Dear Playboy Advisor: Questions From Men and Women to the Advice Column of Playboy Magazine (36 page)

You may be a natural. A rare breed of man apparently can have multiple orgasms—each including ejaculation—without training. In 1995 a 35-year-old man contacted Beverly Whipple, a sex researcher at Rutgers University, claiming he could come repeatedly without any recovery period, and he agreed to demonstrate. Whipple and her colleagues monitored the man’s heart rate, pupil dilation and ejaculate volume as he masturbated to a video of his favorite porn scenes. He achieved his first orgasm (and ejaculated) in 20 minutes. Two minutes later he came again. According to Whipple, the man reached orgasm and ejaculated four more times in the next 14 minutes without losing his erection. The Advisor occasionally hears from well-rested men who claim two or even three ejaculations without losing their erections. The guy at Rutgers, however, told researchers he comes five to ten times a day and once reached orgasm and ejaculated five times in six minutes. That’s a horse you can bet on. One hypothesis is that he and other men produce little or no prolactin, a hormone that appears to control a man’s recovery period after climax. In 2003 scientists at the University of Essen in Germany tested this by giving 10 men either synthetic prolactin or cabergoline, a drug that blocks the production of the hormone. They asked each man to masturbate while watching a porn movie. The men who received cabergoline were hornier, had stronger erections and got hard again more quickly after climaxing. If the pill pans out, it could end the world orgasm shortage.

While research continues, there is a natural way to improve your stamina and shorten your refractory period. Whipple says the key is your pubococcygeus (PC) muscle, which wraps around your anus and the base of your penis. A standard exercise is to clench as if stopping the flow of urine, hold for three seconds and release. You can do sets at stoplights, during boring meetings or while watching TV; no one will be the wiser unless you grunt. The goal, Whipple says, is to build up to about 150 reps a day. She suggests men track their progress by placing a tissue on their erection and lifting their penis up and down. Eventually you should be able to lift a hand towel, then a bath towel. Women can test their strength by inserting two fingers into their vagina, spreading them into a V and trying to close them by clenching. In studies, people with stronger PC muscles report more control, sensitivity and desire, as well as stronger orgasms. Men also become better at delaying orgasm or even stopping ejaculation, allowing them to have “dry” climaxes and keep going.

My husband, who is 56, can climax three or four times with no downtime. He didn’t suspect he was different until he visited prostitutes as a young man in the Navy. He would covertly ejaculate in his hand, then wipe it on the sheets. That way he could get off five or six times for the price of one. My husband says that after cabergoline arrives, “I won’t have anything special going for me except you.” That earned him an afternooner or two or three, depending on how you count.—H.H., Los Angeles, California

Your husband has another rare talent—he undressed you with a single line.

Unusual reactions

Whenever I’m making love and about to climax, I begin to laugh. The more intense the orgasm, the louder I laugh. My reaction makes it difficult to keep partners. No matter how hard I try to explain, they think I’m laughing at them. I’ve tried everything I know to keep quiet, including pinching myself and stuffing socks in my mouth. I am now seeing a woman I’m crazy about, but I’m hesitant to make love to her. What should I do?—N.N., Sacramento, California

We can understand that your lovers would question your situation, but many people report spontaneous laughter, yawning, sneezing, crying or sighing during orgasm—reactions consistent with the release of tension. Because your laughter is persistent, you may suffer from gelous seizures, which are triggered by the wave of pleasurable impulses that spreads through your nervous system during climax. (A related condition is
gelasmus
, or hysterical laughter.) Neurologists typically diagnose the condition after a brain scan and control it with prescription drugs. If you don’t expect your current relationship to lead into the bedroom immediately, hold off on sex until you can see a doctor and have the last laugh.

After I climax, I always sneeze four to six times. Why?—B.D., Miami, Florida

Arousal causes the mucous membranes in the nose to expand, which has been known to induce sneezing in people whose nasal passages are chronically swollen. A decade ago, the
Journal of the American Medical Association
reported the case of a 60-year-old man who said he sneezed four to five times about a minute after orgasm. He found relief with a prescription nasal spray. There may be other factors involved. Research has shown that the vagus nerve, which controls involuntary actions such as breathing and swallowing, may also carry signals for sneezing, yawning and orgasm. As one scientist has noted, a sneeze could be described as a respiratory orgasm.

My girlfriend says that she feels numb, usually in her hands, after she has an orgasm. Is this normal?—C.T., State College, Pennsylvania

We initially wondered if this might be caused by the blood rushing to your girlfriend’s genitals. But after reading your letter and our response, a physician wrote: “This numbing is caused not by diversion of blood but by hyperventilation, which is well known to be associated with sexual activity and orgasms. In fact, hyperventilation can cause carpopedal spasm (numbness and tingling in the fingers and toes) and circumoral paresthesia (numbness and tingling around the lips). These are caused by overbreathing, blowing off too much CO
₂
and altering your acid-base balance. Early in one of my own relationships, my girlfriend noted that her fingers and toes felt numb after sex. I asked if her lips also felt numb. She said they did but that she had attributed it to the vigorous blow jobs she gives me. Another time she fainted after orgasm. Being a multi-orgasmic woman may carry unexpected medical risks and dating one requires vigilance and preparation.”

Four-points orgasm

Have you heard of the four-points orgasm? It requires a partner with ample breasts. Just before she climaxes, the woman squeezes her tits together. That’s a signal for the man to place his thumb on her clitoris and to suck both of her nipples. He then power strokes and hangs on for dear life. What do you think?—S.M., Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

Keeps you busy, doesn’t she?

