How to Make Love All Night (and Drive Your Woman Wild) (And Drive a Woman Wild : Male Multiple Orgasm and Other Secrets for Prolonged Lovemaking) (19 page)

Was That a Smile I Just Saw?

I hope that by now I’ve already made you smile, or even laugh. We all need to laugh a little bit more HOW TO MAKE LOVE ALL NIGHT / 11

about sex, and I believe in using humor to help people learn about sex. Don’t get me wrong—I’m not a comedienne. I have a Ph.D. in psychology and I take sex very seriously—so you don’t have to.

I like sex and I believe in sex. I think it’s one of the most wonderful things that can happen between a man and a woman. I think its value to a relationship is immeasurable.

But I also think we need to be able to laugh about sex and during sex. Here’s my bottom line: I believe that sex should be easy and wonderful and fun for everyone. Having sex should be like going to Disneyland—tons of different rides, plenty to eat, and fireworks at midnight—only better because you don’t have to wait on line. Does that sound good to you?

Why Are You Reading This Book?

If you are a woman reading this book, you probably have several reasons for doing so. Because you love your partner a lot, you care about giving him as much pleasure as possible in bed. You want him to be the best lover he can be, but not just so he can fulfill your physical needs. You want him to feel good about himself in all ways; you want to be able to tell him that he’s a fabulous lover, and have him know for himself that it’s true.

But you also probably have some selfish reasons for being interested in male multiple orgasm. Perhaps you’re feeling frustrated because most, if not all, of your orgasms are reached through oral sex or clitoral stimulation without penetration. Perhaps you want to be able to know that your partner can sustain an erection long enough to give you 12 / BARBARA KEESLING, PH.D.

the stimulation you need to achieve orgasm through intercourse. Or perhaps, even if you’re satisfied with the quality of your orgasms, you want to be able to spend more time making love. Maybe you simply find so much joy in having sex with your partner that you want to be able to do it longer.

There is nothing wrong with wanting to make your sex life more and more wonderful. Too many women settle for less than what they really want, and I’m glad you’re not one of them.

If you are a man reading this book, I know that you care about making your partner happy in bed and are sensitive to a woman’s sexual needs. You want her to feel fulfilled and satisfied, and that’s terrific. If you didn’t, you wouldn’t be interested in what I have to say. Perhaps you are already able to make love for an extended period of time, and you’re reading this because you want to intensify your pleasure or want to find other ways of expressing your sexuality. Perhaps you are anxious about your ability to maintain an erection, or you would like to experience a greater intensity in your own sexual response. Perhaps you are trying to rediscover the multiorgasmic ability that you had as a younger man, or re-create an isolated multiorgasmic experience in your past that left you wanting more. Perhaps you are just curious.

Whatever your reasons, you are about to discover the wonderful things that becoming multiorgasmic does for a man. It’s not just your body that will be changing. Your sense of who you are is going to change, and so is your sense of what you have to offer a woman. When a man feels good about his sexuality, he feels good about himself. Sexual confidence creates greater confidence in many other areas HOW TO MAKE LOVE ALL NIGHT / 13

of a man’s life. It strengthens self-image and it strengthens self-esteem. This is powerful stuff.

Four Typical Men Who Want to Learn About Male Multiple Orgasm

You’ve already met Daniel. Right now, I’d like to introduce you to four other men: Fred, David, Josh, and Mark. As you will see, each of these men has a different reason for wanting to learn about male multiple orgasm, and every reason is valid. Maybe you will recognize some of your own needs and concerns in one of their stories. I think
most
men have something in common with at least one of these four men.

Fred’s Story

Fred has always found it very easy to express his sexuality.

He is currently married for the second time and he and his wife Janice have a very active sex life. Because sex is important to Fred, he wants to make sure it stays that way.

