International Kittens of Mystery (3 page)

Here we see Xena demonstrating the artful use of one's surroundings. As Kai approaches, she swiftly constructs a fort out of empty boxes she'd seen lying on the floor earlier. Note the precision of her work and how a three box fort can defeat even the stretchiest cat.

Enemies of the civilized world come in all sizes. And international kittens of mystery must pursue them – even when they're very small and hide in difficult-to-get-to places. Just because the enemy agent's a beetle doesn't mean it should be allowed to escape. Hence IKoM's motto: We always get our mouse.

Today's training exercise is all about squeezing into very tight places. Here we see Kai – a kitten of a slightly portly disposition – showing some surprise, a modicum of shock, and a whole bowlful of doubt upon learning that he was first up to attempt the ‘crawling under the chest of draws' task.

Yes, kittens, even a stunt kitten of Kai's stature can have doubts. Especially after a couple of voles between meals. The gap looks only two or three inches wide!

But just to show that even the larger kitten can squeeze into unexpected places, here we see Kai demonstrating the ‘low walk' – the classic method of inching into small gaps.

Note the head pushed in as far as it will go, the low shoulders, the flattened chest and the back legs pushing from behind.

Here we see the same shot from a different angle. Note the left leg tucked under the body for extra leverage.

But sometimes – for really small gaps – the low walk just doesn't cut it and you have to get splayed.

No, come back, I said sp-l-ayed not spayed.

And to prove it here we see Kai employing the 'flat cat' position and posting himself into the gap. Now, I expect some of you are thinking, "doesn't Kai look kinda stuck?"

You wouldn't be alone. Kai was thinking the same thing.

Which is why all training camps have an abundant supply of grease, for those times when kittens get wedged.

Kai the drenched kitten looks up in horror as the alien death ray device (aka the hair drier) looms in from above. Xena can't look – she has to hide her head in her paws.

Why? Well, it all started last week when Kai and Xena were sent on their first simulated mission – a ‘first contact' mission involving large woolly ‘aliens' from the planet Sheep.

At first the talks go well. Xena listens intently to the woolly delegate. And wonders where she could get a pair of large yellow earrings like those.

The talks go so well that, back on planet Kitten, there is dancing in the streets. Mouse tariffs will be lowered and kibbles will be free. Yay!

But then a gang of young, over-enthusiastic woollies with protectionist leanings (aka baa-aad lambs) get wind of the secret negotiations. They overhear what's being said and...

...gatecrash the meeting – at speed – sending the Kitten delegation (off camera) racing for the nearest tree.