Dear Playboy Advisor: Questions From Men and Women to the Advice Column of Playboy Magazine (24 page)

Is sex magic the same as tantra?—J.H., Cleveland, Ohio

Sex magic has been used to describe a variety of practices that merge the sexual and spiritual, including tantra. One basic ritual is to create a symbol for a goal, then concentrate on that symbol during sex. At the moment you climax, say something like, “I dedicate this orgasm to finding a new job.” As one manual explains it, “The power of your sexual energy becomes a vehicle for your will.” Like most spiritual beliefs, sex magic is poetic yet vague and occasionally ridiculous. Then again, there’s no doubt that orgasms are a powerful force of nature. Sex diva Annie Sprinkle described one of her experiences with sex magic this way: “When my house burned down, a friend sent out an e-mail suggesting people dedicate an orgasm to me. A lot of people did. The erotic prayer provided an amazing cushion. I felt so little pain.” Others have taken the concept to the streets. A book called
The Psychic Investor
recommends sex magic to beat the market. Carve a stock ticker symbol into the side of a white candle. Focus on the symbol with your
partner, then face each other, remove your clothes and build the sexual energy. Once fully aroused, begin intercourse with the man sitting and the woman on top. Delay your orgasm as long as possible. Concentrate on the stock, not her tits. Reflect on the company’s impressive board of directors, its inexpensive workforce in Honduras, its promising P/E ratio. Chant. As you reach climax, envision the stock going up, up, up. The book advises that you split any profits. It takes two, after all.

KINK

It takes all kinds.

Panties against my balls

Last week, after I had brought her to orgasm, my wife got out of bed, reached into her dresser and pulled out a pair of silk panties. She told me to put them on. I asked why, but she said to trust her. I pulled the panties over my hard-on, and she straddled me to rub my cock and kiss it through the silk. She slid over me and began grinding her hips, telling me how good my cock encased in silk felt against her pussy. I had one of the most intense orgasms I can recall. I would love to repeat the experience, but does enjoying it so much classify me as a weirdo?—T.B., Anaheim, California

Some people might consider you weird if you wore her panties to work, but what guy hasn’t done that?

I am totally turned on when my boyfriend wears panties for me. My favorite move is to go into the bathroom at the office (we work together) and remove my thong panties. I then slip them into his pocket when he’s on the phone or standing at the copier. Minutes later he’ll walk by my desk with a big smile, and I’ll know he’s wearing them. Sharing this intimate secret drives me wild. By the end of the day I can hardly wait to fuck him. I also love doing this at restaurants, theaters and family dinners. In my opinion any girl who isn’t open to this kind of foreplay isn’t worth dating.—L.B., San Diego, California

Next time leave anal beads in his pocket and see what happens.

Turning her on

If I were to touch a nine-volt battery to my girlfriend’s clitoris, would she get a charge out of it? How about if I tied a wire around my big toe (+) and a wire around her big toe (–), and attached them to the terminals of a lantern battery? Would sparks fly when my tongue touched her? What if I hooked up the apparatus to a power source such as my stereo? Please advise.—W.B., Los Angeles, California

Good grief. Your battery test would only produce an unpleasant burning sensation, and the toe contraption wouldn’t do anything. Your stereo is another matter. A few mad scientists have figured out a way to have sex with their hi-fi equipment, which combines two of our favorite interests but also gives us the willies. One online manual,
Erotic Electronic Stereo Sexual Stimulation Techniques
, describes an intricate experiment in which you connect speaker wire from an amplifier to solder probes molded to fit around the penis (and into the urethra), cradle the testicles or penetrate the anus. “Be careful of high bass settings,” the manual warns. “In the beginning, do not play classical music, as it can be explosive. Use soft rock or talk radio. Another method some users have enjoyed is to connect their TV to their stereo and play porno videos.” The author of a similar guide recounts an incident in which he touched a lamp while hooked up; the shock dislocated his shoulder. You sound like the experimental type, so we’ll caution you against juicing up your sex life too much. Even modest amounts of electricity can be dangerous, especially if applied above the waist. Besides killing you, a surge could destroy your stereo.

This little piggy

I thought I’d share a discovery my husband and I made in the bedroom: toe sex. I was straddling his leg while giving him a blow job and began to rub my clit against his shin to stimulate myself. I slid lower until I could feel his foot. He wiggled his toes to play with my pussy, then slid his big toe inside me. He could feel how wet I had become and enjoyed the sensation of me rocking toward climax on his foot. This could change the way women look at men—we’ll want to see them in sandals before taking them to bed.—T.D., Knoxville, Tennessee

Before you know it, someone will introduce a toe extender.

Smoke before fire

My girlfriend smokes. The problem, if you can call it that, is that I am incredibly turned on when she lights up. Against my better judgment, I told her this. Now she has become almost obsessed. She smokes during foreplay. She wears dark red lipstick and alternates sucking on her cigarette and my cock. If we happen to be out with friends, she’ll always get my attention before she lights up because she knows it makes me hard. Two of her co-workers told her during a cigarette break that their boyfriends also are turned on by watching them smoke. One of these women told my girlfriend to buy Virginia Slims 120s because the foil inside the pack has small ridges. She said to empty the box and then squeeze the foil to fit around my penis. My girlfriend did this and gave me an incredible hand job. Now she wants to invite one of her friends to smoke a cigarette in front of me while she (my girlfriend) gives me head. I told her I don’t get turned on by watching anyone smoke but her, but she promises that it would just be an experiment. Apparently the friend is okay with it as long as she only has to flirt and show her tits. Meanwhile, my girlfriend has purchased a velvet-lined cigarette case to stroke me with. It’s torture because she says that unlike the cigarette packs, the box is too expensive for me to come inside of. We also have a normal sex life that doesn’t involve her habit. But this has happened so fast that I guess I’m overwhelmed. Is this normal behavior, or does one of us have a problem? I’m slightly worried about it but also don’t want her to stop.—M.D., Memphis, Tennessee

