12 Good Reasons to Look Up Uranus (14 page)

Lucky slippers:
Ruby

Lucky rabbits:
Cottontail & Peter

G
EMINI

A lovely trine between the Sun in Virgo and Jupiter in the area of your chart affecting body lotion indicates that during a visit to Broadstairs on Tuesday, while assisting a
distressed research assistant with one of the reasons for her distress, you become entangled in fishing nets and have to spend the remainder of the week on the dogger bank, where you are surprised
to discover several parked cars with steamed-up windows in a woodland clearing.

Lucky Glo:
Hunniford

Lucky varnish:
Matt

C
ANCER

An interesting aspect between Saturn and Pluto this week could mean that you are contemplating an image change. Having been a slave to fashion all your life, it will come as
something of a surprise to your colleagues to see you giving away your fine collection of Italian silk ties to charity. On Wednesday, a rough and ready little man with abundant dandruff will offer
to Hoover your turn-ups for a pound.

Lucky hand:
Royal Flush

Lucky weakness:
Black-Jacks

L
EO

Neptune rising on Thursday means that the papers may get hold of the story about The Shadow Defence Secretary, the slow cooker and a gallon of maggots. Pass it off as lightly
as you can, the waning moon indicates that the Public Record Office is unlikely to press charges this time. Friday is a good day to buy a replica covered wagon.

Lucky cheese:
Chevre Blanc

Lucky fencing:
Waney-lap

V
IRGO

An interesting week, made all the more exciting by a wonderful trine between Mercury and your ruler, the Sun. This indicates that the long wait for your dream film role is
finally over. The opening scene of the next James Bond epic will see those distinctive features on the big screen at last as you utter the immortal words, ‘Evenin’ Standard Guv?’
to the master spy as he hurries past.

Lucky lifting equipment:
Block & Tackle

Lucky accessory:
Bicycle clips

L
IBRA

Your ruler turns retrograde on the same day that the Sun moves into Libra, which is just typical with visitors due, that nasty black-treacle stain on the hall carpet and the
tumble-drier full of goose-down. A minor fungal infection may not be quite such a bad thing as you are able to sell the fruiting bodies to a French farmer’s market at a very decent price per
kilo.

Lucky blemish:
Warts

Lucky ringtone:
Bullseye
theme tune

S
CORPIO

On Thursday, a rare and wonderful trine between Mars and Neptune is perfectly placed to enable you to sleep right through the alarm and turn up for work looking like one of
those men you see in the park talking to brown paper bags. Venus joining forces with Jupiter this week indicates that you will at last fulfil your dream to become a Danish language mime-artist and
exchange your mundane life for one filled with pickled herrings and pleasure.

Lucky haircut:
Mohican

Lucky weakness:
Salt tablets

S
AGITTARIUS

It has been a demanding and difficult summer for many Sagittarians, and you’ve had to endure one blow after another for some weeks, but on Wednesday Mars is poised to
move into the practical Capricorn, which should provide some respite. On Friday, a man with a bushy beard will try to persuade you to take out cat insurance – don’t be taken in –
you don’t have a cat.

Lucky angle:
Acute

Lucky fish:
Whiting

C
APRICORN

You have always liked being the centre of attention, and the intervention of Chiron in your sign means that your talent for dancing will at last be recognised and you will be
invited to host the ‘White Heather Club’ this New Year’s eve in Scotland, opening the show by dancing a spirited ‘McPherson Strut’ with Moira Stewart.

Lucky sensation:
Dizziness

Lucky vegetable:
Neeps

A
QUARIUS

You’ve not been sleeping as well as you might of late, and it’s no wonder. A ‘Sou-wester’ does not make for comfortable nightwear. However, as
boisterous Saturn transits your seventh house on Tuesday this is all set to change. While shopping for new restraints, you will spot the very thing to improve those restless nights – a
dribble-proof pillow.

Lucky collar:
Astrakhan

Lucky sandwich:
Ross-on-Wye

P
ISCES

This week, with Pluto entering your birthsign you will see the start of an entirely new phase in your life when on Monday, following a very good lunch, you set your mind on
becoming a Dervish. This however proves a rash decision as you both figuratively and literally take a turn for the worse while trying to counteract severe room-spin.

Lucky Cup:
C

Lucky gland:
Adrenal

A
RIES

Even with Mercury in retrograde, the signs are very good indeed for any Gemini whose work involves attending a lot of meetings at which you nod sagely and say ‘I’ll
get back to you on that’. Saturn rising on Wednesday indicates that jealousy and power struggles will loom large while visiting the cold-meat counter in Morrisons.

Lucky paper:
Wall

Lucky hole:
Wookey

T
AURUS

A trine Venus means that this could be rather a low spot in your love life. The only way to get through this difficult week is to be philosophical and whatever you do,
don’t take things personally – even the comment about hummingbirds. On Friday, Pluto in Aries means that you will receive a mysterious package containing a book of pressed starfish. Try
to remain stoic.

