No Excuses!: The Power of Self-Discipline (35 page)
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Authors: Brian Tracy
Tags: #Self Help, #Business, #Non-Fiction, #Psychology, #Inspirational
BOOK: No Excuses!: The Power of Self-Discipline
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Many people fall in love with their
suffering
. Their past problems become a primary focus of their lives. They think about what happened all the time. They go through the day and even the night carrying on angry conversations with people who are not present, people who they feel have hurt them in the past.
suffering
. Their past problems become a primary focus of their lives. They think about what happened all the time. They go through the day and even the night carrying on angry conversations with people who are not present, people who they feel have hurt them in the past.
Whenever they get into a conversation for any period of time, they bring out their suffering, like a trader in a bazaar, and display it to the other person. They then recycle through the unhappy events of their lives, telling what happened, how they were badly treated, and how awful the other person was to have behaved in this way.
However, when you
discipline yourself
to stop justifying your negative emotions by continually rehashing what happened and what the other person did or didn’t do, and when you instead calmly accept that “stuff happens” in life, your negativity accompanying the other person or situation dies away.
discipline yourself
to stop justifying your negative emotions by continually rehashing what happened and what the other person did or didn’t do, and when you instead calmly accept that “stuff happens” in life, your negativity accompanying the other person or situation dies away.
The height of self-discipline in spiritual development is the practice of forgiveness. The Law of Forgiveness says that “you are mentally and emotionally healthy to the degree that you can freely forgive anyone who has hurt you in any way.”
Every person—including you—has experienced destructive criticism, negative treatment, unkindness, rudeness, unfairness, betrayal, and dishonesty from others over the years. These events are unfortunate, but they are an inevitable and unavoidable part of being a member of the human race. The only way you can avoid the problems and difficulties of living in a busy society with many different kinds of people is to live in a cave.
The only question you need to ask and answer after you have had a negative experience is “How long will it take me to get over this event and get on with my life?” This is a decision only you can make. It is one of the most important types of decisions that you make in your own life if you truly want to be happy. What’s more, it is a true test of your mental and spiritual discipline.
Each person has a “Forgetting Curve,” or what is often called a “Forgiveness Curve.” This curve measures how quickly you forgive and forget a negative experience, and it determines how mentally and emotionally healthy you really are.
Imagine a rectangle with a scale from zero to one hundred ascending the left side of the rectangle. This is the scale of the intensity of the negative emotion you experience when you are hurt or offended in some way. Across the bottom of this graph are the months and years of your life.
You can have either a flat forgiveness curve or a steep, downward sloping forgiveness curve. If your forgiveness curve is flat, this means that you continue to be angry for a long time, sometimes for years or even decades at the same level as when the event occurred.
There are countless people who are still angry about something one of their parents did or said to them decades ago. Furthermore, they will tell you about it at the drop of a hat. They will reach into their gunnysack of unforgiven events and pull out their childhood experiences and share them with you.
Every psychologist and psychiatrist who deal with unhappy people are employed because their patients have flat forgiveness curves. Their primary conversation in therapy is talking about what someone did or didn’t do to them or for them at some point in the past—and how unhappy that person still feels about it today.
Truly healthy people, on the other hand, have
downward
sloping forgiveness curves. They have had just as many difficulties and problems in life as anyone else, but they have
disciplined themselves
by resolving to forgive and forget quickly so they can get on with their lives. They refuse to gunnysack their problems and carry them forward. They simply let them go and turn their attention to the things that make them happy.
downward
sloping forgiveness curves. They have had just as many difficulties and problems in life as anyone else, but they have
disciplined themselves
by resolving to forgive and forget quickly so they can get on with their lives. They refuse to gunnysack their problems and carry them forward. They simply let them go and turn their attention to the things that make them happy.
The discipline of forgiveness is the key to the spiritual kingdom
. It is only possible for you to enjoy high levels of peace of mind when you develop the habit and discipline of freely forgiving other people for everything and anything that they have done to hurt you.
. It is only possible for you to enjoy high levels of peace of mind when you develop the habit and discipline of freely forgiving other people for everything and anything that they have done to hurt you.
Some people are confused about the concept of forgiveness. They think that forgiving someone else for having hurt them is the same as
condoning
that behavior, or even approving of it. Quite the contrary. Forgiveness is a purely
selfish
act. Forgiveness has nothing whatever to do with the
other
person. You forgive others so that
you
yourself can be emotionally free, so that you no longer carry that baggage around with you.
condoning
that behavior, or even approving of it. Quite the contrary. Forgiveness is a purely
selfish
act. Forgiveness has nothing whatever to do with the
other
person. You forgive others so that
you
yourself can be emotionally free, so that you no longer carry that baggage around with you.
You have a wonderful mind. You are incredibly intelligent and insightful. You can use your mind on your behalf in order to help you to be joyous and happy or you can use it
against
yourself. The way you use your mind at the highest level is to find reasons to forgive others. Instead of rehashing and dissecting a past event, looking for rationalizations, justifications, and reasons to take something personally, use your intelligence to find reasons to accept responsibility and let go of the negative situation.
against
yourself. The way you use your mind at the highest level is to find reasons to forgive others. Instead of rehashing and dissecting a past event, looking for rationalizations, justifications, and reasons to take something personally, use your intelligence to find reasons to accept responsibility and let go of the negative situation.
The instant you accept responsibility and forgive everyone for anything that they ever did to hurt you in any way, you liberate yourself completely. All your negative emotions disappear. In place of your negative emotions, you experience a sense of inner peace, love, happiness, and joy.
The payoff for using your self-discipline to practice forgiveness on an ongoing basis is extraordinary. When you use your incredible abilities of self-control, self-mastery, and detachment to separate yourself emotionally from situations that would otherwise make you unhappy, the entire quality of your life improves in a wonderful way.
Action Exercises:1. Take the forgiveness test: Do you want to be right or do you want to be happy?2. Identify the people from your past who you feel have hurt you in any way, and then make a decision today to forgive them and let go of those negative feelings.3. Find reasons
not
to justify your negative emotions of blame or anger, and instead, use your intelligence to accept responsibility.4. Set peace of mind as your highest goal, and then resolve to let go of any thoughts or emotions that disturb you in any way.5. Begin today to read something spiritual and uplifting each morning before you begin your day. This habit will change your life.6. From now on, refuse to take things personally. Ask yourself how much it will matter five years from today.7. Practice the Buddhist method of detachment from money and material things, and refuse to become upset or worried about anything.
Copyright © 2010 by Brian Tracy
Published by Vanguard Press
A Member of the Perseus Books Group
A Member of the Perseus Books Group
All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted, in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise, without the prior written permission of the publisher. For information and inquiries, address Vanguard Press, 387 Park Avenue South, 12th Floor, New York, NY 10016, or call (800) 343-4499.
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Tracy, Brian.
No excuses! : the power of self-discipline for success in your life / Brian Tracy.
p. cm.
eISBN : 978-1-593-15613-8
1. Self-control. 2. Self-management (Psychology) 3. Success. 4. Success in business. I. Title.
BF632.T72 2010
158.1—dc22
2009054399
Vanguard Press books are available at special discounts for bulk purchases in the U.S. by corporations, institutions, and other organizations. For more information, please contact the Special Markets Department at the Perseus Books Group, 2300 Chestnut Street, Suite 200, Philadelphia, PA 19103, or call (800) 810-4145, ext. 5000, or e-mail [email protected].
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