If Only (26 page)

I trail kisses down Joe’s chin and neck before pushing
him onto his back, to squat over him and straddle his hips with my feet. My
hands braced on his chest, I sit cradling his cock with my slick pussy.
Lowering my upper body to his, I catch his nipple bar between my teeth and tug
it, before sucking it into my mouth. “Shhhit,” he mutters, pushing his fingers
into my loose flowing hair and gripping it. I smile at his reaction and cover
his chest with soft, teasing kisses and licks. Giving my full attention to his
other nipple, I work my tongue over and around it.

Returning to my
squat-straddle position, I start sliding my slickness along his shaft, back and
forth. The only sound now is our deep breathing and my wetness as I slither
along him. I release the sweet pleasure on a sigh. “You feel so good under me
like this, Joe, flesh-to-flesh, but I need you inside me.”

“You’re the one in control
here.” I know he’s fighting against taking over. I can hear it in his tense
voice and feel it in the demanding grip he has on my hips.

This will be our first time
without a latex barrier between us. It’s been on my mind constantly. Rising up
slightly, I position myself right and slowly slide down on him, my walls
closing around him, holding him, keeping him. All mine. I remain still, my body
claiming his.
“Mmm, Joe.”

“Fuck, you’re driving me
crazy,” he says, at the same time pressing his hips up, and I feel the
delicious bite of his dick pushing against my cervix.

My hands braced on his firm
abs, I start to move, up and down, leisurely. I tingle throughout at the feel
and exhale his name, it sounding like a sob, even to my own ears. As I get
faster, Joe thrusts upward, increasing the depth, which has us both moaning and
my nails biting into him. 

In an unspoken agreement, I
reposition my legs, moving from my feet to my knees, and Joe pulls me down to
him. Our upper bodies now glued together, breasts to pecs and soft tummy to
taut abs, I grind on him. A soft shiver passes through me and I prickle with
goose bumps as his touch traces the length of my spine, from neck to butt. His
fingers lightly brush over my rear entrance and I sigh at the pleasant, teasing
thrill. Dipping into my wetness, making them slick with my arousal, Joe uses
the tip of one finger to test the tight opening. I relax, allowing him in. The
heated sting his entry creates quickly subsides, replaced with sparks of
sensation as he works his way in, slowly, a little at a time. After my body
accepts the full length another one joins the party. I’m lost in the dual
pleasure, an overload of stimulation. I grind harder, and Joe pushes into my
ass deeper, faster. “Ah, yes, I like that,” I tell him, our faces now
cheek-to-cheek and my mouth at his ear.

“I’m gonna take you and
claim you in every way possible after I make you my wife,” he says, and I can
hear that he means every single word.

“I can’t wait,” I moan.

The double-penetration feels
amazing, now joined by the slow spiking ripples in my clit. I grab the bed
sheets into my fists and nestle my face against his shoulder as I’m taken over,
the intensity is only-just bearable. Joe’s not far behind me with his own
climax, his clasp on me remaining firm until the final second.

Somewhere deep in my foggy
brain, I’m excitedly aware of the fact that I have Joe in my bed.

In my freaking bed!

You can’t know how many times I’ve thought about this,
wanted this.

*****

It’s mid afternoon, the next day, and Joe’s gone to
Adam’s to collect his bike and bring it back to his garage. While he’s doing
that, I’m waiting at the condo. Sitting on the couch, with my laptop, I’m
running through the photos I took at the campsite and Hillsborough. It’s the
first chance I’ve had, since I’ve been so busy with wedding stuff. I’ve gone
through them all twice and now I’m looking at the pictures I’ve taken of my
engagement ring. Even though it’s on my finger, I’m still fascinated by the
images of it.

The intercom sounds,
disturbing my admiration. I set my laptop on the coffee table and get up to
answer.

“Hi, I’m here to see Joe,” a
delicate female voice says through the speaker.

