Keeping Your Cool…When Your Anger Is Hot!: Practical Steps to Temper Fiery Emotions (2 page)
Read Keeping Your Cool…When Your Anger Is Hot!: Practical Steps to Temper Fiery Emotions Online
Authors: June Hunt
BOOK: Keeping Your Cool…When Your Anger Is Hot!: Practical Steps to Temper Fiery Emotions
13.74Mb size Format: txt, pdf, ePub
Unless otherwise indicated, all Scripture quotations are taken from the HOLY BIBLE, NEW INTERNATIONAL VERSION®. NIV®. Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984 by the International Bible Society. Used by permission of Zondervan. All rights reserved.
Verses marked NLT are taken from the
Holy Bible,
New Living Translation, copyright © 1996, 2004. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, IL 60189 USA. All rights reserved.
Holy Bible,
New Living Translation, copyright © 1996, 2004. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, IL 60189 USA. All rights reserved.
Verses marked ESV are from The Holy Bible, English Standard Version, copyright © 2001 by Crossway Bibles, a division of Good News Publishers. Used by permission. All rights reserved.
Verses marked NKJV are taken from the New King James Version. Copyright © 1982 by Thomas Nelson, Inc. Used by permission. All rights reserved.
Verses marked TLB are taken from
The Living Bible
, Copyright © 1971. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, IL 60189 USA. All rights reserved.
The Living Bible
, Copyright © 1971. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, IL 60189 USA. All rights reserved.
Verses marked MSG are taken from The Message. Copyright © by Eugene H. Peterson 1993, 1994, 1995, 1996, 2000, 2001, 2002. Used by permission of NavPress Publishing Group.
Cover by Garborg Design Works, Savage, Minnesota
Cover photo © Chris Garborg
Some of the names and details in this book have been changed to protect the anonymity and privacy of the individuals who shared their stories.
KEEPING YOUR COOL…WHEN YOUR ANGER IS HOT!
Copyright © 2009 by Hope for the Heart, Inc.
Published by Harvest House Publishers
Eugene, Oregon 97402
www.harvesthousepublishers.com
Published by Harvest House Publishers
Eugene, Oregon 97402
www.harvesthousepublishers.com
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Hunt, June.
Keeping your cool—when your anger is hot! / June Hunt.
p. cm.
Includes bibliographical references.
ISBN 978-0-7369-2424-5 (pbk.)
1. Anger—Religious aspects—Christianity. I. Title.
BV4627.A5H87 2009
241’.31—dc22
2009014592
All rights reserved.
No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means—electronic, mechanical, digital, photocopy, recording, or any other—except for brief quotations in printed reviews, without the prior permission of the publisher.
No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means—electronic, mechanical, digital, photocopy, recording, or any other—except for brief quotations in printed reviews, without the prior permission of the publisher.
Printed in the United States of America
09 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 / DP-SK / 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1
Dedication
With deep respect I dedicate this book to my sister, Swanee Hunt, who has long been channeling her
indignation
over social injustice into
action
. Although we have teased about “cancelling each other’s votes,” we are always in each other’s corner—emphatically—concerning abuse, injustice, and active compassion.
indignation
over social injustice into
action
. Although we have teased about “cancelling each other’s votes,” we are always in each other’s corner—emphatically—concerning abuse, injustice, and active compassion.
Swanee allowed her
justifiable anger
regarding the worldwide epidemic of sex trafficking to fuel her efforts to combat this horrendous atrocity. Her righteous indignation helped energize the movement, involving world leaders and heads of state, to rescue young women and girls who are victims of inhumane, evil sex traffickers.
justifiable anger
regarding the worldwide epidemic of sex trafficking to fuel her efforts to combat this horrendous atrocity. Her righteous indignation helped energize the movement, involving world leaders and heads of state, to rescue young women and girls who are victims of inhumane, evil sex traffickers.
Previously as ambassador from the United States to Austria, Swanee saw firsthand the aftermath of brutal savagery from the Bosnian war—the wholesale genocide of almost the entire male population in the town of Srebrenica, all fathers, sons, husbands…murdered. As a result, she assisted the mobilization of women around the globe to take action, to become leaders, to make their world a far more civil place.
With a vision of what could be, Swanee has empowered the weak to be strong, the timid to become bold, the victim to become victorious. Indeed, she has helped the voiceless find a voice.
