Secrets of a Jewish Mother: Real Advice, Real Family, Real Love (31 page)

As I said, my mother didn’t care too much for Sol, and the feeling was mutual. But Sol was a good son-in-law, and as my mother aged, he took care of her finances when she needed him to help. For my part, I respected Sol’s parents, but our relationship was not that close. My mother-in-law, Helen, was very old-fashioned and believed that she should stay closer to her daughter’s family than to ours. I appreciated that my in-laws never tried to interfere in our lives, and, when asked about Sol and me, she always said, “It’s a love affair.” ■

Aunt Cooky threw me a surprise bridal shower at her house. Years ago, people didn’t register for everything from soup ladles to armoires. You just bought something at a store and hoped the bride liked your taste. Anyway, I spied an expensive new vacuum cleaner in the room. The card was from Bill’s mother, Joan. I’m thinking, “Yes, this is a nice present, but who wants to receive a vacuum cleaner from her mother-in-law? Exactly what is she getting at here?” My hackles were slightly raised. You know what Joan said in the card? “Dear Lisa, Enjoy this beautiful vacuum cleaner. May you never have to use it yourself.” I had a friend for life.

I married Bill when he was just twenty-two years old. You would think his parents might have objected. But from the moment Joan and Jerry Wexler met me, they never treated me as anything other than a third daughter. I call them Mom and Dad to this day. When I became engaged, Joan gave me the most beautiful diamond pendant, which she was given by her mother-in-law when she got married. I treasure it. ■

Despite my divorce from Steven, I am still quite close to Steven’s parents, and I still refer to them as my in-laws. I call them for the holidays and encourage them to see Allyson as often as they can. I can always count on them to show up at school concerts and anything important. I consider myself very lucky to have such a loving relationship with them. Bobby’s father passed away, and his mother lives in an assisted-living facility near us. We see her often and have always had a warm relationship. ■

1.
How do you expect to be treated byyour in-laws? Do you expect to be invited to all the holidays? Do you expect them to initiate contact, or for you to do that?

2.
What kind of an in-law are you?

3.
Do you encourage your spouse to stay close to his parents, even if you are not?

Sol’s friend used to openly admit that he cared about his children more than his wife. He used to say, “After all, they are my blood and she’s not.” He didn’t care that his wife was standing right there when he said it. He was an unusually devoted father. Sol is a very devoted father as well. I understand that. Both of us have made the kids a priority over each other at times. ■

Bobby treats Ally the same as he treats his own children, and even Ally will admit that. But Bobby feels I am always trying to please Ally, especially when it comes to how we spend our vacations. I don’t care. I tell both of them they are my first, my last and my everything. ■

We had an episode with a stray dog we took in and couldn’t handle, and that scared us away from ever having another dog. So we made sure Lisa and Jill each had her own cat. When Lisa’s cat got killed by a dog while she was away at college, I cried, even though I hated that cat. I knew how much that pet meant to Lisa. After Jill went away to college, her cat moved across the street. She preferred to live with our neighbors. I wonder what that says? ■

My first dog, our beloved Snuggles, was sixteen when she passed. For the last couple of years, I changed her diaper several times a day. Someone once made the insensitive comment to me that when the dog’s bladder went, it was “time for her to go.” Really? Will it be time for you to go when someone has to change your diaper? I think not. Our bichon, Sugar, is aptly named; I’ve never seen a sweeter disposition on an animal. Sugar comes with me to the studio every day. I tell my kids, “God will punish you if you put me in a home without a dog.” One day I may live without people, but I will never live without a dog again. I need all that unconditional love. ■

I am still holding a grudge against my parents for lying to me about our first and only dog, a stray Samoyed that we found in the neighborhood and named Taffy. He lasted two days in the house before my mother told me he had to go back home to his farm. I found out thirty years later that she gave it to the vet. None of us really know what happened to that beautiful dog.

My first dog was Hercules, a seven-pound Chihuahua. I shared her with my friend Monique, who was a traveling nurse. Then Monique got engaged, moved to Alabama and took Hercules with her. On Mother’s Day 2005, she showed up at my door at 11 P.M. with a six-week-old puppy we named Ginger. Ginger never grew to more than four pounds. I fell in love with her instantly. She has some mental problems and still nips at people’s ankles even though she knows them. Nevertheless, I take her with me wherever I go, whenever I can. ■