Say You'll Never Love Me (6 page)

He glanced at his watch. “I have an appointment, so I’ve got to go, but if you’d like to meet here again tomorrow, I’ll put it on my calendar.”

She shouldn’t agree, but he put her at such ease, and she needed adult conversation. But with a hot preacher? “I’d like that.”

“Okay.”

She drew a silent breath. How dangerous could it be? She’d bet he didn’t have a tattoo anywhere.

Lying is done with words and also with silence.

~Adrienne Rich

JARED LAUGHED WHEN
he wheeled into the space marked for Father J. Sloane. Except for the spelling, it looked like his own personal spot. What a ridiculous idea. Him, a man of the cloth. Especially after how he’d treated Julie. There’d been nothing sacred about the encounter, instead it’d brought out a cruelty he didn’t know he possessed. And now, he could add liar to his list of sins.

He’d almost corrected the mistake, but when he saw Raynie, the words tripped on his tongue. Perhaps it was the sunshine bathing her in an amber glow, or the wind floating strands of hair about her face. Or how the fringe circling the hem of her sheer top swished as she walked. Whatever it was unnerved him for a split second and left the truth hanging in silence.

She’d looked lost. He thought he’d give her directions and never see her again. The fact he wasn’t a preacher wouldn’t matter. But now it did, and he faced a dilemma. Confess tomorrow and come across as a player willing to use the Almighty for picking up women, or keep quiet until she left town. It’d only be a few weeks. What could it hurt? She needed someone to talk to, and he needed . . . what? Not obsessive Beth. And not a selfish woman like Julie, for damn sure.

Nope. Raynie was like a shiny new bike, the first day of summer, and the start of football season all rolled into one. She’d already proved her willingness to put her life on hold and do what was best for her niece. The woman had every right to be resentful, but she wasn’t. He liked that—and the way her bracelets clanged with the frenetic movement of her hands when she talked. How the corner of her mouth quirked up when she’d said
smart ass
and apologized. Didn’t matter she couldn’t decide on one hairstyle. She had a lot going on there, but he liked it, too. As far as first impressions went, he liked everything about her.

A platonic relationship would be good for him. A woman who could wipe the blackboard clean and restore his faith in the female gender. If he bought into what he’d said to her, about interpreting situations to fit our needs, the parking space, the lie, the meeting, was fate bringing two people together at the right time. Yeah. That had to be it, and it got him off the hook.

By the time he got back to the office, it was almost two o’clock. As he brought his truck to a stop, across the lot, Mom’s car glistened in the sun like a warning sign. She was there to get a full report on the breakup. He hoped she didn’t know about Julie being in town. No need to put it off, he got out and removed the box from the backseat, balanced it against his hip and strolled inside.

Cheryl raised her head and peeped over the top of her glasses. “Your meeting took longer than I thought. Did the parish building committee have issues with something?”

No sign of Mom. Good. Must be back in Dad’s office.
“No. I stopped to eat. Which reminds me. For the rest of the week, don’t schedule appointments between noon and two.” He was assuming a lot. Raynie might not want daily meetings, but he wanted to be available, just in case.

“Why not?”

At the sound of the question, his luck ran out. Jared faced his mother standing in the hall doorway. Now another problem. Lie to keep her out of his business or tell the truth? He decided on something in between. “An acquaintance from out of town is visiting. May want to have lunch every day.”

Mom widened her eyes. “Uh-huh. Who is she?”

Damn Mother intuition. She could read more into a simple statement than anyone. “What makes you think it’s a woman?”

“If it was a
man
friend, you’d be having drinks after work at some sports bar. So did this
acquaintance
influence your breakup?”

Cheryl stopped typing and gave her full attention to the exchange. Man, how he’d love to say mind your own business and get away with it. But that wasn’t happening. Not with Mom. Both women stared . . . waited. Were they even breathing?

“Okay. You’re right, and no, she had nothing to do with me and Beth, but that’s all you’re getting. So drop it.”

Mom moved closer to the secretary, probably to establish a united front. Jared smiled. He knew her strategies, but she could kiss the girl-power crap goodbye. Chances were, he’d see Raynie once more. Even he wanted, she couldn’t be a love interest, living so far away with a business to run. He wondered what kind. Hair salon? She had enough going on in that department. Dress shop? Definitely into fashion.

Mom didn’t give up. “I’ll drop it for now. But I’d love to meet her. Bring her one night for dinner. I’ll invite Jace, Maggie, and the girls, too.”

He held up his hand. “You’re making too much of this.”

“Okay, but the invitation stands. Your choice.”

“Thanks, I’ll keep it in mind.” He turned to go, but she stopped him with another question.

“Oh, did your dad mention hiring a part-time person?”

“Yeah. It’s on my to-do list. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to get some work done.”

Back at his desk, Jared got into the swing of things. He loved puzzles and designing was like that. Take ideas and fit them together so everything worked. He prided himself in combining both function and desire. And the thrill of furnishing 3D models, allowed customers to experience and embrace his concept before construction.

He glanced out the window into the backyard. Bright red and yellow tulips swayed while the swift breeze caused draping boughs on the two globe willow trees to twist and turn like ribbons. Every time he saw them, they reminded him how much he loved the variety. Fast growers, and beautiful.