“I’m sorry, he’s not here.
Can I help?”

Silence … more silence ...
If it wasn’t for the noise coming from the street, I’d think she was gone. “I
really need to speak to him. It’s important.”

“Is he expecting you?”

“No.” 

Back to silence.

Torn over what I should do,
my only option is to let her in. I think? I’m hoping she isn’t some crazy
stalker bitch. It feels like a stupid idea, permitting her entry, but I’m
praying Joe won’t be long. He’s been gone a while, so it’s likely he’ll be back
soon.

Two slight knocks sound at
the door. After a peep through the spy hole, I open it.

Standing there is a woman, a
few inches taller than me, with blonde hair cut to jaw length and pretty, but
uncertain, green eyes. She doesn’t say a word, she just stares at me.

“How can I help you?” I
eventually ask. Damn this is awkward.

“I-I’m really sorry about
this. I’ve ...”

Maybe it’s a case of
checking out the competition. Maybe it’s instinct. My own stare, for whatever reason,
lowers down her body and stops at her ... oh, shit. A cold wave washes over me,
freezing me in place.

I can’t look anywhere other
than at her swollen belly.

“Do ...”

I know she’s speaking, but
I’m not listening and my stunned gaze isn’t moving. I close my mouth so quickly
my teeth clink together. “Maybe you should come in,” I barely manage to say, as
I step aside. I can only just make my legs move.

I close the door and stand
with my hands braced against it, preparing to face her. I take a deep breath
and turn. “I’m sorry,” I say to her. I don’t know why, but somehow I feel like
I should apologize for my reaction. “Take a seat.” She hesitates and then makes
her way over to the sofa. “I’ll call Joe. He’s not far, but I’ll hurry him up.”

“I appreciate it. Thank
you,” she says, as she sits down.

I pick up my phone and go
into the bedroom.

“Baby cake,” he answers. I
shiver. Not in my usual I’m-crazy-about-Joe way, this is something entirely
different, something cold and not so nice.

“Joe, you need to get back
here.
Right now.”
I hang up and stand clutching my
cell in my hand, holding it to my chest. I don’t want to walk back out there. I
don’t want to see that … bump.

It’s strange, that ladies
condition could be due to anyone. She could just be an old friend passing by,
wanting to say “Hi.”

But instinctively, I feel it
has everything to do with Joe.

And she’s too nervous for it
to be the alternative.

Okay, if Joe is at Adam’s,
he could ride back and be here in no time. If he answered, he must have been at
his brothers.’ He’ll be here soon. I force myself to move and, in a split
second, go from not wanting to see her belly to needing to see it.

I head out to the other
woman and sit on the sofa facing her.

Her lips twitch into a
nervous smile. “I’m really sorry about this. I called and passed by the other
day, but I haven’t had any luck contacting Joe. We seem to keep missing each
other. Are you ...” I wait, but she doesn’t continue.

“Yes,” I answer, looking to
her eyes and then down her body. Reaching forward, I push down the screen to my
laptop, closing the image of my engagement ring. “Yes, I’m his …” Fiancé? 
“Girlfriend.”
I can’t say the F-word, for some reason.

After a few moments that
feel more like forever, I stand up and head for the kitchen. “Would you like a
drink?”

“No, I’m okay, thanks.”

I stop and turn to face her,
sitting with her back to me. I’m glad I can’t see it from here. “Is that ...”
Ask
her
. “Is it Joe’s?” 

Remaining seated, she shifts
around to face me and nods. She seems sympathetic as well as worried. I want to
ask if she’s sure, but that isn’t my question to ask, it’s–

I hear a key slot into the
lock and turn, the front door opens, the rattling of Joe’s key chain
accompanying it. Joe walks in. I stare directly at him, but can’t meet his
eyes. He glances at the other lady, but his gaze rests with me. I want to smile
at him. If I could, I would. “I’ll let you two
talk
.”
Stiffly, but as quickly as I can, I pad to his bedroom.

