Innocence (23 page)

Her mum went to the clinic with her the Saturday morning for the termination. They sat in the waiting area with a few women with partners. Mums to younger girls and one lady sat on her own, reading magazines. The television was blaring on the news channel, when one by one, they were called. Anxiously she waited to be called. Sophie could not think about anything but the tiny little baby growing inside her and yet…she had to tell the nurses, she had to tell them it was still there and no pill had been taken.

“Miss. Richards,” the nurse called out.

Sophie looked at her mum. Her mum stared harsh at her, humiliated.

“I want to go alone,” she told her when seeing her mum preparing to stand. Her mum huffed and puffed in disgust. She sat back down in the chair folding her arms and held her nose in the air, she appeared so smug and that wasn’t helping the current situation.

Sophie got to her feet, the knots in her stomach aching like never before. She made her way anxiously to the medical room, seeing a chair with stirrups, it looked bloody terrifying, like a torture chair or something out of medieval times, York Dungeon came to mind. She swallowed hard and hitched her breath, not believing what was happening.

“Take a seat, Sophie,” the nurse said. “We need to take bloods and check your blood pressure, check everything is okay and then we will start the process. You took your pill on Thursday evening?” she was asked.

Hesitantly, Sophie gazed down to the floor and started playing with her fingers whilst her stomach flipped over and over again, making the pain in her chest hurt more.

“Sophie, you took the pill to start the process?”

Still, unable to answer, but was aware she had to. What worried her more was if they told her mum, already aware of what her reaction would be and another lecture on how she was too young to be having a baby and how her father would have wasted all the money on her education. A large lump filled her throat while she shook frantically. The nurse spoke, but Sophie only heard mumbling. Tears gushed down her cheeks. Then the nurse stood and left the room.

Sophie had no idea what was happening, all she cared about was the tiny baby growing inside her and how she couldn’t kill it.

A few minutes later the door opened. Sophie used the back of her hand to wipe away her tears. She noticed a second nurse entering the room, dressed in a light blue tunic dress.

The woman knelt before her. “Hello, Sophie, I’m Carol,” she said. “We are here to help you and make sure everything is okay. Are you okay?”

Sophie could not answer her, licking her lips and feeling the tension in her stomach.

“Sophie, you can talk to us, we are here to help you.” The woman took hold of her cupped hands. “Don’t be afraid, everything in this room is confidential, and we will do all we can to help and guide you.”

“I’m sorry,” she muttered.

“Hey, don’t apologise we have all made mistakes in our lives.” Sophie looked her in the eyes and tried to hold herself together.

“Do you get a lot of young girls?”

“We do and terrified like yourself. Now, Sophie, I need to know, have you taken the pill?” she spoke softly.

She stared into the woman’s eyes, speechless, scared to tell the truth. “Please don’t tell my mum, she will kill me…I cannot kill my baby,” she told her, breaking out in tears and holding her head in her hands, quivering.

“It’s okay, Sophie, we can support you and help you,” the woman said, her rubbing her hand up and down Sophie’s left arm.

It was then that she pleaded with them to help her and not to tell her mum. The nurses were kind enough to act out that she had miscarried and finally her mum was delighted to be leaving such a nasty-low place. Little did her mum know the truth, the baby was still safe inside her womb.

A few days later she turned up to family planning, saw the same two nurses and discussed her options. After some serious consideration, Sophie decided she’d put the baby up for adoption. It was not an easy task, but felt right for her and the baby, despite all her reservations. It was shortly after she made all the decisions she left home and went into sharing a house until a mother and father were found for her little one. She had cried no end of nights, clenching her tummy and talking to the tiny little bundle that grew healthy inside her.

She lived with a wonderful family, Caroline and Mike, they supported her throughout her pregnancy, attending antenatal classes and enjoyed watching her proud bump grow. Sabastian was born weighting six pounds, ten ounces, gorgeous, dark brown eyes and dark hair, so cute and vulnerable. Then three months later she walked away, leaving him with a good home and parents who would bring him up and give him unconditional love, and that pleased her aching heart.

Walking away had been the hardest thing she’d ever contended with and now her daughter possibly headed in the same direction. The thought of handing him over destroyed her, but what other option did she have? However, this time there looked like more hope of her finding a stable home for the pair, where she could bring her daughter up and give all the undivided attention she needed. She would love her and give the little one the best upbringing she could. Yes, she thought about Sabastian every day, the fact he had a half-sister growing inside her, killed her.

She ached thinking about what she did, and what had been right for Sabastian whether right or wrong, that was what happened, not that her life got any better.

Once she recovered from the delivery, with a few complications, she went back home to her parents, only her mum slammed the door in her face, after calling her all the names under the sun, and how dare she turn up out of the blue unannounced? It was then her life hit a fierce roller coaster and spiralled out of control.

