Wrestling With Love (35 page)

Charlotte continued to glare at Scott for a moment, then turned and walked away with Phillip and Oscar scampering in her wake. Sitting back down, Scott placed his head in his hands, releasing an audible sigh, then lifted his head and looked at Derek.

“Are you okay?”

Derek was stunned. Not only had Charlotte just divulged that Tyrell was telling people they were boyfriends, but she had also accused Derek of cheating on him with Scott. “I think so. You know that what she said isn’t true, right?” It was a ridiculous question, but somehow he felt it needed to be asked.

“Of course I know it’s not true. I’m asking if you’re okay because that cow just created a pretty serious scene. I told you that Tyrell kid was trouble. You’re just now figuring out what I knew all along.” Scott shook his head, his hands still clenched into balls. “I warned you that once he figured out he couldn’t have what he was after, things would get ugly. You do realize what’s going to happen next, don’t you?”

Derek listened, surprised by the calm, even tone of Scott’s voice. “I guess the next time I see him we’ll have to have a serious conversation and I’ll let him know we can’t be friends.”

“No, that’s not what’s going to happen next. I’m not going to forbid you from talking to anyone, but Tyrell just became your enemy.”

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Derek shook his head. “Come on. I’ve never had an enemy in my life. People don’t hate me. I’m not the type of person who elicits those kinds of feelings in others.”

“No, in normal people you don’t. But don’t think for a second that you don’t draw strong emotions out of people. You’re easy to love. I love you. That’s about as strong an emotion as one can feel, right?” Derek nodded in agreement. “Then why do you think it’s impossible for someone to hate you?” Derek had no reply. “Charlotte is going to go back to Tyrell and tell him what just happened. Whatever little fantasy he was trying to play is now over and he’ll be humiliated. You don’t think that he’s going to try to retaliate?”

Derek hadn’t given it much thought. He hadn’t thought much about Tyrell at all other than the few times they had been together in orientation and at Alliance meetings.

“What do you think he might do?”

“I don’t know. But if he hurts you, and I don’t mean physically, I know you can defend yourself. But if he does hurt you, I’m stepping in.” Scott’s expression was simple to read. He was going to kick Tyrell’s ass.

“I understand, but hopefully it won’t come to that. I’m just glad you didn’t think that any of that was true.”

Scott stood up. “Come on, let’s go back to the room.”

As they walked back out into the chilled night air, Derek’s head began to clear. Scott took Derek’s hand and twined their fingers together. After a few minutes, he stopped and turned to face him. “Derek, I don’t want you to worry about what I think. I trust you. I know you’re mine and would never do anything to hurt or betray me. Please, don’t ever think I could possibly doubt you.” He pulled Derek into a hug. Derek allowed himself to be held, feeling Scott’s warm breath on his cheek. “You’re taking a pretty big risk holding my hand and hugging me out in the open like this.”

Scott laughed into Derek’s hair. “I did look around to make sure we were alone. But, maybe I’m also beginning to realize some things are more important to me than keeping secrets.”

They walked the rest of the way to the dorm in silence, holding hands. Derek was still shaken by the confrontation in the cafeteria, but even more than that, he was concerned by Scott’s behavior. Scott was changing too quickly, becoming open faster than Derek would have expected. Knowing Scott’s tendency to react before thinking, he worried that this new openness was in response to wanting to protect Derek and not out of a true readiness to behave as a couple for everyone to see. 167

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Chapter Fourteen

That night, they went to bed in silence, just holding each other. Derek wasn’t sure whether Scott was upset or simply processing what had happened. One thing he knew for sure. Scott was pissed and Tyrell had better back off. The next morning, Derek had earlier classes than Scott, so he tried to keep as quiet as possible. Getting showered and dressed, he crept out of the room, headed out of the dorm, and towards the building which housed his sociology class. Derek hadn’t even taken five steps when he was stopped by someone calling his name from behind him. “Derek. I want to talk to you.” The voice sounded angry. Turning around slowly, he was confronted with Tyrell. “What in the hell are you doing here? Haven’t you created enough drama and trouble?”

“Me? You think I’m the one who’s caused trouble? Do you have any idea how much shit I’ve had to take all night because of you and your friend?” Tyrell took a step towards Derek, his finger pointing directly at his chest. “When I got to my dorm last night, Charlotte, Phillip, and Oscar were waiting for me. They told me what you and your friend said at dinner.”

Derek wasn’t sure what to make of Tyrell’s anger. There was nothing between the two of them, so he couldn’t figure out what could possibly cause him to become so irrational. It was then that it dawned on him how Tyrell must have trekked across campus and hung outside his dorm waiting for him to come out. A twinge of fear crept up Derek’s spine, fingers of ice leaving a trail of shivering cold in its wake. The way Tyrell emphasized the word friend, the whole situation, it all felt menacing to him.

“Tyrell, I don’t know what they said to you, but they seemed to be under the impression you and I were a couple. How did that happen?”

Tyrell took another step towards Derek. “Oh, come off it. You know something’s been developing between us. The way you pay attention to my stories and tell me off when I’m being an ass. No one puts that kind of energy into someone unless they like them. You even said you could see some things in me you liked.”

“As a friend, Tyrell. Not as a boyfriend.” Derek was trying to remain calm and to keep his voice level. He didn’t want to draw this kind of attention to himself. “If you thought otherwise, I’m sorry. You were mistaken.”

An expression of shock crossed Tyrell’s face which was replaced by rage moments later. “Who do you think you’re trying to kid? You know there’s something brewing between us. In all my life, no one has ever wanted anything from me except sex. You actually spend time talking to me. You know as well as I do that you wouldn’t pay attention to me if you didn’t like me.”

Derek dared to take a step forward. He reached out to touch Tyrell’s shoulder.