Swanee has refused to sit behind her mahogany desk at Harvard and merely teach about injustices. Rather, she has rolled up her sleeves, marshaled her assets, garnered her allies, neutralized her opponents, focused her intellect, and thrown her energy into making a significant difference in the lives of those who have been disenfranchised. Swanee’s anger propelled her to action…and as a result, she is changing the world.
Acknowledgments
If I were deprived of the opportunity to express in print my deepest appreciation to the dedicated team that helped make this book possible, I might be tempted to become…angry! Therefore, with heartfelt gratitude I joyfully acknowledge...
•
The firefighters of Dallas Fire Station #21, Love Field Airport:
Who provided significant insights into the essential skills of firefighting.
•
Barbara Spruill:
Whose vivid recollections of my early struggles with anger surpassed even my own memories—she lovingly sparked personal recollections of my failures and victories, which are candidly revealed throughout these pages.
•
Lillian Spruill
(whom I affectionately refer to as “the Mother of the World”) for keeping the home fires burning.
•
Keith Wall:
Whose invaluable organization of the first draft fueled our creativity.
•
Angie White, Bea Garner, Beth Stapleton, Carolyn White, Connie Steindorf, Elizabeth Gaston, Ginger Swann, Jeanne Sloan, Jill Prohaska, Jody Capehart, June Page, Karen Williams, Laura Lyn Benoit, Steve Miller,
and
Titus O’Bryant
for…• keying and re-keying• editing and re-editing• proofing and reproofing• researching and re-researchingThey not only performed with the utmost diligence but also fanned the flame of loving support. (You are my editorial Dream Team.)
•
Kay Deakins:
Who, as my personal assistant, juggled calendars and singlehandedly snuffed out brushfires—enabling the rest of our team to “keep going on all four burners.”
I am genuinely blessed by God to have each of you in my life.
—June
INTRODUCTION:
A View Behind the Interview
ARE YOU AWARE that many people who read books do
not
read the introduction? Several people who, even as I write this, are typing and proofing this book have told me they
never
read the introduction!
not
read the introduction? Several people who, even as I write this, are typing and proofing this book have told me they
never
read the introduction!
(But now they have to read it!)
So, since
you
are the exception—and it’s “just us”—I’m going to approach this introduction in a way that differs from the norm. In fact, I’m going to “pull back the curtain” and give you a peek inside the book publishing world and share a few tidbits of information you may not know.
you
are the exception—and it’s “just us”—I’m going to approach this introduction in a way that differs from the norm. In fact, I’m going to “pull back the curtain” and give you a peek inside the book publishing world and share a few tidbits of information you may not know.
First Tidbit:
We authors don’t just write a book; we are also asked by the publisher to write
interview questions
for the book (for publicity purposes). These questions are for those who don’t yet have the book (which isn’t you, because right now you are reading it). The obvious aim for these questions is to motivate people to think,
I really need to get that book!
We authors don’t just write a book; we are also asked by the publisher to write
interview questions
for the book (for publicity purposes). These questions are for those who don’t yet have the book (which isn’t you, because right now you are reading it). The obvious aim for these questions is to motivate people to think,
I really need to get that book!
Second Tidbit:
The simplest yet most helpful question to ask any author is this: “Why did you write this book?” For well over 20 years I’ve hosted hundreds of interviews with authors on our radio program
Hope for the Heart
—especially in the early days. And as an author, I know what it’s like to be on both sides of the microphone—as interviewer and interviewee.
The simplest yet most helpful question to ask any author is this: “Why did you write this book?” For well over 20 years I’ve hosted hundreds of interviews with authors on our radio program
Hope for the Heart
—especially in the early days. And as an author, I know what it’s like to be on both sides of the microphone—as interviewer and interviewee.
Long ago, I realized this question was one of the most helpful. This was my opportunity to share not just my motivation, but also my experience and my heart.
By the way, other key questions will help readers quickly grasp what is really important in the book.
Third Tidbit:
Imagine you are an interviewer. One key to a good interview is to ask open-ended questions—that is, questions that cannot be answered with a simple yes or no! By doing this, you can get better and more substantive answers that help your audience.
Imagine you are an interviewer. One key to a good interview is to ask open-ended questions—that is, questions that cannot be answered with a simple yes or no! By doing this, you can get better and more substantive answers that help your audience.