Right now, he and Janice make love almost every night and many mornings as well. Fred says that to him it’s sort of like brushing his teeth—something you do routinely at regular intervals of the day. But Fred is becoming worried that his “refractory period”—the length of time between erections—is getting longer. Or, as Fred puts it, “Lately, I can’t always get it up twice a day.” Fred is interested in finding new techniques that will allow him to continue to spend large amounts of time having sex with his wife. Janice thinks that’s a pretty good idea.

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David’s Story

David has a completely different reason for being interested in learning about male multiple orgasm. He worries that he can’t keep an erection long enough to satisfy his wife, Debbie, and he’s concerned that she is not as happy in bed as she would like to be. It seems that no matter how hard David tries, he can’t sustain an erection for much longer than five minutes. He laughs when he refers to himself as “a quickie,”

but he doesn’t really think it’s funny. He’s willing to try anything that will bring Debbie to orgasm, but he knows what his wife really needs is prolonged intercourse.

In truth, David never had much control over his erection, but when he and Debbie first started sleeping together he felt so much desire that after he reached orgasm he was able to have a second erection within ten or fifteen minutes. The second time, it was easier for him to hold back his own orgasm and ejaculation, allowing him to prolong intercourse long enough for Debbie to reach orgasm. Over time, however, David lost this ability, and that’s been a problem for Debbie.

Debbie agrees. David has read several books that promise he can become a great lover by learning to press the right spots on a woman’s body. But when he tries these techniques on Debbie, they don’t really seem to be working. They don’t work because other books don’t explain the philosophy behind the techniques, and David ends up “working on” Debbie instead of enjoying himself.

Touching is nice, and oral sex is great, but Debbie needs more intercourse to feel satisfied. She misses HOW TO MAKE LOVE ALL NIGHT / 15

the long sessions of lovemaking. Sometimes she feels that she is just beginning to get excited as David is already ejaculating. Knowing that this is going to happen makes her nervous and uncomfortable when they’re having intercourse.

She feels as though she is spending more time thinking about David’s erection than she is about her own pleasure. She loves David and she doesn’t want to hurt his feelings, so she gasps and moans and pretends to have an orgasm. But it’s not the same, and she knows it. Worse still, he knows it.

Both Debbie and David want the same thing: sex that is passionate and prolonged. They want to feel comfortable with themselves and with each other. David wants desper-ately to last long enough to bring his wife to orgasm through intercourse. When he thinks of making love to her, in his head he can continue for hours. Why doesn’t that happen in real life? By using the technique of male multiple orgasm, it can.

Josh and Mark

Mark has yet another set of reasons for wanting to learn about male multiple orgasm. Still a young man, Mark has yet to find a steady partner, and he has anxiety about his ability to perform well when he does. He wants to learn as much about sex as he can so that he will feel more secure and knowledgeable when he is with women.

Josh is only a few years older than Mark, but he considers himself very experienced sexually. He thinks of himself as a good lover and believes that he is able to maintain an erection long enough to

16 / BARBARA KEESLING, PH.D.

satisfy any partner. But Josh has another concern: he is so mentally aware of “holding back” his orgasms in order to please the woman he’s with that it keeps him from fully enjoying the experience.

Until very recently, all of these men believed there was only one secret involved in being a good lover: “learning to play a woman’s body like a violin.” But that has all changed now.

Today, these four men are enthusiastic and excited, having discovered that there is yet another secret that will allow them to bring pleasure to their partners while increasing their own pleasure.

What about you? Aren’t you tired of those violin lessons too? And if you’re a woman, aren’t you tired of being treated like a string instrument? Are you ready to finally learn something that can really make a difference in your sex life?

I think you are. I think you’ve been ready for a long, long time.

