Secrets of a Jewish Mother: Real Advice, Real Family, Real Love (19 page)

My philosophy is this: Every kid has different needs, and those needs change throughout his childhood. Jon received most of his education in public school, but for high school, private seemed a better option. Incidentally, the private school we chose was Episcopalian and they had chapel once a week, but the values of the school were totally in keeping with what we believe, so we had no issue with this. Joanna had an early Montessori education. She was bored in first grade in public school. So we switched her to a Jewish day school with a double curriculum in Hebrew and English. That worked for four years and gave her a great foundation. By sixth grade, the social scene of the same thirty girls had played itself out. She wanted a change. So Joanna re-enrolled in public school, where she is today. The school has an excellent reputation, and so far, it is working for her. But if it stops working for her, we will make a change. Does the money matter? Of course. But, like Jill, we would sacrifice whatever was necessary to find the money we need. ■

Ally was unhappy in a private school that was convenient and familiar. Staying in that school also meant that Ally would be attending fifth grade in a middle school with older kids through eighth grade. However, if Ally transferred, she would most likely have to repeat the grade she was in because she had a November birthday. That didn’t seem like the right solution either.

 

1.
Investigate the Options.
After looking around, Jill discovered a private school that valued the uniqueness of each child. That school kept the fifth graders with the lower school, where Jill felt they belonged. And, most important, they would not require Ally to repeat her grade.

2.
Give It a Shot—Apply!
Jill and Ally decided to go for it. If you don’t apply, then you never give yourself the opportunity to accept. Better you should do the rejecting than them ... so apply! What have you got to lose?

3.
Make the Change.
Ally got in! She was relieved and happy to switch. The decision has turned out very well; she will graduate, God willing, from that school in the spring of 2010.

1.
Did you attend the right kind of school for you? If not, what would you have changed?

2.
Is your child (if you have one) happy in the school he is in?

3.
If not, what are the reasons for his unhappiness? Would a fresh start help?

4.
Can you afford to make a change? Can you afford not to?

Only a few weeks ago a doctor I saw suggested that I might have had learning disabilities, which is why I could never do math. He is probably right. But in my day, nobody knew anything about these problems, so I just considered myself stupid when it came to math.

When Jill received a low reading score at the age of six, knew there had to be something wrong: Either the test was wrong or she had a problem. Either way, I insisted on finding out. After we had her evaluated by a reading therapist, we did exercises together and she saw a reading tutor until the problem went away. By the end of second grade, she was reading with her peers. The problem never returned. ■

I believe now that I had undiagnosed attention deficit disorder, which may not be technically a learning disability but definitely affected my ability to learn in school. I had a hard time sitting still and focusing in a classroom. I once read a list of symptoms and said yes to most of them. If I was growing up today and had medicine to keep me focused, I probably would have excelled in school. Mommy saw I was very smart yet didn’t excel. She did everything possible in those years to diagnose me. I went to a child psychologist in first grade and continued to see her on and off as needed. To this day I wonder how I actually graduated from Simmons College. ■

Because learning disabilities run in our family, I was on the lookout. When Joanna wrote a couple of letters backward at age four, I ran to a neuropsychologist just to get her tested. I probably overreacted, but it turned out she had a very minor weakness that was cured by just a few one-on-one sessions and some home exercises. No big deal. Caught early, fixed early. ■

1.
Did you suffer from learning disabilities yourself?

2.
How were you diagnosed? Early or late?

3.
What impact did this diagnosis have on your self-esteem?

4.
As a parent, are you vigilant with respect to your child’s ability to learn?

5.
Do you know where to turn for help? (You want a good neuropsychologist to do the initial evaluation; typically this will run about $2,000.)

It was hard to hold Jill down even back in college. She founded her own company, called JSK Productions, and proceeded to launch huge disco parties all over Boston. She also got in big trouble at Simmons College because, in true entrepreneurial spirit, for Valentine’s Day Jill created and sold men’s underwear that read “I’ve been Simmonized” across the backside. Get it? The school didn’t. They almost expelled Jill. Fast-forward to winter 2008, when Simmons hosted Jill at an event at Bergdorf’s. Funny how that incident never came up . . .

How was I as a student? I didn’t pay much attention through high school, that I can tell you. Surprisingly I did very well on my SATs. I have to give all the credit to Mommy for guiding me the right way when it came to my education. She knew I wasn’t an academic and she looked for a program that would fit my personality and interests. We chose Simmons College because they had an internship program. My internship experience launched my career and gave me a great job. It didn’t hurt that Harvard Medical School was next door. I remember Mommy telling me to sit on the steps after school so I could meet a doctor. ■

Lisa was dejected. It was late May of junior year. She had just lost a big student election that she had counted on winning. This election was her raison d’être for senior year. And all of Lisa’s friends were a year older than she and going off to college.

 

 

1. Gloria took charge of the situation, a Jewish mother specialty. Gloria had already decided that Lisa had outgrown high school anyway; this presented a perfect opportunity to act.

2. Gloria investigated the options. She had discovered by reading a magazine that Johns Hopkins had a special program for kids who had not graduated from high schoolyet. The same afternoon that Lisa lost that election, Gloria picked up the phone, called Johns Hopkins, spoke with an admissions officer and talked him into granting Lisa a personal interview with him on campus that following weekend. The conversation itself is part of our family folklore—it begins with “I am telling you not as a mother, but as an educator, my daughter Lisa is the [insert your choice of superlative adjective, then insert three more] student you have ever seen.” The Jewish mother is nothing if not persuasive.

3. Lisa applied. During the interview, Lisa was asked what she would do if she didn’t get in. She said, “I’ll roll with the punches. I’ll apply next year.” Lisa hand-wrote the application in the office, submitted it and followed it with a one-page typed essay within the week.

Lisa was accepted, on her seventeenth birthday no less, skipped her senior year of high school and graduated near the top of her class at Johns Hopkins.

 

 

Failure can always be viewed as an opportunity: If Lisa hadn’t lost the election, she never would have gone to Johns Hopkins the following fall. Gloria seized the opportunity. The Jewish mother believes in her children and is not afraid to intervene and advocate for her kids, especially when it comes to education. Education is too important!