We’ve always been warned not to smoke in bed, but it sounds in your case like there’s no danger of anyone falling asleep. Your preference is far from unusual; the Internet is full of sites such as smokesigs.com that cater to butt men. Since you also have what you consider normal sex—which apparently occurs when your girlfriend decides to put out her cigarette—we wouldn’t worry about it. It’s a game: You told your girlfriend how to take control of your desire, and she obliged. The question is, where will the relationship go if she quits? And can you share a cigarette after sex, or does that get you all revved up again?

Sex in space

Has anyone ever had sex in outer space? What were the results? Surely someone must have tried it by now.—G.S., Austin, Texas

Sex in space—the final frontier. NASA says no one has become a member of the 250-mile-high club on an American mission. The Russians are another matter. There has been speculation—but no proof—that sex occurred after an adventurous female cosmonaut joined the two-man crew of a Soviet space station in 1982. We’re skeptical, but that may be our patriotism showing. Space agencies in both countries have shied away from the topic, yet it’s becoming relevant now that missions can last months. (A manned trip to Mars would take six months each way.) Weightless sex would be a challenge—without restraints, a couple would drift apart as they pushed against each other. On the upside, as Arthur C. Clarke once observed in
Playboy
, “the absence of gravity would certainly make the more
acrobatic performances outlined in the
Kama Sutra
less likely to invoke the urgent services of a chiropractor. Consider, for example, the notorious daisy chain—hitherto, merely two-dimensional. In zero gravity, all the regular solids and many highly irregular ones could be constructed.” Pity the poor sap who has to be strapped down to get it started. Gene Meyers of Space Island Group, which hopes to build a space hotel sometime sooner than later, says he expects the crew sent to build the $15 billion structure will be the first humans to copulate in space. The hotel itself will include “zero-gravity romance rooms, each with a window” and “the walls will be padded and elastic cords and harnesses will hang from the ceiling.”

What about masturbation? In its literature about the space shuttle, NASA points out that “the bathroom on the orbiter is a private room where the curtain is drawn, with a normal-looking toilet, a light over the right shoulder to read by and the hatch window to look down at earth.” The toilet includes a flex tube that uses airflow to pull urine (or come) into a receptacle. Unfortunately, NASA doesn’t provide specifics on the force of this airflow, or suction created by this tube, or how closely it fits the penis.—R.B., Miami Beach, Florida

It is difficult to believe that at least a few astronauts haven’t yanked their emergency cords in-flight. Over breakfast, the cosmonauts aboard Mir would reportedly ask each other, “Dognal devushku?” (“Did you catch up with the girl?”) And a former NASA flight surgeon reported “anecdotal evidence” that arousal and ejaculation can occur in zero gravity. As if every guy on earth doesn’t already know erections can happen anywhere.

Whence fetishes?

What is the root of fetishes?—L.R., Columbia, South Carolina

We’re all fetishists at heart. Social scientists believe that fetishes are the result of brain chemistry, conditioning and/or early sexual experiences. In the most entertaining theory we’ve read, Freud suggested that fetishes in men arise from the last impression a boy has of his mother when he discovers she doesn’t have a penis. Thus the popularity of foot and shoe fetishes—you’re on the floor as a toddler, you inadvertently look up your mother’s skirt and, shocked, find yourself staring back down into her leather boots. Bam! You’re hanging around shoe stores. Others argue that fetishes stem from whatever object or body part played a role in your
first orgasm. Are fetishes healthy? If your preoccupation with a woman’s shoes, breasts, butt, earlobes, lips, belly button, leather pants, stockings, legs, tattoos, smoking posture or piercings becomes so consuming it keeps you from seeing her as a walking, talking, sexual being, that’s a problem. If your fetish is nothing more than a launchpad, then you’re no different from most. If you fetishize an entire person, sentimental types call it love.

Drink it in

My girlfriend is always willing to try new things. Recently we began to experiment with pee play, and it turns out it’s a major turn-on for both of us. As part of our fun I sometimes drink from her. The problem is I am subject to random drug testing at my job and my girlfriend is an occasional pot smoker. Am I flirting with disaster?—W.M., New York, New York

We only have any expertise in one of these activities, so we asked Wilkie Wilson, a professor of pharmacology at Duke University, to ponder the possibility. “It’s not inconceivable, depending on how much she smokes, how much he drinks and the sensitivity of the test for THC and its metabolites,” he says. “In this situation I would worry most about marijuana. Other illegal drugs are metabolized by the body into inactive components.” Dan Savage, in his column
Savage Love
, has printed testimony from at least one guy who claims to have tested positive in this manner.

Hair-raising experience

I find haircuts an erotic experience, especially when electric clippers are used to get close to the scalp. I rarely get an erection in the barber’s chair, but I almost always masturbate when I get home. I suppose this is a “true” fetish in that it’s the experience itself that arouses me rather than the attractiveness or even the gender of the barber. I remember hating haircuts as a child, and it wasn’t until I was in the military and getting frequent buzz cuts that it turned me on. Perhaps it makes me feel more manly or virile. What does the Advisor think?—B.P., San Diego, California