So where do we begin? It is my experience that before a man can learn to have his first multiple orgasm he needs to learn a little bit more about himself. More specifically, he needs to develop a new, more sophisticated understanding of the main character in this book: his penis. With that in mind, it’s time to turn the page and take a new look at a very old friend.…

C H A P T E R T W O

MEET YOUR PENIS

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B
efore we go any further, I need to talk to you about your penis. Traditionally, men are intensely preoccupied with trying to learn the secret of mastering women’s bodies, yet they spend so little time trying to understand their own. The typical man is prepared to burn the midnight oil studying the intricacies of the female anatomy. He will happily pick up a flashlight and search endlessly for G spots, sun spots, or any other spots that will help him be a better lover, yet he barely knows his own equipment. There’s only one thing wrong with that: you can’t become multiorgasmic if you don’t know your own penis.

A Penis Is a Terrible Thing to Waste

Do you like your penis? Are you proud of it? Or are your positive feelings mixed with feelings of embarrassment, shame, and doubt? Don’t feel bad if they are. The truth is, it’s a rare man who is truly comfortable with his own penis.

When it comes to their most private parts, most men feel extremely self-conscious and extremely vulnerable.

We need to change that. Why? Because a positive attitude about your own body is going to set the stage for a radical change in your sexual power. Every man needs to understand the following fact: the secret to being a good lover lies not within a woman’s body, but within his own.
Any man can
become a phenomenal lover if he understands that his greatest
sexual power lies in his ability to understand and control his own
penis
.

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If you want to become a sexual virtuoso, the first thing you need to do is master your own penis. Everything else will follow very quickly from there. To ignore the power of your own penis is to waste your greatest asset, and that’s a shame.

Aren’t You Tired of Having Sex with a Stranger?

You have known your penis all your life. You have known your penis longer than you have known your partner, your boss, your best friend, or your trusty dog Spuds. Yet, for all the time you’ve been together, you barely know it at all. Even though you probably take a good look at your equipment every single day, the real potential of your own penis has continued to elude you.

When was the last time you spent any quality time with your penis? When was the last time you two had a real heart-to-heart? I’d guess you were probably eleven or twelve years old at the time. Chances are that back then you were fascin-ated with your own equipment. It didn’t seem like there was enough time in the day for the two of you to get to know one another. But once you had your first few orgasms, that probably started to change. Once you discovered what felt good to you at the time, your curiosity began to wane. You found a formula that worked, you stuck with it, and that was that.

Even if you were tempted to experiment over the years, your attempts were probably more frustrating than fulfilling.

A lack of helpful information

HOW TO MAKE LOVE ALL NIGHT / 21

and an abundance of misinformation could only discourage your natural interest. Living in a world with so little to offer you, you did the best you could. You made peace with your penis and forged a working relationship that continues to this day. Sure, you might have tried something new once in a great while when you met a new partner or when you got a little bored, but chances are that ten, twenty-five, or even fifty years later, you’re doing pretty much the same thing that you did as an eleven-year-old.

But you’re not eleven anymore. You’ve grown up and your body has grown up. Your needs have changed, and now you have a partner who also has needs. Don’t you think it’s time to develop an adult understanding of your own equipment?

Don’t you think it’s time to expand upon the mindset of that enthusiastic but naive eleven-year-old and get excited again about your sexual potential as a man?

Does Your Penis Have a Mind of Its Own?

In this chapter, I’m going to help you take the first step toward becoming more intimate with your penis. You are going to realize, probably for the first time, how you can gain control of your own equipment. This is a big switch for any man who believes it is his penis that is always at the helm.

Men typically treat their penises as though they were separate, disconnected objects with brains of their own. They say things like, “Don’t talk to me

22 / BARBARA KEESLING, PH.D.

…talk to
him
.
He
did it.” They give their penises names like

“Little Robert,” “Big Jim,” “Captain Fantastic,” or “Mr.

Doozy.” I have to admit, this really makes me laugh because women are so different. How many women do you know who have pet names for their vaginas? How many times do you hear women affectionately refer to their genitals using names like “Miss Lucy” or “The Cannibal”? You don’t hear women saying things like, “I guess little Beth down there doesn’t want to come out to play today.”