Secrets of a Jewish Mother: Real Advice, Real Family, Real Love (33 page)

My mother watched every penny. She wasn’t stingy, but she was careful. She never bought something without making sure she paid the lowest price she could. She once took Lisa shopping all day for a raincoat at Macy’s, Gimbel’s and B. Altman, only to decide at the end of that long day not to buy anything. I did not inherit that trait from her. Of course, I came of age in a postwar boom time and she was a bride during the Depression. Big difference.

I buy what I like, if I can afford it. I have no patience to
shlep
around and compare prices. I didn’t want Lisa and Jill to worry about money or to know when we worried about money. I heard too many of those conversations myself growing up. ■

One of the reasons our parents purposely raised us in their version of a “Jewish ghetto” was that they didn’t want to subject us to bigotry. We heard no lousy jokes about Jews and money, no off-color remarks implying that we were either stingy or stinking rich.

Those jokes about Jews and money are in bad taste and have made quite a comeback. I don’t like them. The irony for me is that these stereotypes are so far from my own experience. I’m sure there are stingy Jews, like there are stingy people in any group. But my family was never stingy. I was born into a generous family and I married into a generous family. Because we were raised this way, Jill and I really did believe anything was possible, and we never saw lack of money as an impediment to our dreams. ■

I am really glad my parents gave me the impression we had plenty of money. I think all parents should give children the illusion of security and not share with them financial stresses. Kids need to know that they can’t get everything they want, but they also don’t need burdens. ■

Did you know that in some slang, to “Jew someone down” means to bargain with them to bring the price lower? We take offense at that, obviously. We take offense at other negative stereotypes about Jews, just as our Italian friends do when people assume they are “connected” to the Mafia. Prejudice against the Jewish people, based on lies, ignorance and exaggerations, is a very dangerous thing. We assume you don’t need us to give you a historical dissertation on the damage anti-Semitism has inflicted on Jews and so many others. However, even though each of us, to some degree, has been affected by prejudice, we largely heed Ethel’s advice and “pay it no mind.” Thank God we live in the United States of America, which none of us take for granted. We know there are ignorant and vicious people in this world, and we step over, around and through them when we encounter them. As far as the stereotypes themselves go, we Jews love nothing more than a good joke, even if it’s at our own expense. But “Jewing someone down”? Not funny.

1.
Did you feel rich or poor growing up?

2.
Did your parents make you feel insecure about money?

3.
Did you feel that the lack of money prevented you from doing something important to you?

4.
How would you describe your parents’ attitudes toward money?

5.
Were your parents generous? With you? Others?

6.
Do your parents today trust you with money issues?

7.
Do your parents ask your advice about money? Do you seek theirs?

8.
Do you feel left out when it comes to matters of money in your family?

9.
As an adult, have you passed on the attitudes you learned from your parents to your children?

Women of my generation were particularly naïve when it came to money, because so many of us didn’t have our own. Even now, Sol doesn’t share all the decisions he makes about our money. It is a source of great frustration for me. However, I do know where all of our assets are. ■

1.
Do you know where your assets are?

2.
Do you have access to all your assets?

3.
Do you have a smart plan for your financial future? If not, why not?

Sol was a licensed attorney as well as stockbroker. He had started his own underwriting firm and achieved some financial success. In the early 1970s, Sol was approached by some men
to
become the president of a New York Stock Exchange securities firm. Wow! Prestige, recognition and money. We were so excited. Sol took the job and closed his own firm to join this one.