Lucky accent:
Nigerian

Lucky affliction:
Athlete’s foot

G
EMINI

This is a very good week for making your home into a wonderful haven for wildlife. Unpredictable Pluto conjoins with the Moon in your fourth house to give you the irresistible
urge to build shelters for wild creatures under your eves. As you don’t have eves, you may be tempted to keep them about your person. This could lead to difficulties at airports.

Lucky hair-gel:
Golden shred

Lucky soil:
Medium loam

C
ANCER

This is a great week for communication for Cancerians. Whether you’re talking things through at work, making business plans or simply trying on new latex evening-wear,
you should make sure that others appreciate your important points. On Wednesday a square Pluto means that you will run out of gobstoppers mid-morning and have to make do with Love-Hearts.

Lucky fly:
Tsetse

Lucky envelope:
DL Window

L
EO

This week you’ll find that other people have unexpectedly come round to your way of thinking, and you can make changes to everyday matters that will radically alter the
accepted way of doing things. The Moon in Libra means that you may struggle at first to get people to accept an hour of community whistling from 8am, but you should persevere.

Lucky snack:
Elvers

Lucky belt:
Fan

V
IRGO

At times this week it may feel as though you are being required to juggle several balls at once. This may have more than a little to do with the cut of the new staff overalls.
Saturn rising midweek may leave you feeling as if you are in a state of limbo, but you will find that this is due to you having done the buttons up incorrectly.

Lucky leg:
Quarterfinals

Lucky hinge:
Queen Mary

L
IBRA

With the Sun, your ruler, transiting mysterious Neptune it’s no wonder that you are wracked with self-doubt, however, on Wednesday, Mercury planet of communication enters
your third house bringing with it the irresistible urge to go back to the long held dream of writing the musical comedy version of
Angela’s Ashes
.

Lucky lining:
Silver

Lucky phrase:
Stay back! I got a shooter

S
CORPIO

With so many planets crowding into your sign you will be feeling full of confidence and ready to take on the world. This may come in useful later in the week as on Thursday you
may well have a spot of bother after you are caught sticking up for a lady colleague at the company sauna night.

Lucky flooring:
Linoleum

Lucky pattern:
Interference

S
AGITTARIUS

Unpredictable Aquarius is about to conjoin with Neptune. As you are prone to excess nasal hair, the Full Moon in challenging Saturn on Wednesday means that your clippers may
finally give up the ghost. This will come as a bitter blow to your partner who was particularly looking forward to topiary practice at the weekend.

Lucky instrument:
Flugelhorn

Lucky cartoon:
The Jetsons

C
APRICORN

Once again, troublesome Mars means that you won’t get all of your ironing done for the weekend. At best you’ll manage a few shirts. To make matters worse, you will
run out of spray-starch after the first one. On Friday the Sun challenges your ruler placing the interesting asteroid known as Chiron in a celestial position known as the dangling wampum.

Lucky shrub:
Variegated Dogwood

Lucky snack:
Eggs Benedict

A
QUARIUS

Toward the end of this week Venus transits your birthsign bringing with it more of the good fortune that has so far this month led to you winning seven pounds fifty at
five-card brag, and your own weight in shaving foam in a newspaper crossword competition. On Wednesday that pain in your knee might give you a bit of gyp during salary negotiations. Try sitting
rather than kneeling.

Lucky gesture:
Gallic shrug

Lucky whim:
Barley-sugar

P
ISCES

This week a trine Venus on Wednesday means that this could be rather a low spot in your already troubled love life. The only way to get through this difficult week is to be
philosophical and whatever you do, don’t throw out the equipment, or have the soundproofing or deadlocks removed just yet.

Lucky manner:
Offensive

Lucky belt:
Van Allen

A
RIES

An interesting week, made all the more exciting by a wonderful trine between Mercury and Uranus – planet of surprises. Therefore on Tuesday it will not come as a shock
that you will meet a charming attractive lady who will give you both her phone number and a particularly stubborn fungal infection.

Lucky spasm:
Nervous tic

Lucky affectation:
A monacle

T
AURUS

Your ruler, the Sun, conjoins with Mercury planet of communication on Monday, so it looks like a particularly busy week ahead. A slim woman with twinkling feet and a vacant
smile may make your life a misery toward the end of the week. On a brighter note, a group of Television Evangelists will approach you with money and several potential Bridge partners.

Lucky starter:
Soup of the day

Lucky herb:
Miller

G
EMINI

You have long been an admirer of the more aesthetically pleasing things in this world, but the malign influence of mischievous Pluto combined with an unguarded comment about
Fiona Bruce’s legs may have led to disagreements. However, you can look forward to some very positive developments in your chart once the plaster is off and the stitches are out.