Secrets of a Jewish Mother: Real Advice, Real Family, Real Love (21 page)

1.
How did you end up in your career—by design or by chance?

2.
Does your career maximize your natural talents, or is it merely a way to earn a paycheck?

3.
If money was not your sole consideration, what would you do with your working life?

4.
Are you a person who fantasizes about not working? It’s OK as a fantasy, but how will you pay the bills?

5.
Do you respect people who work, who contribute to society?

Did you know that women still earn approximately 66 cents for every dollar earned by a man? It isn’t that we can’t do the job; it’s that we do the job and accept less money for it. We should all stop doing that, don’t you think? It’s time we spoke up, like Jill did, years ago.

Advocating for compensation is tough for all of us and tougher for women than for men. We need to ignore the little voices in our heads that tell us that classy ladies don’t haggle over money. Class has nothing to do with money when it comes to getting paid what you are worth. In business, money is the ultimate sign of respect.

All successful people achieved because other people helped them. It’s not just what you know that makes you successful, it’s who your mentor is. We actually call our mentors rabbis because “rabbi” is another word for “teacher.” Find one. Your mentor should be someone you like as a person and who likes you too. Ideally, it would be nice if she works in the same organization as you and could help you rise up the ladder on the rung right under hers, but that is not essential. If no mentor comes to mind, join a networking organization in your field and ask around. Jill actually had two rabbis: One was Karen Gillespie, Gloria’s friend whom you met in the friendship chapter and who mentored Jill throughout her education. The other was Jill’s first boss, Jeff Kantor, who is still a good friend.

What should a mentor teach you? The “hidden curriculum,” by which we mean the myriad network of unwritten rules in any industry designed to trip up the unsuspecting. These are the rules you discover only after you have broken them and have gotten punished for doing so. Trust us, we’ve been there. If you are lucky enough to find a good mentor, take his advice. Don’t make him tell you a second time. And finally, every person has a duty to “pay it forward.” Don’t forget to mentor somebody else; it’s a
mitzvah
to pass along the knowledge you have learned.

Accepted wisdom permits parents to guide and shape their children’s higher education. However, there is less cultural consensus on the amount of guidance parents should give their kids with respect to their career choices. Perhaps that is because we as a society presume that by the time our kids graduate, these young adults can figure it out on their own. To this we say, “Are you kidding?” Have you seen the level of anxiety in the kids graduating college today? Historically “safe” careers, like medicine and law, are no longer guarantees of financial security or intellectual reward. We’ve outsourced almost every occupation and profession. Small businesses are having trouble staying afloat, much less hiring young, inexperienced employees. Even the Peace Corps has a two-year wait list, and last time we checked, they don’t pay enough to make a dent in those college loans.