Bleak Devotion (20 page)

He jumped away from her, facing the wall. His head bent forward as he rubbed his fingers across it. His words came out in a ragged whisper. “I've ruined you. I should never have let myself act on the attachment I felt.”

Jessica closed her eyes and let out a huff of air. She clenched her jaw, steeling herself to stay firm. Once she realized what she was doing, she let her face relax into a neutral expression before Blade saw. Opening her eyes, Monique's behavior captured her attention. The female's mouth hung open and her eyes were wide, staring straight at Blade.

“What's her problem?”

When Blade turned, his face was crumpled in agony. He spoke in the alien language. Monique shook herself and replied. The banter continued back and forth while Jessica wondered what the big deal could be about. After the two were silent for a few moments, Jessica couldn't stand it anymore.

“What?”

“
It's nothing.” Blade sat down on the chair beside her bed.

“
Don't give me that. It's something.”

Blade looked into Jessica's eyes. One of his eyebrows lowered and he looked at the floor. “She's surprised.”

“By what?”

“
Me.”

Jessica rested back against her bed trying to keep her irritation from showing. “This is ridiculous. What are you talking about, Blade? What is surprising about you?”

“I haven't changed.”

“
That's great, Blade. I'm glad Monique is getting to know you.” Jessica forced her sarcastic words to come out flat.

Blade looked up at her sullenly. “Would you please stop it? This isn't you.”

Monique spluttered out an anxious bit of chatter before Jessica could respond.

“
What'd she say?”

“
She said…” Blade cocked his head to one side. “She said that she's never seen anything like me before.”

And you could have been so great
, Jessica thought,
if I hadn't ruined it all. No one will believe there's hope for the monsters to learn anything from you now
. “More reason not to let her go.”

Blade grunted.

“
We'll talk about it later,” Jessica insisted, wanting to get away from him rather than actually wanting to talk about it again. She rolled onto her side until her back faced him, ignoring the aching protest from her wounds. Her heart was breaking inside and she couldn't keep it from him any longer if he stayed. This was worse than him losing control. She'd much rather feel him ripping through her skin than feel the blade to her heart.

Chapter Thirty

Healing was taking much longer than Jessica wanted or expected. Still, she was alive and that counted for something. Enough of something to hopefully fix this whole mess. Everyone was getting together to make plans, and she was willing to see where they led.

She reached for her cup on the counter, and her stomach stung. Quickly, she turned her back on Blade so she could let herself give in to the pain. Though her wounds were healing, they were still tender. Worse than the pain was trying to hide it from him. Luckily, he didn't come around much. That hurt too, more than any physical pain, but it was the way it had to be. No matter what she wanted.

“You doing all right?” Julie asked from behind.

Relaxing her features, she pivoted back toward the group. “I'm fine.”

“Are you sure you want to stay?” Deborah's voice strained in concern. “It's not necessary for you to hear all our debating.”

“
Yes. I need to be here for this.”

“
Why don't you at least sit down?” Kimberly interjected. “I'm sure you'd be more comfortable if you did.”

Jessica contemplated taking the offer. It was tempting, but she wouldn't be able to turn her back and hide her emotions if needed. “I'm fine. Really. Go on.”

Blade continued where he left off, but she didn't turn to look at him, instead focusing on Monique trapped next to him and Ben. “I could take her away from here, but they'd still coming looking for her here. Without me inhabiting the place they'd take over. I could handle them following me, but if they took over the house it would defeat the whole purpose.”

“
I say we kill her and throw her body back to them.”

“
Have you lost all feeling, Ben?” Julie bit back. “You've seen how both she and Blade act. They might as well be human if we didn't know better. Would you kill a pregnant woman?”

“
This ain't no woman. And don't pull that human crap on me. We all know what happened to Jessica when she treated Blade like a human.”

Blade scowled. “Don't worry. I'm done trying to be human. I've stayed away from everyone as much as possible since then. If I thought it would help, I'd leave, but that would only make things worse.”

“Enough.” Deborah's stern tone broke in. “We aren't going to stick around bickering about things that aren't going to happen. We need Blade. He's staying. We aren't killing Monique. I'm sick of rehashing this. It's useless and we need to figure out an answer as soon as we can. Who knows how much longer we have until they are back to investigate? What if they mention looking for her then? Or insist on looking for her themselves?”

