Counseling Through Your Bible Handbook (20 page)

(P
SALM
131:2).

Often, only one person realizes the dating relationship isn’t working and must assume responsibility for stopping the relationship. In doing so, remember Paul’s admonition in Ephesians 4:15 about “speaking the truth in love.”
¹

Make purity in the dating relationship a top priority. Otherwise, it is far too easy to be misled by looks, propelled by insecurity, or lured by lust, and end up with a used body, a guilty conscience, and a broken heart.

If you’ve been thus misled and find yourself in the dating ditch, know that
it is not God’s will
for you to give in to impurity. Instead, confess your sexual sins and ask God to guide you onto the pathway of purity.

The following acrostic, P-U-R-I-T-Y, can help you maintain a godly perspective in your dating relationship:

P
Prioritize God’s standard for purity in your dating.

— Make a commitment to God and each other to maintain sexual purity until marriage. Pray about this daily, and before each date. Should you ever violate this commitment, have an understanding that you will break off the relationship and seek individual counsel and healing.

— Have same-sex “his and her” accountability partners who ask explicit questions about sexual purity on a weekly basis, or more often, if needed.

“Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral”

(H
EBREWS
13:4).

U
Undertake personal accountability for how you treat your date’s body.

— Avoid sensual kissing before marriage. This type of kissing is a form of sexual foreplay that prepares the body and soul for further sexual activity because of its highly arousing nature.

— Don’t touch a body part on your date that a full-body swimsuit would cover.

“In this matter no one should wrong his brother or take advantage of him. The Lord will punish men for all such sins, as we have already told you and warned you”

(1 T
HESSALONIANS
4:6).

R
Refrain from activities that violate God’s standard by arousing sexual desires.

If these standards are violated, repent and recommit to sexual purity.

— Don’t use language that could arouse sexual desire—even when “joking”—and avoid discussing sexually oriented subjects.

— If you travel together before marriage, arrange for separate bedrooms.

— Immediately involve your accountability partners if you find yourself slipping morally.

“It is God’s will that you should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality; that each of you should learn to control his own body in a way that is holy and honorable”

(1 T
HESSALONIANS
4:3-4).

I
Implement goals that are pleasing to God.

— Study Scripture together. Read, for example, about role models in the Bible, such as Joseph and Ruth.

— Undertake service projects that give you an opportunity to work together to help others.

— Commit to helping each other maintain balanced lives, with time for friends, hobbies, and other priorities.

“We make it our goal to please him…For we must all appear before the judgment seat of Christ, that each one may receive what is due him for the things done while in the body, whether good or bad”

(2 C
ORINTHIANS
5:9-10).

T
Trust in God’s timing.

— Remember that God’s timing can differ vastly from ours.

— As you date, allow the Lord to handle any hurts and disappointments that come your way.

— Do not consider dating as a waiting game. Use your single years to build your relationship with the Lord and with others. God has not created us to live in isolation, but to be in fellowship with others. Develop a heart of love and acceptance for those whom He has placed in your life.

“With the Lord a day is like a thousand years, and a thousand years are like a day”

(2 P
ETER
3:8).

Y
Yield your life to the Lord.

— Surrender your expectations, emotions, and will to God.

— Don’t let the pounding of your biological clock block out the voice of the Holy Spirit.

— Memorize and meditate on scriptures that are related to waiting on the Lord.

— Surrender your will. Give up your demands and expectations for marriage. Instead, focus on seeking God’s will.

“Seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well”

(M
ATTHEW
6:33).

On your next date, think about your future mate and apply God’s Golden Rule:
Do unto your date what you would have someone do to your mate!

—JH

Psalm 119:9

2 Corinthians 6:14-15

Proverbs 22:3

1 Thessalonians 4:3-4

1 John 1:9

1 Corinthians 13:4-7

Proverbs 15:22

Proverbs 16:9

Deuteronomy 31:8

Jeremiah 29:11

For additional guidance on this topic, see also
Codependency, Decision Making, Identity, Manipulation, Marriage, Premarital Counseling, Self-worth, Sexual Addiction, Sexual Integrity, Singleness
.

H
e loves me, he loves me not; he loves me, he loves me not.”

Through the ages, people have played this simple game of trying to determine whether someone loved them or not by plucking petals one by one from a daisy. The last petal supposedly reveals the answer—but what an unreliable way to make decisions!

There’s probably no faster way to end up in a decision-making ditch than depending on a daisy. Wise decisions are made by discerning the will of God, and God reveals His will to those willing to do His will. James 1:22 says, “Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says.”

Q:
Has God already determined His will for me?

A:
Yes. God’s will for you was prepared in advance.

“We are God’s workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do”

(E
PHESIANS
2:10).

Q:
Can I actually know God’s will for my life?

A:
Yes. God desires to reveal His will to you in a personal way.

“The God of our fathers has chosen you to know his will”

(A
CTS
22:14).

Q:
How does God reveal His will?

A:
God reveals His will primarily through the Spirit of God and the Word of God.

“The Spirit of truth…will guide you into all truth”

(J
OHN
16:13).

“Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light for my path”

(P
SALM
119:105).

Q:
Will God reveal the whole blueprint of my life?

A:
No, only God sees the whole picture—past, present, future. Discovering God’s will is scroll-like. He unrolls the scroll one line at a time.

“I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you and watch over you”

(P
SALM
32:8).

Q:
Why does God’s will for me sometimes include sorrow and affliction?

A:
Suffering gives us compassion for others and allows us to see God’s sufficiency as we learn to depend on Him.

“It was good for me to be afflicted so that I might learn your decrees”

(P
SALM
119:71).

Be assured that God doesn’t play hide-and-seek as you try to discover His will. As you sincerely place His desires above your desires, He will be faithful to point the way. Let this be the prayer of your heart:

“I desire to do your will, O my God; your law is within my heart”

(P
SALM
40:8).

God blesses decisions that…

— He initiates (Proverbs 4:11).

— line up with His Word (Psalm 119:33).

— accomplish His purpose (Philippians 2:13).

— depend on His strength (Philippians 4:13).

— result in giving Him glory (1 Corinthians 10:31).

— promote justice, kindness, and humility (Micah 6:8).

— reflect His character (Romans 8:29).

— come from faith (Hebrews 11:6).

— consider the interests of others (Philippians 2:4).

— are bathed in prayer (1 Thessalonians 5:17).

From God’s perspective, decisions are not to be determined by random selection, supernatural events, people’s opinions, delay tactics, analytical thinking, or good feelings. God wants you to measure your decisions by His standards. Rather than testing God, test yourself against the following tests. “Find out what pleases the Lord” (Ephesians 5:10).

Scriptural Test:
Has God already spoken about it in His Word?

“All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness”

(2 T
IMOTHY
3:16).

Secrecy Test:
Would it bother me if everyone knew this was my choice?

“The integrity of the upright guides them, but the unfaithful are destroyed by their duplicity”