Red Sun (46 page)

As I listened to the silence around me, I began to miss him.  There were only a few
rooms separating us, and yet I had to keep my distance.  I imagined him lying on the couch thinking of me too, wondering if I was alright in here with Kaya and probably thinking back to that night at the motel where we were able to act on our true emotions for the first time.  That night, we didn’t have to rush to get dressed and hide what we’d done.  I stayed in his arms until the sun came up.  It was the one perfect thought that kept me going.  I knew that if we stuck it out, we’d get that back. 

The dim light that illuminated the doorway to the guestroom finally went dark, signaling tha
t everyone else was settled in too.  I forced my eyes shut and ran through every memory I had of him until I began to feel my heartbeat slow to a steady pace.  Eventually, I was completely relaxed despite who was lying beside me and I quickly fell asleep.

The next morning, I awoke to discover that I was alone.  Kaya’s side of the bed was made and I smelled the faint scent of her perfume in the air from when she’d apparently gotten ready this morning.  Once I finally got out of bed and put my clothes on, I left the room to join everyone. 

The first person that I ran into was Elan coming down the hallway with a bath towel slung over his shoulder.  A smile crossed his face that I matched with far less enthusiasm.  “Morning, Sunshine,” he greeted me, kissing my cheek when he passed on his way to the bathroom.  I heard the door close behind me just before I made it to the kitchen where Liz and John were making breakfast.

“Goo
d morning, hun,” John called out from over the counter.  “Sleep ok?”

I smiled a little and waved.  “Yes, thank you.”

“That’s what I like to hear.  We’ll have the food done in a few.  Kaya and Jo are in the living room if you wanna wait with them,” he replied.  “I’ll call you all in when it’s ready.” 

“Sure you don’t need any help?”  I offered.

Liz smiled.  “No, you’re our guest.  Maybe we’ll put you to work the next time you come to visit,” she joked.  In my head, I couldn’t help but to wonder if there’d even
be
a next time.

I turned to walk toward the living room and jumped when I almost ran right into Jolon
, who was leaning against the wall waiting for me to finish talking to his parents.  He laughed a little at my reaction.

“You scared the crap
outta me!”

“
Shhhh….,” he said quietly, checking to make sure that his parents couldn’t see us.  He checked over his shoulder for Kaya and then listened for the shower where Elan was.  Once the coast was clear he met my gaze again.  He was shirtless, wearing only a pair of basketball shorts from the night before.  Needless to say, it was very difficult to look him in the eye.

“What’re you doing?”
  I asked, not able to hide how glad I was to see him.

He shrugged.  “Just saw you standing here and figured I’d steal you for a second.”  He looked around again.  “Everything go ok last night?”

I rolled my eyes.  “Yeah, I guess.  She doesn’t speak to me at all anymore.”

“Well, apparently she added me to that list too.  I spoke to her this morning and she wouldn’t even look at me.”  He shrugged again nonchalantly.  “Oh well.  No skin off my back.”

I laughed quietly.  “That’s not nice.”

“Don’t really care.  I just put up with her for you and E’s s
ake.  So….if she doesn’t wanna talk, we don’t have to talk.”

Th
ere was a noise from around the corner that made us both stand straight, erasing all traces of familiarity between us.  It was the bathroom door.

“That’s Elan,” I whispered nervously, looking around.

“I know,” Jolon replied dryly, listening to the sound of his brother’s footsteps coming closer in our direction.  There was disappointment in his eyes as our brief meeting came to a close.  Quickly, he kissed me and then pulled back.

“Monday,” I whispered,
slowly running my thumb over his lips to wipe away the faint trace of pink lip gloss I’d left behind.

He took a deep breath and repeated, “Monday.”  The next second he was gone and I stood there alone in the hallway.  When Elan found me, he had a look of confusion on his face.

I fixed my expression and forced a smile.  “I was just on my way to the living room, but I heard you coming and figured I’d wait.”  Lying was like second nature to me now.

