Counseling Through Your Bible Handbook (37 page)

— Condemns her mother and competes with her

— Excels in athletics and becomes a tomboy, thus hindering the development of her femininity

— Competes with males and tries to be more masculine in order to be better accepted

— Rejects her mother and parents herself, thus creating a craving for a mother figure

— Distrusts men because of her adulterous father, thus leaving her with no acceptable male role model

— Assumes the role of emotional mate to her mother after the loss of her father

Result:

She unconsciously concludes,
If this is what being a woman is like, I’m going to be like a man
. Thus she rejects her female gender and identifies with the male gender.

Because of heartache, she looks for love within a lesbian relationship.

2. She doesn’t bond with her nonnurturing mother

— Views her mother as harsh and overly critical; feels she can never please her mother

— Sees her mother as nonnurturing, and feels she can never be accepted

— Knows she is a disappointment to her parents because they wanted a son

— Blames her mother for breaking up the family

— Despises her overachieving mother in contrast to her weak, passive father

— Resents being treated as though what she thinks, says, and does doesn’t matter

— Perceives herself as an “invisible” child deprived of being mothered

Result:

She unconsciously concludes,
I need to look for a new home
. She detaches her mind from her emotions and searches for security from a surrogate mother, and she attaches herself to a mother figure who sexualizes their relationship. The mother who fails to nurture her children is unwise and emotionally destructive (Proverbs 14:1).

3. She is not drawn to males because of her abusive father or mistreatment from other men

— Refuses to trust men as a result of having an emotionally detached, absent, or alcoholic father

— Recoils from men as a result of sexual or physical abuse by a male

— Retreats from men as a result of hurt and rejection by males in childhood

— Resents male children who are favored by family members

— Reacts to men in leadership and feels she is more capable

— Rebels against a hypocritical father who espouses religious beliefs but fails to live them

— Rejects her father for his denigration of women

Result:

She unconsciously concludes,
Men are not safe. I want relationships only with women
. She plunges into homosexuality. A nurturing father has a vital role in helping establish a daughter’s feminine identity. If male nurture is lacking, a daughter can become embittered and lack the courage to trust males (Colossians 3:21).

If you choose to submit control of your life into the hands of the heavenly Father and trust Jesus as your Lord and Savior—giving Him control of your life—He will forgive all your sins and provide the power you need to overcome the sexual desires tearing at your heart.

If you have engaged in homosexual behavior, but have yielded your life to Christ, you need to know you are not a hardened homosexual. You may have bought into the lie that you cannot change. But the Bible never lies, and the Bible states that many homosexuals
have
changed (1 Corinthians 6:11). Your righteous Judge declares the charges against you “a case of mistaken identity.” Now live in the light of your new identity and walk in the light of your newfound freedom!

“It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery”

(G
ALATIANS
5:1).

Climb out of your sandy ditch and stand firm on the solid truths of God’s Word. You’ll find yourself on the path toward recovery as you understand and accept His perfect plan for your sexuality.

The way to begin changing your behavior is to accentuate the positive.

— Respect how wonderfully God has made you.

— Respond to God’s call on your life.

“I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with loving-kindness”

(J
EREMIAH
31:3).

Own all your negative emotions and recognize which ones are connected to past pain
.

— Choose to reject the control your emotions have had over you.

— Pray for God to break the bondage to your childhood feelings.

“He who conceals his sins does not prosper, but whoever confesses and renounces them finds mercy”

(P
ROVERBS
28:13).

— Tell yourself the truth when negative emotions push you toward inappropriate behavior.

— Put the truth into your heart by memorizing Psalm 4:4; Proverbs 29:11; Ecclesiastes 7:9; Romans 6:11; Philippians 4:19; James 1:19-20.

“I have hidden your word in my heart that I might not sin against you”

(P
SALM
119:11).

— Confess your unforgiveness as sin.

— Choose to forgive those who hurt you in the past—even if you don’t feel like doing that.

“Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven”

(L
UKE
6:37).

Understand and identify your triggers to sexual temptation
.
²⁰

— Take responsibility for your past failures.

— Avoid anything that stimulates sexual temptations.

“Each one is tempted when, by his own evil desire, he is dragged away and enticed”

(J
AMES
1:14).

Embrace your true identity as a dearly loved “child of God” and concentrate on pleasing Him
.

— Choose to be the person and gender God created you to be.

— Hide God’s truth in your heart by memorizing Isaiah 43:1; Ezekiel 36:26-27; Romans 6:4; Philippians 1:6; 1 John 3:1.

“I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me”

(G
ALATIANS
2:20).

For Christians who struggle with same-sex attraction:
You will experience the power of victory as you walk daily in your new identity in Christ.

—JH

1 Corinthians 6:18-20

1 Corinthians 10:13

2 Corinthians 5:17

Hebrews 4:15

Romans 6:11-12

2 Peter 1:3

Leviticus 19:2

Philippians 4:13

Luke 1:37

For additional guidance on this topic, see also
Adultery, Anger, Childhood Sexual Abuse, Codependency, Crisis Intervention, Critical Spirit, Depression, Domestic Violence, Dysfunctional Family, Fear, Forgiveness, Grief Recovery, Guilt, Hope, Identity, Prejudice, Rape Recovery, Reconciliation, Rejection, Salvation, Self-worth, Sexual Addiction, Sexual Integrity, Singleness, Suicide Prevention, Verbal and Emotional Abuse, Victimization, Worry
.

W
hat an anchor provides for a ship, hope provides for the soul. Both provide necessary stability amidst the storms of life, something to hold on to should you find yourself floundering in the ditch of despair. Although the
popular
understanding of hope is an optimistic wish that something good will happen,
Christian hope
is based on God’s unchanging word in the Bible. By patiently relying on what God says, you will have all the hope necessary—with all the certainty you will ever need—because…

“…everything that was written in the past was written to teach us, so that through endurance and the encouragement of the Scriptures we might have hope”

(R
OMANS
15:4).

The Bible says that when your hope is anchored in God, He will teach you His truth and lead you in the way you should go. Christian hope is an optimistic assurance from God that something will be fulfilled. This hope is a
guaranteed
hope not subject to change because it is anchored in our unchangeable Savior and Lord.
¹

Although the Bible uses the word
hope
in both the secular and the spiritual sense, the focus of our Christian hope is always based on the
guaranteed promises
of God. Thus, this hope will never be a disappointment. As Christians, we are promised peace with God:

“We also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us”

(R
OMANS
5:3-5).

Hopelessness is characterized by absolute despair with no expectation of good.
²

Hopeless thinking can result in a desire to die. Those who feel hopeless are unable to envision any viable option for their problems—death seems the only solution (see “Suicide Prevention” on page 395).

In the midst of our personal storms, rather than drowning in a sea of hopelessness, we are called by God to put our hope in Him, allowing Him to be our Anchor and relying on His promises.

Hope is an assured promise, whereas faith is acting on that promise. In other words,
faith is hope put into action
. Acting in faith is necessary so that our hope is not merely a mental concept, but rather a truly living hope—a guaranteed hope that becomes a reality when we experience an anchored life.

“Find rest, O my soul, in God alone; my hope comes from him. He alone is my rock and my salvation; he is my fortress, I will not be shaken. My salvation and my honor depend on God; he is my mighty rock, my refuge”