“
What if we locked her in the hideout?” Zach asked.

Jessica wondered at that. It might actually work. At least someone was coming up with a plausible idea. But, there were so many ifs.

Deborah put a single finger to her lips. “I think it might work. We'd be hiding with her, though, when the aliens attacked. Could you all handle that?”

“
We can handle it,” Kimberly said.

Julie held up a hand. “I agree. We can handle it if we have to. But I worry about how she may act. We've never been able to make the room completely soundproof. Once Blade is able to get his hands on the right materials we could do it, but he can't leave now to go find them. What if she tries to get their attention?”

“I'll threaten her,” Blade growled.

Ben's lips curled. “And I'll be there to deal with her if she tries to make a peep.”

There was little doubt in Jessica's mind he would be all too willing to deal with her.

Deborah nodded. “I don't like it, but it will have to do for now. I'm sick of fighting the point. We'll stick with this plan until after they come, then we'll send Blade out for some better soundproofing materials.”

As they finished sorting out the details, Jessica slipped away. It was the best plan they had come up with it, but still left too much to chance. If Monique caught on to what they were trying to do, one scream would be a death sentence to them all. Since that was the best they could come up with, she would take matters into her own hands. She wouldn't allow the mistake she made to end all their lives. And she'd be smart about it. Next to Blade, she was the one who could control her emotions the best; she'd be the best candidate for the job anyway.

She tiptoed up the stairs, with her stomach aching, hurrying along before they ended the meeting and someone caught her. Especially Blade. If she was caught alone with him, she didn't know how long she could keep the emotionless mask in place. Not with her injury flaring up.

Ignoring the burning across her stomach, she skirted past the library, down the hall, and to the room she had stumbled upon months ago, filled with an assortment of items. She prayed the one she needed would still be there. If it wasn't, her entire idea would end before it started.

Her eyes quickly scanned through the clutter. Radios, walkie-talkies, flashlights, gun. Gun? She didn't know anyone had a gun around here. The thought sent a chill through her. She shuffled farther into the room, ignoring the gun. Calculator, clock, compass. There it was. Camera! She picked it up, grateful it was a Polaroid, and shoved it under her sweater.

Peeking out into the hallway, there was no one. She hustled out of the room and into the library. Grabbing a random book off the shelf, she headed back down the stairs, praying the camera still worked. Under her sweater it bumped against her bandages. She winced in pain, almost tripping down the last step. A strong hand reached out to steady her.

She clutched the book in front of the camera. “Thank yo—” Her words fell cold as she realized the hand holding her belonged to Blade.

And he realized it too. Like her wounds were contagious, his hand jerked away. His lips twisted downward, twisting not just themselves but a knife in her frail emotions. She refused to let her face respond to him the way it ached to. She placed her impenetrable mask on and welded it on.

“
Sorry,” she said. “I just wanted something to read, but should have asked first.”

He rubbed his forehead and sighed. “You don't have to ask, Jess.”

Her heart clenched at the pain in his voice. Before she could reveal the weakness and lose control, he raced up the stairs two at a time. She scampered to her room to wait for the right time to go through with her plans. The very ones that would hopefully save everyone, including Blade. Her heart squeezed tighter at the thought that she had just seen him for the last time.

…

Jessica clamped her hand over Monique's mouth and put one finger to her lips, hoping the female would understand. Monique's eyes grew wide, but she didn't make a sound as Jessica worked on the ropes binding her hands. She kept glancing at Zach's sleeping form, praying he wouldn't wake. It was lucky he was on duty tonight. If Ben would have been here, she would have had to wait for another night. She tugged on the ropes until they worked free.

Pulling Monique off the couch, Jessica crept to the kitchen. The female let Jessica lead her around by the arm, coming along without a single complaint. One good sign at least. Maybe Jessica was starting to gain her trust. Enough to carry out her entire plan.

Her stomach groaned in pain as she peeked around the corner. The night’s events had taken more out of her than she expected. She probably should have waited another week to heal more, but didn't dare. The aliens could come any time. The longer they had the female, the more danger they were all in.

Keeping a grip on Monique's wrist, she snuck down the hall and to the garage. Once inside, the cool night air brushed against her skin, the smell of gas and oil reminding her of her dad. The thought didn't bother her as much as it used to. More of an ache now instead of a jagged knife.

