope you aren’t getting the wrong idea here.”

“Shh. Don’t worry about it. It’s okay.” His voice dripped with confidence and sensuality. “If you say it’s not about me, I believe you.” He patted Derek’s hand, then released him, giving him a wink before placing his hands in front of him on the table.

“Seriously, Tyrell. I’m not talking about you. I’ve just been thinking about—”

“I heard you the first time.” He winked again. “It’s not about me. But since you asked the question, I’d say a great first time could happen anywhere and anytime. Like it could happen on the spur of the moment, say after two friends finish having lunch.”

Derek stood up, his chair making a scraping noise on the floor as he did so. “Look. I’m sorry I texted. This was obviously a mistake to talk to you about this. Forget I said anything. I have to go.” He grabbed his bag and stood.

“Wait. Where are you going?”

“I just have to get out of here.” Derek slung his bag over his shoulder and practically ran out of the cafeteria. Once outside, the fresh air hit him and immediately helped to clear his mind a bit. Walking in the direction of his dorm, he mentally cursed himself for thinking Tyrell would have been someone to talk to about something so important.

Despite his disappointment with Scott and his seeming blindness to Derek’s unhappiness, there was no one else he would rather be with or talk to. But that was exactly what he didn’t want to do. He didn’t want to have to tell Scott to initiate their sex. He wanted it to come organically from Scott. He needed to know that it was something that meant as much to Scott as it did to him.

Fuckin’ catch 22. I want what I want, but I don’t want to tell him what I want, so how can I get what I want. His own thinking began to confuse him. Rather than continue to fester, he headed back to his dorm room. Scott wouldn’t be back for a couple of hours and Derek could blast his music from his laptop without worrying about disturbing anyone.

* * * * *

However, the month of September flew by and Scott still hadn’t made a move to have sex. Derek forced himself to stay quiet and wait, accepting their usual routine of blowjobs and kissing. In the meantime, he and Scott quickly made friends with the students in their dorm and had attended all of the parties. Although there were strict rules that surrounded parties and drinking, the rules were leniently enforced. Finding 95