Wrestling With Love (39 page)

“Okay, but one more fuck up like that and he’s out whether you want him out or not.”

Derek didn’t want this kind of attention. He just wanted to be a part of this group and to make friends. He wanted to stop fighting with Scott and to go back to their loving and caring relationship free from tension. The way things had been before Tyrell had cornered him outside his dorm. He wanted the drama to stop. The rest of the meeting went by in a blur. When it was over, several members stayed behind to socialize. Derek, not feeling social, said goodnight and headed out. At the door, Jared stopped him. “Are you okay?”

Derek was drained. He didn’t want to think about his problems let alone talk about them. “I’m fine. I just want to go back to my room and study.”

Jared nodded. “Everything will work out Derek. Tyrell won’t continue to bother you and things will get better with your roommate.” Derek was surprised Jared knew he was stressed about Scott. As if he could read his mind, Jared continued. “Like I said to you before, we’ve all gone through this. You have friends who care about you. Trust me. In the end, everything will be fine. It just doesn’t feel that way right now.”

Derek looked at Jared, then turned and left the room. As he walked out into the cold night, the snow had accumulated a couple of inches. It was coming down in flurries and the wind was kicking up huge white waves of snow dust. One of the wind gusts blew fine ice particles against his cheek and the side of his neck. Although the cold stung, it felt good. It momentarily erased everything else going on inside his head and all he could think of was the sharp sting of the cold and then the wetness as the frozen bits of snow melted against his hot skin. He pulled his coat tightly around him and worked his way back to his dorm.

Scott wasn’t in the room when he got there. Sitting at his desk, Derek pulled out the book he was reading for his Comparative Literature class. After re-reading the same page several times, he tossed the book down on his desk. Leaning back in his chair, he stared at the bottom of his bunk, examining the grain of the bed-board, trying to follow the natural lines of the unfinished wood.

As he took in the various hues of tan and brown, he felt the same sense of calming emptiness come over him as he had when the wind had blown snow against his skin. He reveled in the freedom from thought and focused on relaxing his muscles with each breath in and out.

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He didn’t know how long he had been sitting there, when he was drawn back to his senses, hearing his name being called. Opening his eyes, he saw Scott standing over him with a worried expression on his face. “I’ve been calling your name for three minutes. Are you all right?”

Derek closed his eyes again. “I’m fine. I was just zoning out.”

“Derek. Open your eyes and talk to me.” The anguish in Scott’s voice forced Derek to open his eyes again and he could see the concern in his body language. “What’s going on with you? I’ve tried to give you your space, but you haven’t been yourself for weeks. You never hold grudges like you have with me.”

Derek felt an immediate surge of aggression towards Scott but managed to contain himself. Despite the distance between them, he wasn’t going to make the same mistake he had before. He was angry at Tyrell, at his situation, at himself. Maybe he was a little bit angry at Scott for moving slower than Derek wanted him to in regards to coming out. But he wasn’t going to continue to make Scott pay for a problem created by someone else. “It’s nothing. I just had another run in with Tyrell and was clearing my head. I’m sorry I didn’t respond when you called my name.” His voice came out much calmer than he actually felt.

Scott’s fists clenched and his lips narrowed into thin slits. “You’re kidding! What the fuck did he do this time?”

“Jared gave a speech about how we need to have each other’s backs and said if he caught wind of anyone doing anything that harassed another member of the group he would kick them out. I guess Tyrell took it personally because when I went out to get a breath of fresh air, he followed me and wouldn’t leave me alone.”

“What did he do?” Scott took a step closer to Derek.

“It’s nothing. He just spewed the same crap as before, thinking I like him and shit. I almost punched him when he grabbed my arm but—“

“He did what?” Scott was shaking. “Holy shit. Let me see.”

Derek stood up and lifted his sleeve. “It was nothing, he grabbed my arm and I had to shake him—” Derek stopped short when he noticed the bruise marks and the tiny breaks in his skin that had scabbed over where Tyrell’s nails had dug into him. Scott gasped. “Did he do that to you?”