She tiptoed through the garage to the open door, dropping an envelope where the truck she'd pulled out to the driveway usually sat. Taking one of their vehicles was the only part of the plan she regretted, but she couldn't manage without it. She was barely managing with it. Still, it didn't leave the happiest feeling.

Monique followed her down the drive willingly, for which Jessica was grateful. Jessica opened the passenger's door for her and helped her in. Not knowing why she bothered, she buckled the female up, taking care to place the belt around her belly, emphasizing the bulk that couldn't been seen earlier through the oversized shirt.

Monique said something, arms wrapped around her midsection.

“
I don't know what you need. I'm sorry about all this.” More so than she'd ever guessed for not just her friends, but this soon-to-be mother.

Jessica climbed in the driver's side door. Stolen key in the ignition, she prayed no one would wake up and come chasing after. If they pursued her, she'd have to give in, not willing to risk any of their lives in a car chase. No one appeared as the engine purred to life.

She slowly backed the rest of the way down the drive and headed down the lone road. Pressing on the gas, she zoomed past the alert point. Guilt brimmed in her chest as she thought of the panic that had to be ensuing as the alarm sounded. She hated causing the unneeded fear. Especially for Erin. But there was no other way.

The gas petal was all the way to the floor, Monique clinging to the door as they sped down the paved road. Jessica wanted to hang onto something as well, but for an altogether different reason. Blade's agonized face shoved its way to her, causing tears to seep onto her cheeks. Her carefully placed emotionless facade splintered. Thankfully the road was straight so she could keep them on the right course as tears smudged her vision. They couldn't stop now.

She wished she could have been strong enough stay. To not have caused so much pain, not just her and Blade but everyone. Too many lives had been altered drastically because of the choice to follow her heart. Her foolish heart. The past should have already made it clear enough that the heart was no longer something to indulge. Her chest burst with fresh agony at the reminder of why she shouldn’t have put anyone though the last several months.

One couldn't be human in a world without emotion.

Remembering his touch, she shook off that thought. She was the one who had this all wrong, not Blade. His shaky smile. His loving words. His tormented expression. He felt. Perhaps even more deeply than most people. Despite his natural inclination, he managed to live and thrive in a world with emotion. Except for the one time she pushed him too far, he almost could be human.

She smacked the tears off her face, letting the sting bring her back to the present. It didn't matter. She'd already proven she couldn't help him be human; she only brought out the monster in him. Without her to tempt him, would he be strong enough for the others? Soon she would be far away, and he would get a chance to discover even if she never knew the answer.

She wondered how long it would take until she was so far gone, nothing could bring her back. Not even the miraculous female. What she was doing couldn't be cured by any antidote. She peeked over at Monique. The female leaned back against the head rest, her lips cramped together.

Jessica glanced at the woman's round belly and quickly focused back on the road. She would save this female and her baby's life. At least, she hoped the plan she came up with worked. It had to.

The first town they came across she'd find a place to hide and take a picture of Monique by one of the houses. She would have to find somewhere to drop off the picture without getting caught. Not a detail she was entirely clear on, but if she had passed for an alien at that store so long ago, she could do it again. Especially since this time her partner was an alien.

Then they would run. Fast and far, leaving more pictures as they went. Maybe it wasn't the best plan, but it was the best she had. Better than everything else the others had come up with. Leading the aliens away from the house, but not giving them Monique. The girl seemed to trust her. They could live on the run long enough for Monique to not be able to pinpoint exactly where the cabin was.

If it didn't work, she would make certain nothing could lead the aliens back to the cabin. Nothing.

She stole another glimpse of the pregnant female. Images of her mother pregnant with little James surfaced. A sudden throb of guilt swept through her. When the running eventually stopped and the time for death came, Jessica could deal with the consequences. But could she condemn this mother as well? Her vision smeared as tears filled her eyes. There was no choice. She had to be close to the female when she died, close enough to make sure they both left the planet for good. Her friends’ lives depended on it.

Why then did she feel so bad? She was doing what she must in order to ensure the survival of not only her friends, but the human race. It shouldn't matter that the female brought back memories of her mother. It shouldn't.

But it did.

Jessica sat up straight and triple checked her mirrors. She couldn't allow them to be caught. Her first idea was right. If the aliens came for her, she would have to put on an emotional display right next to Monique to ensure her friends’ lives. But a great thought propelled her onward.