Finding Trust (Finding Series, Book 2) (11 page)

“Please, Dane,” Jax said as he dropped his forehead against the mattress. Relief went through him as he heard the condom wrapper being torn open but Dane’s fingers continued to probe him. Dane slowly pulled them out and settled his palm on Jax’s lower back and he tensed when he felt the broad head of Dane’s dick begin stretching him. Jax bore down on Dane and moaned when his hole collapsed and Dane easily slid the rest of the way in.

“Oh God,” Jax hissed against his arm as the burning pressure expanded out to the rest of his body.

“Are you okay?” Dane asked as both hands stroked up Jax’s back.

Jax was too overcome to speak so he nodded and reached back with his arm to touch Dane’s thigh. He was glad when Dane got the silent message and began to slowly rock in and out of him.

***

Sweat dripped down Dane’s forehead as he carefully pushed back into Jax and felt his inner walls ripple around him. Jax’s ass was an amazing sight on its own but to see his cock sliding in and out of the powerful man beneath him and hearing Jax’s little grunts every time he did it had Dane trying to stave off his orgasm. The last thing he’d expected tonight was Jax’s admission of love and truth be told, he was doing everything he could to keep it out of his immediate thoughts because he wanted this moment to be exactly what it was – him and Jax the way they were meant to be. There wasn’t any of the bullshit that acted as a filter in his head whenever the words he wanted to hear were spoken to him. No, it was two men sharing in the pleasure their bodies could bring. If he let it be anything more than that he’d just fuck it up like he did everything else.

Dane ran his hands over the tattoo on Jax’s shoulder and followed it down to his spine. He kept up his slow, deep rhythm as he traced his fingers down Jax’s back and over his ass. He spread Jax’s cheeks so he could watch himself disappear in and out of the other man. When he felt that familiar prickle along the back of his neck, he knew instantly what it meant and glanced up to confirm that Jax was indeed watching him. He’d thought taking Jax from behind would make it easier to control his fierce desire but now he wanted nothing more than to watch Jax come apart beneath him.

Dane lowered his body along Jax’s back and humped into him as he leaned down and kissed Jax, then traced the shell of his ear with his tongue. “I need to see you,” he said softly before he forced himself to pull out of Jax and turn him over. He missed the man’s heat for even the few seconds it took to get him in position and he fumbled to get back inside of Jax before the cold that he knew would eventually come would overtake this moment. Jax sighed when Dane resumed his pace and his legs came up to wrap around Dane.

“Touch yourself,” Dane heard himself order and wondered where the huskiness in his voice had come from.

Jax did as he was told and began stroking his cock to match Dane’s thrusting. “Harder,” Dane said as he pulled Jax’s ass up higher so he could get deeper. He slammed into Jax hard once and then did a few shallow thrusts. He repeated the move again and again, reveling in Jax’s grunts as he began to anticipate the powerful plunges. Jax’s jerking of his cock became more frantic as Dane increased the pace and began hammering in and out of him.

Dane suddenly pulled all the way out and tapped the head of his cock over Jax’s sensitive hole several times before shoving himself back inside.

“Fuck, yes!” Jax shouted when Dane did it again and pre-come began leaking from the head of Jax’s dick. Dane slammed into him again and ran his fingers over the head of Jax’s cock and collected some of the fluid. He shoved his fingers into Jax’s mouth and watched as he eagerly sucked on them.

Dane kept up his pounding as he leaned down to kiss Jax and the tangy flavor set off shockwaves of delight inside him. He shoved Jax’s hand away from his cock and took over the merciless jerking as he pummeled Jax over and over. Skin slapped against skin and their moans and cries of pleasure mingled together as they reached the edge.

“Harder, Dane. Fuck me harder!” Jax shouted as he grabbed the rails of the wooden headboard above his head.

Dane was ruthless after that, all fear of hurting the man beneath him gone as he pushed them higher and higher. As the bed shook, Dane forced his eyes open and saw Jax watching him, eyes bright with emotion, mouth open but no sound coming out. Suddenly it wasn’t enough anymore and Dane dropped down onto Jax and wrapped his free hand around the back of Jax’s neck and lifted his head until their foreheads met.