Elan’s confusion left, giving way to a smile.  “Oh….
well, just let me take my towel to the laundry room and then we can go.”  I watched him walk away and then put my head down while I thought to myself.  How could he look so much like Jolon and yet be so different.  It wasn’t even that he’s a bad person, he just wasn’t right for
me
.  When I saw him coming back, I had to pretend again.

“Ready,” he said.  I took to his side and we walked to the living room together where we found Kaya and Jolon sitting on opposite ends of the couch.  She was leaned on the armrest with her chin on her fist.  Jolon was leaned back with his feet spread apart and
his arms folded over his chest, staring blankly at the television.  I’d bet that he didn’t even realize it was on. 

Elan and I stood there in the entryway for a few moments, unsure of where we should sit.  Eventually, I just sat in
the chair near the window and Elan sat in between his brother and Kaya.  It went on like this until breakfast was served and then we went right back to our awkwardly silent state as soon as we finished.  No one had said a word for hours.  The tension was chokingly thick and I couldn’t stand it anymore.  I finally got up the nerve to go back to the guestroom and take refuge, pretending not to feel well.  I didn’t even think about moving until someone came and knocked on the door at around six that evening.

I walked to open it slowly.  “Dinner’s just about ready if you
wanna come on out and find a seat at the table,” Liz said sweetly.  “I mean, if you’re feeling better that is.”

I smiled.  “Yeah, I am a little.  I’ll be right out.”

I could tell that she knew something was off with me, but she would have no way of guessing what it was.  She watched me for one more second and then finally disappeared down the hall and in the kitchen.  I closed the door, lay across the bed again and sighed.  After tonight, I’d be back at Ruthann’s and away from the stress.  I could hardly wait.  But for tonight, I had to put on a happy face and pretend like nothing was wrong, when in fact
everything
was wrong.  Five minutes had passed and I figured I should get up and face reality.  With that, I stood again, running my hands over my clothes to straighten them, and then joined everyone in the dining room. 

Big John and Elan were discussing how business had been going while everyone else sat quietly.  Jolon was in the seat between his parents and I took the only available seat which was right across from him.  Kaya and Elan were at either side of me.  Not awkward at all, right?

“So, Solei, you work at Ruthann’s.  That must mean you’ve got a green thumb, no?”  Big John asked.

I smiled politely. 
“Not exactly.  I had no clue when I started, but now I’m getting the hang of it.”

He looked across the table at Elan.  “Well, I’m sure Elan can teach you all he knows.  I taught my boys well.”  He smiled proudly.

Liz returned to the table with the last of the food.  “Here we go,” she said softly.  “Now we can eat.”

Everything looked perfect.  It almost made me wish I had an appetite.  Elan and Big John went right in with their forks and started loading up their plates.  Jolon picked up a roll and started with that.  Kaya sat stiffly in the chair beside me, her eyes glued to the table.  Being careful not
offend Mrs. Cordero, I grabbed a few random things and ate slowly.

“Kaya, sweetie.
  Aren’t you going to eat something?”  Liz asked, glancing down at Kaya’s empty plate.

Kaya took a deep breath, exhaling slowly,
and closed her eyes.  “I’m so sorry.  You’ve both been soooo nice and everything looks so great, but……I just can’t do this anymore, Mr. and Mrs. Cordero,” she breathed, pushing her plate away.  Everyone stopped eating and talking to stare at her.  She looked around the table at each face and stopped when she got to mine.  There, in her eyes, was a whole ocean of pain and disappointment.  A tear welled up, but she refused to let it fall.  “Solei, one of the first things we ever talked about was how we’d both been burned by other girls in the past and how hard that was to get over.”  As I watched her, the tear fell despite her best efforts to stop it.  “You were supposed to be my friend.  I mean, right?  Weren’t you?  Did I make that up in my head or something?”  Her voice was strained, no traces of anger, only hurt.