Now…so that you might get more out of this book right from the beginning, I’d like
you
to take the role of the interviewer. (By the way, if you are a bit hesitant about this, please forgive me. I’m just wanting you to become involved in the contents of this book in a new way. I’m hoping you will allow me just a few moments of creativity. If you’d rather not, it’s okay…you can do what some other people have already done. You can go straight to chapter 1…but I
really do hope
you’ll stay with me!)
you
to take the role of the interviewer. (By the way, if you are a bit hesitant about this, please forgive me. I’m just wanting you to become involved in the contents of this book in a new way. I’m hoping you will allow me just a few moments of creativity. If you’d rather not, it’s okay…you can do what some other people have already done. You can go straight to chapter 1…but I
really do hope
you’ll stay with me!)
Let’s imagine that you’re interviewing me. You’re asking me questions, and I’m answering them just as if we were sitting right across from each other. If you’ve never been an interviewer, that’s not a problem—I’ll be your “coach.”
Are you ready? Okay—let’s go! Just ask…
Q:
June, why did you decide to write a book on anger?
June, why did you decide to write a book on anger?
(Good start!)
A:
Everyone has struggled with anger…and everyone knows someone who has struggled or is struggling. People want help!
Everyone has struggled with anger…and everyone knows someone who has struggled or is struggling. People want help!
I became aware of the extraordinary number of people struggling with anger when I was in Arizona in the mid-1990s at Prescott Pines Conference Center. I had been asked to be the general session speaker for a series of four back-to-basics conferences. This was the first time I had ever brought all of our Biblical Counseling Keys from our ministry—100 practical resources that address life’s toughest problems. (Each small book contains definitions characteristics, causes, and solutions to a given topic.)
For more than two weeks, I kept calling back to our office in Dallas, asking staff to send us hundreds more of our Biblical Counseling Keys. By far, the greatest demand was for
Anger
. (Although not once did I speak on that topic during any of those conferences!)
Anger
. (Although not once did I speak on that topic during any of those conferences!)
Today is no different—people are seeking
real answers
for their
real problems
. Fortunately, this book has
real solutions
!
real answers
for their
real problems
. Fortunately, this book has
real solutions
!
Q:
Over the years, what has been the response to your radio programs on anger?
Over the years, what has been the response to your radio programs on anger?
(This helps to get a little background.)
A:
The response has been overwhelming. For example, after returning from Arizona, I checked to see how our ministry was meeting this need to help people with their anger, and I was surprised at the results. People have been requesting more of our Biblical Counseling Keys on anger than any other topic, just like at those conferences.
The response has been overwhelming. For example, after returning from Arizona, I checked to see how our ministry was meeting this need to help people with their anger, and I was surprised at the results. People have been requesting more of our Biblical Counseling Keys on anger than any other topic, just like at those conferences.
Then and today, people order
one-half times
more resources (our Keys and CDs) on anger than all our other most popular topics, including depression, decision-making, addictions, forgiveness, and the list goes on and on.
one-half times
more resources (our Keys and CDs) on anger than all our other most popular topics, including depression, decision-making, addictions, forgiveness, and the list goes on and on.
And of course, the calls, letters, and e-mails we receive about changed lives—
lasting
change—are gratifying beyond words!
lasting
change—are gratifying beyond words!
Q:
Why is anger such a compelling topic?
Why is anger such a compelling topic?
(Great question!)
A:
Anger is the most mystifying and powerful emotion we face—and potentially the most volatile. There is much confusion about anger. We often become conflicted over the
shoulds
and
oughts
… like “good people
should not
have any anger
”
and “you
ought
to get rid of all anger—immediately.”
Anger is the most mystifying and powerful emotion we face—and potentially the most volatile. There is much confusion about anger. We often become conflicted over the
shoulds
and
oughts
… like “good people
should not
have any anger
”
and “you
ought
to get rid of all anger—immediately.”
Typically we don’t want to acknowledge any anger within us, so… we stuff it, disguise it, medicate it, rename it, anesthetize it—but that only adds fuel to our inner fire.
Q:
You share some very personal examples that have to do with your family. How important is that?
You share some very personal examples that have to do with your family. How important is that?
(The personal touch—very good!)
A:
As uncomfortable as it is, I don’t know of any other way to write this book on anger—with total integrity—without being candid about my own struggle with it…especially in my younger years.
As uncomfortable as it is, I don’t know of any other way to write this book on anger—with total integrity—without being candid about my own struggle with it…especially in my younger years.
This means I need to speak about personal events and painful people from my past. Therefore, when I do so, it isn’t to be dramatic, but rather to be authentic. My intent is not to hurt, but rather, to help. That is my sincere prayer. And I know from experience that help is possible for
anyone
who struggles with anger.
anyone
who struggles with anger.
Q:
Why do you use fire as an analogy for anger?
