Secrets of a Jewish Mother: Real Advice, Real Family, Real Love (15 page)

We’ve been to those runway shows. If you think the models look tall and thin on the television set, imagine them without the extra ten pounds that the camera adds. Lisa had to literally look away while watching the Project Runway show live in Bryant Park—it was that painful to see. No wonder those models never smile; they are clearly starving to death. (We know we get particularly cranky when we are hungry.) The three of us think it’s about time that we women create a reasonable standard of beauty for ourselves. We should insist on being able to buy clothes for actual women with bodies that have hips, busts and legs that do not resemble a giraffe’s. Do you think those clothes are easy to find? Have you gone shopping lately?

1. You are what you wear. If in doubt, do not wear it. If you don’t feel good in your clothing, you will radiate insecurity and others will notice.

2. For skirt length, remember the “hand test”: If you place your hands down by your sides, your skirt length must be longer than your fingertips.

3. Always have double-sided fashion tape and scissors on hand, to cut out tags, repair falling hems and fix your bustline.

4. For a fancy event, a watch should be a piece of jewelry. If you don’t have a dress watch, just wear a bracelet.

5. Shoes should be comfortable first, look good second. I like platform shoes because the arch isn’t that steep and it gives you the height you need.

6. Buy good basics—they last. Then add accessories to change the look every season.

7. Always use a good tailor. The fit makes all the difference.

8. Clothes are made to fit four general body types: apple, hourglass, ruler and pear. Know your type and dress accordingly.

9. Nails should be trimmed and light-colored.

10. Fake eyelashes do open your eyes. Try them.

11. Moisturize your face and hands as often as possible.

12. Do not buy a piece of clothing just because it is cheap or on sale. There are tons of stores that have fabulous clothes for less, so make sure that you love something before you buy it. I still have tags on clothes that were a “great deal.”

13. If you know you are being photographed, photograph yourself first before you leave. Often, you will look great in an outfit in person but not as great on camera. Take the photo just to make sure.

14. If you wear lip liner, keep checking it.

15. Don’t fidget, play with your hair or bite your nails. Also, don’t slouch. This is where I start to hear my mother’s voice come out of my mouth.

16. Always bring a sweater. The Jewish mother is never without a sweater.

There shall be no fashion competition between mother and daughter. Gloria and the aunts are adamant on this issue. When shopping together, we often heard, “If it’s right for you, it’s not right for me,” and because Jewish mothers are nothing if not repetitive, “If it’s right for me, it’s not right for you.” Do you see the subtle difference there? Neither do we.

The principle is very simple: If an outfit looks good on the daughter and is appropriate for the daughter, then the daughter should wear it. If the daughter wears it, the mother should not, because the outfit would be too youthful and stylish and maybe a little too revealing for the mom. Conversely, an outfit that would be appropriate for the mother to wear would not be appropriate for the daughter, as it would presumably be a little too matronly for her. And if your sixteen-year-old is wearing a bikini, for goodness sakes, wear a one-piece suit.

Fashion competition between mother and daughter is dangerous territory. Of course, today fashion trends do overlap more than they did in the past. The rigid generation gap that existed when we were growing up seems to have gone away, which makes the line more fuzzy regarding what is age-appropriate. Everyone wears blue jeans and T-shirts. But even with jeans, there are some styles that work for teenagers and others that work for moms. You know it when you see it—the sixty-year-old trying to look like a babe, or a mother trying to dress like her teenage daughter. It’s embarrassing. But more than that, it sends dangerous messages to the daughter: “Mommy is afraid to grow old”; “Mommy is trying to look sexy”; or worst of all, “Mommy thinks she is prettier, or sexier, than I am.” These are terrible, terrible messages. The answer is simple. Women should go through life looking as elegant as they can for the age they are.