The orgasmatron

Supposedly a doctor somewhere is testing a device that can be implanted in your back to give you orgasms. Can that possibly be true? Where do I sign up?—L.T., Las Vegas, Nevada

You’re thinking of Stuart Meloy, an anesthesiologist in Winston-Salem, North Carolina who may someday be remembered as Dr. Orgasmatron. A few years ago a patient he was treating for chronic pain began moaning with pleasure when he directed electrical impulses to her spine. She told him, “You need to teach my husband how to do that.” Meloy has since patented his orgasm stimulator and has recruited 10 women who had trouble climaxing to test it. (He says there’s no reason it wouldn’t have the same effect on men.) The FDA has approved the device to treat pain, so Meloy is confident enough to offer it off-label for sexual healing. For $3,000 he will insert an electrode that can remain near your spine for up to 10 days before it must be removed to prevent infection. A nine-volt battery powers it. Looking for something more durable? Meloy will implant a permanent electrode under your skin and hand you a remote control for $17,000, which covers the cost of surgery and equipment. He notes that the device doesn’t create instant orgasms but instead “launches the events that lead to orgasm. It’s not subtle.” If you have cash to burn, there’s more information at nasfonline.com.

Showing off for grandma

When I was in high school my family and I visited my grandmother one Sunday afternoon. While everyone talked in the living room, I fell asleep on the floor. When I awoke I discovered I’d had a wet dream. Are the mental images during a wet dream so realistic that they alone cause an orgasm, or does there have to be physical stimulation as well? I hate to think my poor grandmother was watching me hump the floor. Please ease my mind.—R.G., Indianapolis, Indiana

Your grandmother? What about the rest of your kin? Rest easy. If you had been acting out your dream, someone would have woken you, especially if the cat was in danger. We reach climax more quickly during sleep than when we’re awake. What likely happened is that the muscle convulsions during climax woke you. To the outsider it looked, at most, like you were sleeping deeply and then jerked yourself awake. You don’t need physical stimulation or even an erection to have a wet dream. You also can reach orgasm without ejaculating—you just might not realize it without the sticky mess as evidence. That same lack of physical evidence is one reason wet dreams among women are underreported. Alfred Kinsey found that while men had sleep orgasms most often in their teens, women had them most often in their 40s.

Guys faking

Recently
Playboy
quoted a college sex advice columnist who said, “All a guy has to do is grunt, give a body shudder or throw on a porn-star face and he can fool his partner.” Her point was that men don’t have to work as hard as women to fake an orgasm. That’s true for the most part, but there is a sure way to tell if a guy is coming. As one of my girlfriends and I were having sex, she asked, “Ever heard of Lucky Pierre?” Before I could respond, she slid a lubed finger up my ass. As I ejaculated she nibbled my ear in time with the contractions in my sphincter. There was no way that I could have faked that. Anybody care to validate this?—A.A., Santa Ana, California

We’d love to. What’s her number?

Sexual records

If
Guinness
doesn’t archive sexual records, is it possible that
Playboy
does? In certain positions, my boyfriend and I have direct penis-to-G-spot connection. By lifting my hips slightly, he can give me orgasm after orgasm. I once counted 25 in three hours. This can be physically and emotionally draining, but if there is a record to be broken, we would be willing to give it a try.—S.D., Miami, Florida

Your experience is unusual but far from a record. Sex researchers have documented a woman having 134 orgasms in an hour, and that was in a laboratory.
Guinness
currently tracks records such as the most valuable postmortem penis (Napoleon’s, $3,800), the heaviest pair of breasts (12 pounds, four ounces) and the most breasts (10) but ignores individual sexual achievements. That may be because it’s tough for erotic overachievers to meet the burden of proof. For example, the book requires that each attempt be verified by two independent witnesses, preferably a respected local doctor, lawyer, politician or cop. Rather than pursuing 2.25 orgasms a minute, see how long your lover can make you not come (e.g., three hours of teasing and foreplay). Given how easily you climax, that would be a truer test of endurance.

Five minutes to liftoff

In her book
Five Minutes to Orgasm
, D. Claire Hutchins writes that “most women can achieve orgasm in three to five minutes while masturbating. And this is starting cold, before fantasy or stimulation begins.” It takes me at least 15 minutes to come, and then only with intense concentration. Are her numbers real?—W.S., Appleton, Wisconsin

Hutchins took her figures from a survey conducted by Alfred Kinsey in the 1950s of about 1,900 women who said they had masturbated at least once. Seventy percent of the women reported that they climaxed within five minutes. However, it’s not clear that each “started cold,” and later research in a sex lab found the average closer to 20 minutes. (The fastest orgasm took 15 seconds, but many women needed an hour or more.) We asked Betty Dodson, author of
Sex for One
, what she thought of the race to climax. “What’s the goddamn hurry?” she said. “The longer we spend getting there, the more pleasurable the orgasms will be. When I’m working with a woman who is learning to come, I may have her masturbate for two hours.” In other words, coming fast isn’t a skill, but coming slow can be.

A reader asked about my book. In your response you quoted Betty Dodson, who said, “The longer we spend getting there, the more pleasurable the orgasms will be.” I disagree. Women have been brainwashed to feel thrilled about having any orgasm at all. The ideal is to delay orgasm only as long as lovemaking continues to be fun. Prolonged thrusting can be tiresome for the man and painful for the woman. Relying on vibrators and oral sex may inhibit a couple’s enjoyment—both require a lot of work for the guy, and his erection isn’t involved. The fact is that couples who have been together for years are not going to have a splendidly romantic encounter every time—yet orgasm should be the reward of every lovemaking experience. My book suggests that women take responsibility for their own climaxes. They can do that by assuming the superior position (missionary is probably the worst position for bringing a woman to climax), masturbating during intercourse and fantasizing. Five minutes or 50—as long as both partners are enjoying the sex, it’s fast enough.—D. Claire Hutchins, Grand Prairie, Texas