Secrets of a Jewish Mother: Real Advice, Real Family, Real Love (18 page)

I discovered pretty early on that I loved school. I even remember loving my first homework assignment, to write my name four times. Some of my earliest friends were books. The storybooks I read as a child still sit on my shelves so I can look at them and smile, remembering the great adventures they brought me without having to leave my bedroom. In seventh grade, my English teacher inscribed my yearbook,
“To Lisa, my most inquisitive student, but you were a delight.”
After I looked up the word “inquisitive,” knew what she really meant: “Lisa, you interrupted me constantly with questions, but I liked you anyway.” Some things never change. ■

1.
How important is learning to you?

2.
Did you take school seriously when you were there? Do you regret it if not?

3.
Do you read the newspaper every day to keep yourself constantly learning?

4.
How often do you read an entire book?

5.
Do you have a social group that enjoys learning, like a book group or a continuing-education class?

A rabbi is not like a priest. A priest is usually considered an intermediary between the ordinary people and God. In the Catholic faith, the ultimate priest is the pope, and he is considered by the faithful to be “infallible.” Jews have no such person in their faith. Our rabbis are merely teachers—hopefully learned, ethical teachers, but teachers nonetheless. They are considered no closer to God than anyone else. We also use the term “rabbi” to mean a mentor in business; in other words, a person who is looking out for you and teaching you what you need to know to succeed.

 

Ah, the ubiquitous boob tube. We admit it—we love our television. Gloria and Jill particularly love theirs, and Lisa would find it difficult to survive without classic movies, shown without commercial interruptions. But watching television is no substitute for the experience of reading a book, and you are kidding yourself if you think your child is learning more from a video than he would if he sat on your lap and you read a story to him, one-on-one. Sure, it takes time and patience to read to your child, but we Jewish mothers cannot stress enough how important it is to teach your children by example that book learning is the number one way for a person to absorb information. Lisa was so fed up with fighting about this issue that she and Bill decided to remove all television connections from the home for the entire family. This experiment lasted two years, until the next Olympics, when they kept their promise to televise this occasion. Naturally, the television stayed, but this time, with strict limits. What had been accomplished? Plenty. Jon became an avid reader for life, during the crucial ages of seven to nine, and Joanna benefited as well, living in a house without television from the ages of one through three. You want your kids to be readers? Hide the clicker.

We taught Lisa to say her entire alphabet before she was two. I bragged about it to everyone. She also counted on her fingers. We
kvelled.
■

The best baby gift we received for our firstborn was a carton of baby books from our cousin Selma. I read to Jon for hours every day in his rocking chair. At two, he could recite his name, address and phone number in case he got lost. At four, Jon could read Dr. Seuss’s
Hop
on Pop out loud by himself. We
kvelled.
■

I purposely filmed a scene for the show with Allyson reading the op-ed page of
The New York Times
to identify words she didn’t know and look them up. I wanted to emphasize how important vocabulary is and how we try to integrate it in the home every day. The Jewish mother is always teaching. ■

1.
Are you laying a solid foundation for your children vis-à-vis education?

2.
How many hours do you sit your kid in front of a screen? Turn it off!

3.
How many books are in your house right now? When is the last time you read one?

4.
Do you quiz yourself on the words you don’t know? Do you keep a dictionary handy in the kitchen or eat on a place mat of a map? These are easy and fun ways to keep learning all the time.

Forty-five years ago the world was a different place. We moved to Woodmere from Brooklyn for the good public schools, and they worked for Lisa. She did well there and got an excellent education. Jill had some problems, and it might have been wiser for us to move her to get a fresh start, but we kept at it and eventually things got better for her. ■

We had considered public school for Ally, but private for us in New York City seemed the better option. Someone once told me that the most important thing he could give his children was an education, because it was irreplaceable. He was not Jewish, but it really made an impact on me. We were not rich when I had Allyson and paying for private school in New York City was a big sacrifice. It meant giving up vacations and dinners out and living in a smaller apartment. But it was the best investment I could make for our daughter.

In her current private school, they provide extra help every day from her teachers if needed, and she has a unique one-on-one relationship with all of her teachers. They taught her not just the action of reading but the love of words. She is engaged in her subjects and looks forward to going to class. New York City public schools are overcrowded and hit-or-miss. Walking into an average middle school in New York City means metal detectors and security. There are wonderful public schools with special programs for gifted students, and I would have sent Ally to one if I couldn’t have afforded private school, but I was willing to go without “stuff” before I would do that. ■