Secrets of a Jewish Mother: Real Advice, Real Family, Real Love (20 page)

1.
Did anyone guide you about post—high school choices? Were your choices the right ones?

2.
If you had to do it again, would you make the same choice? Why or why not?

3.
What should you have done differently? Who should you have asked to help you?

Let’s face it: You can get a good education anywhere. If you graduate college, you are already within the top 1 percent of human beings on this earth in terms of your level of education. So what’s the big deal about the Ivy League? We know you will make “connections.” But that’s not the only reason to go to an Ivy—you’ll meet people everywhere in life. The nice thing about having gone to a “good school”—and we include plenty of non-Ivies in this—is that you don’t have to prove that you are smart afterward. People assume you are smart. This is a huge advantage in life. Can you do without it? Of course. Most people do! But for the ones who have that ticket, they know they’ve been given a pass of entry into better jobs simply because of the name on their degree. Do they deserve it? Not necessarily. But who said life was fair? Certainly not Jewish mothers; we know more than anyone that life isn’t fair. So what’s our point? If you study hard when you are young, it pays off in the long run.

I went back to school to get my master’s degree in my forties. It took me four years and went at night, but I finished. I was really proud of myself. I met some fascinating people. Having that degree gave me the credentials I needed to teach as an adjunct professor in a few community colleges, which was the only teaching job that I really enjoyed. ■

After I walked out of my bar exam, back in the summer of 1984, vowed that would be the last exam I would ever take. I hated law school, and studying for that exam ruined my eyesight—my eyes went into spasms and never recovered. So I kept learning in a different way. When I moved to Westport, I started a book club with some friends. Twenty years later, we are still meeting monthly. That gave me a steady date to have an intellectual discussion in the midst of diapers and tantrums. Practicing law meant that I was always learning as a practical matter, plus we have continuing legal education requirements. But the biggest learning curve has been the new radio career, and I am still learning that as I go. As far as exams, though, I’m done. ■

I have often thought about getting an executive MBA someplace. I hear Harvard has a three-month program, so if Allyson goes to school in Boston, maybe I’ll go there too! I have taken various classes at the New School for fun, including cooking, pottery and a famous movie class where you watch the film and speak with the director or actor afterward. Allyson has even gone outside her high school for continuing education courses in fashion and photography, which were not offered there. I love to learn and encourage Allyson to do the same. ■

Basic work habits are essential to success. Here are a few: Show up on time, or call if you will be late. Act responsibly and return your messages, preferably within twenty-four hours. Never address people by their first names unless you have asked their permission, or they have already used your first name in conversation. Also, rememberthat people appreciate a thank-you note after an interview, and make sure you do not have any typos on your resume.

The Jewish mother pushes—it’s either work or school, but preferably work
and
school. Lazy is not an option in the Jewish house. I’ve been working since I was fourteen. My first job was as a cashier at a Chinese takeout restaurant. After ringing in soda as $45 instead of 45 cents three times, I was fired for the first and the last time. Once I got my first job at a local clothing store after school, I knew I wanted a career in the retail industry. I wanted to become a women’s-wear buyer.

Sometimes the job you think you want isn’t the job you should have. After I attended the Retail Management School at Simmons College in Boston, I was accepted into the Filene’s Department Store training program as an intern. During training I was assigned to men’s dress shirts, under Jeff Kantor. We worked hard and had fun, but I was looking at this as a stepping-stone to my goal, women’s wear. After the internship, I got placed back in men’s dress shirts and was very disappointed. I later found out from Jeff that since I did such a good job as an intern, he had specifically requested me. It turned out to be the best thing that ever happened to me professionally. I had the privilege of working for some of the greatest minds in retailing. My managers became the people who later ran May Department Stores and Federated Department Stores. And Jeff Kantor? He is now the president of Macy’s Home. He and his wife are two of my closest friends.

When I moved back to New York to marry Steven, I continued to work, eventually ending up as national sales manager for Jockey Hosiery. I had a great job and a great boss, Dean Norman, and would have continued to work there had I not married Bobby. The funny thing is that as a result of my participation in the show, I now have the opportunity to create a brand and use my expertise in merchandising. As of this writing, I am planning to launch an entire bedding line to be nationally distributed. ■