(Excellent question—it paints a picture!)
Why do you use fire as an analogy for anger?
(Excellent question—it paints a picture!)
A:
Fire seems like a fitting metaphor, because fire can be either helpful or harmful, just like anger. The same embers that toast a marshmallow can also ignite a forest. Just as fire can be a friend or foe, anger can be an ally or an enemy.
Fire seems like a fitting metaphor, because fire can be either helpful or harmful, just like anger. The same embers that toast a marshmallow can also ignite a forest. Just as fire can be a friend or foe, anger can be an ally or an enemy.
The Bible even uses the word
hot
to provide a “word picture” of excessive anger: “A hottempered [man] commits many sins,” and “Do not make friends with a hottempered man.”
1
Because anger can fuel us or inflame us, we need to make sure our anger—like fire—is always under control.
hot
to provide a “word picture” of excessive anger: “A hottempered [man] commits many sins,” and “Do not make friends with a hottempered man.”
1
Because anger can fuel us or inflame us, we need to make sure our anger—like fire—is always under control.
Q:
Everyone knows fire can be good, but how can anger be good?
(Now that’s thought-provoking!)
Everyone knows fire can be good, but how can anger be good?
(Now that’s thought-provoking!)
A:
Anger is like a red light on the dashboard of your car—a warning light that indicates something is wrong and needs your attention. God’s design for anger is to caution us, not control us…and cause us to think about options to bring about change.
Anger is like a red light on the dashboard of your car—a warning light that indicates something is wrong and needs your attention. God’s design for anger is to caution us, not control us…and cause us to think about options to bring about change.
Anger should motivate us to try to fix the problem, such as applying justice to an unjust situation. That’s precisely why the Bible says, “Be angry, and do not sin.”
2
Like all reformers from Jesus to Abraham Lincoln, we need to look for ways to harness our “indignation”—our justifiable anger—for good. Then our lives can make a real difference!
2
Like all reformers from Jesus to Abraham Lincoln, we need to look for ways to harness our “indignation”—our justifiable anger—for good. Then our lives can make a real difference!
(Good interview—you did well. You may have a new career!)
Now, in all seriousness, anger is not the easiest topic for me to write on—perhaps because it dredges up many memories from the past. Yet I’m writing this book with a heart of sincere compassion and mercy. That’s because I’m all too aware of my own faults and frailties, and the need for my total dependence to be on God’s guidance and grace.
As we walk together through the pages ahead, please know my intent is to explore this sensitive issue in a spirit of support and encouragement. You’ll notice I purposely avoid highbrow and highfalutin language. Anger is a real-world, nitty-gritty issue—and I want to keep my communication with you as practical and down-to-earth as possible.
I’m approaching this book as a conversation between you and me. In our lives—so full of potential traps and trials—we need each other. And as God has promised, He will walk beside us, through this and every other challenge we face. He says, “When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze” (Isaiah 43:2).
Right now, I’d like to ask
you
a few questions. Has your heart been singed by scalding anger? Has holding on to bitterness caused you deep regrets? Has rage detonated a close relationship and left it in pieces?
you
a few questions. Has your heart been singed by scalding anger? Has holding on to bitterness caused you deep regrets? Has rage detonated a close relationship and left it in pieces?
Whatever your unique situation, you want help…and hope. And I want you to know, we’re both in this together! My prayer is that this book will help you learn to
address
—not avoid—the anger in your life and help you to learn how you can douse its harmful flames.
address
—not avoid—the anger in your life and help you to learn how you can douse its harmful flames.
Learning about anger has been a journey I’ve been on most of my adult life…and oh, what I’ve learned! I’ve walked through the burning embers of my own suppressed anger, and I’ve also learned how to take shelter from the explosive, fiery anger of others. Now I want to help you discover the same invaluable lessons I’ve learned.
I know, with the help of God, you can be successful in
keeping your cool…when your anger is hot!
keeping your cool…when your anger is hot!
Other books
Prairie Fire by Catherine Palmer
The Up and Comer by Howard Roughan
Breaking an Empire by James Tallett
Flying in Shadows (The Black Creek Series, Book 2) by R.T. Wolfe
Bitter Eden by Salvato, Sharon Anne
LeClerc 01 - Autumn Ecstasy by Pamela K Forrest
The Mysterious Case of Mr. Strangeway (The St. Croix Chronicles) by Cooper, Karina
Seven by Susan Renee
Fate and Ms. Fortune by Saralee Rosenberg
A Sounding Brass by Shelley Bates