“Tell me again, Jax, please,” he begged.

Jax’s arms went around him and drew him down. “I love you, Dane,” he whispered against Dane’s ear and Dane screamed in pleasure as he came. Jax’s body clamped down on his dick as Jax shouted his name and then the words came again. Jax kept repeating them and Dane’s body jerked every time the beautiful words washed over him. Jax’s release was hot between them and Dane closed his eyes as his own cock twitched one more time inside of Jax before everything went dark.

Jax felt his gut clench as he watched Dane moving around the kitchen. He’d hoped his admission of love would bring him some measure of peace, but the exact opposite had occurred and Dane couldn’t sit still to save his life. Nor would he connect with Jax for more than a moment at a time and that was usually a random question about their plans for the day or what he wanted of dinner. There’d been a small part of him that had hoped Dane would say the words back to him, especially after Dane had begged Jax to tell him he loved him again last night but Dane hadn’t even acknowledge anything about what had happened between them. The sex with Dane got better and better every time but it seemed the more in sync their bodies became, the wider their emotional connection grew.

Dane’s phone rang and Jax couldn’t help but glance down on the table where it sat near Dane’s nearly full cup of coffee. He physically flinched when Gray Hawthorne’s name appeared on the screen.

“Who is it?” Dane asked as he began filling the dishwasher.

Jax shifted Emma in his arms, picked up the phone and took it over to Dane who frowned when he saw who was calling. His eyes shot up to Jax’s.

“It’s fine, take it,” Jax said. “I’m going to go change her,” he said as he left the kitchen. Pain lanced through him when he heard Dane answer.

Jax got Emma cleaned up and put a new diaper on her. Never in a million years had he thought he’d be changing a baby’s diaper. Of course, there’d been a lot of firsts for him in the last couple of weeks since meeting Dane.

“I’m getting better, huh?” he asked Emma as he picked her up and reached into her crib for one of her toys. It was some kind of strange animal that rattled but also made a weird crunching sound whenever Emma squeezed its limbs. He’d come to learn it was her favorite.

“He invited us to dinner,” Jax heard Dane say behind him. “I told him maybe some other time.”

For some reason Dane’s words didn’t make Jax feel any better, probably because it sounded like Dane had declined more to please him than anything else.

“I was wondering if we could go into town for a bit. I was hoping to talk to Wendy and see if she was interested in becoming my tech when I open my practice.”

“Sure,” Jax said, forcing his voice to be more casual than he was feeling.

“Damn it, Jax, what do you want from me?” he heard Dane ask in frustration.

Jax sighed. “I want you to not have to ask me that, Dane. It’s not about what I want.” He turned around and handed Emma over to Dane. “I’ll meet you by the car.”

***

Dane put Emma down in her crib as that familiar wave of agitation overcame him and his father’s voice pierced his brain, the cruel words taunting him. He closed Emma’s door and then went into his own room and locked the door. The pain in his head increased until it felt like someone was stabbing needles through his skull. Why wouldn’t Jax just tell him what he wanted? What were the right words to say? Why couldn’t he make this fucking work?

Weak.

Dane shoved his fists into his eyes.

Pathetic.

“Stop!” he shouted as he leaned back against the wall.

Fucking pussy.

Something shattered and then a blaring noise surged through his head.

Love you, Doc.

Dane heard his name being called but he was too tired to care and he dropped to the floor as the needles began to pierce his flesh.

***

“Dane”! Jax screamed as he flew up the stairs, ignoring the blaring alarm. He could hear Emma screaming and he threw open her door. Relief went through him at the sight of her unharmed in her crib. Tears were flowing down her red cheeks as her shrill cries pierced the air.