Slowly rubbing her tummy she wished her daughter would move. She poked her again, but nothing. “What is wrong with you, are you stressed like Mummy? I bet you’re feeling it and you have decided to throw a tantrum in there. Mummy will look after you, you’ll see we will get it all sorted no matter what. I love you.” Tears ran down her cheeks.

“You okay?” Ross voiced, entering the room.

She quickly wiped away the tears, not wanting him to see her in such a state.

“I guess so,” she said.

He sat on the opposite couch.

“Been rather stressful today,” he said, sipping on his coffee.

“No kidding. I had no idea he was Calvin, from all those years ago,” she explained.

“Don’t worry about it. You have enough to contend with, especially with little one. We will continue to fill in the application form and I’ll get it sent immediately to the right department, so hopefully the process can be started immediately. I will write urgent on it.”

“Thank you.”

“Don’t mention it. I am trying to get you settled before the baby arrives, as I don’t think you will be in the mood for decorating or have the time once she arrives.” He chuckled.

“No, no I guess not.”

“I guess you figured out who I was, due to my name?”

“Yes…sorry I was so rude, I just had to tell Calvin, who you were.”

“It’s okay. What time will Calvin be leaving today?” she asked curiously.

“Not sure if he will go. He’s had a shock today and might need time to adjust.”

“It’s the past,” she said truthful.

“I know, but Calvin is a sensitive guy, and well he’ll be blaming himself, which is what is natural to him. And not only that his parents and he are against abortions.”

Sophie gulped. She needed to tell him the truth about the baby and what really happened.
Should I tell him the truth?

Just, as she was about to open her mouth and explain…

“Ross,” his name was shouted.

“Excuse me.” He jumped to his feet and exited the room.

She was left gutted.

Kacey would admit she had pushed all her problems to the back of her mind, and now, they were back and haunting. The fear hurt and she could feel Calvin’s pain. Having no idea what the future held for any of them, the thought off running seemed a good option, but then that would mean her leaving again, running from her dilemmas and now Calvin was a part of them. She never meant to cause so much suffering, but here she was the cause of it all and there was no stopping what might come.

Her stomach felt like a loose cannon, and she had no idea whether the outcome was going to be minor or severe. Sophie was confused and worried about so many things, her daughter, Calvin, Anne, Gordon, and her own parents, yet there was comfort in the fact Ross was helping her find a home.

She hated what was happening. She begrudged the fact that Calvin had been taken somewhere and she had no idea where. Her emotions were running high and all she longed to do was take a nap, feeling exhausted.

Kacey wanted to make it to the hospital or to see someone medical to make sure her daughter was okay, now deeply concerned but those chances looked slim.

She brushed her hair back from her face, worried about her life, concerned about her well-being and what was next. Her eyes felt heavy, and she struggled to keep them open. The sofa was so comfortable with plenty of multi-coloured scatter cushions. She kicked off her pumps and curled into a ball holding her tummy, with tears streaming down her cheeks, feeling, yet again, lost and scared.    

Chapter Ten

She woke suddenly to the sound of raised voices. She slid her feet carefully off the couch and added a slight stretch. Sophie gently rubbed her bump again, and then hoisted herself off the couch. She ached all over her body wondering if it was because of the position she’d been lying in. She was also thirsty and needed to get some fluid down her before dehydrating.

Sophie walked through the lobby hearing the voices getting louder, wondering what on earth was going on, it sounded like a war zone. She walked through the dining room decorated with large, glorious flower arrangements smelling divine.

She paused thinking about the hall, and how if she had known where his parents lived, she would have immediately sussed out who he was…the very man who…got her pregnant. She’d never even given it a thought when she stepped on the land a few days ago and walked to the bridge. All she saw was a river and an opportunity to end her misery.

She stepped closer to the kitchen door and instantly saw her mum. Her mum saw her. Her nostrils flared, her eyes cold, cutting and glared withdrawing from the argument. The room fell silent, and she guessed what their main topic was for the day, her.

She scanned the room, seeing Calvin, Ross, Anne, and Gordon all gazing at her.

She swallowed heavy.

“Will you tell these people...”

“These people, oh great,” Anne chanted.

“If I may continue, Sophie, will you tell these people that I never forced you to get an abortion?” her mum said cutting Anne off and stared at Sophie standing proud while holding her hands on her hips looking like a total smug bitch.

“Yes, you did.”

Her mum glared at her disgustedly, wide-eyed. She feared her eyeballs were going to pop out.

“How dare you.”

“You did, you told me there was no way I was having a baby at my age and how it would ruin my career and how you had wasted money on my education fees,” Sophie said abruptly.

“I said, that you would be throwing your life away if you continued with the pregnancy and that it would be wise for you to terminate.”