Derek was as shocked as Scott. “I guess. But honestly, I had no idea he grabbed me that hard. It didn’t really hurt that much.”

“We have to do something about this. He actually hurt you, Derek. How do you expect me to sit back and do nothing when you’re being hurt?”

“What do you want me to do? It’s nothing. It’ll go away in a few days.” Derek didn’t want to make a big deal out of anything that had to do with Tyrell. Hadn’t he proved it would only escalate things further?

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Scott’s face turned beet red. “Dammit, Derek! Enough is enough. I’ve taken a back seat, allowing you to handle things the way you want, but now you have marks on your arm and you’re going to do nothing. How am I supposed to support that?”

“Because you’re my boyfriend,” Derek shouted back. “You’re supposed to support what I want. It’s not like I’m going out there and doing stuff to purposefully hurt myself and it’s not like I’m seriously hurt now. What would you have me do about this?”

“I want you to report it. I want someone official to know Tyrell is harassing you and could be potentially dangerous.”

Derek laughed openly at the statement.

Scott’s blue eyes narrowed, anger flaring to make the blue seem like cold steel.

“Don’t you fucking dare laugh at me! I’m serious. Tyrell is scary-crazy. You have no idea what he’s capable of and, even if you aren’t worried, I am. Do you know what it would do to me if something ever happened to you?”

“Don’t be so dramatic. You act as if he were going to get all Fatal Attraction on my ass or something.”

“Maybe he will.” Scott’s stare was a clear challenge.

“You can’t possibly believe that.” Derek looked carefully at Scott. He was completely serious and Derek knew it. A large part of him wanted to release his anger and allow Scott to protect him, but each time he began to let his guard down and tried to stop being stubborn, Derek would remember Scott was afraid of being open about their relationship and his anger would flare, preventing him from relenting in his standoff with Scott. “You’re being ridiculous. Tyrell is not a threat to me.”

Scott sat down on the couch saying nothing for quite some time. When he looked up, his eyes were red, tears streaming down his cheeks. “Why won’t you let me help you? Why are you being so difficult?” His voice cracked and he stopped to recompose himself. “I don’t know what’s going on with us, but I feel like we are drifting apart and I can’t stand it.”

Derek’s heart stung seeing Scott in so much pain. All he wanted to do was to sit next to him, pull him into his arms, and tell him everything would be okay. Instead, he remained seated at his desk, silent.

They stared at each other for a few minutes, then Scott stood up and undressed. Moving slowly, as if he had no energy, he climbed into bed. Derek could hear his shuddering breath and knew he was still crying. Taking off his own clothes, he climbed into bed behind Scott and pulled him in close. Scott nestled against Derek’s chest. This was not their usual position and it was slightly awkward since Scott was so much taller and bigger than Derek, but Derek liked the feeling of cradling Scott for a change. He lay there holding him, allowing his mind to drift.

When Scott spoke, his voice was so quiet, Derek had to strain to hear him. “Do you still love me?”

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Derek squeezed and pulled Scott to him as tightly as he could. “Of course I still love you.” I’m just being a stubborn ass and can’t get past my own ego right now. Scott sighed. “Okay, good. You know you can’t push me away from you, don’t you?”

Derek said nothing as Scott snuggled against him. They lay together until finally, Derek heard the steady, even breaths which signaled Scott was asleep. As he lay with the man he loved wrapped in his arms, he replayed the events of the evening. Despite his efforts, Tyrell’s actions were affecting his life and causing tension and unhappiness between him and Scott. Something had to change and Derek knew the change had to come from him. Scott was right. Derek was the one who was acting unreasonably. His stubbornness reared its head, making sure Derek knew it was still there, and Derek relented, taking in a deep breath and trying to clear his mind. Whatever the solution would be, he wasn’t going to find it that evening. Pulling Scott closer, he whispered in his ear, knowing his words wouldn’t be heard. “You can’t push me away from you either.”