“Dane!” he shouted again and pure terror went through him at the sight of Dane’s closed door. He tried the knob but the door didn’t budge. He threw all his weight against it and it easily broke free of the frame. Horror slammed into him at the sight of Dane on his knees on a bed of glass at the base of his dresser. The mirror frame attached to the dresser stood empty except for a few pieces of glass hanging along the edges. Dane was clutching the remains of a small metal lamp in his hand and Jax recognized it as the lamp that used to sit on top of the dresser.

“Jax!” someone called from downstairs as the front door crashed open. He recognized the voice and pushed back his shock at seeing his friend appearing in Dane’s doorway.

“Cade, get the baby out of the house. Across the hall! And turn off the alarm-307175!”

His friend didn’t hesitate and disappeared into Emma’s room.

“Dane?” Jax called as he reached Dane’s side and plucked him from the shards of glass. He was grateful to see that Dane at least had shoes on but blood was forming in small pools beneath his jeans from where Dane had been kneeling in the glass. He got them both clear of the debris and settled Dane against his body.

The blaring of the alarm went silent and seconds later Dane’s phone rang. Knowing it was the security service, Jax fished the phone out of Dane’s pocket and answered it. He rattled off the password and told the operator that a broken glass had triggered the alarm before throwing the phone aside.

“Dane, baby, talk to me,” he said as he rocked Dane back and forth.

“Make it stop, Jax,” he whispered against Jax’s chest. “Please make it stop.”

“I will, baby. I promise,” he said as he wrapped his arms around Dane.

***

Dane crawled out of his bed and made it to the bathroom just in time to empty the contents of his stomach into the toilet. A cool washcloth was pressed against his forehead as a warm hand settled on his back but he pushed them both away and climbed to his feet. He rinsed out his mouth, ignoring Jax’s worried look. He was careful to avoid the mirror above the sink and quickly dried off his face and left the bathroom.

“Where is she?” he asked.

“Callan, Finn and Rhys agreed to watch her tonight.”

“Good,” he said quietly as he came to a stop in Emma’s doorway. At least he hadn’t done anything in front of his daughter.

Dane went down the stairs and into the kitchen, his eyes searching every countertop. He came to a stop when he saw a dark haired man sitting at the kitchen table, a cup of coffee in front of him. A second cup sat in front of the chair opposite him. Jax’s cup, likely. Sure, because every discussion about one’s crazy lover went better if you had a good cup of coffee in your hand.

“Dane, this is Cade. He’s the friend I was telling you about from Seattle.”

Perfect. Fucking perfect.

“How you feeling?” Cade asked, his sharp eyes quickly sizing him up. Dane knew exactly what the stunning man saw and he ignored the outstretched hand as he went to search the desk against the wall.

“What are you looking for?” Jax asked

“My phone.”

“It’s here,” Jax said as he held up Dane’s cell phone.

“Give it to me,” he snapped.

“Cade, give us a minute?” Jax said, his eyes never leaving Dane’s.

Cade shuffled past them and disappeared outside and Dane finally realized it was nearly dark. He’d been out all day.

“Give me the phone,” he said again and held out his hand.

“Who are you calling?” Jax asked.

“None of your business.”

He wasn’t surprised when Jax grabbed his arm so hard it nearly hurt. “None of my business? You dare say that to me after what happened today?” Jax hurled his phone across the room and it hit the wall with a resounding thud. “What the fuck is so important that you can’t take five minutes to explain to me what the hell happened to you this morning?”

Dane felt nothing as he raised his eyes and simply said, “I need to call Emma’s grandmother to come get her.”

***

“I thought you weren’t in touch with your parents,” Jax said, his fingers biting mercilessly into Dane’s arm. Of all the ways he’d thought his conversation with Dane would go, this hadn’t even been on his radar.

“Isaac’s mother.”

“Emma’s fine spending the night at the ranch.”

“I’m not talking about tonight.”

Dane pulled free of him and went to get the phone. From his annoyed curse Jax knew he’d broken it. His affect was starting to worry Jax more than his breakdown had.

“What are you saying?”

Dane began rifling through an address book he pulled out of the desk drawer. “Belinda has wanted Emma since the day Isaac died. She’ll take good care of her.”