“You never said that at all,” she screamed back. “You told me how much I would blacken the family name and that you would not be the one looking after the
bastard
,” Sophie snarled.

She stared around the room, seeing all eyes were moving from her mum to her. She felt sick to the core that she would lie so blatantly.

“Yes, I called it that, but that was because you were sleeping around.”

“I was not,” she cried out aching inside. “I had sex with Calvin, and that was it,” she enraged.

“Oh come on, you were like a bike, it was a case of who wanted to jump on next.”

“That is rubbish. I lost my virginity to him,” she said sharply pointing to Calvin. “And he was the only one, until I was nineteen,” she said, her heart failing inside her chest, as she hoped to God none of them were believing her mum’s lies.

Her mum scoffed, “Of course, was that why the lads called you?”

“You called me,” she snapped. “You made out I was sleeping around with the City of York, when I wasn’t. You believed what you wanted to, and if you could think that bad of me,” she said hitting her chest in anger, “then fine, if it eases your conscience and allows you to deal with the matter better. Don’t worry the daughter is a tramp and deserves all that comes to her. I never slept with no-one, Calvin was my only…until I started sleeping with men to whore myself out,” she screamed. Her mum shot a glare at her,

“Yes, mum I whored myself out…after you,” she said pointing her finger directly at her mum, “Slammed to door in my face,” she sobbed. “I had no choice but to go back to the city and sleep rough find refuges, until I came across anyone who offered me a bed. And yes mum…I fucked to pay for my boyfriend’s habit,” she stated being the truth.

“Oh my god…” Anne was heard saying.

“Sophie stop,” she heard a male voice only for Calvin to approach her taking her into his arms, while she felt heaviness in her limbs and a pain in her abdomen striked. She tried fighting Calvin off, only he held her elbows stopping her. She fell into his chest, scared, alone and distraught to what she had just announced. She struggled to get air to her lungs, nose congested. Calvin secured her tight to his body loving his closeness, loving the fact she was actually being hugged.

He kissed her on her temple, while hearing Anne and her mum arguing, leaving her helpless and dark. Her eyes shut tight, tears flooding down her cheeks onto Calvin. She enjoyed his warmth and now she knew why all these years she had craved to be with him and not in the lifestyle she had found herself in.

She pulled out from his chest, “Does father know anything about what happened to me?”  She had to ask, sensing a bad vibe.

“What? I told your father…”

“You told him what you wanted him to believe.”

“You told me she left home because she had a teenage tantrum,” Anne mentioned.

Sophie glared at Anne mortified.

“And that’s the reason why I couldn’t find her,” Calvin added. She lifted her head to look into his dark eyes, destroyed, heartbroken.

“Is that what you told Dad too?” Sophie said in a shaking voice.

“You’re talking ridiculous.”

“I’m not, why are you not telling the truth?” She said stepping away from Calvin “But then, I suppose, you’re not far from the truth, due to me leaving home, but that was only because I hated you for what you made me do,” she screamed the last word.

“You are acting like a spoilt child,” her mum said.

“What…” She could not believe the conversation she was having in front of these people, but then at least they learned the truth, if they believed her. “How can I be acting like that, when I have lived in the streets, begging for food, pleading for someone to give me warmth and a bed?” Tears ran down her cheeks, feeling the pain in her stomach. “I have lived in hell, because you wouldn’t have me back.”

“Oh, what?” she said, raising her voice and swinging her arm in the air. “You expected me to take you back after you had been away for a year and then what…open my door to you? I don’t think so. You disrespected the family name, the home and you thought Mummy and Daddy would forget?”

“No, but I at least would’ve thought…”

“Thought what? My arms would be ready to give you a cuddle and say
welcome home?
I don’t think so,” she said releasing a loud laugh.

Sophie struggled to get her head around how foul she was being. Then again, her mum had never lived the way she had…
lucky for some!

“I’m the one who should be mad with you, not the other way around,” Sophie stressed.

“And how do you work that out?” her mum said, curling her lip.

“You’re kidding me, right?” Torrents of tears spilled down her cheeks. “I hated you. I hated you so much.” Calvin tried reaching for her again.

“Sophie calm down…” he said when stepped away not wishing to be cuddled or given the sympathy act, all she desired was her mum to tell the truth, but clearly not an option for her.

The rage Sophie felt in her body wasn’t far from bursting. Her mum clearly thought badly of her and everything was her fault and not her mum’s. She swore her mum spent most of the time living in her own pathetic bubble.

“You took me to that clinic without consideration, without thinking about how I would feel,” she said, hitting her chest in anguish.

“Oh for goodness sake, Sophie, that was years ago. Get over it!”

Sophie widened her eyes and dropped her jaw, while her stomach summersaulted. “What?”

“Sophie, having the abortion was the best thing for you.”

Sophie couldn’t believe what she heard. Feeling certain there was a massive mistake and her ears were mishearing.