“Look, I don’t know what your life has been like and if guys have just used you, that’s awful. I’m sorry. But it doesn’t mean I’m interested in you that way.”

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A few students came out of Derek’s dorm just as Tyrell swatted Derek’s hand from his shoulder. “Don’t bullshit me, Derek. I can tell when someone wants me and you want me.”

His dorm mates froze, watching the two of them. Derek glanced nervously around.

“Would you please keep your voice down? You don’t have to turn this into a huge scene.” He stepped away from Tyrell, putting a little distance between the two of them.

“You want to see a scene. Listen to me, Derek. You either come clean to my friends about what we are to one another or I’m going to out you to the whole fucking school.”

He crossed his arms in a defiant manner waiting to see what Derek had to say. Derek’s heart skipped a beat and he panicked, but quickly regained control of himself. “Tyrell, I think you should leave. There’s nothing between us. There has never been anything between us. Quite frankly, you’re freaking me out. It’s like you’re some sort of stalker. If you told your friends we were together, that’s a hole you dug for yourself. It’s not my job to pull you out of it.”

Derek’s heart was racing, yet he could tell that his exterior remained controlled and cool. It caused him extreme discomfort saying hurtful things, even if they were true, and the crowd outside his dorm was beginning to grow. These were people he knew and there was no doubt they overheard him and Tyrell.

Tyrell’s face turned red. “You’ll be sorry you said that, Derek. Trust me. I’ll make you pay for what you’ve done.” He stood with his hands on his hips and didn’t move. Derek’s mouth became dry and he found it difficult to swallow. Before he could say anything else, Ron, Elizabeth’s boyfriend, stepped up to them. “Is everything okay, Derek?”

Derek didn’t know what to say or do. Reading the situation, Ron stepped between the two of them and faced Tyrell, looking tall and menacing. “I think you should leave.”

Tyrell looked at Ron, then glared at Derek before turning on his heels and storming off. Derek released a breath he hadn’t realized he’d been holding. “Thanks,” he whispered, just as his legs began to give. Quickly recomposing himself, he hooked his bag over his shoulder and took in another deep breath.

“No problem. Who in the hell was that guy?” Ron had a concerned expression and walked over to Derek, placing his arm around his shoulder.

“Just someone I met during orientation and in…in The Alliance.” He was sure most people probably knew what The Alliance was, so he had essentially outed himself to several members of his dorm.

Ron responded without a moment to pause. “Well, whoever he is, he better stay the fuck away from here.” A number of his dorm mates grumbled their agreement. “What a fuckin’ jackass.”

Derek glanced around at his friends surrounding him and suddenly, his eyes became blurry. Not wanting to lose it in front of everyone, he thanked Ron and headed in the direction of his first class. Once he was out of sight, he sat down on the ground and the tears started flowing freely. It took him several minutes to pull himself together. 169

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During class, he was unable to concentrate. Sitting in his seat, facing his professor, with his notebook open and pen in hand, all he could do was think of what had happened to him. Tyrell had waited outside his dorm to confront him in a public and embarrassing way. People he lived with had witnessed it, and although Ron had come to his rescue, they now knew he was gay. By the end of the day most of his dorm would probably know.

It was a nightmare and he couldn’t wake up from it. All his life he had been so careful to protect himself from exactly this type of situation. He had always kept his private life and feelings to himself. Beck had been the only person to know he was gay until he met Scott and even then, Scott was the only other person to know about him. He had always carefully weighed his options and opted for the side of caution. Now, three short months into his college career, more had been publicly revealed about him than he had allowed in a lifetime.

A series of thoughts and questions bombarded his mind. What if the people in the dorm have a problem with gay people? How will Scott react now that people know? Will he freak out? How will they treat Scott? Maybe they’ll alienate him too. Or maybe they’ll consider him that poor guy who got stuck living with the homo. Maybe they’ll console him and, in his effort to remain in the closet, he’ll distance himself from me. Could this be a relationship ending event? The more he thought about it, the more stressed he became. Why had coming out been such an important issue for him? Had it really been so important to join The Alliance and to explore his sexuality? Couldn’t he have waited until he had established himself more firmly in college life so he would have had a better idea of how others would react? That’s what he would have done just a year ago. Hell, just a few months ago.

But he wasn’t the same person he had been a year ago. He had viewed college as the time and place to explore himself. He had believed it was important, necessary, for him to live as a gay man. And for what? Now he may have ruined everything. If he lost Scott, he would fall apart. What good was coming out if he ended up losing Scott? Plenty of people kept things to themselves and were perfectly happy. Why couldn’t he have just been happy with what he had? Why did he have to push? By the time class was over, Derek had worked himself into a frenzy. His heart raced and he felt light-headed and dizzy, like he was having a panic attack. Making his way back to his dorm, he skipped his normal trip to the Student Center to get his mail. He didn’t want to be around people. Instead, he wanted to curl up in his bed and go to sleep. Scott had begun wrestling season and his practices were after his classes, so he wouldn’t be back until later that evening. If he was lucky, maybe he’d fall asleep and wouldn’t have to face any of what had happened this day. When he got back to his dorm room, Elizabeth was waiting for him. She placed a hand on his shoulder. “Derek, I heard what happened. I wanted to make sure you’re all right.”

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He had been holding himself together for about two hours, but the physical contact caused his emotions to flood over. Tears welled up in his eyes and he slumped against the wall, allowing himself to sink into a sitting position. Elizabeth sat next to him, rubbing his back until he finished his first wave of sobbing. “If you want to talk about it, I’m here.”

He didn’t know how he felt. He was terrified of what the consequences were going to be for him now that Tyrell had outed him to his whole dorm. “I don’t know. I’m freaking out right now.”