Jax reached Dane in three sides and slammed him back against the wall. “What the fuck is wrong with you?”

Dane was eerily calm as he remained still in Jax’s grip. “It’s for the best.”

The man sounded like a fucking robot. Jax began to tremble as he realized his Dane was gone. He didn’t know this man.

“Dane,” he whispered as he gentled his hold on Dane and pressed their foreheads together. “Please don’t do this to me. Not when I just found you.”

He covered Dane’s mouth with his but the man didn’t move, didn’t even flinch. He forced Dane’s head up so that their eyes met and he said, “Nothing’s changed for me. I’m still here. I still love you. You could burn this place to the fucking ground and I will still love you. You can curse me to hell and back a thousand times over and I will still love you. Do you hear me?” he said harshly as he kissed Dane again.

Jax felt a tremor go through Dane. “Come back to me,” he urged as he kissed him again and tears pricked the backs of his eyes when he felt Dane soften beneath him and open his mouth. He pressed his advantage and kissed Dane thoroughly.

“I’ve never done anything like that before,” Dane said against his lips. “I kept hearing their voices and I just wanted to make it stop.”

“I know. We’ll figure it out.”

“It’s too hard, Jax. I don’t know how to make this work. I don’t know the right things to say.” Dane’s fingers bit into his skin as he whispered, “I could have hurt Emma.”

“No. You know that’s not true.”

“But I don’t. I don’t know anything anymore.”

Jax pulled Dane against him. “We’ll figure it out,” he repeated, hoping to hell Dane couldn’t hear the uncertainty in his voice.

***

“Do you think I’m crazy?”

Jax tightened his arm around Dane’s waist and drew him closer. He was glad when Dane’s hand closed over his. They’d been laying on Dane’s bed for the better part of an hour and Dane’s silence had Jax worrying that he was slipping away again. “No. I think you’ve had a lot to deal with lately.”

“Why do you want to be with me?”

“Because I think you’re one of the strongest, kindest men I’ve ever met. You’re an amazing friend and no child could ask for a better father.”

Dane was silent for a long time again before he said, “She’s not mine.”

“Yes she is.”

“Isaac was her biological father.”

“She’s yours, Dane.” Jax leaned down to press a kiss against the back of Dane’s neck. “I thought you and Isaac didn’t want to know.”

“We didn’t. Isaac’s mother sued me for custody after Isaac died and the court ordered a paternity test.” Jax was surprised at the revelation.

“Why did she want custody?”

“It was just her and Isaac after his father died when he was little. They were really close and it was hard for her to let him go. She never really liked me much – she told me once that Isaac could do better.”

Jax forced himself not to let Dane feel the anger simmering through him. He wondered if there had been any people in Dane’s life who had accepted him for who he was.

“I was the one who had to tell her he was gone. She said it was my fault. She said he wouldn’t have even been there if I hadn’t thrown our marriage away. I guess he didn’t tell her the reason it was over. She said I didn’t deserve Emma and that she’d be better off with her.”

“So she took you to court?”

Dane nodded. “She said since I was planning on filing for divorce that I had no legal standing to keep Emma.”

“She had to have known the courts wouldn’t buy that argument,” Jax said.

“I think she was just trying to wear me down. The legal battle drained most of my savings and I ended up having to sell the house Isaac and I bought to make ends meet. By the time it was over I just needed to start over.”

“What made you pick Dare?”

Dane snuggled back against him even further. “Isaac’s aunt and uncle on his father’s side owned this place. They died about a year ago and left it to him. I liked the idea of bringing Emma up in a small town and I knew I wouldn’t have to spend too much to get my practice up and running because his aunt and uncle had built a small boarding facility which I could easily convert.”

“Smart,” Jax said.

“What if I can’t figure out what’s happening to me, Jax? If you hadn’t been here today…”

“But I was. The what-ifs don’t matter.”

Dane turned in his arms. “You have a whole other life that I can’t compete with.”