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Chapter Seventeen

“Hey, Mom, I’m home.” Derek entered his house and walked into the kitchen. His mother was by the oven, basting a pot roast.

“Hi, honey. Come on in.” The house was filled with the aromas of meat, herbs, and potatoes. His father had not yet returned from work, but was expected soon. “Come on in and tell me what’s been going on with you.”

Slumping into a chair at the kitchen table, Derek plopped his bag on the floor and leaned back, lifting the two front legs off the ground. His mother turned, arched an eyebrow, and Derek studiously returned all four legs of the chair back to the ground.

“Dinner smells great.”

His mother smiled and turned back to her basting. “Well, you know I run out and buy something special whenever you say you’re coming home. Why didn’t Scott come with you? I didn’t quite understand your explanation over the phone.”

Derek winced. Despite the fact he knew it was his own fault, things had remained tense between them. He paused before answering. “He has wrestling practice. He’s usually not done until after seven o’clock.”

Claire turned and observed Derek. “There’s something you aren’t telling me, isn’t there?”

Derek tried to place an innocent expression on his face, but knew he had failed miserably. “Would you believe me if I said no?”

“Not a fat chance in hell. Spill. What’s going on?” Claire closed the oven and took a seat at the table across from him.

Derek walked over to the refrigerator, taking out a can of ginger ale. “Would you like something to drink?”

“A water would be nice, thank you. Now, quit stalling and talk to me.” She tapped her finger on the table, indicating he should hurry up and sit down. Giving his mother a weak smile, he took out a bottle of spring water and walked back to the table, sitting down and sliding it to her. “I’ve been dealing with some issues over the past few weeks and it’s kind of put a strain on the two of us.”

His mother’s brow furrowed. “What kind of issues?”

Derek told his mother about the morning Tyrell had waited for him outside of his dorm, then the fight he and Scott had that evening. He then told her about the incident at the last Alliance meeting, about his bruised arm, and the second fight he and Scott had. The whole time he was talking, Claire sat patiently, keeping her mouth closed, but clearly becoming more and more distressed.

When Derek finished, she let out a deep breath and a serious expression on her face.

“Derek, these are not small issues. What do you intend to do about this boy?”

Derek shook his head. “Nothing. What can I do? Would it really make a difference if I reported him? All that would do is invite more shit…er, sorry…crap from him.”

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“I think by not reporting it, you’re sending him the message his tactics are working. I have to agree with Scott on this issue. He’s right. Tyrell sounds scary and someone should do something about him. You’ve never faced issues like these before. Maybe he’s more dangerous than you think.” His mother began to wring her hands.

“Mom, please, I came home to get a break from the stress of thinking and talking about this. I feel like a big enough jerk for the way I’ve been treating Scott. Now you’re pushing me just like he is. I don’t want to get into a fight with you as well.” The all too familiar sense of anger began to grow in him as his mother communicated the same messages and warnings as Scott had been for weeks.

“Honey, you can get as angry at me as you like, but where your safety and wellbeing are concerned, I really don’t care. I would rather you be angry and safe, than happy and in any kind of jeopardy.” Her statement was delivered plainly, but hit home.

“I know. I’m sorry. What’s really bothering me is how I’m treating Scott. I know he’s not my enemy, but I can’t seem to get out of my own way. Every time I’m about to admit I’m being an ass, the thought that Scott is worried about Tyrell because of the risk it poses of exposing his sexuality resurfaced. In my head I know he’s worried about me, but it really bothers me that he’s not coming out with me, and to be honest, I don’t see myself getting out of my own way anytime soon.”

His mother chuckled, covering her mouth with a napkin as she did so. “I’m sorry, Derek, I didn’t mean to laugh.”

Derek leaned back in his chair, defeated. “Whatever. I’m messing this whole thing up and if I don’t cut it out I’m going to push Scott away.”