As I press against the door,
to close it, Joe pushes it open and comes in, closing it behind him. He cups my
cheeks and attempts to look into my eyes. I try to turn my head, to break the
connection I can’t take right now, but he won’t let me, so I close them. “Joe,
you need to go talk to her.” I know he hasn’t seen the bump.

“I will, but I need to talk
to you first. Look at me.”

“No.” I try harder to move
my face, but he holds it tighter.

“Please, look at me.”

“No, go talk to her.” I
start to shove him away, but I may as well be pushing against a brick wall.
“Please, Joe.”

He sighs heavy and kisses
the tip of my nose, then my lips.

I don’t kiss him back. I
can’t.

He leaves and I run over to
the bathroom, across the other side of his room, and lock myself in. I don’t want
to risk hearing any of their conversation, I know enough already. If I hadn’t
been so shocked by it all, I’d have left the condo all together.

Callie’s stare and the rejection of her lips told me different
things, none of them good. The moment I walked through the door her eyes told
me fear, disappointment and uncertainty.

Why?

I’ve never seen her look
that way before. I know it’s bad, it concerned me the moment I saw her. Her
lips told me she needed to be away from me, she rejected me.

Why?

As I close the bedroom door
behind me, Emily stands up from the couch and turns to face me ... and now I
know. Shit.

So many times I’ve had
conversations with the guys where one of us would question what we’d do if
something like this were to ever happen. Stupid-ass questions, probably
arrogant, none of us actually thinking it would happen.

Very fucking stupid and very
fucking arrogant!

This is a moment when you
say, “I never thought it would happen to me.” I truly didn’t believe that it
would, I’ve always been careful. But I do recall a condom splitting incident,
the only time that ever happened to me. Fuck.

“I’m sorry to drop it on you
like this, Joe, but I didn’t really know what to do. I didn’t know you had a
girlfriend, I never would have showed up like this.” She starts fidgeting
nervously with her fingers. If I wasn’t in shock I’d feel sorry for her, but I
just can’t believe my eyes. “Maybe I should go. Maybe–”

“No ... sit down ... shit,
Emily.” I rub my hands over my face. Right now, I have no words. She turns and
sits down. I walk over to the couch facing her and slump back into it.

We sit for quite some time
and speak very little, but make many attempts. It’s probably my reaction that’s
leaving her silent. I want to say the right things, and make this easy for her,
but what? What do I say? Until I put that ring on Callie’s finger, I hadn’t
thought about having kids any time soon. I always knew I wanted them, at some
point, but not yet, and not with a woman I only shared a few nights with.

“Is it definitely mine?” An
impolite question, but a necessary one nonetheless.

She nods, almost
sympathetically. “You’re the only person I’ve been with since my ex. I’m one
hundred percent certain, I’ll prove it if you want. I don’t expect you to take
my word for it, but it is your baby, Joe.” 

It is your baby,
Joe.

I put my hands over my face
again.
Fucking hell.
What I would give to have passed
up this woman. That is one time I really should’ve kept my dick in my
pants. 

We have an awkward
conversation, with the most important aspect remaining unchanged.

Emily is pregnant by
me. 

When I hear Joe enter the bedroom, my heart kicks up.
I’ve been in his bathroom for … I don’t know – too long, but not long enough.
I’m still not ready to see him. I can’t do it. If we weren’t so high up, I’d
climb out of the fucking window. Yes, I would run away and hide for a while,
for a very long while. I’m not angry at Joe, I’m angry for things being so messed
up. I’m definitely not angry with him. I don’t know how to communicate with him
right now, my mind is all over the place.

We’re supposed to get
married in two days, and another woman shows up carrying his child. I don’t
need full details and I don’t want them. One thing that always kept me away
from Joe was the fear of never really having him. Right now, I feel like he’s
been snatched away from me.

What am I supposed to do?