International Kittens of Mystery (6 page)
Many kittens swear by this technique and every one of them gets caught.
Tails are a particular problem. Even the kittens who manage to conceal the bulk of their body have a tendency to spoil everything by leaving a long length of furry tail protruding, and sometimes flicking, from their hiding place.
Next, we see Kai demonstrating a close relative of the previous theory. The 'I still can't see you but I don't really care if you can see me 'cos I'm the one with my head in the kibble bag.'
Now it's the Tribbles' turn. But where are they? And what's that orange starfish doing in the picture?
A good attempt at camouflage by the Tribbles â ten out of ten for imagination â but would it fool an enemy agent searching for kitten intruders?
He might think, "No international kittens of mystery in this room. Only a starfish," and walk on.
But, more likely, realizing that starfish were marine animals and there was a distinct lack of seawater in the room, he'd suspect something was up.
It's one to remember though if ever sent on a seabed mission.
Above we see a high risk and flawed attempt at camouflage not to be encouraged under any circumstances. However thirsty one might be, standing in a dog's bowl pretending to be a biscuit is just silly.
Finally, we have a group of Tribble students showing that even a nest of bright orange Tribbles can be difficult to spot when they learn the correct use of twig and shadow.
This week Kai and Xena have been asked to hold a masterclass on advanced climbing and balancing techniques. Xena was asked because she is the expert at scaling the tallest tree, has superb balance, and can even climb down ladders.
Kai's been asked because ... well, how can I put it? Kai is
not
a natural climber. He thinks he is. But he isn't. He's more of a natural wobbler and dangler. Which makes him both very entertaining and an expert on recovering balance.
Some have suggested that Kai's balancing problem may be the result of too many voles being eaten between meals. And it is true that he can look portly from some angles. But that could be because of his long fur. And the fact that he's not striped. Everyone knows that stripes takes inches off a kitten's waistline. And Kai is hooped â which does the opposite.
First up, we have Xena showing how the arboreal kitten can navigate complex branch structures without falling off. In fact she doesn't even have to look where she's going. She feels her way along the branch using paws, claws and a cleverly aligned tail for extra balance control.
Next up we have Kai demonstrating the wrong way to climb a fence. And how to hang on when everything looks lost.
| Remember, kittens, do not try this at home. Kai is a fully trained stunt kitten and contortionist. Students of balance will note how he's hanging on by a combination of the back paws clawing at one horizontal plank while his front paws grasp the plank above. |
His posture is wrong, his torso twisted and his tail is having to curve forward to compensate.
Next on the list is a demonstration of the âThe High Bar Standing Jump, Twist and Turn' â a high banister maneuver without a net. He's jumped, he's wobbling, his balance has fled the building, and any second his back end could swing down and he'd be hanging from the banisters with his back paws around his ears.
But Kai recovers, regains his balance and then ... makes the mistake of looking down.
Another warning for aspiring arboreal kittens, keep your eyes on the branches around you because sometimes when you look down...
Your legs go weak. And it's all too much.
The day begins with a frantic phone call from Jack Miaower at the Counter Terrier Unit.
"Oh noes!" wails Jack. "We haz big trouble. There iz mole in CTU and squirrels in the White House!"
And that's not all. The First Lady has gone missing. The squirrels might have her or...
Someone might have turned the First Puppy!
Nooo!
Jack had been compiling a list of known terriers and squirrel sympathizers. He'd found reports linking a group of dissident poodles to weapons grade flea shampoo. Worse than a dirty bomb, this was a super clean one. No cat would be safe!
Then the CTU computer died â its power cables chewed through by moles. Now he was asking for help. Only the International Kittens of Mystery could be trusted to unravel such a complex set of mysteries and save the world from a tsunami of insecticidal shampoo.
Minutes later Orbiting Kitten Command Center confirms Jack's fears. They've intercepted a call to the White House. "Pay us a million dollars in unmarked cheddar by noon tomorrow or the First Lady becomes the Last Lady."
Noon tomorrow! Only twenty-six hours to save the world. Twenty-four if you take two hours off for a nap.