“Excuse me,” Anne voiced.

“Look this is between me and my daughter. I have no idea what lies she’s told you and quite frankly I don’t care. She is nothing but a liar.”

“How dare you,” Sophie sobbed.

“You are remembering, Rosalind, whose baby she terminated.”

Sophie stared at Anne and then at Calvin seeing the tears streaming down his cheeks, she could see the evidence, Calvin was distraught, shattering her heart and she had to tell him the truth about their son…only here and now was not the place.

“Yes, so…I saved Calvin from ruining his life.”

They all stood staring at her wide eyed not believing what repulsive words came out her mother’s mouth, and to be honest she’d had and heard enough.

“And I suppose she told you it was his baby?” Rosalind laughed.

“Excuse me,” Sophie said shocked. “I haven’t made anything up, I slept with Calvin,” she cried out unable to take the pain her body suffered anymore.

“Yes, we had sex…sorry,” he said glancing at Sophie.

She saw the pain in his distressed eyes. “We were intimate,” Calvin said lowering his voice and frowning while he gazed at her. “And you had my baby aborted.”

“For goodness sake she was sleeping around.” She laughed.

“How dare you,” Sophie yelled and jerked her head to stare at her mum. 

“She slept around,” her mum argued back.

The room suddenly erupted into an almighty slanging match. Sophie could hardly breathe. She yearned to tell them that the baby…well their nine-year-old was still alive and very happy, but she couldn’t get a word in. The room was thunderous and she needed to get out, every limb in her body ached and she could hardly stand with the weight of her baby.

Sophie decided to sneak away, unnoticed and head to the bathroom. She breathed heavy, swiping her hair back away from her face, feeling stuffy and had a terrible pain around her hips, back and lower abdomen and stopped in her tracks with a sharp pain. “Holy crap,” she said, and tried gently to move forward desperate for a pee.

She walked slowly down the corridor taking one step at a time, holding her back, as the pain continued to dominate her. She breathed heavy not sure if it was stress related, after all it wouldn’t surprise her. The last few days had been a living nightmare and she just longed to rest and enjoy what she had left of her pregnancy, not listening to people arguing over who was right or wrong about ten years ago. It was the past and nothing could be done about it. The fact remained their son was alive and she somehow, needed to tell Calvin when things calmed down.

Sophie found the bathroom and was finally able to blow her nose. She could feel a bad headache coming, so she sat on the toilet taking the weight of her tired feet. She glanced down to her ankles noticing them swollen. She inhaled a deep breath feeling like total crap. She wiped away the tears and blew her nose again, wanting to clear her airways.

The pain struck again, forcing her to cry out as it dominated her abdomen. “Fucking hell!” She cupped her bump, unsure if she was in labour. She scratched her forehead
. Surely it’s not time yet?

She peed and then with tissue paper went to wipe herself, when much to her horror the tissue had blood on it. “No…oh God no…no. Help me!” she screamed at the top of her voice. Sophie knew no one would hear her where she was in the hall. Tears filled her eyes and ran down her cheeks, frantic and deeply worried about her unborn baby. She had to try and stand to get help. All her joints ached and her tummy, wow, the pain was excruciating. The pain doubled her over.

“Please be okay, little one, Mummy is sorry,” she said, rubbing her tummy.

Slowly, she made her way out of the bathroom and walked back down the corridor toward the dining room, when a lightning bolt struck her tummy and forced her to double over in chronic pain, leaning against the wall for support. “Help me,” she screamed as loud as she could. Again, no one came.

She crept down the corridor sobbing. The day was getting worse, much worse. “Calvin,” she bawled, reaching the dining room door, hearing loud voices, aware she needed to be louder to be heard. She looked back to see a trail of blood on the floor. She inhaled a deep breath, wanting to be heard and fast, time wasn’t on her side, and she feared the little one was in severe danger.
Oh God, no.
“Calvin,” she shouted.

“Calvin…Calvin,” she called again, lowering her voice in agony and coiled into a tight ball.

Her energy was zapped. She had to try once last time to get his attention. “Calvin.”

She could taste blood and reached down between her legs, and brought her hand out covered in dark red blood.

“Oh God,” she said staring at the blood on her hand.

“Sophie,” Calvin voiced. “Oh my God, what has happened?” he said in a panic. “Ross,” he yelled out and raced around to her right side. “Oh God…bloody hell,” he said, looking at her confused.

“Yes…” Ross said casually. “Oh shit, I will get the car,” he said terrified.

“Oh God, Sophie,” he said, taking hold of her hand tightly. “Ross, will get you the car and we will take you immediately to the hospital.”

Sophie managed to glance at Calvin and saw tears streaming down his cheeks.

“Oh my goodness, Sophie,” Anne voiced, frantic.