He added them to the project list, saved the info, and closed the file. Out of his current five constructions, two remodels, and three commercial projects, odds were, one would want him to arrange landscaping. Business was good. If only he could say the same about his personal life.

His new friend came to mind again. Two deaths at once. Must have been a car wreck. He placed his fingers back on the keyboard. What were their names?
Celeste and something. Edward. Ethan. Evan. Yeah.
He typed the query in the search bar, and a news article from almost three weeks ago appeared.

A Lubbock husband and wife were killed in a crash involving an eighteen-wheeler Monday afternoon.
DPS State Trooper said the truck driver, John Henderson, 58, of Alabama, veered into the adjoining lane where the back of the truck’s trailer struck the front of a 2012 Mazda Miata MX-5.

The driver of the car, Evan Collins, 39, and his wife, Celestial Collins, 38, both Lubbock residents, were pronounced dead at the scene.

Henderson was taken to the hospital with minor injuries.

As standard procedure, DPS troopers are continuing to investigate the cause of the crash.

A pang of sadness stabbed him. He didn’t know the couple and just met Raynie, but the grief she suffered resonated with him. He’d not lost a sibling, but when Jace had his accident, Jared remembered how accepting his brother would spend the rest of his life in a wheelchair had brought on guilt. Silly. Not Jared’s fault, but he felt terrible he could still walk, while Jace never would again.

Given Raynie’s opinion of herself, she must wonder why her sister died, leaving a child, instead of Raynie. Death always left questions when someone so young passed. Everything he’d read said it helped to talk things out and he could do that for her. Not advise her because that’d be unethical.
But,
he had those two summers in high school where he’d served as counselor at Camp La Junta. He chuckled. Helping twelve-and-thirteen-year-old boys’ fish and zip-line didn’t improve his pastoral resume.

First, he typed in Evan’s name. Got his address, then pulled up Google Maps. Within a few seconds, he had a picture of where Raynie was living. Good neighborhood. He figured as much because it was in walking distance of the church and café, and she’d insisted on walking back home, even though he offered to drive her. Said the fresh air would do her good.

His phone buzzed, and when he answered, Cheryl spoke in a whisper. “Beth Ann is in the parking lot. Should I say you’re not here?”

Jared stiffened. There’d be no avoiding her, and he should explain about Julie. The last thing he wanted was for Beth to think he’d dumped her for an ex. It might feed her cra-cra gene. “No. If she asks for me, send her back.”

He heard the click of her heels on the marble tile before she ever got to his door. Taking a deep breath, he watched until she appeared and didn’t wait for her to speak.

“Come in.”

“Thank you. I wasn’t sure you’d see me.”

He gestured at one of the two client chairs and she sat. “I’m not mad at you, Beth. I’m glad you stopped by. I didn’t want to leave things the way we left them last night.”

She opened her mouth to say something, but he raised his hand again. “No, let me finish. I told the truth about Julie.”
But
I’ve been lying plenty since then.
“That’s the first time I’d seen her, and we are not back together and won’t be. But that doesn’t change things between you and me.”

She leaned forward, rested her arms on the desk, and laced her fingers together. Her eyes were puffy, probably from crying or not sleeping, and he hated causing it, but there was no future with her and never would be.

“That’s a relief. Well, the Julie part, not the us part. I’ll wait. I want more because I love you, but I won’t push. Just give us a chance.”

Tears spilled onto her cheeks and Jared felt like the worst person on the planet. He wished there were magic words to let someone down easily, but no matter how you said, ‘I don’t love you,’ it always hurt. Years ago, the same sentiment had ripped his heart out and stripped him raw, and now, he was about to do the same thing. But he couldn’t back out. It’d taken a while to see the crazy streak in Beth, but it was there, so he needed to be firm. He grabbed a tissue and offered it.

“We’ve given it six months.” He threaded fingers through his hair. Better to spit it out and be done. “I’m not in love with you. And why stay in a relationship that isn’t going anywhere?”

Her breath hitched. For a moment, he weakened and wanted to offer comfort, but she’d take it the wrong way. He couldn’t risk it.

She steepled her hands as if praying. “I understand what you’re saying, but if there’s no one else in the picture . . .”

“Stop. I’m not willing to do that. It isn’t fair.” He almost apologized, but stopped himself, and added steel to voice. “Beth, it’s over. We’re over.”

She kept silent as if waiting for him to take it all back. Then she wiped at her face, rose, walked to the doorway and faced him again. “Promise me you’ll think about it. Please?”

“No.”

She choked back a sob, stumbled. He thought she might fall, but steadied herself against the wall, and disappeared into the hallway.

He leaned his head back and stared at the ceiling, unclear about what was happening. He’d been verbally abusive with Julie, brutally honest with Beth, and lied to Raynie. Damn, talk about women trouble, he’d never had so much.

Bad habits are like a comfortable bed, easy to get into, but hard to get out of.

~~Proverb quote

SILBIE LOOKED SO PEACEFUL,
her sweet face as beautiful as an angel. Raynie hated to wake her. The biggest surprise was how quickly she’d warmed up to the little girl. She thought any maternal instincts disappeared years ago with her miscarriage.

A tear dropped onto her shirt, and once again, she didn’t understand what brought them on. Since coming to Lubbock, she’d turned into a crybaby. Homesick and already counting the days until she could leave this dreadful city and return to Austin.