I looked down, unable to answer her.

She wiped her face, still holding everyone’s attention.  “Did you honestly think this thing through and decide that what you’re doing is ok?  I mean, seriously?  You didn’t think, not even for one second what this would do to me? You didn’t think about Elan?  Are you really that selfish?”

I closed my eyes.  There was no way to stop her from talking.  Everything that she had in her heart was about to spill out in front of everyone.  I couldn’t even bring myself to look at anyone so I just kept my head down.

“What’re you talking about, Kaya?”  Elan asked, his voice low as if he was afraid to hear the answer.

From my peripheral I could see Kaya shaking her head.   “I read your text messages last night, Solei.  The whole conversation,” she added, completely ignoring Elan’s question.  Instantly I recalled every detail of what I’d said to Tarik the night before.  “Your phone went off in your purse while you were in the shower and I read it.  And I don’t feel bad about it because I was right about you,” she sobbed.  “Everything I needed to know, everything you didn’t have the decency to tell me yourself was right there in black and white – in your own words.”

“What’s she talking about, Solei?”  Elan asked, now becoming angry as his suspicions began to rise.

I couldn’t respond.  In my head, I was someplace else, not living this moment – only listening to it unfold.

“Tell him,” she said sternly, waiting to see if I’d speak up and confess my sins.  I didn’t move. I
couldn’t
move. “
Tell
him!”  This time she screamed it only inches from my face as she cried.

Still I said nothing.

“Someone had better tell me
something
,” Elan said, scooting his chair back from the table as if he wanted to be ready just in case he needed to get up.

Kaya snapped her head in Jolon’s direction. 
“And what about you?”  She asked snidely, her face reflecting her disgust for him.  “Nothing to say?”

“Just say it, Jo,”
Elan demanded, breathing loudly while he waited. He had his hands on his knees as if he was ready to leap if Jolon admitted what he thought he was going to admit.  Big John saw the ferocity in Elan’s eyes just as I did and stood from the table, coming around to the other side, anticipating having to intervene.

“E, it wasn’t…” Jolon started.

“Say it!”  Elan yelled, sounding like a totally different person, leaving behind all traces of his sweet disposition. 

Jolon shook his head in disbelief that this was happening here of all places.  “Man….let’s just go outside and talk.  There’s a lot to explain, but we don’t need to do this here.”

Elan was seething mad.  “Don’t punk out now!  Just say it!”  His voice nearly shook the house.

“I
love
her!  Ok?” Jolon yelled back.  “We love each other.  Is that what you wanted to hear?”

Elan sprung to his feet, but Big John was already there waiting and threw his arms around his son
to restrain him.  “Easy now,” he said, sounding far too calm for this situation.  Jolon was on his feet too – his fists instinctively balled up at his sides waiting to fire off if he needed to. While he was prepared for the worst, I could see it all over his face that the very thought of laying a hand on his brother was breaking his heart. Liz put herself in harm’s way to stand in front of him protectively.

Kaya’s tears had slowed
so that she could now speak clearly.  “Love?”  She asked.  “Is that really the part you think he needs to know about?  That you
love
her?”  She laughed cynically and shook her head.  “No…..there’s much more than that.”

“Kaya, please don’t do this.  Not here.  Not now.  Not like this,”
I pleaded quietly, speaking for the first time since sitting at the table.

She put her hand up as if to say that
she didn’t want to hear what I had to say.  “Isn’t there something else you wanna confess, Jolon?  Don’t you think your brother needs to know that you’ve been sleeping with his girlfriend?” 

“Dear, God,” poor Liz called out, holding her hand to her chest.

My heart sank.  Elan’s expression intensified and he instantly started bucking against his father, trying to break free to get to Jolon.  His feet flailed around wildly as he tried to work his way free.  His left foot caught the leg of the table and broke it, sending the entire thing crashing down to the ground along with all the food his mother prepared.